9. Torin

Chapter 9

Torin

When we left for the library, I handed Joss the keys to Stacy's BMW. "You can drive. That way, if you have any questions about the car, I can answer them for you."

He stared down at the emblem for a moment before pocketing the key fob. "Okay, thanks. My car basically runs on prayers and bubblegum, so yeah, I probably will have some questions."

I chuckled as I lowered Bella into her car seat and then stepped back. "You know how to adjust this?"

"Yeah." Joss nudged me out of the way with his hip and went to work buckling her in. "How's this, sweetheart?" He pulled the chest connector up to exactly where it belonged. "We got you all strapped in and ready for a ride with Joss and Daddy."

There was something about the way he talked to her that made my breath catch every time.

Whenever Stacy had called me Daddy, it was just the name Bella would use for me. I had no physical response to it. All I felt was the emotional pride of being Bella's father.

But when Joshua referred to me as Daddy, something in my belly tightened up and the urge to pull his hair back and tell him to say it again was overwhelming. "Yeah." I cleared my throat and focused on the moment. "That looks good."

Joshua had no trouble with the car, but I did have to show him how to adjust the radio.

Apparently, he wasn't as much of a country music fan as Stacy was. He turned it to an alternative rock station, and I couldn't help smiling at the memories it conjured up. "Do you still listen to this stuff?"

"What?" He looked at me and then at the radio. "Oh, yeah? Do you remember this song?"

"I remember everything." I tried to keep the wistfulness out of my voice, but I didn't think I did a good job of it by the way Joss inhaled and slowly blew it out.

"Yeah, those were some of the best and worst days of my life."

Fuck. Why did I keep bringing this up? "Sorry." I crossed my arms over my chest and stared out the passenger window. No matter how much time had passed, I couldn't erase the way I'd treated him. A simple apology certainly wasn't gonna do it. Then I felt his hand on my shoulder, giving me a gentle squeeze.

"Torin, I'm not talking about you." He barked out a soft laugh. "Well, the good times were you. But, in general, I didn't love high school. And it sure as fuck didn't love me. Oh. Sorry." He glanced at the rearview mirror to see if Bella had heard him. It was sweet that he was aware of his language around her.

"Yeah, same for me."

"Seriously? You had the best kind of high school experience. The football team, the cheerleaders, the friends, the grades. You were a Norman Rockwell high school student. How could it have possibly been any better?"

I sighed but kept my eyes focused straight ahead. I'd made my choices and to play the victim now wasn't fair. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It's stupid to live with regrets. It's not like I can go back and change things. And if I had changed some things, most of the others would've gone away too."

When he didn't say anything in response, I looked at Joss and saw it. The tight look on his face as he stared at the road. Why couldn't I be better at keeping the mood light?

Bella was awake when we got to the library, so I held her in my arms as we went inside to find the kids section.

I was slightly embarrassed not to know my way around the library, but I hadn't been inside it since I was a kid, and they'd remodeled it at least a few times since then. But Joss seemed to know where he was going, so I followed him until we found the storytime area.

There were several chairs set up in a half circle and a handful of caretakers and babies and toddlers already waiting. I sat down in a chair at the end, assuming Joshua would sit in the chair beside me, but to my surprise, he dropped to his butt on the floor beside my leg and folded his elbows over his thighs.

He looked just as comfortable sitting on the floor and ready for a story as the other children who were patiently waiting. I suddenly had the urge to run my fingers through his hair, but I resisted, distracting myself by pointing out various colors and pictures to Bella.

The librarian, or someone who looked like a librarian, sat down shortly after and read three picture books. Bella alternated between staring at me and watching the other kids squirm and fidget.

When she began to get a little squirmy, Joshua instinctively reached for her and settled her on his lap on the floor. From that vantage point, she had a better view of the other babies and was instantly content until the end of the last story.

I did an admirable job of keeping things professional the entire time, even though staring at Joshua while he held my daughter as if he'd been doing it since the day she was born did stuff to me.

When everyone had filed out and it was time for us to leave, I reached out to take her from his arms and whispered close to his ear, "I don't know who enjoyed that more. You or Bella."

Joshua chuckled as soon as I backed away. "Might've been a tie. For a minute there, I thought that penguin wasn't gonna find his way home." He paused and caught my eye as he lowered his voice too. "But nature always finds a way to put you where you need to be."

Fuck me. Was he flirting? I couldn't handle him flirting. He just looked too good, and I missed him too much to be able to hold back if he showed even the slightest bit of interest.