4. Joss
Chapter 4
Joss
Bella was the sweetest little thing. Gorgeous blue eyes that looked exactly like her daddy's. I cradled her against my chest and glanced up at Torin. Fuck, he looked even better than I imagined he would after a decade. He'd obviously kept up his gym routine because he was just as bulky as I remembered, but his jawline was more defined, and the dusting of blond whiskers was fucking hot.
In high school, he was always a clean-cut, preppy jock. And I was the Goth kid with eyeliner and a trenchcoat in the middle of summer that he would never be seen with. At least not publicly. He didn't seem to mind watching me through my bedroom window as he did his homework right across the yard in his own room. We were neighbors for years before the first time he climbed through my bedroom window.
The attraction and lust between us was white-hot, and sneaking in and out of my window became a nightly habit for those last few months of high school.
At least until graduation when my inappropriate congratulations to him in front of his group of friends destroyed it all. Our secret world fell apart as he acted like I was a freak for even saying hello. In front of our families and all his friends, Torin made it crystal clear that he never wanted to speak to me again, and that was the end of that.
The next day, I left town to stay with my uncle for the summer and work in his custom fab shop. By the time I got home at the beginning of fall, Torin was long gone. He left for college and his parents downsized to a different house, so I truly never expected to see him again.
Yet, here I was, holding his newborn daughter in my arms, and seeing the man I'd spent so many years pining over look at me as if… Well, I didn't know what that look meant. I cleared my throat and handed the baby back to him. "I guess my only questions are if you're still meeting with other candidates and when you plan to make a decision?"
Bella started to fuss as soon as he put her against his shoulder, so he nodded for me to follow him back downstairs. "There are no other candidates, Joshua. Uh, Joss. Finding someone completely allergen-free and willing to stay that way for at least the next eight months is practically impossible." He stopped midway down the stairs and looked at me. "If your milk is compatible, I'll do just about anything to get you to stay. You're really our last hope."
Well, fuck. I couldn't exactly say no to that. We went down to the kitchen and he mixed a bottle with a couple ounces of thawed milk and a couple ounces of formula. "I am?"
He opened the fridge and showed me four freezer bags sitting on the center shelf. "That's all I've got left from my neighbor. I have a couple cans of the prescription formula saved up, but I don't know how long those will last. So, yes, you are."
"Yeah, of course." I glanced down at Bella and then at the bottle he had just prepared. "I can try to feed her directly, but if she's been on a silicone nipple for the past month, she probably won't take skin. Especially with my physique." I shrugged as my cheeks heated. "It takes some effort to latch on and isn't as easy for a baby as a nipple that just flows down their throat."
Torin glanced down at my chest, and I could almost feel the weight of his stare penetrating right through me. "Can you pump?"
I turned toward the living room where I left my bag. "Yeah, I brought one if you'd like to try that." I pressed against each of my pecs and they were sensitive enough that I knew I could pump out at least four to six ounces. "If you want to hold off on giving her that bottle, I can probably have a full bottle in the next fifteen minutes."
"Seriously? Thank you." The relief that washed over his face was so genuine that his teary eyes made me tear up too. "You have no idea how much I would appreciate that."
Swallowing hard, I went and grabbed my bag then sat on the couch with my back toward the front window. I didn't want to flash the neighbors if they were the nosy types.
After going through my standard ritual of wiping my chest with hospital-grade sanitizing wipes, I attached both pumps and kept my head down, unable to look Torin in the eyes. I'd never been ashamed of my gift before, but I was suddenly self-conscious. Would he look at me the same after watching me pump? Would he still think of me as a man or would I just be a milk factory?
It didn't matter anyway since he was clearly into women these days.
I took a deep breath and looked around the room, actively avoiding the section where Torin was pacing with Bella in his arms. There were photos on every surface and the walls, including a huge wedding photo above the fireplace that showed a gorgeous couple. My guess was it had been taken recently because Torin looked exactly the same. "Your wife was beautiful."
He stopped pacing a few feet away. "Yes, she was. Thank you."
I stared at the photo but focused on Torin instead. "When did you get married?"
"Two years ago. She was my best friend at work. My work wife from day one, and eventually, things just clicked."
I called up all my courage and glanced at him, keeping my shoulder forward to block him from having a full view of the pumps. "If I didn't say it earlier, I'm very sorry for your loss, Torin. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose the love of your life or for Bella to lose her mother." I checked the containers and was pleased with how much had already been drawn. My body seemed to know when it needed to hyper produce and rarely disappointed. "I've got a bit more than what you had in your bottle. Do you want me to keep going or is this the right amount?"
"To be honest, I'll take every single drop you've got." Torin chuckled softly. "In case you decide not to come back, I need every drop we can get."
Now I felt bad for being such a dick earlier. "I'll stay for as long as you need me, Torin." I met his stare and held it. "I was just shocked to see you, and the hurt I've held onto for so long came to the surface. But I need this job as much as you need the milk, so if this works out, it's a win-win for both of us."
"Thank you, Joss. In that case, you can stop at any time. We'll know pretty quickly if your milk is compatible with her tummy and stays down." He bounced Bella in his arms, still trying to soothe her while she patiently waited for her lunch.
I turned off the machine and disconnected the vacuum cables before carrying the attachments to the kitchen sink. I grabbed an empty bottle from the drying rack and transferred my milk into her bottle before washing the connectors and taking her bottle back to Torin. "Here goes nothing." I handed him the bottle and then sat on the couch.
"God, I hope she likes this." Torin glanced at me and gave me a half smirk. "For all our sakes."