3. Torin

Chapter 3

Torin

The lactation consultant I was paired with was as surprised as I was to find a match so quickly.

She told me to prepare for weeks of interviews and false hopes because finding somebody who was allergen free and willing to stay that way for at least eight months while living on site was not as easy as it sounded. Most wet nurses had a family they needed to get home to at the end of their shifts.

I guess being completely alone had its benefits sometimes.

To sweeten the pot, I added exclusive use of our extra car, the highest salary tier, and medical benefits. I really needed somebody to commit for at least a year, so it was in my best interest and Bella's to find someone who wanted to keep the job just as much as we wanted and needed them to keep it.

After the agency had all the test results back that they required, we scheduled the in-person meeting. I really hoped the candidate, known only as Joss to me, not only liked us, but had milk that Bella tolerated. Once the last of the frozen milk was gone, I'd really start to panic.

The pharmacist's allotment of only one can of formula per week was not enough to sustain my baby.

I cleared my calendar for the day and cleaned the common areas, Bella's room, and the downstairs guest suite so it was as inviting as possible. The lactation consultant said that many live-in wet nurses were often willing to do household chores, like cooking or cleaning, as needed, but I didn't care about any of that.

I just needed somebody to feed my baby.

Glancing at my watch for the twentieth time, I started pacing near the front window. I was careful not to walk close enough that somebody outside would see me staring out like a weirdo but not so far back that I couldn't tell when a car pulled up.

And as soon as that little white hatchback rolled to a stop in front of my house, my heart started racing. I ran into the bathroom to wash my hands one more time and make sure there wasn't anything in my teeth and my hair wasn't sticking up, then I checked the camera app on my phone to make sure Bella was still asleep.

She was coming up on the tailend of her nap time, so it was likely she would wake up while Joss was still here, but even if she didn't, I would at least ask for a pumped sample for Bella to try out later.

There was a note on the front door that said to knock instead of ringing the bell, so as soon as I heard a soft rapping at the front, I took a deep breath and crossed my fingers that this would all work out.

I pulled open the front door, expecting to see a stern-looking woman reminiscent of Mary Poppins because that was the picture that kept coming up in my mind, but what I saw blew my fucking mind.

Joshua Cain.

My jaw dropped, and I almost couldn't catch my breath. "Joshua, what are you doing here?"

He was the boy who got away, or rather, the man who got away back in high school. The one who had always been a ghost in the back of my mind, reminding me there was a different path I could have taken. Maybe even the path I should have taken…

And he was standing at my front door.

"It's Joss now, and I have an interview with Bella." He looked at his phone and then chuckled. "Let me guess. Bella is your wife."

"No, um, my daughter. I guess they match you with the end user, not the parent."

He looked past me and then down at his feet. "Oh, well, do you want me to leave?"

Did I? I wasn't entirely sure. "No, but, um… The ad is for a wet nurse." My initial shock was starting to wear off and confusion was setting in.

He met my gaze again, his stare harder than I remembered from those green eyes. "Yeah."

Maybe there were different kinds of wet nurses and this was all a big misunderstanding. "I don't understand. I mean, how?"

He took a deep breath and then turned to leave. "Yeah, never mind. This would never work out. Sorry to bother you."

I reached out for his shoulder, grabbing him before he got too far. "No, please, come in. I'm just a little confused. We need a wet nurse. To feed my daughter… Um, milk."

Joshua paused for a minute, and I wasn't sure if he was gonna walk away or turn around, but finally, he did turn and walk through the front door, nudging me on his way through.

I deserved that. I was shitty to him in high school, and if nothing else, I was happy to have this opportunity to apologize for the way I'd treated him.

Silently, we went inside, and I waved him toward the family room so we could both have a seat.

I sat down on the couch and realized I was still being rude. I hopped back to my feet. "Let me get you something to drink. Water? Orange juice? Beer?" Stacy had a beer a day when her milk first came in.

His eyes held on me and then he nodded. "Water would be fine. Thank you."

I ran into the kitchen and poured two glasses of cold water from the fridge and then sat across from him on the sofa. "So, how does this work?"

There were so many emotions on his face, but he finally settled on honesty, apparently. "I lactate. I have since college. I've nursed for many families and have had retail and private clients that I supply for various reasons." He clasped his hands together and let them hang between his knees. "I eat clean and was a match for your dietary requirements." He shrugged as if tossing the ball squarely into my court. "So, if you want to continue this discussion, I suppose I'm open to it. And if not, that's cool too." He looked around and glanced toward the staircase. "Is your wife gonna bring the baby out at some point?"

My head tilted and I looked at him intently. I had assumed he'd been given more background on my situation, but for privacy reasons, maybe they didn't divulge my whole life story. I wasn't sure I appreciated that because now I had to say it out loud. "No, my wife was killed in a car accident about a month ago. My daughter is four and a half months old and has allergies to most baby formula. So far, there's one that she can tolerate, although it makes her gassy and pretty uncomfortable. I'm basically out of the frozen supply my wife had, and a neighbor was kind enough to donate her leftover milk, but that's almost gone too."

The anger on his face disappeared and was replaced with sympathy. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Torin. That must've been terrible for you and your family."

I nodded and cleared my throat. "Yeah. And Bella's not eating well, so that's just a whole other level of stress I didn't imagine I'd be dealing with at this stage."

Joshua took a moment to look around the room before finally exhaling a deep breath. "We could probably do this without it being live-in. I can come by a few times a day to feed her or drop off milk. That way, you don't have to be around me any more than necessary."

I flinched as if he had physically slapped me. "No, Joshua. Um, Joss. Let's start by clearing the air, shall we? I was an asshole senior year. I treated you like shit and gaslighted you and that was completely inappropriate and wrong. I was scared and that's no excuse, but I was never ashamed of you. I was ashamed of myself."

He chuckled under his breath and clenched his hands tighter as if trying to keep from punching me. "Yeah, you made that shame pretty evident back then. A few times."

Fuck. I'm not doing this right. "Look, I'm trying to apologize. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. It was wrong, and it took me a long time to understand that. Honestly, I cared about you a lot."

His eyes finally flicked to mine and locked there.

"A lot. And I've thought about you many times over the years. I didn't expect this day to come, but I'm really grateful it did. Even if you still hate me and refuse to do this job for me, I beg that you'll consider it for my daughter." My voice cracked, and I had to look up at the ceiling to keep the tears at bay. "Please, Joss."

As if she could feel us thinking about her, Bella's cry sounded in the baby monitor, and we both turned toward the staircase.

"Would you like to go with me to get her? I can give you the tour and maybe show you why you should at least consider it."

"Yeah, okay." He nodded and stood up when I did.

Bella's cries got more insistent as we headed upstairs to get her.

"Down that hall," I pointed in the direction of his room as we started up the stairs, "is the guest suite. My room is just above yours." I pointed toward the left. "And Bella is right here, across from the hall bathroom."

"You've certainly done well for yourself, Torin. This is a nice house."

I shrugged and looked at him over my shoulder before opening Bella's bedroom door. "My company went public this year. It was just about being in the right place at the right time. But thank you. I fell in love with this house as soon as we saw it, but it's just so big for the two of us. I'm not sure if I'll stay."

"You're thinking of moving?" I guess that would play into his decision as well.

"Maybe." We stepped into Bella's room, and I went straight to her crib and lifted her up. "All right, pumpkin. Daddy's here." I cooed near her ear and held her to my chest. "And I've got an old friend here I'd like you to meet." I kept my eyes on my daughter, unable to look at Joshua in case he corrected me, reminding me that we stopped being friends a long time ago.

I felt him step up right behind me, so he was directly in her line of sight. "Hi there, Bella. You sure are a pretty little thing, aren't you?"

Her crying immediately stopped when she heard the unfamiliar voice.

"That's Joss. He's here with that yummy milk you miss so much." I swallowed hard and turned to place her on the changing table so I could get her into a fresh diaper.

Her eyes continued to track Joshua, watching him as he smiled at her and made silly faces.

As soon as she was dressed, I turned to him. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Sure." I probably shouldn't have been surprised by how comfortable he was reaching for this infant and cuddling her to his chest, but he was definitely a natural.