18. Florencia

18

Florencia

H is feet touched the courtyard steps, but he didn't lower me down to the ground. I was still in his arms when he brought me inside the castle, the tension something I could practically feel in his muscles.

I owed him a thousand apologies, but the pain was nearly intoxicating. I couldn't focus on anything else, my breathing becoming short and panicked as the pain spread to an unbearable level.

Camazotz kicked a door open, an aggression so startling, I could only grasp now how truly angry he was about my escape. My theft. My betrayal.

Taking several long strides, we were in the old library again, and with a softness I didn't expect, he lowered me to a bench. "I-I'm sorry." The words tumbled out of my mouth, but I was too afraid, too ashamed and overwhelmed with guilt, to meet his stare.

"Silence," he demanded, my stomach sinking so low, I thought it would evacuate immediately.

I sucked in a stuttered breath, lifting my head up to look at him. He stood, two or three feet away from me, a lack of emotion on his face as his eyes stayed fixed on an empty bookshelf to the side.

A heartbroken god looked no different from a man.

"Zotz," I whispered a plea.

He turned his head my way, his gaze like a knife dead center in my soul, the pain I had inflicted on him now reflecting straight back at me. His eyes lowered to my chest, his hardened expression fading and melting into alarm and worry. His eyes were blown wide, and with a gust of air, he was on his knees, at my feet.

His voice came out in a hush. "He hurt you."

"I-I'm fine. I'm okay." I shook my head, lying through the pain.

"I've given you nothing but the truth, Haxia. If you cannot do the same, speak nothing at all." His words were harsh, but his hands moved gently as he unbuttoned the blouse, a hiss escaping my lips as he peeled the fabric from the wound.

"I'm so sorry," I hiccupped, my tears coming once again. "I should have trusted you. I should have believed you had a reason for everything you did. I'm so sorry I left. I—"

"Sweetheart." He grabbed my face with his hands, taking the excuses from my mouth with one single word.

Sweetheart .

Hope blossomed within my chest, and I tried to hold on to it desperately.

"You're bleeding."

A silly observation for him to be stating, but I only nodded a response. My white shirt was completely soaked in blood. Undoing the buttons had been pointless; the thing itself was barely hanging on in shreds.

Suddenly, the pain was blazing hot, like bringing too much attention to it was all I needed for the adrenaline crash to hit me and the full force of the throbbing to begin.

I stared down at my wound, the image of Elio clawing my chest making me shudder. I gripped Camazotz's wrists, feeling a blinding sense of hopelessness coursing through me.

"Hey, hey, breathe through your nose, dreamer," he instructed, a hand coming to the side of my head in a soothing pat.

Firm.

Secure in his hold.

I tried to breathe, but it came out choppy. It was then The Silent began to fill the room, kicking off the downward spiral I knew so well. I hated them on a molecular level; I couldn't contain it. All came to the surface—my fear, my panic, the pain.

The room spun, and I no longer had an anchor to secure myself to.

"Shit," Zotz cursed, knowing they were responsible for the physical reaction. Taking something from their hands, he waved them off with an angry bark.

Everything was hitting me at once. Camazotz was in front of me again, bathed in my blood yet somehow remaining in control. Was I going to die from this? Was this the end of my story? Hurled into a vicious death by the man who was meant to be my soulmate?

In the arms of his brother, I would seek comfort in my final moments.

"What helps? Tell me how I can help," he asked, desperation bringing an edge to his voice.

My hands shook when I brought them up to my cheek, tapping two fingers and counting under my breath, then the next. Zotz nodded understandingly, counting out loud with me.

"One, two," he said as I tapped my collarbone.

"One, two," we chanted together as I repeated the tap over my forehead.

We repeated the cycle multiple times, his hand in mine, never daring to release, never threatening to let go.

My breathing was regulating, my vision slowly steadying.

He came to a stand. "You keep tapping. I'm going to fix this, okay?"

I nodded, unable to say anything but whispering numbers as I tapped my cheeks. His gaze drifted to my chest, where my breasts were displayed freely, bloody, the flesh torn and marred.

Like his face.

Another glaringly obvious sign we were meant for one another. He helped me to lower my back to the bench, laying down so he could work. I was laid bare for him, but his eyes stayed focused as he cleaned the blood with a cloth. Then, his fingers spread a balm through the sliced skin, first stinging then warming with a numbing sensation. With every pass of his fingers, the pain eased, my breathing became stronger, and my tapping slowed until it had finally ceased.

"I'm sorry," I croaked, a fat tear falling down the side of my face.

He shook his head. "This is my doing. I brought you there to see the truth for myself, yet he was able to hold back, to keep the illusion going."

My voice was raspy from screaming. "I shouldn't have gone back for him. I should have trusted you.""

"Why?" he challenged with a sad chuckle. "Did I give you enough reason to?"

"I told you about my sister, how her power was to see our soulmates? When you told me that Elio swore I was his bride, I think I assumed it meant the same." I wasn't quite sure what I was trying to say, but I figured if I kept talking, eventually, the words would make sense.

He was quiet for longer than I would've liked, emotions flying across his face. "Does it not?"

I propped up on my elbows, getting a good look at him before I spoke. "I wanted to accept fate, but this can't be my destiny. It's wrong. I feel it in my gut, deep in the center of my soul. I belong with you."

His stare turned hard and his jaw ticked. "Lay back down."

Instead, I sat upright, reaching for his hand, his bloody fingers interlacing through mine for just a split second before he scooped more balm into them. I just needed him to understand.

"I feel alive in those woods. I feel alive when you touch me. I belong to you, Camazotz. Tell me you understand that I'm yours, and I'll be yours."

His forehead dropped to mine, the entire world disappearing around us with the next kiss.

"Screw destiny. Screw the gods. I love you," I whispered between his lips.

My monster, my perfect, imperfect monster. I sought his lips with hunger, lost in that moment and wanting a yes from him. Desperate for a yes from him.

Yet, he stepped back. "I think I've toyed with destiny too much."

My skin tightened uncomfortably, an itching in my chest I was desperate to claw at, and when I looked down, I noticed the torn skin was gone. It was healed; in its place, four diagonal scars marked my chest, each one thicker than my fingers.

Raking my fingers along the scarred flesh, I shivered, goosebumps covering my arms at the feeling. The skin was sensitive, brand new. I looked back at him, his words finally absorbing, worry spreading over his features.

I had finally arrived at the person I knew for certain I was meant to be, surer of my place in this universe than ever before.

So what could he possibly have meant?

I covered my chest instinctively, feeling far too vulnerable and raw. "What do you mean?"

"This place isn't stable without Elio. The universe demands we both hold on, and Elio... He needs you."

"Zotz..." I shook my head, not grasping or understanding in any way.

"A witch predicted your meeting. You came to this realm without me bringing you here. All Elio has ever known is that you, the Haxia, belonged to him."

"No," I protested, my head shaking, but the finality of his tone killed me. "Zotz–"

"Destiny cannot be damned, little Haxia, for everyone else would suffer." His tone was sad, defeated, making all of this hurt far worse than the torn flesh on my chest ever had.

He was rejecting me.

"Let them," I exhaled my plea.

"To be a god is to follow a plan. This is not the path laid out for me, Haxia. I should have never interfered. I see now the error in my ways." He took a step toward me.

I could only continue to shake my head in disbelief. "I don't believe it. He gets me, and what do you get?" I desperately wanted to change his mind. I opened my mouth to argue again, but he came closer, his mouth against mine in a phantom kiss.

"Let's reset this."

Zotz brought his finger to my forehead, warmth spreading quickly throughout my body, and in a blink, I was drifting.