Chapter 30

Chapter

Thirty

DECLAN

T here’s nothing I hate more than sitting on the bench during practice. It’s the fucking worst. Emerson, forever the best at everything he does, goes through each drill with ease. Occasionally he’ll stop to help one of the younger guys by giving them a tip or answering their questions. Knowing that I’ll have to fill that role on my own next year makes me want to vomit.

“How’s the foot, Ambrose?” Coach asks as he drops down beside me on the bench.

“Feels fine to me. Want to cut me loose?”

“And have the trainers up my ass? No thanks. Maybe don’t walk barefoot on broken glass next time.”

“Good tip.”

He smacks my leg with his clipboard and walks away, blowing his whistle to stop practice. He’s a great coach. In all honesty, he could be at a much bigger D1 program or even coaching an MLS team. Instead, he’s here at a small, private university so he can be more present with his own kids.

I stand up as Emerson trots off the pitch headed my way. His expression is pensive as he watches me walk toward him. He gave up trying to get me to keep using the crutches after a few hours of arguing. Now I’m stuck with having his eagle-eyed gaze locked on me twenty-four-seven. He’s going to be really pissed when I tell him we’re having a party at the ruins tonight.

It’s been over a week since the brick was thrown through the window, and things have calmed down. One night of letting loose won’t hurt anyone, plus we’ll have eyes on Harper all night. I know I can’t be the only one of us who has noticed Cy getting restless. He needs to fight, and this is the safest way for him to let out his aggression.

It’s not like there isn’t always a line of guys wanting to try to beat him. His reputation is legendary in the underground fight scene throughout the southeast. It wouldn’t be like that if it weren’t for his uncle. For that reason and all the shit he puts him through, I’ll never respect the guy, even if he did take him in after his parents died.

“How are you feeling?” Emerson asks.

“Good as new.” I meet his unamused look with a smirk. “Party tonight.”

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye while he pulls off his shin guards. “No.”

“I’m not asking.”

“It’s a terrible idea.”

“Good thing you’ll be there to keep us all in line.”

“Fucking full-time job,” he mutters, tossing his gear into his bag and heading off the field.

I follow after him, powering through the short-lived shooting pain in my foot. He throws his bag in the back seat and starts up the jeep. Even though October is days away, the southern heat continues to linger, allowing us to keep the top off. Even after years of living down here it still blows my mind, especially when my childhood friends send me photos of an early snowstorm in the Berkshires leaving red leaf maple trees dusted with heavy white snow .

Next to my mom, winter is what I miss the most. I shove my hand in my pocket, searching for the familiar comfort of the worn beads I always carry. Every bead carries a memory, a thought, or a prayer. Sadness washes over me in a wave that’s become so familiar it’s almost comforting. These moments used to knock me on my ass, the grief so palpable and thick I didn’t think I’d be able to pull myself back up again.

Then I found soccer. And Emerson and Cy. Once I was old enough to get my pilot’s license, I found my mother’s soul in the clouds. I still feel her spirit in between the stone walls of a cathedral.

“Does Cy know about the party?” Emerson asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Yeah. He’s picking up supplies with Harper on their way home from the stables.”

“I wish she’d quit that job, at least until we figure out who is stalking her.”

“I know.” Unfortunately, the threat against Annie just made her even more determined to spend as much time out there as possible. It’s hypocritical of me to want her to give it up when it means so much to her considering how much my dad pressures me not to fly, but I can’t stop myself. It’s such an unnecessary risk. “She won’ t though.”

He groans as he pulls out onto the road. “How did I find myself surrounded by so many frustratingly stubborn people?”

“Like calls to like.”

He answers me with a salute of his middle finger.

Harper comes down the stairs in the prettiest little sundress and a pair of matching baby pink sneakers. When she turns the corner and passes me in the foyer, I see the final touch that sends me over the edge. A pink ribbon tied around her ponytail.

By the end of the night that ribbon will be joining the collection I have in my bedside table. Cy approaches her with a predatory glint in his eyes. Like the big, bad wolf coming for little red riding hood. She squeals with delight as he wraps his arms around her waist and lifts her off the ground, pressing a kiss to her lips.

My chest expands with the foreign warmth of happiness at seeing them express their affection for each other so openly. Emerson looks at me, and I see my own feelings reflected back at me in his eyes. I remember Sawyer talking to me about this feeling: compersion is what it’s called.

For the first time in a long time, I feel settled.

When they break apart, her cheeks are flushed, and she avoids eye contact with any of us. Cy looks at her with absolute adoration. I’ve never seen him look so happy.

“Let’s get the jeep loaded up.” Emerson pauses to point at me. “Except you. You take it fucking easy. I shouldn’t even let you walk out there.”

“You gonna carry me?” I taunt but then slap his shoulder when he looks like he might actually be considering it. “Fuck off.”

“If he couldn’t, I could,” Cy adds.

I mean, he’s not wrong. He might be the shortest of us, but he’s definitely the strongest.

“No one’s fucking carrying me. I’m fine.”

The three of them share a look but don’t say anything else on the subject. It takes a lot of effort, but I refrain from grabbing any of the boxes or bags to take out with them. Instead, I just follow along sullenly.

“It’s okay to let other people do the heavy lifting sometimes,” Harper says quietly to me.

“You’re one to talk. ”

“I let you guys help me all the time.” She scrunches up her nose in true confusion, and it’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

“You won’t let us pay for you.” I run my finger over the bridge of her nose, smoothing out the wrinkles.

“That’s different. I can’t rely on another man in my life to take care of me. I have to find my own way.”

“You can rely on us.”

She sighs and shakes her head. “It’s not that simple.”

But before I can respond, she’s climbing into the back seat beside Cy and looking in the opposite direction of me. Regardless, I get in the seat in front of her and reach back to hook my hand around her smooth calf.

Part of me wishes it was just going to be the four of us out here tonight. Actually, all of me if I’m being honest. The last thing I want to do is put on my bullshit party boy facade and act like I enjoy these parties. I don’t. Before Harper the parties were how I found girls to fuck for a night, just a quick way to get off and release tension. Don’t get me wrong, I made sure any of my partners enjoyed themselves. I'm an asshole, but I’m not selfish. It just never left the clearing.

Unfortunately, I’m not the only one who has regular hookups out here. Most of the regulars will find someone to hook up with out in the trees. Some nights it was damn near an orgy around here. I can’t help but worry about Harper.

I was so grateful to have Saylor and Lou here last time. They were a perfect buffer, but they’re at a wedding in Virginia this weekend, so if she wanders off, one of us will need to follow her. I’m not sure how well that will go over.

Emerson drives us as close as he can possibly get to the clearing. Luckily the jeep has good clearance, so it’s not too hard to get a few hundred feet farther into the forest. We bounce along the trail until the trees become too close to navigate through.

Cy jumps over the side and starts helping Emerson grab everything for the night. Meanwhile I hold the door open for Harper and extend my hand for her grab to steady herself. I close the door behind her and slide my hand around hers, linking our fingers and start leading her through the trees. She’s only been here once, I don’t want her getting lost.

“What are you going to do with this land?” she asks .

“Good question. Lately I’ve been thinking about building a house out here. It might be nice to have somewhere secluded to escape to.”

The last rays of the sunlight filter through the green canopy above leaving the world around us dappled in gold and green light reminiscent of the color of her eyes. She’s suited for the forest with the nymph-like delicacy of her features and the innocence of her spirit. I can easily imagine her riding her horses through the trees, a smile on her face with a ribbon in her hair.

“Do you want to stay down here?” Her question pulls me back to reality. “I would have thought you’d want to move back north.”

“Eventually I want to take my mother’s place at her family’s business, which would mean moving back to Boston at least some of the time. But I’m not opposed to keeping a place in South Carolina.” I turn and take in her profile. “What about you? Anywhere you see yourself going?”

“Honestly? I’ve never thought about anything beyond what I always anticipated being my life. It hurt to dream.”

The urge to stop and drag her into my arms is almost impossible to resist but more than comforting her, I want her to know she’s safe to open up to me. But fuck if that isn’t the most painful confession I’ve ever heard.

“You can dream all you want now.”

We’ll do everything we can to make sure each one comes true.