Chapter 29

Chapter

Twenty-Nine

HARPER

S o many of my memories with Banks revolve around sitting in the stands of our high school aquatic center and watching him dominate every race. I could count on one hand the number of races he lost. It’s even better now, having Declan sitting beside me.

Once I finally got them to settle down last night, I think they actually enjoyed each other’s company. Their conversation stayed on sports for the most part with each of them talking about season expectations. I was actually really surprised when Declan mentioned being apprehensive about Emerson graduating and having to step up next year as a leader on the team. I would have thought that would be natural for him.

I wish I could hold Declan’s hand as I watch Banks step up on the starting block. He bends at the waist and crosses his arms back and forth quickly, one of his pre-race rituals. Before taking his mark, he looks over at me and points with an easy smile. This first race is just a four-hundred-meter freestyle. It’s more of a warmup for him than anything else.

He takes his mark, and as soon as the starting gun sounds, he’s diving into the water. Watching him swim never ceases to amaze me. His strokes are so smooth and powerful. He takes an early lead and is never truly challenged, winning this heat by over two seconds and moving into the finals for at least one event.

As the morning goes on, he qualifies for the finals in three more events tomorrow. I’m hoping we’ll be able to watch them before we need to fly back, but there is a storm that could change our plans. Every so often Declan pulls out his phone to check the radar. He frowns and puts it back in his pocket.

“What’s wrong? ”

“We might have to leave tonight. The tropical storm shifted paths and should be right over Trinity tomorrow.”

That’s not what I wanted to hear. “At least the meet is done for today. He should be coming out of the locker room soon.”

A few minutes later he emerges with his hair wet from the shower and wearing a matching Georgia warm up set with his duffel tossed over his shoulder. I jump into his arms when he reaches us.

“Congratulations.” I kiss his cheek before he sets me back down.

“Nice job.” Declan extends his hand for the dude bro handshake thing. My heart does a little hopeful flip as it always does when they’re nice to each other.

“Thanks. What do you guys want to do now?”

“I’ve been tracking the weather all day, and I think we should probably go home tonight. Looks like Trinity is close to the path of the storm.”

“Oh.” Banks frowns and pulls me to his side. “That sucks, but you gotta be safe. Can we grab dinner at least?”

I look to Declan for an answer.

“We can do that.”

Before we go to dinner, we stop by Banks’s dorm to pick up our stuff. I stay in the car while they run up to get our bags. I roll my eyes when Declan tells me to lock the doors but do as I’m told anyway. It’s the middle of the afternoon, and people are milling around outside of the car, I’m sure everything will be okay.

This is actually the first time I’ve been alone outside of the house in weeks. It feels nice and freeing. Maybe a little walk to stretch my legs a bit wouldn’t be that bad of an idea. It’s not like anyone could have followed us here.

A surge of glee shoots through me as I unlock the door and push it open. As I step out onto the sidewalk, I look both ways, deciding which would be the best way to walk. I settle on the way opposite the front door to the dorm.

I tilt my head back and squint into the partly cloudy sky. The warmth of the sun seeps into my skin. Someone bumps into me, and we exchange murmured apologies. I walk up to a large tree and lean back against it, relaxing as I people watch.

I’m not sure how much time went by, but suddenly I hear my name being called frantically. When I look over at the car, I see both Declan and Banks look around. The panic edging their voices makes me hustle back their way .

“Sorry,” I call out as I walk back their way. “I just wanted to get a little air.”

Declan grabs me by my shoulders and pulls me close, hugging me. “Don’t ever do that again.” It probably looks like a sweet embrace, but the edge in his voice says otherwise. He’s angry. “We told you to stay in the car for safety.”

“No one around here is going to hurt me.” I gesture around us at all the passing students.

“That’s pretty naive considering your dad’s face has been plastered on every news station for months.” He opens the door and waves for me to get in.

“We just want to make sure you’re safe,” Banks says calmly. “You did just have a brick thrown through your window.”

I don’t say anything in response. They’re right, but I can’t just stay locked up for the rest of my life. I need to live a normal existence after being sheltered for so long.

Banks pulls up to a restaurant called Fieldhouse, and we all get out. He leads us through the bar to a room in the back. It’s quieter here with only several rows of booths and large televisions hanging on the walls showing at least four different college football games .

Our server comes over as soon as she locks eyes on Banks. It could just be me, but her entire demeanor shifts from overwhelmed to flirtatious. As soon as she walks up to the table, he slides his arm around my shoulders.

“Hi Banks, I’m so glad you’re back. What do you want tonight?”

He rattles off his order while she watches him completely enraptured.

“How about you?” She looks at Declan, ignoring me.

He orders without even giving her a single drop of eye contact.

“Excuse me,” I call when she starts to walk away without taking my order.

“Oh, sorry.” She gives me a fake smile. “I forgot you were sitting there.”

“Bless your heart,” I say with a matching fake smile. “You know what, honey, I’ll just have what you’re having,” I say to Banks. Before she walks away, I lean up and press a chaste kiss to his lips.

He grins at me as she walks away, and I stare daggers in her back. “You’re jealous.”

I snort derisively. “No. She’s just rude.”

Banks and Declan look at each other and laugh .

“You know you never have to worry about me, right?” Banks asks.

Do I? I’m not entirely sure I can say I do definitively. But I’m also not sure that I have the right to ask for monogamy from him when I’m doing what I’m doing. Everything that exists is such a gray area for us. For all of us.

Before when I was just with Banks, it felt like a walk in the park. Now it feels like a walk in the bog. I know the direction I need to go in, it’s just that every step is filled with uncertainty.

“Harper?” Banks’s brow furrows as he turns to look me in the eyes. “Tell me you know.” His blue eyes search mine as he cups my cheeks.

“I know.” I muster a smile for him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He kisses my forehead and tucks me back against his side.

Declan looks back and forth between us, his expression unreadably blank. Our food and drinks come out quickly. I notice our server turning her attention from Banks to Declan. Jealousy flares inside me as he flirts back with her.

I know I shouldn’t be angry. It’s irrational. Maybe he’s just doing it to keep the heat off Banks. I dismiss that idea as soon as it comes because Declan doesn’t do that type of thing for anyone except Emerson and Cy.

Is he trying to make me jealous?

If so, I’m obviously not going to give him the satisfaction. Nope. Two can play this game. I watch as he gives her his full, dimples-included smile, the one that lowers my IQ by twenty points. Then he does the unthinkable. He winks at her and takes the check after insisting on paying for all three of us.

I notice her number scrawled on the bottom of the receipt and see red. He drops enough cash to cover the meal and a tip as we all stand up. Before he can grab the receipt with her number, I snatch it up and shove it into my ice water, ignoring the guys’ laughter as I walk past them.

“You’re cute when you’re jealous,” Declan says as he leans over me to secure the airplane door.

“I wasn’t jealous.” I buckle the harness. “I was irritated because she was rude to me.”

“She was rude.”

“Then why were you flirting with her?” I spin to look at him only to see a huge grin spread across his face .

“So, you were jealous.”

“How you even have friends is beyond me. So obnoxious.”

He laughs, then laughs harder when he looks at me. “Do you want the truth?”

“Clearly.”

“I was jealous.”

My head whips to the side with that unexpected confession. “Of what?”

“Banks. The way you so easily tell him you love him. You two are so natural together.”

“Because we’ve been together for years. Of course there’s comfort and familiarity there. We do love each other deeply.”

“I know.”

Instead of continuing the conversation, he starts rambling off numbers and letters to air traffic control. I sit back in the chair and enjoy the late evening flight. After a while I take a break from looking out the window and look over at Declan.

He’s lit by the golden light of the setting sun, turning his usually dark green eyes a beautiful olive green. It’s unfair how hot he is like this. Part of me wants to set my hand on his leg, but I’m not sure if he’d be okay with that.

As if he can read my mind, he drops his hand from the yoke and sets it on my thigh. He leaves it there until he needs to land the plane. I’m more and more impressed by how competent he is as a pilot.

“You’re a really good pilot,” I say as I get in the passenger seat of his car.

“Thank you.” He turns on the ignition. “Mind telling Dad that next time you see him?”

“Does he not know?”

He shakes his head. “Ever since my mom died, he’s been afraid to fly. Even more scared to let me learn. I basically had to guilt trip him into letting my grandpa teach me the same way he taught my mom how to fly.”

“She died in a plane crash, right?”

“Yeah. She was a test pilot for her family’s aviation manufacturing company. She tested all the planes; it was just a freak accident.”

“I’m sorry.” I put my hand over his on the gear stick. “Were your parents happy?”

“They were in love in a way that used to make me want to barf. Always kissing and touching.”

“I love that.” I smile, thinking about his parents being young and in love.

“Were your parents ever like that?”

“No. There wasn’t a lot of happiness in our house unless Dad was entertaining. Then we all had to plaster on fake smiles to put on a show.”

“Do you think your mom is happier now?”

“Yes. I can hear a lightness in her voice I never have before. Sometimes I even wonder if there isn’t something going on between her and your dad.”

“Well, they are married.”

“Do you think they’d be upset about us if they found out? Since we’re stepsiblings?”

“I don’t really care how they feel about it.”

I roll my eyes at that answer. “I don’t believe you.”

“No. I respect my dad, but I’m not going to live my life according to his wishes.”

“What about other people’s opinions? Aren’t you worried about people thinking it’s gross or something?”

“No.” He pulls into the garage. “Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

I falter, thinking the answer would come so easily. It doesn’t. Do I feel this way just because of how I was raised? To fear anything different than one man and one woman? The more time and space between the me of the past, the preacher’s daughter, and the independent college girl, the more certain I am that I could never follow the vengeful God I was raised to believe in. Is it just fear of other people’s judgment then?

He holds the door open for me. “I’ll let you think about it some more, but this will be a conversation we return to. For now, I’m going to take a shower and then we can watch a movie.”

“Okay,” I look around, noticing how empty the house feels. “Can I hang out in your room while you shower?”

“Yes.” He gives me a slow grin. “Or you could join me in the shower.”

Heat spreads through my body at the suggestion, but as intriguing as it sounds, I don’t think I’m ready for that. It feels too vulnerable. I shake my head, relieved when he doesn’t press me on the issue.