Chapter Six - Stilting Stilton

I WAKE IN a pile of cheesecloth like a princess trying to suffer from a single vegetable under her. Soft lantern light dances across the stones of the cellar. I have a vague memory of Roq talking and talking before my eyes grew heavy and I let them close. But that happened upstairs while the others were picking up the shelves they tipped over.

Placing a hand on my forehead, I sit up. A note tumbles from my chest to the floor. My joints cry out as I creak to my feet. Rubbing a sore spot on my back, I hunch over for the paper.

A swooping hand wrote in cursive:

"My darling. You looked positively exhausted after collapsing in my arms, so we left you to slumber on our fair, feather-adjacent bed. Attached are all of Roq's numerous, unending requests. Please fill them at your leisure.

My heart skips a beat in anticipation of drowning in your luminous smile tonight. I shall spend every moment fantasizing about the curve of your lips, the heat of your breath, and the taste of your tongue.

Cam."

I fan myself with the paper, my face burning in this cold cellar. They carried me toward the wall at the back of the basement. Though, the door to the cheese vault is closed to the point it's fully vanished. I run my fingers down the brick, trying to find the secret mechanism to pop it open, but there's no getting in. Probably for the best. Roq seems the type to use spike traps to stop anyone from trespassing on his cheeses. At least they were kind enough to leave a lantern or two running before they…

"Where did they go?"

Abandoning the wall, I pick up the lantern and call out, "Hello? Cam? Cheddy?" My steps are steady walking around the vats that have been purged of cobwebs. They glisten in the low light like they'd been scrubbed all night long. "Roq?"

No one answers.

Maybe they're all upstairs.

After tucking the note into my back pocket, I scale the ladder. "Maybe I should get a blowup mattress to keep down there if I'm going to…"

Glistening yellow sunlight streams through the windows. All of the grime from months of neglect has been wiped away without a single streak on the glass. I gasp at not only the shelves being up but the floors cleaned and polished. They must have worked all night long.

The store's not ready to be opened, not by a long shot, but I can see glimmers of the shop I loved as a kid. Lifting my hand to my mouth, I call out, "Guys? Brie?"

My foot knocks into a brown strap and a metal clasp skids across the ground. Peering closer, my eyes nearly cross. I kicked a pair of suspenders. That's…

"Oh."

On top of random piles of clothing rest three cheeses. Two are white rounds and the third is the hard yellow rectangle from last night. "Brie?" I whisper to the softest cheese. "Cam?" to the one with a rind. They don't answer.

They can't, because they're cheese.

"Where's Roq?" I wonder, checking under the pants and shirts they discarded last night without displacing them. "Either they stripped off just before transforming, or I missed one hell of a party." My voice echoes back hollow, taunting me.

Cheese people? Really, Violette? You made it all up. Your brain is lying to you. Four hot naked men would ask someone like you to be their mistress? None of it was real.

Though, how else can I explain the piles of clothing or the mysterious and tasty-looking cheeses on the floor?

I frown at the idea of anyone touching them. I mean mistaking them for real cheese, not that someone else can't touch them. Ha.

Getting nervous, I reach for the first wheel—Brie. My fingers brush just outside the softened rind. Why is my face burning? My hands start to shake.

It's just cheese. I've touched cheese before.

Cute, tasty, sensual, hot…cheese. Like running my fingers across a curved pec, or tracing down a stomach, and reaching for that throbbing, hard—

"Ah, I can't do this!" I bundle the clothing in my arms, hefting up the cheese on top. "Oh, fuck he's heavy." Struggling, I waddle each of them up onto Mateo's counter. Certain that they're safe and out of foot-stomping range, I step back.

Three very different shirts dangle over the glass case. One is a dark burgundy with a fancy filigree pattern embroidered all across it. Another is a plain white merging into tan shirt that looks like it'd strain across Cheddy's wide frame. The last is a blue and white striped shirt, far too long for Brie, but it's soft as a feather to the touch. If I've gone completely mad, at least my imagination is working overtime.

Where is Roq?

What if he transformed outside? What if birds are pecking at his cheese holes right now?

I rush for the door, arms out in anticipation of having to perform bird-jitsu on a flock of pigeons. My elbows crumple and I smash forehead-first into the door. Pain sunders hard, throbbing from the other bruise I gave myself last night.

As I rebound off the glass, the key chain jangles in the door. "I locked it. Duh." I reach for the keys and the gremlin starts up like it had a full pot of coffee.

Take it out and put it back in. Five times. Otherwise, all four of them will melt in the fire. It'll be your fault.

I tug the keys out and put them back in three times before my flailing arm causes Cam's letter to tumble from my pocket. A list that must be from Roq is paper clipped to the back. After finishing my ritual, I reach for the list. Words like fifty pounds of raw sheep's milk and pénicillium leap out at me. Where the heck am I going to find any of that? The dark web?

Hunting for easier requests, I inspect the list. It's on much thicker paper than Cam's note. Curious, I turn the list over and come face to face with the four of them. This picture is in color but it's faded to an off-brown like my mother's baby photos. All four of them are huddled around a wheel of cheese, thumbs extended, except for Roq. He's got his arms crossed and is glaring at the camera. Under the wheel is a red ribbon and some text I can't make out. Is that man capable of smiling or did his face freeze into a leg-quaking snarl?

The picture only raises questions, but I can ask them about it later. Tonight. When they go back to being imposing, goofy, sweet, and teasingly handsome men.

No one's going to believe this. I reach for my phone to take a picture of the list in case I lose it when I remember. Wincing at my stupid outburst last night, I scoop up the remains of both my only freedom and eternal tether. It's the only piece of trash they didn't touch last night.

Okay, first I get a new phone, then I figure out where to find fifty pounds of sheep's milk.

I've got this!

Standing in the center of the room flanked by bags and boxes delivered from across the city, I focus on my new phone. I need to be prepared for rain. Another big storm might blow out the power and spoil all of this food.

I'm not waiting for four cheeses to turn into men because that's crazy, and I'm not cra—

Streetlights kick on behind me, my shadow stretching into the store. One by one, the cheeses on the counter start to rock. The camembert and brie slowly bob back and forth while the cheddar violently twists in place.

Surely nothing bad can happen to…

"Oh no!" I cry out as the brick of cheddar careens right off of the counter. A loud plop echoes as it hits the floor.

"Woo!" Cheddy shouts, popping up naked. As he's standing behind the counter, the glass highlights and zooms in on his entire lower half. Soft lights gleam off of his cock like it's a diamond in a jewelry store.

Trying to shield and stop myself from looking, I turn away, but whisper, "Five-second rule."

"This is unexpected," Cam says. He and Brie stand on the counter peering down at Cheddy who shakes his head like he shotgunned a bottle of vodka.

"Well, well…" Cam's deadly cheekbones suck me in as he smiles in my direction. Placing a hand on his hip, he curls his other palm toward me. "The lady has returned to us." Without a care, he leaps to the floor landing like a cat. "I assume you are to thank for our lofty position."

"I was on the floor," Cheddy says.

"I, uh, I put all three of you up there, but you sort of rolled off."

"Do not fret, my dear. His enthusiasm is as contagious as consumption. And twice as deadly."

Cheddy laughs at that, then he takes Brie's hand, helping him off of the counter. Okay, don't put them up. Got it.

I'm so focused on the two of them, I don't notice that Cam's draped an arm over my shoulder until he nearly brushes his cheek against the side of my head. "I...I don't know where Roq is," I say.

Cam's smile wanes. "He's never far. Unfortunately. I see you've brought us supplies. You're fantastic." His lips just about but don't caress my cheek. I clench my toes, anticipating a kiss that doesn't come.

"Bro, don't you need your clothes?" Cheddy asks.

With a dangerous leer, Cam turns to me. "Do I?"

My mouth drops at the idea of Cam thinking that I'd…or he'd even… It's silly. I dig my nails into my thigh to keep from staring at his crotch.

Don't think about cheese logs. Or nuts. Or throbbing veins pulsing inside of soft, pale flesh.

"Yes, Chedward. Hand me my togs." Pants and a vest strike Cam's head. "Thank you," he mumbles from below his wardrobe.

"I'm so hungry I could eat a hunk of me," Cheddy says. He tugs up his suspenders, then snaps them against his chest. I wince, but he doesn't even flinch.

Whoa. It must have been too dark to notice last night, but his shirt is tight. Painted-on tight. I can make out the veins in his biceps under the nearly transparent material.

He peers at me with his golden honey eyes. "Did you bring us a delicious feast?"

"Uh, I think so. Doordash. I couldn't find a French restaurant, so I got pasta, burgers, just a little bit of everything."

Cheddy dives into a box. At first, he tosses aside the nails and tools Roq asked for, sniffs a can of paint, then he spots the bags. "Oh." He cracks open one of the baked pasta dishes and breathes in the steam. "I call dibs!"

"What about…?" Brie approaches from behind. He keeps tugging on his collar to get it to lay low but it refuses to fold.

"A spring mix salad with garbanzo beans." I dig out the salad before Cheddy can tear it to pieces. Brie's face lights up below his hair. "It sounded so good, I got one too."

"Thank you," Brie whispers. He climbs back up onto the counter to sit cross-legged and digs into his salad with gusto. Brie being a vegetarian cheese is the least weird thing I've seen today.

"He does not have to survive off of water and bread. Huzzah." Cam hoists out one of the other pasta dishes covered in shrimp. "Oh, how my heart skips a beat at this taste of the sea. Assuming it is not pickled and brined."

I shake my head.

"You are a true treasure," he declares and takes a huge bite. "Magnificent. Here." Cam plucks one of the shrimp from his dish and extends it to me. "You must have a taste." Just as it's about to press to my lips, he pulls it back to ask, "Or do you have the same proclivities as our Brie?"

"No. I like salads is all."

"Then eat. Mangia."

With his lips parted, Cam glides the tip of the seared shrimp towards my mouth. I open up in anticipation. A soft sigh trembles from Cam as my breath slips over his fingers. Growing more aware that three men stopped eating to watch me, I cup my lips around the head of the shrimp and try to bite down sexily.

"The food doesn't matter. Where are the supplies?"

I swallow the wrong way and the nub of shrimp catches in my throat. Sputtering, I fight for air as Roq walks in. He barely glances my way before rummaging through the boxes. "Where is the milk? The rennet? We can do nothing without it."

Cam gives a light tap to my back as I cough around the shrimp. Air goes out but has a hard time coming back in. With a loud woomph, Cheddy slams into my spine. It sends the shrimp head flying until it splats onto Roq's cheek.

He doesn't even acknowledge it, just wipes the food away while I funnel in air. "Well…?"

"For the love of god man, try to grow a heart in those black holes of yours," Cam scolds him. "She needs a moment. Are you well? Do you need me to play doctor?"

"No," I wheeze out, "I'm…what?"

"I happen to have a delicious bedside manner," Cam says, then he smiles wickedly. "Though, it's better in the bed than beside it."

Roq's low growl sends Cam walking away, his hands raised. He zeroes in on me. "You…"

"My name is Violette," I fume.

"Yes, Violette. We require the milk. Where is it?"

"How am I supposed to get raw sheep's milk in the middle of a freaking city?"

"You call up the supplier and ask them to deliver fifty gallons to…"

"Well, I'm gonna need more time. I might be able to get the raw milk, but I've got to go to a…shady farm to do it. As for sheep—"

Cam interrupts, "The cow's milk will be fine. This isn't southern France regardless of your delusions, Roquefort."

Sighing with gravel, Roq nods. "Yes, cow's milk will do, for now. Mention that this is for cheese making. They will not cause such a fuss."

That would have been nice to know before I called up every grocery store I could and they all acted like I planned to drink poison.

"At least you found lard," Roq says. "And supplies to rebuild the shelves."

"Rebuild?" I glance around, confused.

Cheddy leans against one of the shelves nonchalantly. As he places his weight on his elbow, the middle board cracks in half, sending him plummeting through each shelf until he strikes the floor.

Roq gives a simple shrug of his eyebrow when Cheddy pops up to his feet. "I'm all right."

"You two help with dismantling the shelves. Take stock of what needs reinforcing and what needs to be built from scratch," Roq orders Cheddy and Brie. They both pick up a random tool and nod. "Cam, you can assist me—"

"I can, can I? How delightful. I can be of service to our illustrious, blue-haired dictator."

"What would you rather do?" Roq asks, then he directs his glare at me. "She will no doubt be leaving soon."

"I will?"

"You've supplied us for the night. What reason do you have to remain?" Roq asks.

"Um…to help?" I say and proceed to swing a screwdriver like a hammer.

I can already hear him laughing, but Cam steps in between. He's fired up and growing more agitated by the second. "There he goes again. Always bossing us around as if he knows what's best."

"Because I do."

Cam begins to chuckle, then he snaps to Roq. "Marseilles."

In a fit, Roq's face turns beet red and he shakes his head. "That isn't fair. I didn't—"

"No, nothing is ever your fault. When shit goes wrong it's mine, or Cheddy's, or Brie's. But for you, it's an act of god or a simple mistake. How dare I question the great, all-powerful Roquefort!"

We all hold our breath as the tension ramps to eleven on the cringe scale. Roq swallows, his distinct Adam's apple quivering. Then he clucks his tongue and gives a patronizing, "Cam…"

"Oh yes, sir. Where do you want me, sir? Working the curd? Filling the molds? Rendering the lard? On my knees?"

Roq's stern glare flies into an ‘oh shit, you didn't' look. "That is not what I—"

Waving him off, Cam stomps to the ladder, but he won't catch Roq's eye. "Yes, I know. My place is in the hole, just like the past twenty years."

The slow clomp of feet climbing down the metal rungs is all that echoes through the shop. After it stops, Roq lifts his chest. "Well, I shall be downstairs, prepping for the milk you will bring tomorrow." He bundles up a mess of things in his arms then hightails it to the basement. Though, he stops to peer down as if checking to make sure he won't run into Cam.

My skin's crawling so badly from the tension, I rub my sleeves across each other, then up and down my sides. Cheddy places a soft hand on my shoulder and slowly pivots me away from the raging invisible fire down below. "Ignore them."

"Are they always so hostile?" I ask.

"No. Well…" Cheddy says.

"They weren't always like this," Brie responds. He slips off the counter and sidles up beside me. Our voices are low and we keep casting quick glances to the basement.

"Believe it or not, they used to be close," Cheddy says. Then he clamps his hands together, folds his fingers, and peers at me. "Real close?"

"Like brothers?" I ask.

Cheddy guffaws hard. "Nah, the other kind of close we aren't supposed to talk about. Don't get me wrong, we all go in for a helping hand here and there."

"A warm mouth," Brie says, confusing me. What do they need a mouth…?

Oh. Oh my goodness!

Wait. Really?

With a half smile, Cheddy shrugs one shoulder. "It's nice to have help in getting through the long night. But with those two it was something else entirely. Hot. Mean. Which made it hotter. So when it all exploded, it went…" He expands his fists and spreads his arms wide. "Boom! Now they peck at each other like rival hens. It's exhausting."

The idea that Cam and Roq were ever together fights against my horny imagination taking the idea of all four of them in one bed and going hog wild. Sweating and twitching, I pinch my arm to keep my voice level. "So you're saying that you and, uh, Cam, or Brie and Roq would…? With mouths and stuff?"

Brie purses his lips so tight they vanish and Cheddy beams brighter than the sun. "Aye. Stick around long enough and you might get to see it a time or two."

That is…that's a lot. Hot. So damn hot. My eyes dart to Cheddy's hand, then Brie's round lips, and back again. A giggle catches and won't stop.

You sound deranged.

"I, uh…" Nervously, I scratch at my cheek and a louder guffaw breaks free.

Imagine the scandal if your mother finds out.

"Oh, looks like Roq forgot some of his cheese things," I shout. Is my voice higher? "Let me just get that." Yep, that is definite chipmunk territory.

I heft up the box and make a beeline for the basement ladder. Just before I pop down, I peer across the floor. Cheddy's got a hand around Brie's shoulder. He pulls him closer and my toes clench.

Are they gonna…?

"Here's your brush," Cheddy says.

"To it, then," Brie responds.

Oh. They're working. Of course, they are. Two men aren't going to start peeling each other's clothes off in front of a window. Probably.

Certain I'm lobster red, I ease my way down the ladder, both hands wrapped around the box. It makes little clunk-clunk noises as I go. So if Cheddy and Brie sometimes, ya know, to work the edge off, then what do Cam and Roq get up to? My brain dances with the two of them at first arguing, tempers and nostrils flaring, before the stoic Roq grabs Cam by the face and—

"What are you playing at?"

My foot misses the next rung. Cam's accusation echoes from the dark basement below. I nearly yelp from him challenging my filthy thoughts.

"I don't know what you mean," Roq answers, his voice disinterested.

"Sheep's milk? Again?" Cam presses.

"It will work this time," Roq insists.

"Just like in Venice, and Dorset, and Mar—"

"I know," Roq snarls. That dormant accent is in full flare, dropping his voice to a dangerous growl. "Do you get a cheap thrill out of listing my mistakes? At least I am trying while you waste your time chasing skirts."

"There it is. There it always is," Cam crows.

"There is nothing." Roq's snarling evens out to a calm tone. "Now leave me be and get back to work."

"Work, work, work. You've made work your life while refusing to live."

"How can I live like this?" he exclaims before softening to a pang of regret. "How can any of us live like this?"

Cam doesn't speak for a few minutes, the silence overwhelming. I press my lips so tight together they go numb. What'll they do if they find out I'm eavesdropping?

"Why do I bother?" Cam says.

"I don't know," Roq answers, his voice nearly a whisper. New sounds fill the air, clanks of metal and wood, followed by the slow shuffle of feet.

Oh, no. Is Cam coming over here? Will he try to climb the ladder while I'm on it? What do I do?

The drawing footsteps pause. "Three months. You think she's not going to figure it out before your pièce de résistance is finished?"

"Humph," is all Roq says back.

"She's not a fool," Cam defends me.

My lips lift in a smile that turns into a panicking, silent scream. No one's ever said I'm not a fool before, but I've heard the opposite my whole life. Growing overwhelmed, I try to rise up the ladder by lifting the box a step.

"Maybe we can trust her. If not for her, we'd still—"

I try to climb, fairly certain there's a rung just under my foot. But as I place it down, the ball of my fool slices through empty air. "Oh sh—!" I cry out, slipping off the ladder. The box bounces on every rung, knocking into my chin as the tips of my toes hit each metal step along the way. There's no stopping me as I hit the ground, then fall to my ass at Cam's feet.

Blinking in the dark, I tip my head back to find both a confused Cam and a growly Roq staring at me. "Hi," I sputter out.

For a moment, the two men look at each other, then Cam extends a hand to me. "Are you well? That was quite the entrance."

"Yes, yes. Oh…" Pain wallops my flattened buttocks. Cam peers at me with a question and I nearly tell him my ass hurts. "It's all good."

"What are you doing here?" Roq asks.

"I was, um, bringing you the tools you forgot." Spreading my legs wide, I waddle backward around the box behind me, then slide it forward between them.

"How helpful, and useful to your cause, Roq," Cam says taking the box and glaring at the man.

"Yes. Thank you. You're dismissed for the night."

I grit my teeth to keep my smile from falling. "Oh? I, just, thought I could help…"

"The only help we need is you acquiring the ingredients on my list," Roq insists.

"I imagine Chedward or Brie could use her assistance. And if not, I can think of a thing or two to do to her," Cam says. He rubs his chin then peels his gaze down my body like he's running over it with a little car.

I try to not go nuclear at the thought. It's Roq who explodes. "And how will her sleeping body lying in the way help us? We only have so many hours to accomplish our tasks. You being here will only slow us down."

"Oh." My heart plummets from both the tone and truth in his words. "I'm…I'll go. Head back to…" Scurrying away, I lunge for the ladder.

"Violette," Cam calls.

Tears building in my eyes, I cry out, "I'm sorry for wasting your time." Sucking in my sob, I climb as fast as possible.

"Why must you be such a pillock to everyone we meet?" Cam snarls.

I don't hear Roq's answer, or if he even cares to give one. Holding back my tears, I gather up my purse.

Cheddy and Brie both look up from the pile of wood that was once a shelf. "Vi, are you okay?" Cheddy asks.

"Yep. I'm just…gonna go back to my bed. Really tired." I fake a yawn and push on the front door with my shoulder.

"Sleep well," Brie calls as I take off down the street. I have to pass the large windows. The bewildered men both watch me run away. "What happened?" is all I can hear Brie asks before I'm gone.

I don't stop until I'm across the street in front of a soap shop struggling to breathe. I don't mean to get in the way. I'm just trying to help. Maybe if I show up with a couple gallons of milk they'll…

My phone rings.

I answer it without thinking, and the last thing I need shouts at me, "Where have you been?"

Swallowing my groan, my head hanging low, I walk back to the motel. "Hi, Mom."