43. Paul

43

PAUL

I knew being a parent would be hard and I know I've already fucked it up pretty badly. What father lets some random alpha move in with his daughter? Actually, what father allows said random alpha to keep him away from his daughter?!

Six damn days have passed since the cops showed up on Amaya's doorstep because of a nightmare so bad it woke the neighbors. I can't help but feel like I only have myself to blame. I was supposed to look after her; to help my daughter heal from the life she's lived without me. Instead, I bought her a house and basically wished her well.

I allowed Vincent to infiltrate her new home, then relied on him to take care of her. I became an absentee dad all over again.

The only excuse I have is all these Premium Designation Academy cases slamming my legal firm from all angles. I'm torn in so many directions, but I've decided protecting Amaya is the best thing I can do right now, and that means making sure every vile fucking monster from that place is behind bars until hell drags them down to suffer for all eternity.

The coffee running through my veins isn't the only thing making me jittery. There's been an uproar of sex trafficking rumors reaching public ears. Trying to keep a lid on all the fucked up shit going on with the amount of criminals and abusers surfacing is impossible.

Making sure Amaya hasn't caught wind of this shit isn't the only reason I'm here today. I may be distracted for a good reason, but I need to know she's okay. My daughter was released into my care and I've screwed it up for too long.

The more we uncover about what the omegas went through at the academy, the more insistent my alpha has become to check on his pup.

I would love to say that kicking those idiots off my daughter’s front step didn't give me sick satisfaction like an immature asshole, but it totally did. I have to deal with one alpha hanging around my daughter; I can't handle more right now. Especially not two shitty excuses for scent matches.

I'm one to talk. It's clear Vincent and Kate don't think highly of me. Not even Kate's mate, Beckett, seems to like me and I can't blame them. Shit, Amaya can barely look at me and she's been practically hiding behind Vincent for the past ten minutes I've been inside her home.

I came here for a reason, and I'm not leaving until Amaya and I have cleared the air. The main issue is she won't approach me, and I am not in tune with my emotions enough to make it happen.

We've been standing around talking in the kitchen, well, Amaya and her friends have been, and I've been leaning against the wall along the outskirts.

"What can we do for you, Paul?"

My lip threatens to lift in a snarl at Vincent's monotone drawl, but I rein it in. He's been far better to Amaya than I have been, so yes, maybe I do deserve his judgment and ire.

I straighten and tug on my suit jacket sleeves. "Amaya, can I speak to you in private, please?" I didn't mean for my voice to come out so formal, but it's my default.

Unfortunately, it doesn't help to make my daughter more comfortable with me. Stiffening, she peeks up at Vincent in question. I have to try really damn hard to swallow my annoyance that she would turn to him instead of me for anything, and I know it's irrational. I've known that I have a kid for almost two months, and I'm already being replaced.

I should be the most important man in her life, yet I've never earned that title. But maybe it's time I try. Like the thought warmed me from the inside out, I feel my gaze soften on my daughter and my lips tip up in a gentle smile.

To my surprise, Vincent doesn't steamroll her into a decision. Instead, the big alpha just watches her with his own kind of warmth and waits for Amaya to decide on her own.

"You'll be here?" Amaya whispers to him.

Vincent nods. "I'll be right here if you need me, okay little mate?"

Okay, well I won’t ever be able to help my teeth grinding when he calls her things like that. I'm sure that's normal, right?

Amaya relaxes when he kisses the corner of her mouth, even as a blush rises on her cheeks. I clear my throat and look away, opting to wait for her to come to me. I swear I hear Kate and Beckett snicker.

I'm too old for this .

"Okay." Amaya murmurs, much closer to me now. "Is the patio okay? We have nice chairs out there."

I bite my tongue at the word we , which all but confirms that Vincent has actually moved in. Ignoring the ridiculous urge to protect her from everything, I nod. "Whatever you want to do, darling."

"Uhm." She fidgets and looks back at Vincent, who gives her an encouraging smile while dishing up some pizza for the other two. "Okay, yeah. Let's do that."

Amaya's quiet on her feet while she leads the way down the back hallway and out the door. Her feet are barefoot and I can't help but smile at the reminder of how much she hates her toes being constricted.

Do they make toeless socks? I'll have to look it up because those would be a good Christmas gift for her.

"This okay?" Amaya mumbles, fidgeting near the nice cushioned patio chairs.

Her uncertainty makes me hate myself even fucking more than I did ten minutes ago. I should never have moved her out of my home. I can't even remember if my reasoning was valid or not.

"This is beautiful, Amaya." It is. Her backyard is lush with greens and strung up twinkly lights that weren't here when I bought the place. The fire pit in the center of the stone patio looks as good as I remember.

The perfect backyard for a family.

We settle into our seats, Amaya tucking her feet beneath her. In the seat next to her, I lean forward so my hands are on my elbows and take a deep breath. Then, with a big exhale, I release everything I should have said long ago.

"Amaya, I'm so sorry," I begin, looking my daughter in the eye. "I wasn't there for your childhood and as soon as I knew about you, I should have done better. Been better."

Tears are already welling up in her eyes, and as much as I want to reach out to hold her hand, I don't, but I tell her what I'm thinking. "I want to hold your hand, but we aren't there yet, and I don't know if we'll ever be, but I want you to know how much I miss what we could have built when I brought you home. Instead, I kept you at arm’s length because I was scared."

She rears back a little, looking like I hurt her with my words.

"I wasn't scared of you, darling," I soothe. "I was scared of me. Of loving something, some one so much and messing it up. Instead of giving you everything a father should, I convinced myself you would be better off without an alpha who knows nothing of emotions. Of love."

My breath stutters out of me as I close in on my truth. "I've been alone my entire life, Amaya. I'm basically mated to my work. Family was an idea I never thought I would be blessed to have."

I huff, a sad smile pulling my lips up. My head drops back and I stare into the canopy of trees. "You know, when I was younger, I dreamed of finding my fated pack. Falling in love, starting a family, moving into a pack home. I used to dream of what it would be like to sit around a table filled with laughter and happiness."

I look at Amaya now, a tear dropping with my gaze. She wears a lot of shock and devastation? "I don't have a horrible story with a heartbreaking ending to tell you, Amaya. It just never happened for me. I went to school, then kept going to school, then went again until I am where I am now. A very successful lawyer. An alpha with abundant respect and power in our society."

I deflate, my head hanging between my shoulders. I didn't mean to excuse my actions in any way. I just wanted her to understand me. But now I feel like I fucked up all over again.

Then the most serene thing happens. Amaya's chilly, little hand touches my much larger one. She may be cold, but warmth spreads from her grasp, up my arm and settles behind my breastbone. The subtle presence of Amaya in my heart is something I never knew could exist.

A bond. Not of the mate variety, but one between a father and daughter. It's love forming in its most pure state, and I will forever cherish the piece of my little girl that seeks out the support and affection only a father can give.

"I'm used to being alone too," Amaya whispers.

Catching her eye again, I feel a tug on that frail tether bonding us as family. Instead of wrapping her in my arms, I flip my hand over and hold hers in a gentle grip. "I am so, so sorry, Amaya. You never should have been alone. I won’t ever be able to make up the time we have lost and the pain you have suffered without me to shield you from the horrors of this world, but I swear to you, I'm yours now and forever."

My voice wobbles just like her lower lip, but I continue. "I'm going to mess up, a lot ," I confess and she giggles, making my chest spark with happiness. "But I will do everything in my power to be the dad I should have always been for you."

Amaya's gold eyes, so much like my own, study me for a moment before she gives me a nod. "Okay," she whispers. "Maybe..." She drops her eyes.

"Maybe what?" I encourage, tugging her hand just a little.

"Maybe you come over for dinner once in a while?"

Fuck if my heart didn't just explode in a burst of butterflies. My daughter wants to hang out with me! "I would fucking love that!"

My hand slams over my mouth, shocked at my outburst, but Amaya giggles again and leans away. "But," she says much stronger now with narrowed eyes that look a little playful, "you have to be nice to Vincent."

Ugh. "Do I have to?"

"Yes."

Amaya leaves no room for argument. Looks like I'm just gonna have to glare at the big guy when she's not looking because there's no way I'll ever be okay with some alpha shacking up with my kid.

But as long as she keeps a little space in her life carved out for me to become the dad I really want to be, I can tolerate Vincent. As long as he treats her a thousand times better than I have, we should have no issues.

"You got it," I promise. It's my first promise I've made to her and it might prove to be the hardest.

A flicker of appreciation in our bond makes my chest inflate with pride. I'll do anything for her to keep looking at me like I hung the world even if she stays a little wary for a while.

I'll do right by her, no matter what.