Twenty-One

Liz

My heart jumped to my throat as our moment was caught. Nothing happened, but it was obvious something would have. My luck meant that my ex mother-in-law had to be the one to find us in our moment of weakness. The woman held a power over me I couldn't explain. Probably from the day she tore me down, reducing me to shreds as a teenager.

I remembered it as if it happened yesterday. Lyle had brought me home to introduce me to his parents, who acted all chummy with me in his presence, but the moment he left the room, it changed. She had leaned over and pointed out everything wrong with me, starting with my appearance and ending with my financial situation. She picked at everything I was self-conscious about, as if she could tell what it was at a glance. I'd never had someone read me like that before, to point out every flaw and then some.

I stayed quiet, knowing how much Lyle loved his parents and feeling he wouldn't believe me if I had told him what happened. We were too new and I didn't want to ruin us. I tried not to go to his house as much as possible, but there were times I couldn't avoid it, and every time I went, she'd say something more. She had a knack for knocking me way down, making me feel worthless. Normally words wouldn't bother me as much, but hers did. I wasn't sure if it was because she was an adult or because she was an important person to Lyle. Either way, her words carried more weight than anyone else's at the time.

"Mrs. Foster, you need to leave," Brian spoke, seeing me freeze in her presence.

He got up and I watched in a shocked state as they started to argue, causing others to stop and look. A scene was unfolding, and all eyes were on us. It felt all too familiar, too painful.

7 months ago

"I'll be by your side the entire time, Liz. Remember that, okay?" Elle gripped my shoulders, leaning down to meet my gaze as my head dangled.

I felt numb all over. The crying had stopped. How could it not, after going on nonstop for two days straight? Lyle was…he was…

Fuck! Why is it so hard to say?

Lyle was dead. Gone.

I nodded my head at my sister, my only source of comfort right now as I couldn't even look at my kids. They were dying inside just like me, and it was all my fault. I let him die.

How did you not notice, Liz? How? He was right next to you.

Elle took my hand and led me back out to my living room where people were waiting to tell me how sorry they were. A lot of good their sorrys would do me. I had just buried my husband…saw his casket lowered into its cement box. I didn't even know that was a thing. In my mind, the casket just went into the ground and that was it. Nope. Wrong. There was so much more, so many things I didn't know.

I had to figure all this out alone. It was just me now. Just me to solve all our problems. He's gone. I'm broken. Maybe I died too, and I was in hell right now. This certainly felt like hell.

Elle sat me in the lone chair, as if I were a stop to be made as people entered or got food. Why do I have to feed people? She stood beside me like a strong guard, never leaving my side. Milo was with his sister on the couch, curled into her like a little lap dog. My heart broke further as I looked at my kids…really looked at my kids.

I couldn't even get my children the appropriate attire. Lil was wearing her choir dress right now because it was the only black one she owned. Milo was in a black polo and jeans. I was so ill prepared, and the last thing on my mind when planning his funeral was clothes. Clearly. I buried him in a suit he hated because that was what his mom said was appropriate. She sort of took over the last minute things I hadn't gotten done when she arrived.

I needed time — needed air — so I let her. I regretted it now. She didn't know her son. She never did. Valorie never wanted me with her boy. She swore I would ruin his life, and if Lyle married me, he'd be cut off. Instead we cut her off. We cut her from our lives, so she never got the joy of meeting her grandkids until yesterday.

That was a very awkward few minutes.

"I am so sorry for your loss, Liz. Lyle was a great guy."

I nodded my head, unsure if I could even speak anymore. I hadn't used my voice for a whole twenty-four hours, too exhausted to even talk. If I was being honest, I was too depressed to do so. I'd never wanted to die so badly — to find an out from life. The only thing keeping me here was my kids.

They would be okay with Elle.

No. I couldn't do that to them.

The next person made their stop in front of me, and then the next, until finally it seemed that everyone had arrived. Valorie and Paul were the last to come in. She was sobbing so loud, it sounded more dramatic than genuine to me.

Her eyes locked with mine, fury deep inside them. They made their way to me, standing before me in silence for a while. Were they waiting on me to say something?

"It's your fault," suddenly left Valorie's lips in a hushed tone, but within seconds she was shouting. "You did this! You killed him! Stealing him from me for eighteen years wasn't enough, was it? You had to kill him! Was he going to leave you? Why did you do it?"

Every sentence — every word — was a slap to the face, a punch to the gut, a tear at my already-broken heart. Her bony finger was pointed at me with so much accusation. She didn't care that there were people here to hear her outburst and crazy notions. In fact, I think she wanted it that way. It didn't even matter to her that her grandkids were right there.

Do they believe what she's saying?

Milo was crying harder in Lil's lap, while her face stayed hard as stone with silent tears of her own. Neither of them looked my way.

"Well? I mean look at you! You're not even crying. You didn't even cry! What kind of monster are you?" She started up again when I didn't say a word. "I knew he should have never married you. It's your fault, Elizabeth! He wouldn't be dead right now if he never met you!"

She's not wrong. If he wouldn't have ended up with me, he probably wouldn't be dead right now.

"Now, I'm a Christian woman, but you're about to make me forget that I am one." Elle stepped in, quite literally, as she placed her body between them and me. "You need to go. Now!"

I watched Elle usher them out, scolding them the entire way, yelling and arguing with them as everyone watched. She gave them an earful until they were out of the door, slamming it shut behind them.

"And don't you dare come back!" Elle pivoted on her heel, turning to face the audience as everyone watched in shock. "Don't just stare! Go on about your business, or get out."

Everyone immediately snapped back, starting conversations, but their whispers were loud. I could hear the questions, see the doubts. With a sigh, Elle grabbed me and signaled for the kids to follow. She led us all to the guest room I'd been sleeping in, sitting me and my kids on the bed.

"You guys stay up here and hold on to what you have left. Addie and I will take care of everything downstairs." Elle looked at me with such concern. She could see how hard this was, radiating pity and sympathy for me and her niece and nephew. "I'll be staying, Liz. Tomorrow I'll drop Addie off at the airport and I'll stay with you a little longer. It's going to be okay."

With that, she and her daughter exited the room, closing the door behind them. The kids and I were left in silence, with nothing but my worries. I was worried that their grandmother's words were ringing in their heads, because they were ringing in mine.

"I know you didn't kill him, Mom." Milo grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight as his big eyes stared up at me. Lil then grabbed my other hand, doing the same.

"She can't actually be Dad's mom. She's awful!" I let out a small chuckle, feeling something other than numbness. "It's okay if you want to keep crying. You don't have to be strong for us," she told me, her voice shaking with a mixture of conviction and sadness.

I nodded, scooting back on the bed until I was leaning against the headboard. The kids took their spots beside me, laying their heads on my lap as I sat. I rubbed their heads, playing with their hair until they both fell asleep on me. Then the tears came.

"I know you didn't kill me, sweets. Don't let her get to you. She doesn't know you. She doesn't know me. She doesn't know us."

Lyle was suddenly in front of me, but that wasn't possible. I blinked and blinked and blinked, but he was still there. His smile was spread across his face, and he was leaning against the wall the way he always would — with his ankles crossed.

I've officially lost my mind.

Present

I couldn't believe my luck. Couldn't believe she would cause yet another scene. She didn't care what she was doing to me or the kids. I hadn't the faintest idea what she thought she was achieving with the accusations she was spewing. Maybe it was that she wanted to be right, to make the eighteen years she had missed with her child mean something. She refused to believe that she missed out on the rest of her son's life because of her own prejudice and stubbornness.

We were happy and she couldn't accept it. She couldn't believe that Lyle and I had created a stable home. More than likely, she had hoped we would fail miserably and that Lyle would come home where she could boast about how right she was about me. But that never happened, and she was too proud to take back her words.

"Don't let her do this, sweets. Stand up for yourself. Be that fearless woman I know you are." Lyle spurred me on, suddenly appearing beside me again.

"Stay by my side as I do?" I whispered to him, knowing I probably looked crazy to everyone around. Brian and Valorie were yelling at one another, their arms flailing for dramatics. A crowd had begun to gather as I stood from my chair with shaky hands.

"I'm always at your side." Lyle's voice rang in my head as I got to Valorie.

"It's your fault." I finally said what I should have seven months ago, staring her right in the eyes. Thankfully my voice didn't hold any of the nerves that were plaguing my body at the moment.

Valorie was confused at my no-context, randomly-blurted words, but her attention was at least back on me. Brian, realizing I had actually said something, stopped what he was doing and took a step back.

"It's your fault that you missed out on his life. It's your fault that you didn't see him for eighteen years. You know full well I didn't murder him. It kills you inside to know that we were happy. God, were we happy. You thought we wouldn't last. I bet you even prayed for it." Surprisingly, Valorie stayed quiet as I spoke, but her green eyes — Lyle's eyes — were blazing with anger.

"You made him small, made him try to be this person he wasn't. He never wanted to be a bother because of the way you raised him. So instead of getting his health checked or telling me about the pain in his chest, he kept silent."

"I didn't make him small!" she defended herself, clutching her pearls, her literal pearl necklace. "He was the most well-known child in his class. He had awards and scholarships to some of the most prestigious schools. He was not small!"

"He was small, Valorie. He was drowning under the pressure you placed on him. He never wanted any of it. He didn't even want to play football. He did that for you, to make you proud. You were trying to mold him into your image, but that's not a parent's job."

"What would you know about being a good parent?! How will your kids succeed if you don't push them? Where even are my grandchildren?" She thought she had me there as she gave me a smug look, scanning the crowd for approving faces.

"You can't claim them as your grandchildren when you've never bothered to get to know them. Can't say they're yours when you yelled that I killed their father without a care in the world for what that would do to them. You're not their grandmother. You're a stranger."

"You need to stop these rumors!" Lily's voice came out of the crowd as she shoved people out of the way. "Move, dammit!" She used her elbows to part the crowd as she made her way to us, almost falling when she made it. She caught herself, straightened up and stared right at Valorie with all the malice in the world. "Mom isn't responsible for what happened to Dad. You have no idea what these stupid rumors have done to Milo's and my life here. What's wrong with you?"

"Not going to lie, sweets. I am really enjoying seeing my little girl stand up to my mom."

If Lyle really were here, he probably would be extremely proud of Lil. He had always had a hard time standing up to his mother, so I was surprised when he chose me. It was the one time he didn't follow her command, the one time he went against her.

"You let your daughter speak to her elders this way?" Valorie screeched, unable to say anything better. She wanted to throw someone else under the bus, and I was always an easy target.

"I let her stand up for herself, no matter who the person may be. Lyle and I made sure to teach our kids to not be afraid to stand up for what they believe in. He didn't want them to be afraid to speak up to us the way he was afraid to do with you."

Valorie looked like a fish out of water as her mouth opened and closed over and over. She was out of words, out of excuses.

"They also taught me to stand up for my family. Which, as my mother said, you are not." Lil crossed her arms, standing at my side in all her glory.

Valorie's eyes narrowed at me one last time before she stormed off, but I knew that wouldn't be the last of it. Not with her. Lil turned, hugging me tight as she apologized for her grandmother.

"It's not your fault, baby girl. Besides, I am okay."

"Are you sure? I could hear her screaming from the center of the carnival."

"You could? I'm so sorry you had to hear that."

She shook her head, pulling away from my hug now. "Not your fault."

"Why don't you go have fun with the boy you were speaking with earlier. I think he's waiting for you." I smiled at her as I pointed to the kid shyly standing by the ring toss stand. She followed my finger, whacking it when she noticed him.

"Mom," she groaned in embarrassment, washing away whatever Valorie had stirred up inside of me. "Fine, but then you have to have fun with Brian."

She arched her eyebrow in a challenge. Does she know?

"Challenge accepted."