Eighteen

Liz

"Let's go, mom!" Milo pulled at me, leading me towards the candy apple-making station with Lily in tow. She was still grounded for having lied to me. Not for going to a party, or for calling Brian — which I thanked him for in many ways — instead of me. Simply speaking, she was grounded for not being honest with me. She needed to know she could be honest with me.

"We're going, Milo, we're going. You sure you want me to make these things? Maybe Lil should do it?"

Milo turned from his leading position, no longer pulling at my wrist. His little mouth contorted into the most adorable pout, pinching his brows in slight anger. "No, Mom. It has to be you!"

"Okay. Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you." I sighed, taking the lead with a determination to make at least one decent candied apple.

How could you mess up candied apples, you ask? Simple. You become me.

We entered the cafeteria of my old elementary school, where I fell in love with Brian. Through the many windows that lined the walls, I could see the very spot Brian pushed my bully down. I smiled at the memory as I took the only station left, right next to Danielle Fox. I side-eyed her, feeling better about myself as I watched her struggle, too.

"Lizzie! Oh, how wonderful!" Danielle exclaimed, giving the impression that we were close friends when we were far from it.

"Ummm? Heyyy…" I cautiously greeted her, holding my hand up in a very awkward wave. Lil smacked it down, giving me a look that said ‘stop acting weird.' I stuck my tongue out at her over my shoulder before turning my attention to the task at hand.

Candying these apples.

"Okay, Milo. We've got options. It looks like we have white chocolate," I held the white chocolate melts in a jar to show him, "the classic caramel, or regular chocolate. And it looks like they gave us topping choices, too." I waved my hand over the row of small cauldrons housing sprinkles, candies, and various other sweet items to decorate with.

"Um? Caramel!"

"Alright bud. Let's melt these down. You start stabbing apples."

He smiled real wide. What boy wouldn't love the thought of stabbing something with a stick? Lil supervised, helping him when she needed to. She was his shadow today, and I was fine with that. I didn't need her to be mine. She'd judge me too hard.

Idle chatter filled the air as we started. I couldn't help but note that there was no music playing, nothing to help the ambience. How can you work with no music? If you're working, there should be twerking.

I held my earphones out for Milo to grab a bud, seeing Lil already had hers in. She was my daughter, after all, and thanks to my habit, the kids sort of couldn't work without music either. Milo smiled real wide, grabbing the earbud with his apple-juiced hands.

I will have to clean that later.

I started playing "High School Never Ends" by Bowling For Soup, bobbing my head along as we all worked. Milo and I hummed and soon Lil joined, probably changing her song to match ours. She liked to be in sync music wise, liking the same music I did. It was hard not to when that was all Lyle and I ever really listened to. Of course, my dear husband also listened to Country music when I wasn't around. He knew better than to play it with me in the car. I'd lose my damn mind.

"Liz?" Danielle called to me, leaving Tulip to help her son at their station. I had no clue what the kid's name was.

"Yes?" I answered, not looking her way, catching her movement from the corner of my eye as she placed her hands on her hips.

"I wanted to know if you would be okay with me talking to Lily for a moment."

That caught my attention, snapping my head her way a little too quickly. "Lily?"

"Yes."

"What exactly do you have to say to my daughter, Danielle?" I arched my brow, feeling extremely protective of my baby girl.

"It's about the party last week." She shot a glance at Tulip over her shoulder, showing the disappointment in her dark blue eyes.

"I see. Lil, you feel like talking to her?" Lil shrugged her shoulders when I asked, not caring either way. "Alright. She's all yours. But remember, she does punch." I winked at Lil as she rolled her eyes at me, following Danielle out to the hall.

"Hey, rugrat?"

"I'm on it." Milo nodded, already knowing what I was going to ask him to do. He crept his way to the double doors, being his invisible, stealthy self, and listened in. I was stirring the caramel, my curiosity eating away at me for about thirty seconds before Milo was back at my side.

"She was just thanking her for saving Tulip."

"Nothing mean?" I asked, surprised that Danielle could have a civil conversation.

"Nope. She was dramatic and started crying, though." Milo shook his head, stabbing the next red juicy apple in his line.

Lil came back shortly after, only giving me a look. She'd tell me more about it later, I was sure. I was just glad I didn't have to physically fight Danielle for saying something stupid to my girl. Brian and Elle would be pretty pissed at me if I got into trouble again.

We made our tasty treats, with me achieving my goal of making at least one decent candied apple. Lil decorated them with Milo and he wrapped them up. We were a great team, working like a well-oiled machine. The afternoon brought such happiness that for just a moment — for one brief, small millisecond of a moment — I forgot he had died. I forgot that Lyle was gone.

"I can't wait for tomorrow! It's going to be so much fun." Milo bounced as he trotted down the linoleum floors of the school's hall.

"Says you. You don't have to run your booth for a couple of hours." Lil sighed, having told me the student council would be in charge of manning the booth for their school.

My girl managed to get herself on the council, despite not being there at the beginning of the year. She was just that good! Lil has her eyes set on her dream school, and she wasn't letting anything get in her way.

"What is your booth? You didn't exactly tell me."

"That's ‘cause it's disgusting." She faked a gag, making Milo laugh as he opened the exit door for us.

"Thank you." I patted his head as I walked through, waiting for Lil to continue. When she didn't, I knew she was avoiding it, which only raised my mom-meter. "Well? What is it? You didn't exactly answer the question."

"A freaking kissing booth! Most of the people on the student council should not be in it. It's clear the school mainly voted based on popularity. They wanted to do something fun," she air quoted the word with a roll of her eyes. "We're the ones that have to run it. Tulip and Ashley thought that since we have the most popular boys and girls in the student council that we would raise a lot of money."

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Hold on," I waved my hands in a circle in front of me as if I were turning back time to process what she'd just shared. "Rewind for me real quick. You're actually going to have to kiss people?"

"Well, yes, and no. We don't have to kiss them on the lips, but, like, they can kiss our cheek or we can kiss theirs. It's stupid and gross. I almost quit student council. But seeing as I got suspended…I kind of need something special on my transcript. Ugh!" she huffed, slumping her arms and legs as she zombie walked to the truck.

"Don't worry. We can chase the kids away when it's your turn to take the booth."

"You better!" She pointed at me, a little spark of hope reflecting in her eyes.

"We will! I'll have Brian help."

"I'd like that." She nodded, ducking her head as she took her seat on the passenger side.

"Shakes?" I offered, wanting to continue this happiness in our lives for however long we could get away with not feeling broken.

"Yes!" they both shouted.

I drove us towards the Shake Shack beside the now-updated park. Willowbrook must be doing good on money. We placed our order with Bill and sat at one of the wooden picnic tables under the shade of the pink and white umbrella that poked out of the center.

"So, Milo, now that I've been at your school and with your class, tell me which of those kids is your friend?" I asked him as we waited, seeing him suddenly fidget under my gaze.

"Oh. Uh, Kinder is one." By the tone of his voice I knew he was lying. He was never any good at telling me a lie, feeling too guilty to do so. Why would he lie?

"Oh, yeah? We should invite her, or maybe him, over. They might like the chance to ride a horse."

"No!" He quickly shook his head, causing his curls to dance around his head.

"Milo." I said his name sternly, needing to understand why he was lying. "What's going on bud?"

"I…" His voice trailed off as he stared at his lap, unwilling to meet my gaze.

"You can tell me whatever it is, Baby." I reached across, grabbing his hand and squeezing it tight. His round eyes stared up at me glossily, ready to cry.

"I don't have any friends."

This was my worst nightmare, aside from hearing either of them say they were being bullied. In all this time that Milo attended school, I thought he had made at least one friend. What am I supposed to do? What do I even say to that?

"Bull." Lil spoke up before I could, causing my brow to furrow. "You've got me, Addie, and Kim, and even Brian."

It took everything in me not to cry in front of my children right now. I couldn't have Milo feeling guilty over my tears, couldn't have him believing it was his fault I was crying. I cleared my throat as if to clear the emotion from my very being.

"Exactly. Those kids just aren't cool enough to handle you. That's why all your friends are older, because you're just that awesome." I tried to convince us both, but it was clear that wasn't what he wanted to hear. He gave me a soft nod of his head, trying to put up an act for me. "You know what, no." I shook my head, patting his hand. "It's not okay. I am so sorry, Milo. If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to wallow about it, I'll wallow with you. Heck, if you want me to go to the school and march inside to chew someone's ear off, I will! Just tell me what you want, Milo. Whatever it is, we'll do it."

His lips stretched, frowning as he cried. Lil and I stared at one another for a second before we wrapped him in our arms in a group hug. We soothed him as he let it all out. All I wanted to do was fix this, but I had no way of doing so. He should feel wanted. He should have friends.

"Milo, I want to be honest with you," Lil spoke, probably feeling the same way I was. "I only have friends because of Addie, and it's really just Kim. The thing with Tulip is weird, and everyone is so fascinated with Dad that they just annoy me. We just haven't found our people yet, but we will."

"My only person was Brian, until your dad showed up. Sometimes all you need is that one friend," I added, hoping something would get through to him, would make him feel better.

"Thanks," Milo whispered. "I hope I find them soon."

"Me too." I let my fingers run over the top of his head, cradling him close to my chest. "Let's talk more. You guys need to tell me these things. I know I am not the best, most organized, or craftiest parent, but I am your mom, and I need to know what's happening in your lives."

They nodded as I got up to get our shakes, bringing them back and listening to them as they told me everything they were holding back. Turns out Milo was being picked on. For whatever reason, the kids decided to ostracize him, leaving him out of all games and social interactions. My poor boy spent most recesses by himself under a tree.

Lyle suddenly appeared beside me, his hand over mine as he looked at our kids. It was almost as if he were really here with me, soaking in all this terrible information. For the first time in a while, his apparition was bringing me comfort, making me feel strong again. We would always listen to the kids' problems together and come up with a solution in bed later. Too bad I can't do that now.

Lil was barely scraping by. People avoided her because they were worried she might deck them, too. If they weren't scared, they were too intrigued, constantly asking her stupid questions. She was asked what it was like to have a murderer for a mother. Others would ask her what it was like to lose a parent. The party apparently made things worse, bringing the attention of kids she didn't care for.

They were doing that thing where they pretended to be nice but very clearly had ulterior motives. Thankfully, Lil was an observant girl and could smell the spurious intentions from them. She did say there was one person she was trying to make friends with, so that was a plus in my book.

"Milo, we're going to figure this out, bud. I will find you a different school if I have to." He nodded at me as I turned my gaze to Lil next. "I am proud of you, and impressed with how well you're handling everything. Just remember, I am here if you ever need me. I will raise hell for the two of you anywhere I have to. My love for you guys includes arson, kidnapping, fighting, and maybe some light murdering."

They both laughed at my poor joke, lightening the mood again as we drank our shakes. I am going to make this alright for them.

"It's time, guys. We need to buy our own place."

"Can we wait until after Christmas?" Lil asked, to which Milo agreed, nodding his head quickly.

"Okay. After Christmas."