Chapter 16RoseVox

Chapter 16

Rose

Vox never came back. Not during the night when I woke up in his empty room, and not when the sun rose and I had to go back to my house.

It’s been three weeks now and my heart is as broken as a shattered mirror. The wedding is gettin’ closer, way too close, keepin’ me up at night with nightmares.

All I have left is a text.

That’s all I’ve got to hold on to, a last thread of hope.

Even if this thread is gettin’ thinner as the days pass.

You have to trust him, Rose.

When I woke up alone in his bed that day, I first thought he was still working. But then I noticed a text on my phone and my world broke into a million pieces.

Vox : Won’t be there for a few weeks. I’ll come find you. Trust me. Don’t give up on us.

It wasn’t supposed to go this way. I thought we would talk and figure out a way to make… everything better. That he would have come back with good news, that his president would have listened to him and that we would have planned an escape for me but… but maybe he doesn’t want that.

Maybe he just wanted to open my eyes and let me go by myself.

Maybe he doesn’t want me as much as I want him.

And here I was, so stupid of me, dreaming about flower shops and waffles, thinking we had a shot at something, at a future together.

Trust him, Rose, he told you to not give up on him.

Just hold on.

But how can I keep holding on when each second brings me closer to be raped by an old man?

It’s been days, and the wedding is about to arrive without any signs of Vox.

Please, I need a sign, anything telling me he’s coming.

A sign telling me that he loves me and that we'll be alright.

My parents are barely in the house, getting the Chapel ready for the occasion with ribbons and flowers. My father gave me a note of the words I'll have to know by heart in two days.

How nice of him to give it to me, especially when I'm mute.

Anyway, he came to me at breakfast, wearing his usual scowl. He didn’t even bother talking to me, not that he can’t. I’m not deaf. He just gave me a piece of paper with the schedule of the ceremony.

I shivered when I read it, between the holy bath and the marital claim, I don’t know which one is the worst.

I don’t want to do those rituals, none of them.

Not the one where I get drowned under water and choke to death, and not the other where I'll have to spread my legs for this monster in front of all the Elders of the community, witnessing the marriage being consummated. Even if a part of me is still willing to accept this charade, another part, a much bigger part, knows that I’m going to fight this with every fiber of my being.

The dead body of Savannah flashes in front of my eyes.

I won’t be another dead girl on the list.

Vox won’t come. Let’s face it, it’s been weeks without any sign of him.

Nobody’s coming. I’ll have to save myself from this.

I know there will be an opportunity for me to escape right after the holy bath when everyone will congratulate the Shepherd. That will be my time to quietly disappear into one of the backdoors and run into the woods as far as possible until I'll no longer hear them looking for me.

Then I’ll run toward a bus stop. I know there's one about fifteen kilometers behind the forest. It should take two hours tops if I run fast enough in the forest. I don't know where the bus will take me, but my goal is to get as far away as possible until I know what to do next.

I've memorized Vox’s number because I won't be wearing anything under the wedding dress my mother made for me. I’ll find a way to call him once I’m safe and I’m sure he’ll have a reasonable explanation for his absence.

Trust him, don’t give up on him.

I keep repeating these words, stopping me from thinking he abandoned me.

He would never.

The Vox I know cares for me. He would never let me get hurt.

I need to trust him.

Just focus on your plan, Rose.

I've taken just enough money from my mother's wallet for one bus ticket.

I won't get another chance.

The Shepherd will never be my husband, of that I'm sure. What started like a spark of rebellion in me months ago spread into a wildfire, taking everything in its way.

I can't ignore the wrongs of my community anymore, the lies, the deceptions, the murders. It all has to stop. I know my friends and my parents will try to find me, but I’ll hide so well they'll never get to me. I won’t miss my parents, that’s for sure. But I will miss Greta and Jezebel. Even now, watching our world from afar, I still love them. But I know they don’t understand me anymore.

I’ll try to reach them once I’m safe, and maybe, maybe we’ll find our way back to each other.

All I need to focus on right now is my fight to freedom. And if everything goes to plan, I will be free to live my life in six days, even if it costs me losing everything and everyone I've ever known in the process.

But I can't do it differently.

I won’t let this man take from me what I only want to give to Vox. He is the only one I could ever envision a future with, the only one I know would respect my opinion and make decisions for me in my best interest. The only one who truly ever cared. And despite his silence, I keep faith that one day we’ll find each other again, that he must have a good reason for his silence.

Perhaps I’m lying to myself, but I need it. I need to hope, otherwise I'll have nothing left to fight for.

So I will fight this, with every fiber of my being.

For me, for my freedom.

For us .

Vox

Three fuckin’ weeks since I saw my girl and I’m fuckin’ dying in here.

Ares assigned me to work with Carter on a lot of guys we managed to capture from the Steelhawks MC club. He wants us to weaken their army before the takeover, kidnapping as many men as we can find to spread fear into them. I’ve only been out of the basement to sleep in my office for two or three hours at night.

Carter’s keeping a close eye on me.

I know I’m locked up here as much as the guys we’re torturing.

So I torture all day and it’s becomin’ a fuckin’ slaughter house in here.

Fucked up way to keep me here, but Ares doesn’t want me out of the building until Sunday. So I take out my anger and frustration on the piece of shit I’ve been given to interrogate in the basement, making Carter almost seem like a saint compared to me. I’ve cut and skinned more men recently than I did in the last few years. And I haven’t had enough, the beast in me won’t be satisfied until I can get out and find my girl.

The worst part is I have no idea if she still trusts me to come get her.

She must think I played with her, and now she must be fuckin’ scared and hopeless, thinkin’ I abandon her.

I thought about bribing a prospect to get to her, but I couldn’t take the risk of Ares findin’ out and having a talk with Skarn. Won’t risk gettin’ her hurt.

So I made a plan. A plan where I can kill Skarn and take my angel with me at the same moment. It’s risky, each second will matter to save her life, but that’s all I have to get to her without the threat of Skarn above her.

I’ll come get her on her wedding day, and I’ll kill any men standing in my way to get to her.

I’m fuckin’ exhausted, my body drained mentally and physically from the lack of sleep and the amount of torture sessions I’ve given. Ares knows it, that’s his way of keeping me here, dull and too exhausted to try to escape.

He knows it each time he comes downstairs, resting his hand on my shoulder.

“Good job, Vox, good fuckin’ job,” he says, before patting my arm like a fuckin’ dog “You’re doing great, keep it up.” And then he leaves again, leaving me alone with Carter and ten blindfolded guys on their knees, some of them even pissing themselves from fear.

All I want is to ride at night and watch her sleep, but even that I can’t do. And without my phone, I can’t even watch her through the camera I’ve put in her room.

I’m like an addict searchin’ for his next fix, my hands shaking from frustration each time I think of my angel. I need her to trust me on this and not give up. I’ll be there, but she has to stay strong and not give up on me, on us.

The only thing I got time to do before heading into the basement three weeks ago was call my banker to set up an account in her name with enough dough to pay for college if she needs it, or for whatever she wants to try.

I never want her to bother about that kind of thing.

I’ll take care of it, whether I’m still alive or not, whether I manage to get out of here and save her.

I've given the envelope to Ash with all the information in it, including bank codes and my will, where I've set her as the beneficiary of all my assets. I grew up without money but now I am flooded with it, and I want her to achieve anythin’ she wants. She'll get the money from my house and from four other flats I own in the city.

She'll have enough to start fresh.

I didn't write anything on the envelope when I gave it to the kid, just told him that in case something happens to me, he would have to find her and give it to her. Somehow, he didn't ask for more, maybe he sensed it was too serious to joke on, so he took it, and I know I can trust him to not open it if it's not necessary. He's a good kid.

This was all I was able to do before working with Carter at the warehouse. I’m so fuckin’ tired I can hear a pounding in my head. But there's still a lot of guys to finish before dawn so I'll get back to work.

It's been a strange few weeks for Carter. He's usually doin’ his thing, focusing on his victims like an artist at his canvas, but this time I sense his gaze on me much more often than it should be. He’s watching me, expecting me to flee at any moment.

Ares told him to never let me leave the club. Hence why I’m gonna need a plan to get the fuck out of here on Sunday morning, knowing the whole club will be on my back.

But it’s either this or my angel gets given to a fuckin psycho and I won’t have it.

Better have a bullet in my skull than know she is stuck in a miserable life with no future.

I fuckin’ hate that I have to lie to my brothers, but I keep hopin’ they’ll understand once it’s done. The price to pay for disobeyin’ a prez is usually death; there’s no way around it in the dark world I’m livin’ in.

I’ll get her out, even if it costs me my life. At least I'll die knowing I’ve protected my angel.

Cleanin’ my bloody hands in the sink of the basement with one guy still tryin’ to fight his incoming death, hung by the wrists at the ceiling, I turn my head to face him.

Carter cut his throat a minute ago, but he didn’t cut deep enough like the fuckin’ sadist he is, so the guy can literally feel himself die.

I keep drying my hands while I watch his body fighting with all he has. Funny how you can become desensitized to those sorts of things after a while. I know Carter gets pleasure from it but to me it’s just, well, my job. In the same way I do the accounts upstairs in my office, but here it’s just more physically draining, that’s all. It’s messy, and I’m not a fan of messes, so I just keep going, staying in the flow of things, and get to the next guy who’s lying on the floor in the corner of the room.

We drug them to make them loose sense of where they are, and also cause I was getting a fuckin’ headache from hearing them begging for hours.

My sleeves are pushed up to the elbows, my tattooed forearms covered in blood even after trying to wash them.

I sigh, my mind drifting to my girl.

Sunday, I’ll have to find a way to distract Carter, which won’t be a walk in the park. I wonder if he’ll forgive me too in the end. Fuck, I fuckin’ hate this situation. All I want is Rose. That’s the only thing that matters to me. So I’ll keep on torturing as many fuckin’ Steelhawks guys from Seattle until Ares lowers his guard.

Carter steps in front of me, making me notice I’ve been looking at my hands for a long fuckin’ time.

“You’re white as fuck, Vox,” he says, his voice deadpan as usual.

“Yeah, I think I haven’t eaten since yesterday.” Cause it’s true. In the flow of things, I forgot to eat and hydrate and maybe that’s also why I can’t think straight right now.

“Take a break, I’ve got it,” he says, motionin’ his chin toward the blindfolded guy on the floor.

I nod and turn toward the door, expecting him to say something that would imply he’s surveilling me, but he doesn’t say anything.

Maybe he knows and he wants to help you.

Maybe he senses there's something fuckin' wrong here and I need my brother on my side more than ever.

I head to the bar in the middle of the warehouse. Surely I can find something to eat here. Anythin’ will do, I just need fuel. When the smell of mac and cheese hits my nostrils from the small back kitchen we have, my heart aches, remindin’ me of the dinner I cooked for her weeks ago.

When Bones, a former prospect and occasional cook, hands me a bowl of it on the bar, I stay stuck. Lookin’ down, I fight the urge of putting my fist in the closest wall next to me. A sigh pulls me out of my thoughts. Haven't even noticed Shadow on the stool on my left, a beer in his hand.

“Rough day?” he asks, his hand playin’ with the bottle.

I nod.

“Same, can't fuckin’ wait to be done with the takeover. Erin is givin’ me hell for comin’ home so late.” He shakes his head.

I wince at the mention of his girl. I glad he's happy and shit, but fuck, I miss my angel so damn much.

“You okay, Vox?” he asks, furrowin’ his brows.

I sigh, not having the energy to beat around the bush.

“When did you know Erin was it?” His eyes winden for a sec before softenin’.

“Aah, fuck,” he chuckles, “I knew it when she cursed at me durin’ our first fight.” He shakes his head with a large grin.

“What?” I ask, tiltin’ my head.

“I had never heard her curse before, and fuck, it was the most funny thing I had ever seen. I mean, I just saw that she had a fire in her I hadn’t seen before. I had finally found my match.” His eyes shone with a warmth spark.

“Just like that?”

“Yep, and it’s been like that even since.” He looks at me, narrowin’ his eyes. “Why? Does it have to do with Ares keepin’ you in the basement and the Mormon chick you called a while back ?” He’s not smilin’ this time, his gaze way more serious than I expected him to be.

“Yeah, somethin’ like that.” Swallowin’ hard, I don't want to ask for his help. I won't let anyone get hurt from my actions.

“You need help, brother? I’ve known you for years. You need me, I’m here.”

I don't need help. I need a fucking miracle .

I shake my head. At least if my life falls apart, I can say I’ve known what true friendship is.

“I appreciate it, brother, but… there’s nothing you can do.” I’m alone, like I was before Ares found me.

“Nah, there’s always something we can do.” He fake-punches my shoulder.

“Not when it goes against Ares’ orders, brother.”

The mood shifts brutally.

He gulps his beer, swallowing hard. It’s too fucking delicate. I don’t want to betray Ares. No one here does. He’s my prez, the man I look up too, but even a mentor can fuck it up and I won’t let him take this away from me.

Shadow takes a deep breath, resting his palms flat on the counter.

“When I knew I wanted Erin, her father got in the way. Things got… violent. And I could have lost her over this but… I fought, man. I fought like a crazy motherfucker and in the end, I got her. And I'll do it all over again if I have too.” Runnin’ a hand in his blond and silver hair, I notice a few wrinkles at the crest of his eyes. Shadow’s in his forties but he stills looks young as hell, and the weight of his words seems to ignite something in him. Like a fire he understands. As if he could see what I’ve been struggling with since I was pushed away from my girl. For whatever reason, he was put in a similar situation in his past, and from what I gathered from all the times I saw him and Erin, those two are endgame, so if anyone can get it, it’s him.

“All I'm sayin’ is that sometimes the right thing doesn’t always seem right, but still… you gotta do it, man. Cause life ain’t worth it without it.”

I nod slightly. He doesn’t want to say that betraying Ares is okay, but still, he understands that gettin’ my girl back is more important than breathing itself. I feel less alone knowing I've got a brother on my side. He won't help me but at least he knows the hell I'm going through.

“When is it?” He must be talking about the wedding, word spreads like wildfire in the club, so I don’t even bother to ask. I’m too tired for anythin’ actually; my body and my mind are weak as fuck right now.

“Sunday at ten,” I say, my voice breaking even as I try to hide it.

Fuck it.

I’ve been hiding my feelings for years and now I can’t even keep a straight face when I talk about her.

“Then you better get some sleep. You look like shit,” he says, his tone as cold as ice, standing from the stool, adjusting the collar of his black shirt. I tilt my head on the side, raising a brow.

“I’ll come with ya, bother. Sunday mornin’. And you’ll get your girl back.” His voice is so low I can hardly understand it. Tapping my shoulder and turning his back, he heads straight to the boxing room.

I have to stop myself from letting my jaw touch the floor.

Shadow’s gonna help me.

He's willing to take the risk, and fuck, even if I hate him for puttin’ himself in this shitty situation with me, I can't help but be relieved.

Perhaps it won't be a suicide mission after all.