Chapter 15RoseVox

Chapter 15

Rose

The ride back is faster than I wished for, my mind still dreaming about our kiss, my body warm with his between my thighs. The ride, his words, our kiss… all of it was just perfect.

My first kiss.

He parks the bike at the opposite side of my house, concealing us in the darkness. It must be around midnight, but I'm not scared to be seen, I know my parents are fully asleep.

I love the fact that he talked about his home as if it was mine too.

He gets down, then grabs my ribs and lift me off the bike like a feather. Removing my helmet, he brushes my lips with his thumb.

“You sleep in my bed tonight, Angel,” he says, his low tone hitting me right in my belly. Sleeping in his arms does sound appealing, but I notice he doesn't remove his helmet.

Raising a brow, I sign, “You're not coming?” and I love that he understands what I just told him.

“Gotta take care of somethin’ for us tonight. I'll try to be back before you wake up.” Disappointed, I pout my lips. “I promise, Angel, I'll be back before you know it.”

Removing his helmet, he takes my hand and walks with me to the front door, then to the bedroom, helping me to remove my jacket–not that it is necessary but I don’t object.

I wish he would stay here with me.

“Here, you can sleep in this.” He hands me a large black t-shirt. Silly me inhales it in reflex to smell his leather scent and he catches me doing it with an intrigued smile. I shake my head, embarrassed, my cheeks blushing. Standing in front of me, he stays still, drinking me up from head to toes.

Could I? I suddenly feel way too shy to change in front of him…

Sensing my nervousness, he turns his back on me, facing the door, his hands in his back like a soldier.

“Change. I want to tuck you in before I go.” His voice is low and harsh, as if the words are painful to force out.

God, even now he manages to respect my pace and let me have the space I need.

I pull my t-shirt over my head, revealing a simple white cotton bra beneath. I wished I was wearing something more feminine, like those I've seen in window shops, but I had to sew mine, so it's just plain white triangles. I take the large black shirt he gave me and put it on, the hem reaching my upper-thigh.

Removing my jeans, I notice his hands are red, as if he's clenching them hard. I could slip under the covers now, hiding my legs from view, but I want to give him something I've never given anyone else.

Something for his eyes only.

I know he stepped out of his comfort zone when he told me I was his, so I want to show him I can do it too. I roll up the hem of the shirt to my belly button, then tie the fabric on the side of my hips, transforming it into a short top above my white cotton underwear.

Stepping towards him, I lift my index to his shoulder to tell him that I’m ready.

“Can I turn?” he says in a groan. “Just double tap for yes, one for no.”

I feel stupid with my simple underwear, how is this even seductive? I wish I had lacy things or god knows what men like him want.

I tap his shoulder twice.

Slowly, as if he was trying to stay as still as possible, he turns his body towards mine, his chest heaving loudly, his eyes drinking my skin like a parched man finding water.

Is it working? Does he like it?

I’m standing in front of my dark knight in nothing but my white cotton panties, his t-shirt and my wild blonde hair falling on my chest. I bite my lips, unsure of what to do next.

I should go to bed, that was a dumb move. Congratulations, Rose, now he’s going to think you’re easy.

“You trying to kill me, Angel?” he says, clenching his jaw, taking me off guard. His biker way of talking making my knees weak and my mouth dry.

Thank god.

I swallow a smile, blushing so much I know by now I look like a tomato. Stepping closer, he carefully cups my face with his large, tattooed hand, his breathing quickening.

“You're so beautiful,” he says, kissing me tenderly, but I want so much more so I step closer to him, searching for his touch. Disappointment hits me when he steps back, both of us out of breath.

“If I touch you, Rose,” his eyes burn into mine, “I'll lose my mind, and, fuck, I don’t think I’ll be able to stay in control like you’re used to.” His voice is strained, like he’s in physical pain from holding himself back.

Oh.

Taking the corner of the cover of the bed, he lifts it and tilts his head. “C’mon, Angel, get in.”

I slide into his bed while he tucks me in as if I was the most precious thing he ever had in his life.

“Come back soon,” I sign to him.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he signs back, taking my breath away once more before kissing my forehead and walking to the stairs.

I sigh and turn to the side, loving the feeling of the soft fabric of his t-shirt on me. His room is so familiar to me now. The way his bedside table is tidy with a few books and a water bottle. The warmth of the small lamp in the corner of the room bathes me in an orange cocoon.

I'm glad he wanted me to stay here tonight. Since I discovered the Elders’ Vow today, I find it unbearable to be in the presence of my parents or any member of my community. It all makes me sick, looking at them playing their part like actors on a set. After spilling my guts out in the girls’ bathroom today, I felt numb, as if I had lost all hope and sense of safety, which was already holding on by a thread ever since the accident.

The accident.

No, don't go there, Rose .

I swallow hard, pushing away the flames dancing in my memories.

I can’t go there.

Not again. I don’t have enough strength to face it yet. And maybe I never will.

I exhale, snuggling under the cover, fighting my brain and trying to focus on the first ride Vox gave me tonight. The warmth of his body against mine, the speed, the wind blowing in my ears, making the outside world dull into a white noise.

It was magical, like I had been given a break from the chaos of my life.

There’s still so much I don’t know about Vox, about what he really does for the club, about his past, and so many other things. But I’m running out of time here, and at the end of the month, I won’t be able to drive in the night with him anymore or watch movies and eat his mac and cheese like we used to.

It hurts. It hurts so much to even think about living without him.

The wedding seemed so far away when it was announced and yet it's closer than ever now. I’ve been thinking all day about different scenarios on how to get out of this situation, but each time I kept thinking about my friends, my parents, and how the outside world was a scary place.

Perhaps if I was watching a movie about my life, I would just tell the main character to grab a bag and escape during the night, take a bus to another city and start from scratch.

But it isn’t that simple.

As much as I want to leave the Faithful Lambs, I can’t ignore the fact that I was born and raised in it.

That’s all I’ve ever known.

Everything I’ve been taught, the right and the wrong, where my loyalty and duty must lie, everything has been clear for so many years, and now… now it’s all crumbling apart and I don’t know how to get out of it.

Would I survive in the outside world all by myself?

Would people treat me like an outcast?

I promised myself that I would escape before the wedding, even prepared a note for my mother that I would put on the kitchen table for her, but I don’t know if I’ll find the courage to do it.

Leaving is a mistake, Rose. Staying will be hard, but escaping into the unknown is far more dangerous.

Shaking my head, I try to inhale and exhale many times to calm myself. The truth is, for so many years, before losing my voice, I never had to ask myself what I wanted from life.

It was all so simple.

My mom was a loyal and submissive wife to my father, and I was destined to become like her.

But the accident changed everything, making me wonder about the inconsistencies of my world, making me see what I used to look at without acknowledging. And when Vox burst into my life, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Something had been wrong from the beginning and now I know.

Now I see.

Closing my eyes, I try to imagine myself in the outside world, where I would land and what I would do if I had the chance too.

Instinctively my mind drifts to a small flower shop. I could work there and learn about flower arrangement. It could be nice, being surrounded by plants all day.

I may not know the skills required for a desk job, but gardening? That I know well.

College seems too scary for me. At least for now. The idea of being around people aware of the latest trends and able to use computers is literally stressing me out. I’m not confident enough, yet, to think of myself being around “normal” young people.

I mean, I’ve been wearing the same brown dress for years and don’t even know what people like to do during their days off to have fun. I wasn’t given this chance for a normal life, and I refuse to be treated like a freak.

If I go to the outside world, I will have to learn everything again, and being mute is already enough of a difference for me to navigate new situations.

So flower shop it is.

Imagining playing with the different flowers and creating arrangements for ceremonies and such actually makes me smile.

Then, at the end of the day, perhaps I could get a waffle in some cute café I saw in town and maybe… maybe Vox could join me? We would talk about our day and then go… home.

It wouldn’t need to be anything fancy, just a simple flat or a small house that I would take care of. And I could perhaps take online classes at home, work on assignments on the counter of the kitchen while he cooks for us. And maybe… maybe then we would dance or just swing a little in our living room, just happy with what life gave us before falling asleep in each other's arms. I can almost hear the jazz music that would be playing in the background.

I sigh.

How can all of this feel so right yet impossible to achieve?

I thought it would be hard to imagine, but no… it is actually the easiest thing to picture in my mind. Where I can’t even picture a life with the Shepherd, one with Vox seems like it is meant to be.

But how? How will I escape my community? Will Vox stay with me or move to the other side of the country? Would he get in trouble because of it?

I gasp at the thought. I could never do anything that would involve hurting him in any way.

Fisting the sheet closer to me, I try to picture him to calm myself.

It will all be okay. I will figure this out.

It will all be okay.

Vox

As I drive in the night on the back of my black Harley, I can’t put away the image of my angel sleepin’ in my house, in my bed, with my t-shirt on.

Damn it, though I would have a heart attack from controllin’ my body to stay still and leave a chaste kiss on her forehead like a good man would do.

But I’m not a good man, and from our talk tonight, Rose isn’t afraid to embrace my darkness either. She says so, but I doubt she envisioned how far my madness can go. Either way, I’m not lettin’ her go now. Hence why I need to figure things out with Ares, cause there’s no fuckin’ way I’m leavin’ her here.

I park outside the club, noddin’ at Ash, smokin’ in front of the door. I enter with loud steps, headin’ directly to his office but instead I find him in the armory where we keep all our guns, rifles and explosives.

Ares practically lives at the club, no wonder he’s here. I haven't taken off my cut yet, and I step inside the dim room with walls covered in guns. Ares is polishin’ a Sig Sauer P226 like a jeweler would his gem.

“Hey,” I say, my voice harder than usual.

He doesn’t look at me but replies, “You did the inventory last week, right?”

“Of course, every Friday, everything is in order,” I answer, but I know he wants to count them again himself. Before a big event like a takeover, the control freak in him always bursts out.

“Gotta talk to ya.” The silence around us weighs heavier all of the sudden.

“I know. Otherwise, why would you be here in the middle of the night?” His voice is calm but that’s not how I like him to be. Ares is a wild card, naturally unhinged and point blank to the people he cares about. He only used his mind games on his enemies, and right now, he’s playing with me.

“Can’t do the take-over Sunday,” I state, knowin’ I’m crossin’ a fuckin’ line.

“Here we go again with the Mormon chick?” he asks, shakin’ his head slowly.

“Watch your mouth, Ares.” He locks his eyes with mine, tiltin’ his head.

“Keep your tone down, Vox, remember who you’re talking to,” he says, carefully taking a Glock 19 in his hand, weighin’ it.

“Ya know I live and breathe for the club.”

“And now you won’t? Cause of some girl, you’re turnin’ your back on your brothers? After I got ya out of the street, after I gave ya this position?” His voice is still too calm. I know he’s pissed but I’d rather have him yellin’ than cold like this.

“I’m not turnin’ my back on you, I never will. You’d have to kill me for it to happen.” My last sentence gives him a slight shiver, but he doesn’t let it sink in and stays as cold as ice.

“Then spell it out, Vox, cause I ain’t got time for this shit.”

That’s better.

“I’m gonna kill Alexander Skarn and take her with me to Seattle,” I state, cause it just got so fuckin’ clear in my head now.

“Nah.” He puts the Glock down on the shelf. “Remember what I told ya where I got ya from the streets thirteen years ago?”

I swallow. Yeah, I remember.

The rules he lives by, the one he kept followin’ for all these years.

Business before women.

“See, you remember. You can’t get all dreamy and shit with this girl on your mind when I need you sharp for the take- over and all the bullshit comin’ at us in the next months. Ya get me?”

He won’t change his mind. He thinks Rose is just another woman I’m gonna forget when the sun rises.

But she’s not like that.

She’s mine .

“Ares, it’s not like–”

“Shut the fuck up and listen. You got your fun, now I want your ass in Seattle on the 30th. You get there, or I’m gonna have a nice little chat with our friend Skarn. Shit, I should say the Shepherd, right?” he says with a wicked grin. “You forget about her, or I’ll tell him that you’ve been ruinin’ his pure little fiancée and I bet she’ll get a fuckin’ whippin’ from it.”

I clench my jaw, stepping forward ready to punch him in the face, but I stop the moment I remember who’s in front of me, my fist shakin’ in the air.

He whistles, and then smiles. “See, I knew we could figure out a way to make this work.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”Liquid rage pumps under my skin.

“Think I won’t? Try me, brother .” He punches my chest to make me step back. “It’s up to ya now. Make the right choice or he’ll hurt her.”

Can feel the fuckin’ floor disappear under my boots.

“The fuck ya know about him?” Anger boils in me at the thought of that fuckin’ psycho touchin’ my Rose.

“I know everythin’ that goes on in this club.”

“Fuck. You wouldn’t.” I shake my head.

“Watch me, Vox, I don’t want to hurt this girl, honestly, and I know you’ll do the right thing. You stop this nonsense and she’s safe.” He gives me a pat on the shoulder like a buddy giving me advice.

“Don’t do this.” I never thought I’d beg him one day, but for her, I don’t give a shit.

“You'll learn, Vox, mixin’ women and business ain’t good for the club.”

“Don't touch her, don't hurt her, just don't fuckin’-” I fist my hand to prevent it from punching him.

“You have my word, brother, stay focus on the club and nothin' will happen to her,” he says, softening his gaze.

How can this man, my mentor, be so wrong about this? How can he be so damn stubborn to not see how my situation is so fuckin’ different from what he went through?

“You're takin’ out your past on me. Just cause’ shit went wrong with Iris doesn't mean it'll be the same for–”

“Don't FUCKIN' say her name,” he roars at the mention of his ex who betrayed him. Made him fall for her only to discover in the end she was sent from another gang to destroy our club from within. He never got over the betrayal. I wonder how he’ll manage O’brian’s daughter after this.

“I’m done with this shit.” He steps towards the door, pinchin’ the bridge of his nose. Right before steppin’ out of the door frame, he tilts his head on the side.

“And Vox? I’m gonna make this easier for ya. You’ll stay in the basement with Carter until the take-over, no phone, no outside contact.”

What the fuck? How am I supposed to talk to Rose if I can’t get out of here?

I clench my fist, my knuckles turnin’ white from the anger boilin’ in me.

Rose is gonna freak out if I don’t give her any sign until the end of the month.

His frame turns towards me, lifting his palm.

What? Now?

“Give me a sec.”

“You got one minute.”

One minute is too fuckin’ short to tell her all I gotta say.

I write fast, then give the phone to Ares like a fuckin’ soldier to his officer. He pats my shoulder and heads towards the hall. And all I can do is picture my girl in my arms knowin’ how many days we’re gonna be apart.

I run my fingers through my hair.

I’ll be there, Angel, I’ll find a way.