12. Medusa

W e had to get supplies to travel to the Underworld. I used to be able to make this trip with a coin once Hades and Persephone told Charon I was okay to take as a living person. Everyone thought it was respect for the dead and Charon didn't care about the coin, but he did. He wouldn't take you across the river without it.

He'd still take the coin if you didn't know better, but if you were a repeat offender taking trips to the Underworld, then he wanted treats. Charon decided he liked poutine and meat pies, so that's what I had to bring him. Gods could portal to the Underworld, but if you had a single drop of DNA that wasn't divine, you'd be vaporized if you didn't go by ferry.

We got to the entrance and Dionysus portalled away to get poutine and Benji said there was this place in Louisiana that made the best meat pies. Benji also said it was morally reprehensible to give the ferryman of the dead cold meat pies, so he'd be back with hot ones.

Dionysus came back first and Benji also came back with a box from a bakery.

"I grew up in Louisiana. I figured if Charon is taking all of us, he might like a Doberge cake, too," he said, smiling shyly.

I kissed him on the cheek.

"He'd love that."

Since we weren't dead, calling Charon didn't come naturally. Luckily, it was much easier than it used to be. Demigods used to have all kinds of rituals to summon him when they needed to break into the Underworld for some kind of quest. I was really the only living person trying to get into the Underworld now and I happened to have the cellphone number of the ferryman.

"Hi, Charon."

Charon let out this long-suffering sigh.

"I suppose you need me to fetch you again."

"I've got friends with me this time, so we've got a lot of treats. One of my mates brought some kind of special cake from New Orleans."

Charon sighed again. He always pretended to be annoyed with me, but we were secret besties.

"I suppose you'd better show me then. I'll be there in two minutes."

Benji had a lot of bags. Like, way more than Charon would need. I just noticed because I needed to call Charon and I was a little worried meeting the furies.

"What else do you have in there?"

"Well, I'm a people pleaser with a praise kink. I know you shouldn't drive a boat and drink, but I got him some local Louisiana beer just in case he's into that. Do you think he'll like me?"

I pulled Benji into a hug.

"Charon pretends to hate everyone if he actually talks. I'll tell you a secret. If he talks to you, he secretly likes you."

"Damn. That's a hell of a boat," Cas said, letting out a low whistle.

Yeah. Charon's boat looked like the embodiment of a Greek ferry for the dead got freaky with a Viking raiding ship. It was badass as shit. Everyone assumed Charon looked like the Grim Reaper and carried a scythe, but that wasn't him. He was a tall, thin older man who wore a hood, but if he knew you, Charon said the hood was fucking hot in summer and took it off. He wasn't scary at all under the hood.

Since I told him I had strangers with me, he had the hood up. Plus, it was cool out, so he wasn't going to take it off. I got it. Charon maneuvered the boat to the dock and held out a boney hand.

"You know what I want."

Dionysus handed him the poutine from his favorite shop in Canada. Benji pushed forward and started passing bags over.

"Natchitoches has the best meat pies, so I went there. Then, I went to New Orleans for a Doberge cake and picked up some local Louisiana beer. I hope you like it."

Charon just grunted.

"In the boat. My show is on."

"Ooh, what show?" Benji asked.

"I'm binge watching Designing Women."

"All hail Suzanne Sugarbaker."

"Isn't that on streaming services because it's been off the air so long?" Pax asked.

Charon blew a raspberry at Pax.

"Pbbbt. Your logic has no place here."

"Of course not. I'm co-mated to a fucking god and I'm on the ferry to the Underworld being driven by a guy who is really into meat pies and Designing Women. "

Charon let out a hoarse laugh.

"Well, when you put it that way. But perhaps you didn't notice the ghosts of all the people I left on the shore because they didn't take my payment seriously."

"I'm blind."

"Shit. Sorry."

Pax blew a raspberry back at Charon.

"I'm still a warlock. I can feel them."

Charon let out a chuckle that sounded like sandpaper.

"I like your friends, Medusa."

"You should try the meat pies," Cas said. "Benji takes us to Louisiana once a year. That's where the Coalition snatched him. He ended up near me, so they separated him from his parents. We don't know if they are still in Louisiana or even still alive, but we go once a year to look and pig out."

"Shh. Don't get between a ferryman and his poutine. I'm not sharing the cake with anyone but Julia Sugarbaker, so you should have brought extra if you wanted some."

"That was just for you. When Medusa tries Doberge cake, it's going to be when I poof her to New Orleans after this is over."

"Yeah, I do like your friends, but I'm not bringing any of you to the Underworld again unless you bring the same payment. Coins are so thousands of years ago. I insisted on paying Hades for the house he gave me. I have everything I want now except certain kinds of food."

"I'll bring beignets next time."

"Deal. No beignets, no boat ride. This is it. Don't piss Cerberus off. Best let Persephone introduce you to her dog or he'll eat you or set your asshole on fire. Cerberus is a fierce guard dog. Hades and Persephone are the only ones who can call him off and Persephone is the only person who has broken in he didn't try to kill. Hades thought she broke his dog, but then he got it."

We got off the boat and I stopped them. Hades and Persephone portalled here first. I needed to warn them.

"Charon wasn't being dramatic. Cerberus takes his guard dog duties seriously. Only a few people have ever gotten past him and they didn't do that unscathed. Persephone is the only person he took to right away and didn't attack. Cerberus knows and trusts me, but you being with me means nothing without Hades or Persephone telling him you're safe to pass."

"I love grumpy dogs," Benji sighed. "They are just so angry."

"I mean it, Benji. Cerberus has three heads and they all breathe fire."

"Benji, this isn't someone's bitey chihuahua they keep in their purse. This is the Hound of Hades. I had to stitch your finger up from a four-pound rat dog. Cerberus will take it off," Cas warned.

"No one is saying you can't pet him. Just wait for Persephone to introduce you," Pax said.

"All of you are going to want to stay back, totally still, and don't make eye contact until Persephone calls him off."

Because seriously, I'd given Cerberus toys, countless belly rubs, and homemade biscuits. We were friends, but I couldn't call him off because he wasn't my dog.