32. Elton

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Elton

“Elton, what’s up? It’s four in the morning.”

I groan, pacing in my kitchen in nothing but my boxers, my mind completely blown. “I’ve done it again, Rhys.”

For a moment, there’s silence on his end of the line. I hear rustling in the background, followed by a whispered “one second, baby” before Rhys is back. “ Okay, so you’ve caught feelings. Tell me all about it. ”

I sigh in relief. Even though Rheverest is the only thing Rhys can think of nowadays, it’s nice knowing that he will always be there for me when I need him. Sure, we still text all the time, and I still consider him my best friend. Or, can someone actually have more than one best friend?

My current best friend, who is apparently so much more, is upstairs sleeping in my bed. We spent the afternoon doing basically nothing, just me still studying for my finals, seeing as they’re only a few days away. Knox sat in my room the entire time, messing around on his phone. I decided to call it an early night and expected Knox to leave, but he stayed, and we went to sleep.

Well, he fell asleep. I, on the other hand, couldn’t force my eyes shut. I spent the entire time tossing and turning, and it’s not because I’m nervous about my upcoming finals. This whole week has been really intense. I bottomed for the first time, completely realizing that I like Knox as more than just a friend, and then he had to go and get a matching tattoo with me, only heightening my obsession over him. I traced that damn little pink flamingo on his hand as he slept, wondering the entire time what it meant.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I called Rhys. He’s always been my sounding board when I’ve thought I’ve met the one . He’s able to reason with me like no one else can, and I need him to tell me I’m crazy.

I need him to tell me I’m not in love.

I give him a quick rundown of the situation, leaving out the fact that it’s about Knox. I don’t know why there’s such animosity between the two of them, but it’s not really my business, and I’m not calling for a lecture about my choice of partner. Rhys doesn’t need to know who I’m talking about to give me sound advice.

He digests the information with consideration, humming every now and then to show he’s paying attention. Predictably, he doesn’t even gasp when he finds out it’s a guy, and I wonder if Everest told him. Once I’m done, he sighs. “ It sounds like you’re in love, man.”

“I know!” I nearly shout, tugging at my roots. “But, like, I wasn’t supposed to be. This was just meant to be fun.”

He chuckles. “ It doesn’t always work that way. Just look at your brother and I. ”

“But…” I trail off, worrying the inside of my cheek as I plop down on the couch. “I don’t know this time. This feels like the real thing. How do I know?”

“ You just do ,” he says. “ This seems to be what you’ve been searching for all these years. ”

“But he’s an asshole.”

“So? I can be one too.”

“I swear he doesn’t even like me.”

“Hate to tell you, but it sounds like he likes only you.”

It’s easy to see the truth in that. Even though he can still be a bit prickly, Knox hasn’t been outwardly hostile to me in a while. It’s actually kind of nice, feeling like I’m special, and it’s another reason I like him so much. “So, what do I do?”

“ Try hard not to force it. From what you’ve told me, this all happened naturally. Keep things going the way they are and see what happens. Maybe suggest you want more ?”

While that’s a reasonable thought, I’m terrified of what Knox might say. He made it very clear he wasn’t interested in a relationship, and he was very clear about the rules of our hooking up. Not knowing if he feels the same way, I don’t want to risk what we have. Still, I want more. I need more, and it might just be a risk I have to take.

“Thanks, Rhys,” I say, smiling and letting out a long-held breath. “I feel better after talking to you.”

“ I’m always here for you, man. Any time you need me, I’m only a call away. Whatever you choose to do, good luck .”

I chuckle nervously. “I think I’ll need it.”

Because Knox is stubborn, dickish, completely apathetic, and sometimes downright mean.

But he’s sweet and considerate. Caring without trying to be. So damn funny with his dry wit.

And words can’t describe how much I want him to truly be mine.

“This place is really nice.”

I smile, relieved that Knox likes my choice of restaurant. It’s a trendy spot in Brickell, right by the ocean, and while it might be considered hipster-esque, it has a lot of good reviews.

We wait by the front door for the long line of people to clear out, and I’m nervous when I reach over to lace our fingers together. I’m pleasantly surprised and encouraged when he doesn’t even bristle, my stupid heart fluttering at that. While we wait, I trace the still-healing flamingo by his thumb, and he even goes as far as to turn to me and smile. Hand-in-hand, I tell the hostess that I have a reservation, and she leads us to the table I specifically requested out on the terrace. It’s just like the pictures I saw—romantic and intimate—and it’s the perfect setting for a first date.

Before Knox can sit, I rush over to his side of the table, pulling his chair out for him. He raises his pierced eyebrow, skeptical, but sits. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

“Of course!” I nearly shout, my nerves fucking with my filter. But, come on , he’s been calling me sweetheart, and he’s not even sneering! Encouraged, I take a seat and look through the menu, but I’m too distracted glancing at him to pay attention to what I want. “You look really nice tonight.”

He isn’t wearing his usual I-don’t-give-a-fuck clothes. When I picked him up at his place, and he saw I was wearing a button-up shirt and some nice slacks, he dressed up a bit more too. His black button-up shirt fits him like a second skin, his sleeves rolled up to show his tattoos. He even slicked back his hair, making him look like some sixties bad boy.

Fuck, he makes my cock hard.

We peruse the menu for a bit, both of us ordering fancy cocktails and an appetizer along with our entrees. When our server leaves, I settle my hands on the table, nibbling on my bottom lip. “So, um, you like it?”

He nods as he looks around. “It’s a lot nicer than what we usually do. What’s the occasion?”

What?

I blink at him repeatedly. Does he… Does he not realize this is a date? I mean, I asked him out. I literally said, will you go out with me, and he said , it’s a date. What the hell did he think that meant?

I don’t want to point that out and embarrass him, so I quickly change the subject. “How’s the job hunt going?”

He shrugs, fucking with his napkin, trying to look all cool and unaffected. “Not great. I’m thinking about just staying at the club and seeing if Davis can give me…other duties.”

“You don’t like what you do now?” I ask.

“Let’s just say, it’s not my favorite,” he answers vaguely. He clears his throat when the waitress comes back with our drinks. “Have you talked to Davis about whether he’ll hire you permanently after you graduate?”

“Yeah! We talked a little the other day, and he may have hinted that an offer was coming my way,” I say, excited as I wiggle in my seat. “I can’t wait. I can’t believe I’ll get my master’s so soon.”

Shaking his head, he chuckles under his breath. “I can. You’re awesome. You earned that spot, and you’ve earned your degree. Whatever you do, you’ll be amazing at it.”

Well, he can be so damn sweet. I don’t know if he even realizes he’s doing it, being so conditioned to be an asshole twenty-four-seven. I show him my appreciation by reaching across the table to grab his hand. “Thank you, Knoxy.”

He shrugs. “It’s just the truth.”

We settle into a nice conversation after that. We make plans for what we’ll do for my graduation, Knox insisting that he wants to organize a party for me, where he promises not to sell drugs. We talk about the fact that he wants to get another tattoo, both of us a little horny as we think of creative places he could get it. When our food comes, we devour the fuck out of it because it’s just that good. We each order another drink, these less intense than the others, and relax as we wait for our check.

It’s been an amazing night…almost like we’re boyfriends. You know, just without the tiny fact that he doesn’t know it.

When the check comes, I reach for it, and—call me spoiled—don’t gawk at the price.

“How much cash do you need to cover half?” he asks, pulling out his wallet.

I shake my head. “Absolutely not. I’m paying.”

“Well, that’s not fair,” he insists with a frown. “I know you’re loaded as fuck, but that check has to be over two hundred bucks. Let me just split it with you.”

“No.”

“Yes. I have the cash?—”

“Knox, no,” I say stubbornly, slipping my black card into the holder and keeping it far away from him. “I’ve got this.”

He narrows his eyes. “I don’t need your charity.”

“Are you kidding me?” I scoff, shaking my head. “It’s not charity! It’s just… You’re not supposed to pay.”

“And why not?”

“Because the one asked out on a romantic date doesn’t pay!”

He freezes, literally going so still, and—shit—does he stop breathing for a second? His jaw drops, eyes wide with confusion and…fear. Oh God. He’s afraid, isn’t he?

“I mean…” I shake my head, squaring my shoulders and clenching my jaw. I’m not going to play this off. This is the year of me , and I’m done sweeping shit under the rug. “Actually, no. Fuck that. Knox, you and I were on a romantic date tonight. I asked you out and, just so you know, you accepted. I’m very into you and would like you to be my boyfriend so we can get married and have kids one day.”

Oh, fuck, I did not just say that.

He reacts as predicted, going stark white at my words. “ Kids ?”

“Yes,” I state clearly, trying not to pass out by how much I’m holding my breath. “You should know before you enter into a relationship with me that I want to get married and have kids. Five, to be precise. But that won’t be for some years. For now, I just want us to be boyfriends and see where this goes. Thoughts?”

“Five kids…” he mumbles under his breath, almost shuddering, such a lost expression coating his features. “You want to know my thoughts?”

I don’t breathe. I don’t blink. I don’t move. “Yes.”

“I don’t know what to think.”

Oh… That’s… Well, I understand. I kind of sprung the whole I-want-to-settle-down-with-you-and-have-your-children conversation on him. Fuck, I’m such an idiot. I did what I always do, and I got too intense too quickly. Of course he needs time to think things through. But that doesn’t stop me from being so very disappointed. In a perfect world, he would have agreed immediately, and even mentioned getting a dog and two cats.

“Elton,” he says seriously, reaching for my hand. “Sweetheart, is that okay?”

I gulp. “Is it the best you can do?”

It takes him a moment, but he nods. “Yeah. I’m sorry. It’s just… I’ve never—” He curses, dropping his head with something almost resembling shame. “I’ve never even been on a date before, let alone dated someone, so this is all kind of a lot.”

“I understand,” I whisper, trying my hardest not to cry. “How about I just take you home?”

His head snaps up, and his eyes widen. “You said it was okay.”

“No, baby, I didn’t mean it that way,” I assure him, rubbing my thumb against the top of his hand. “I just mean, I kind of blindsided you. You might just need to go home and think about what you want.”

He nods like he’s in a daze, getting up, even though I haven’t paid yet. I don’t stop him from going to the edge of the patio and staring out at the dark ocean while I wait for our server. Once I pay, I go collect him. As I reach for his hand, he keeps it a safe distance away. I try not to be hurt by that, but I can’t help but think I’ve fucked everything up. We were having such a good night, we were really something together, and I might have ruined that.

But then I remember my worth. I’m worth having someone who wants what I want. I’m worthy of love and acceptance. I deserve to be with someone who wants a future with me. Sadly, if it’s not Knox, I just have to be okay with it.

No matter how much it fucking hurts.