9. Nash

9

NASH

I'm lying back in the recliner and trying not to eavesdrop on Emery and her girlfriends in the kitchen.

Walker picked up Emery and me from the hospital and helped us get settled at the house. Emery's been going crazy around here trying to get everything situated, and she won't let me help at all. I hear a burst of laughter from the kitchen, and then all of a sudden it stops, and Emery pokes her head out, looking at me. "Are you okay? Do you need anything? I'm warming up the chocolate croissants that you like."

It's on the tip of my tongue to ask her to come and sit with me, but I know there'll be plenty of time for that later. Tara, April, and Becca are her best friends, and I know that with everything going on, she needs them right now, so I'm not going to ruin that. "No, honey, I'm good. Take your time. I'll stay right here. I promise."

Her eyes widen, but she nods her head and disappears back into the kitchen. I know she's confused by my behavior. I've never been one to do what I've been told to do, so my actions are probably a surprise for her. She probably expected to look out here and find me gone or something.

A few minutes go by, and Emery and her friends all come out of the kitchen. Emery brings me the chocolate croissants and sits down on the couch. She's too far from me, but I'm not going to say anything about it now. I hold my plate up to the women. “Thank you for this!”

Becca responds first. “We know they’re your favorite.”

And then Becca chimes in. “Yeah, you all let us know if you need anything. One of us can bring whatever you need.”

I nod and so does Emery. Tara hangs back and walks up to my chair, holding her fist out to me. I raise my hand and fist-bump her, and she smiles brightly. "I was rooting for you this whole time." She looks toward Emery and then back at me. "Don't fuck it up."

I laugh. "I won't," I promise her.

She nods, and then the three ladies walk out. As soon as the door closes behind them, I'm pushing the lever down on the chair to put my feet down.

Emery jumps up. "What is it? What do you need?"

But I continue standing up, holding the plate of croissants. I walk over toward the couch. "I just want to sit next to you."

She looks at the recliner and back to me. "But you love that recliner. That was always YOUR seat."

I sit down next to her, so close that our legs are touching, and I shrug and hold the plate of croissants up to her. "I'd rather be closer to you. Do you want one?"

She shakes her head side to side, and I take a big bite of the chocolate croissant, moaning around the flavors. Emery pulls her feet up underneath of her, crosses her arms over her chest, and leans back in the cushions. I finish off the croissant and set the plate on the coffee table and lean back on the couch. "Am I going to bore you to death?"

She says, "No. I like this, actually. I like to stay home."

I clear my throat. "I hate to ask the question, but I know I need to. Have you been dating a lot?"

She barks out a laugh. "Like you don't know. I think that you've shown up at every one I've been on."

I should probably be embarrassed, but I’m not. I’ve been jealous, and I won’t apologize for it. I shrug my shoulders. "I'm not going to apologize for ruining your one the other night. Ray's an asshole."

She picks up the remote for the television and turns it on it. "It wasn't a big deal. I don't think we hit it off anyway."

I lean up and look at her intensely. "Have you gone on a date with someone that you like or want to get to know better?"

She looks at me out the side of her eye and lets out a breath. It's obvious that she doesn't want to admit it, but finally she answers me. "No. I actually hate dating. The girls have been worried about me, though. And it worked out for Becca."

I reach over and lay the back of my hand on her thigh. My palm is up, and my fingers are spread open. "I don't want you to date anyone."

"Nash," she starts, but I don't let her finish.

"No, hear me out. I know I fucked up, and I know that I'm never going to make it completely right, but I need you to give me a chance to explain things."

She clenches her eyes shut, and when she opens them, I can see the fierce determination on her face. "While you're here, Nash, I won't date anyone else, or I won't go on any more dates, but you can't ask more than that."

She's right, and I know I need to take this one step at a time. I flex my fingers, still palm up. "Will you hold my hand?"

There's frustration laced in her voice. "Why?"

She seems so confused, and I can't blame her. I know I've done a number on her, and I need to come clean. But I also know that I can't do that until she's willing to listen. "Because I want to be close to you. I need to feel you. And if all I can get is to hold your hand, then I'll take it."

She uncrosses her arms from her chest and then places her hand over mine. I lace our fingers together and hold on to her tightly. It's so simple, holding hands, but right now it's one step in the right direction. I just can't fuck it up again. I won't let myself.