12. Jesse

Chapter 12

Jesse

Anthony closed his front door behind him. Holding my gaze, he turned the deadbolt like it was a volume knob controlling my heartbeat, cranking it up higher and higher until it clicked into place.

He started toward me, and he didn’t have to say a word. The look in his eyes confirmed every suspicion—hope—I’d had all the way over here: we weren’t working on any speeches or debate tactics tonight.

Less than an arm’s length from me, he stopped. He reached across the distance and cupped my face in both hands. I closed my eyes, the warm touch sending me right back to that moment in my foyer.

“My God, Jesse.” That smoke-sharpened voice made my breath catch. He pulled me closer, and even though I knew it was coming, I wasn’t prepared when his lips met mine. I’d been craving his kiss so damned badly, but even now, as I wrapped my arms around him and parted my lips for his gently demanding tongue, I wasn’t ready. He overwhelmed me. The reality that he was kissing me overwhelmed me. Especially because here, now, we didn’t have to stop.

He broke the kiss but immediately descended on my neck. His stubbled chin gently abraded just above my collar, and his lips teased erogenous nerve endings to life all along the front of my throat, the underside of my jaw, that insanely sensitive spot just below my ear.

“I figured this was the best place for us to get any privacy,” he murmured, letting his lips brush my skin as he spoke. “Because…” He raised his head, and my knees almost dropped out from under me when we made eye contact. His voice, low and gravelly and so deliciously desperate, liquefied my spine as he whispered, “I want to fuck you. Tonight. Now.”

“Please,” was all I could say.

He slid his fingers into my hair and kissed me hard. “We’d better get into the bedroom then, or I’m going to end up putting you over the back of the couch.”

We didn’t waste any time getting from the entryway to the bedroom. I’d never been in his house before but didn’t bother with even a second’s worth of curiosity about the place or his taste in décor; that could wait. I couldn’t. He could have had John Casey propaganda plastered all over his walls and I just didn’t give a damn.

As soon as we were in the bedroom, Anthony wrapped his arms around me and kissed me again. Dragging his fingers through my hair and over my clothes, he took a step back. Then another. Toward the bed, I guessed, and cool water suddenly flooded my veins.

Breaking the kiss, I glanced over his shoulder at the bed. Perfectly made, every corner in place with military precision, just waiting for us to dishevel it like we would our clothes and my sanity. Nerves knotted in my stomach, and I chewed my lip.

I silently cursed the heat in my cheeks that no doubt meant I was turning red. “I’ve…”

“Jesse?” He touched my chin and gently turned my head until we were eye to eye. “Is something wrong?”

“I’ve, um…” I swallowed. “I’ve never done this. With a man.” I shook my head. “I mean, I’ve had sex with men, but I…”

“You’ve never been on the bottom?”

“No, I haven’t.”

His hand slid along my jaw and into my hair. “Do you want to be?”

I shivered. “More than you know.”

It was Anthony’s turn to shiver, something he didn’t quite mask with a smoky groan and a tightening embrace. He kissed me and whispered, “Just tell me if you want to stop.”

“I will.”

“We’ll take it slow.” He kissed me again, just letting his lips linger against mine for a long moment. “I won’t hurt you, Jesse. I promise.”

Another shiver pushed me against him. “What if I want you to hurt me?”

He grinned just before growling into a deep, hungry kiss, and if his grasp on my hair was any indication, he was more than willing to hurt me if I wanted him to.

Clothes fell away, landing wherever. We sank into bed together, running hands and fingertips over hot skin, brushing lips and flicking tongues over the rest.

Anthony pushed me onto my back, and as soon as he started trailing kisses down the center of my chest, I knew where he was headed. As if I wasn’t already hard as hell, every inch he gained toward my cock threatened to make me come just thinking about him sucking me off.

“Don’t you dare come yet.” His voice vibrated against my abs. “You’re not coming until I fuck you.”

I sucked in a breath and tried like hell not to come. “I won’t,” I whispered.

“You’d better not,” he said with a playful lilt. “Or else I’ll just have to start over from the beginning.”

“Oh fuck…” I closed my eyes and squirmed, whimpering as his lips inched closer to my cock. I fully expected him to tease me, to taunt me with his breath and nearness and voice, but then he flicked his tongue just below the head of my cock, and I almost fucking lost it.

“Holy shit .” I grabbed the edge of the bed as my spine lifted off the mattress.

Anthony laughed softly, probably well aware that I could feel his breath on my very sensitive skin. “What’s wrong? I’ve barely done a thing. ”

“I know, I’m just…” I moistened my lips. Took a deep breath. “Really, really turned on.”

“Good.” And in the next instant, he took my cock in his mouth.

I pushed myself up on my elbows and watched him, struggling just to breathe as he took my cock deeper, rose off it slowly, took it deeper again. It shouldn’t have surprised me he was so talented with his mouth, and maybe it didn’t. It just surprised me I hadn’t burst into flames or melted yet with the way his lips and tongue commanded nerve endings to handle a level of intensity I never imagined existed.

He met my eyes. Then, as if I wasn’t already having a hell of a time breathing, he sucked his middle finger into his mouth.

“Oh, God,” I moaned, closing my eyes as I sank back down onto the bed.

“Just tell me if you want to stop,” he whispered and gently nudged my thigh. Without hesitation, I parted my legs, still disbelieving this was happening at all. His slick, cool fingertip teased my entrance, creating alien sensations that took my breath away. Then his lips were around my cock again. I grabbed as much of the comforter as I could, struggling just to hold on to anything while Anthony sucked my dick and gently pressed his finger against me. His lips and tongue were fucking incredible, finding every sensitive place like he’d mapped them all himself, and all the while, his finger kept a gentle, constant pressure.

The more he teased me, the more accustomed I was to that pressure, and I relaxed. I knew what he intended to do, and desire finally trumped nerves and uncertainty. Then, and only then, as if he knew—and maybe he did—that I could handle it, he pressed his finger in. He moved it slowly, making small, gentle circles as well as sliding in and out, and I couldn’t even breathe. The foreign sensation, the vague burn was strange but not at all painful. Not unpleasant to say the least. Just…weird. Different.

And coupled with the magic his lips and tongue worked on my cock, fucking intoxicating. How had I made it this far in life without ever experiencing this? No idea. Oh, but I was experiencing it now, and everything Anthony did was un-fucking-believable.

He withdrew his finger and looked up at me. “Hand me the lube,” he said, nodding toward the bottle on the bedside table.

Oh, God. Oh my God.

With a shaking hand, I picked up the bottle and handed it to him. As he took the lube from me, anticipation and nerves both forced my eyes closed.

The bottle top clicked. Again. As Anthony moved, the mattress shifted, and I held my breath. My spine tingled as his hand slipped between my legs again, and then his mouth—warm, wet, and so damned talented—was around my cock again, and all the air left my lungs at once.

His finger pressed against me and this time slid in with ease. He added a second, and every slow, gentle stroke drove me insane. My eyes watered and I tried to remember how to breathe as his fingers moved in and out at the same speed his mouth moved on my cock. The stretching sensation burned, but it wasn’t painful or unpleasant. Just intense. And amazing.

Then his lips moved to my hip, and kiss by soft kiss, he followed my hip bone to my side. He started upward, and all the while, his fingers still slipped in and out. His lips moved higher up my side, and his fingers slid a little deeper. I squirmed beneath his light kisses, and moaned as he pushed his fingers apart, brought them together, pushed them apart again. The stretching wasn’t as uncomfortable as I thought it would be, and the more he did it, the more I wanted. And oh, God, if his fingers felt this good, his cock…

I whimpered, biting my lip and trying not to fall to pieces.

He teased my nipple with his teeth and tongue. I kneaded the back of his neck, trying to grasp him and feel him and just hold on. The need to touch him overwhelmed me, as if this would all be a dream if I didn’t anchor myself to this reality. To him . Everything his mouth did to my skin electrified my senses, and everything his fingers did inside me threatened to melt me into pure liquid lust. I was completely at his mercy as he teased and tantalized and drove me out of my fucking mind.

His lips moved up my chest, then paused on my collarbone as if to emphasize just how calculated this was. How controlled he was while I fell apart as he fingered me and kissed me and drove me fucking insane.

“Like that?” he murmured.

“Mm-hmm.” I screwed my eyes shut as he worked his way up my neck. “God, Anthony…”

“I can’t tell you…” He paused to nip my earlobe. “How much I’ve been thinking about this. Even before I knew…before I knew you were gay, I…” His voice trailed off into a gravelly moan. Then he raised his head and, still teasing me with his fingers, kissed me.

Moaning into his kiss, I gripped his shoulders and rocked my hips, trying to encourage him to move his hand faster, to fuck me deeper and harder with his fingers, but he was in charge. His hand moved a little faster, then slower, then faster again, like he wanted to make damn sure I had his undivided attention. So there was no chance of letting me forget what he was doing.

Oh, Anthony, you don’t have to worry about that.

As far as I was concerned, nothing existed except Anthony’s lips and hot breath on my neck, his skin against mine, and the deep, stretching, slick motions of his fingers as he stroked me inside, stroked me right to the edge of madness.

My eyes welled up. My back arched. Gasping for breath, I broke the kiss. “God, Anthony, please…”

“Please, what?” he murmured.

I moaned, biting my lip, but couldn’t figure out how to form any words .

“Tell me what you want.” He let his lips brush mine. “Say it, Jesse. Or else I can tease you all night.”

I whimpered and somehow managed to whisper, “ Please fuck me.”

Anthony kissed me hard as his hand slowed. One finger slipped free. Then the other. I gripped his neck and shoulder, like he was going to simply vanish into thin air now that his hand wasn’t fucking me anymore.

“Let me put on a condom,” he said, and for the first time, I realized he was almost as breathless as I was. “Let me put one on so I can fuck you.”

I didn’t consciously release him. The strength of my grip simply melted away, and my hands slid off his neck, his shoulder.

Anthony kissed me again, gently this time. “I’ve been dying to do this. Even before I knew you were gay, I was fantasizing about this every damned night.” His lips touched mine again. “And I have every intention of making sure you enjoy every. Fucking. Second.”

All I could do was exhale and hope to God I didn’t lose my mind before this even started.

Anthony took the condom off the nightstand and sat up. He rolled it on, and when he went for the lube, my heart rate must have doubled. My nerves tried to get the best of me, but no. No. I wanted this. Right here. Right now.

With Anthony.

Anthony, who had a condom on and every intention of fucking me. Anthony, who grinned at me like that while he put the lube on. Anthony, who was over me. On top of me. Kissing me. Sending me out of my goddamned mind.

Oh, God, hurry up.

Wait. Fuck, I’m not ready for—

Now. Please. Anthony, for the love of God.

“I’ve been dying to do this,” he murmured. He let his lips brush mine once more, then pushed himself up on his arms. “I can’t wait.”

I licked my lips. “Do you want me on my hands and knees?”

He shook his head and parted my legs with his hand. “Stay just like that.” A spine-tingling grin spread across his lips. “I want to see your face the first time I’m inside you.”

Oh. My. God.

He ran his hand along my inner thigh. “If you get a leg cramp or anything, just say so.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“If not.” He grinned as he guided his cock to me, “say the word.”

Just hurry up and…oh fuck…

Cool lube tempered Anthony’s body heat, but the combination of hot and cold sent goose bumps prickling from the back of my neck to my curling toes. Then he pressed into me, and my vision immediately blurred. The head of his cock pushed past the tight ring of muscle, igniting countless foreign, intoxicating, intrusive sensations.

“You all right?” Anthony asked.

I licked my lips again and nodded.

Anthony gave me more—withdrawing, sliding deeper still. His fingers had me plenty prepped and relaxed, but I wasn’t even close to prepared for the sheer intensity of his cock moving inside me. The same slick sensation, that same vague burn, but so, so much more, and I was in absolute ecstasy .

“Oh, God, you feel amazing,” he purred. He closed his eyes and let his head fall forward. “I can’t believe no one’s—ooh fuck…” A low, throaty groan slipped off his parted lips. “I feel sorry for…” Opening his eyes, he looked down at me. As he leaned down to kiss me, he whispered, “I feel sorry for every man who hasn’t felt you like this.”

I just moaned, because words were lost on me. Jesus Christ, I’d never felt anything so intense, so incredible. All I could think was more, more, I wanted more, God in heaven, I needed more .

Anthony groaned again and pressed deeper. I opened my mouth to beg him to fuck me faster, but then his cock found some spot inside that turned ecstasy into something I couldn’t even comprehend. And he hit it again. And again. And oh fuck…again.

He exhaled as he buried himself all the way inside me. “Like that?”

“I…” I sucked in a breath, gripping the bedsheets and trying to stay on this fucking planet. “More. God, Anthony, more .”

He kissed me gently. “I’m not hurting you?”

“Fuck, no, not even close.”

He grinned and kissed me again. “Just tell me if you want me to.”

I shivered. “To make it hurt?”

“Mm-hmm.” He dragged his lower lip across mine and released a quiet growl as he thrust into me just a little harder. “You want it to hurt, I can”—he slammed into me—“ make it hurt.”

My back arched under us, and I reached up to grab his shoulders. Not that grabbing onto him helped any; his taut muscles quivering beneath my palms and the heat of his skin against my own just made the world spin that much faster, rendered me that much less articulate.

Anthony, however, didn’t have that problem. He leaned down and kissed me lightly. “You want it hard, Jesse?” He panted against my lips between light kisses and deep thrusts. “You want me to fuck you until it hurts?”

All I could do was repeat that one, breathless word: “ Please. ”

Anthony kissed me once more. “Get on your hands and knees, then.”

I sucked in a breath. The promise behind that command, the anticipation of what he had in store for me, completely negated any thought I might have had about protesting as he pulled out .

He must have known how unsteady I was, though, because he offered me a hand and helped me sit up.

“Doing all right?” His lips pulled back in a toothy grin.

“Doing just fine,” I slurred.

“That’s what I like to hear,” he whispered and kissed me again. Then, at his direction, I turned around and got up on my hands and knees.

I took a deep breath, willing myself to relax no matter how much anticipation and excitement had me shaking and ready to come unglued.

He rested one hand on the small of my back. Maybe to steady me, maybe to steady himself, but it certainly centered me. Focused all my attention and senses on him, on that gentle touch.

I wanted to beg him to make good on his promise, but before I could draw a breath, never mind speak, he pressed his cock against me. Into me. All the way inside me in one long, slow stroke.

I screwed my eyes shut and moaned as he pulled out just as slowly. He pushed back in, withdrew, and picked up speed. His strokes were smooth and easy, but every stroke inched closer to a thrust. Before I knew it, there was no closer about it; he thrust into me. Hard and fast, deep and violent, and I couldn’t find enough breath for even the softest of moans. My elbows threatened to collapse beneath me, and had I been standing, my legs probably would have buckled already.

“Tell me if this is too much,” he said.

It was already too much. Way too much. But I just bit my lip and rocked back against him, trying to drive him deeper, because I needed more.

Anthony adjusted his grasp on my hips, and I held my breath.

Please…please…please…

He slammed into me, forcing all the air out of my lungs, and my vision clouded over, and before I could recover he did it again. Deeper, so hard it was almost more than I could take, and when he did it a third time, I couldn’t stop the helpless, choked half sob that escaped my throat. And he still didn’t stop. Didn’t let up. Holy fuck, he didn’t back off at all, and I had never in my life experienced anything so amazing.

I was only distantly aware of Anthony’s fingers digging into my hips. My consciousness was completely consumed by every stroke, every powerful thrust, and he was right: he did know how to make it hurt, and it was perfect. For the first time in my life, sex was perfect. It was right. This was what I had been missing all along, what I’d craved, and if it got any more intense, I was sure I’d shatter.

To hell with it. If I shattered, so be it, because I wanted to know just how painfully incredible this could get.

I shifted my weight onto one arm, intending to reach for my own cock, but a deep thrust knocked me off balance. I smacked my palm against the headboard for support. Cool panic rushed through me but quickly dissipated as Anthony continued fucking me without missing a beat.

Never in my life had I experienced anything like this. Tears burned my eyes. Sheets bunched in my supporting hand. Anthony was inside me, thrusting to the perfect depth. He stretched me to the very limit, that line where pain was delicious instead of unbearable. Fuck, he was perfect. Our bodies fit together like mine was made for no other purpose than this.

The ache of my impending orgasm bordered on unbearable, but I gritted my teeth and fought my inevitable climax. I didn’t want to come yet. I’d waited too long to feel like this.

Anthony’s hand drifted up the center of my spine, leaving goose bumps standing at attention in its wake, and hooked over my shoulder. Then his other hand followed the same path, but instead of going to my shoulder, it slid up into my hair. He closed his fingers around my hair, and my scalp stung and we both swore and he fucked me harder still.

Everything about this was so, so right. His cock inside me, his iron fist in my hair, and this perfect, natural surrender.

Surrender. That was it. Like no one before him, Anthony subtly, quietly, and unmistakably demanded complete surrender, and I gave it to him. I wanted to. I needed to. If he’d asked me to, I’d have knelt at his feet and begged him to let me. I was completely at his mercy, and there was never a more liberating moment than when I realized that. I’d always had to hold something back when I had sex, but not now.

I just…let go.

Anthony fucked me hard, fucked me deep, and my body ached and my eyes stung and it was perfect .

“Fuck, Jesse…” His strained, breathless voice made me shiver. “Oh my God, you feel…” His fingers twitched on my shoulder and in my hair, and he moaned as he forced himself into me again and again and again. “I’m gonna fucking lose it, Jesse, you’re…oh, God …”

Of everything Anthony did to arouse me, nothing held a candle to the way his trembling, faltering voice chipped away at what little control I had left. Knowing he was close, he was falling apart, he was this turned on, sent me into depths of oblivion I had never imagined possible.

“Come for me, Jesse,” he breathed. “I want…oh, fuck, I want you to come.”

That was all I needed. One more thrust and I lost it. My whole body threatened to come apart at the seams as an orgasm beyond any orgasm I’d ever experienced surged through me, curling my fingers and toes as electricity and fire and ice crashed through my veins. Just as I reached my peak, when I was sure I couldn’t take another second, Anthony forced himself all the way inside me and fucking roared .

I shuddered and struggled just to breathe as the whole room reverberated with Anthony’s release, with his complete, spine-tingling loss of control. His rhythm fell apart with every tremor and every violent, desperate thrust, and his carefully composed exterior fell apart right along with it. God, could this really be Anthony falling to pieces with me? Against me? Inside me? No way. It wasn’t possible. I might have even convinced myself his powerful roar had come from any other man on the planet if not for the distinct smokiness, that roughened edge that said yes, this was pure, unrestrained Anthony .

With one last shudder and a soft sound that might have been a whimper, Anthony slowed to a stop. He leaned over me, his chest warming my back, and his hand came down beside mine on the sheet. He kissed the base of my neck, panting against my sweaty skin. His breathing was unsteady, ragged, and his arm trembled beside mine.

Anthony. Shaking.

I bit my lip and barely kept myself from shuddering. I couldn’t even begin to understand how I had reduced him to shaking and panting, but here he was. Here we were.

He rested his cheek on my back. His hand ran up and down my arm, and I closed my eyes, struggling to comprehend that this warm, gentle touch came from the same hand that had gripped my hips in the throes of such violent, powerful sex.

I shifted my weight onto one hand. No man had ever made me come so hard my eyes teared up, but as I wiped my eyes, my fingers came away wet.

Anthony lifted his head. He dropped a light kiss between my shoulders. “You okay?”

I blinked until my vision cleared, but it quickly blurred again. My heart still pounded. My arms still shook. Was I okay? Oh, God, yes.

I was more than okay.

I thought.

Wasn’t I?

The only thing that made sense right then, the only thing I really understood, was that what had just happened was the kind of sex I’d been waiting for my entire goddamned life.