2. Skye

Skye wasn't sure how much later it was when he woke to a warm body sidling up next to him, and River's strong arm draped over his waist. The other man buried his nose in Skye's neck, and Skye became immediately more alert when he felt River trembling against him, his breath hitching.

Fuck.

Skye sat up and turned on the lamp on his nightstand. When he looked over at his roommate, his heart shattered at the sight of the tears sliding down River's cheeks.

"Hey." Skye's voice was soft as he laid down and pulled River to him. The other man's body shook as he sobbed.

River didn't share Skye's bed very often but when he did it was because he'd had another nightmare. They were less frequent now than they had been in college, but they still happened and he had a tough time getting back to sleep afterwards. Skye had told his friend a long time ago that he could wake him when he was having a hard time. River hated to do it because he didn't want to inconvenience Skye or make him lose sleep, but Skye didn't give a fuck about that. And he'd never seen his roommate as an inconvenience, even with all of his struggles and heartache. He just wanted River to be okay.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he held his friend and ran his fingers through his dark hair. "You're safe, angel." His heart ached for his best friend. And his anger returned every single time he thought about what those bastards had done to him. How they had robbed him, humiliated him, violated him, in the worst possible way.

Skye couldn't think of anyone more worthy or deserving of everything good the world had to offer than River. River deserved peace, joy, and hope in abundance. He deserved love. He deserved the sun, the moon and all the stars.

His roommate had a history, one that burdened him and was not of his choosing. There were a lot of scars there. Deep ones. Ones that might never fade. But Skye did what he could, when he could, to make sure River knew that he was there for him. So now, he held him and let him cry, let him feel, let him grieve what had been taken from him all those years ago.

"So, your aunt seems pretty nice," Skye said. It was mid October and he and River were sitting on their beds, facing each other, both working on class assignments. "Do you live with her?" River's aunt Jodi had just left a few hours earlier after visiting for Parent's Weekend and had headed back to Cincinnati.

"Yeah, since I was ten," River replied.

Skye hesitated before asking, "Are your parents around?"

There was a long pause and Skye was afraid he'd put his foot in his mouth. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. Sometimes my mouth just runs away with me."

"No, it's okay." River seemed a little hesitant but his eyes met Skye's. "They died in a car accident when I was ten. I went to live with my aunt after that."

"Oh, shit. That must have been hard. I know how tough it was losing my dad. I can't imagine losing both of my parents."

"Yeah, it sucked pretty bad." River let out a heavy breath. "Still does sometimes."

"Do you like living with your aunt, though? She seems pretty cool."

River gave him a soft smile. "I mean, I would have preferred my parents, but yeah, she is pretty cool. It was hard, though, moving to Cincinnati. I grew up around here and once my parents died I had to move away from everything I'd known, start over in a new school and everything, new church. That was hard. I really missed my friends."

"Yeah, I can imagine. You made new friends, though, right?" Skye couldn't imagine River not having friends. The guy was funny, kind, and compassionate. Who wouldn't want to be friends with him?

River shrugged. "A few. But it wasn't easy. I was kinda nerdy, and quiet. Didn't always fit in. And I really missed my parents so I think the emotional struggle of that just made it harder for me to connect with other kids. I didn't want to talk about it, and they didn't really understand. Kinda made me more of an outcast. I got really depressed, actually." He tapped his pencil on his notebook and bit his lower lip, his gaze not meeting Skye's. River was definitely what Skye would consider shy, but Skye had managed to bring him out of his shell a bit already and really enjoyed talking to him. It sounded like he hadn't had it easy though, and that unsettled Skye.

"But you're better now?" he asked, hopefully. He hated the idea of River suffering, hurting. They'd had their share of deep conversations and they'd grown pretty close in the short time they'd known each other. But this was the first time they had talked about River's family and his past. Skye had no idea his roommate had been through so much as a kid.

River shrugged. "My aunt got me into grief counseling when she saw what a hard time I was having, and that helped some. So middle school was easier. I had a good home, with my aunt. I never felt unwanted or unloved with her, so yeah, things got better, for a while."

Skye swallowed a lump in his throat and the back of his neck prickled. "For a while? What does that mean? Did something else happen?" His pulse quickened. River's gaze met Skye's briefly, but it was long enough for Skye to notice the pain in those beautiful sapphire eyes, the truth in them, before they fell to his lap again and he gripped the ring on his middle finger, twisting it around. Skye couldn't tell, but he thought River might be shaking slightly. Shit. Did he scare him? Did he overstep?

"Sorry," Skye apologized, seeing that his roommate was clearly uncomfortable. "That's not my business." Maybe he was pushing the limits of social boundaries. They hadn"t known each other all that long. Two months, really, but it felt longer, in a good way. He enjoyed River's company, enjoyed his friendship, and he hated to see that he was hurting, or that his past might be tainted in some way. Skye desperately wanted to help. That's what he did. He helped. Especially when it came to people he cared about. And yeah, he cared about River.

They had spent a lot of time together over the past couple of months, doing homework together, playing video games, watching movies, talking about theology and religion, and politics, and River had never pushed any of his beliefs on Skye, but had always done his best to answer any questions Skye had without sounding pompous or assholish, or making Skye feel inferior. He'd offered to take Skye to church once and when Skye had politely declined River hadn't brought it up again. They had joined the Gay-Straight Alliance on campus together and had attended several of the events and made some awesome friends together.

But Skye wouldn"t push River into saying anything he wasn't ready to say, so he just went back to doing his homework.

A minute later he heard sniffles and looked up to see River wiping his eyes from behind his glasses. Fuck. Skye was so stupid. So goddamn fucking stupid. Why did he have to open his big fat mouth? Even if something did happen, River was under no obligation whatsoever to talk to Skye about it. God, why couldn't he keep his mouth shut?

"Shit, Riv." Skye scooted off of his bed and moved over to sit on River's bed next to his feet. River drew his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, continuing to wipe tears from his eyes even as more fell. "Fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm such an idiot."

River shook his head and then buried his face in his arms as he sobbed, his shoulders shaking. Skye moved up the bed until he was sitting next to River, then wrapped his arms around his roommate. River stiffened slightly, but then relaxed in Skye's grip. "I'm here. You don"t have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I'm here." To Skye's surprise River leaned into him, his head resting on Skye's shoulder, his tears sliding underneath the collar of Skye's shirt as he sobbed.

"I tried…but I couldn't...and they…" River was trembling as the words left his lips, his chest heaving. His eyes met Skye's and they were filled with so much grief and anguish.

Skye's stomach clenched as he felt the color draining from his face. Holy fuck. "Shit, River, I'm so sorry." He held River tighter, not knowing what else to say, or do. But River kept talking, so Skye kept listening.

"Some seniors in my high school when I was a sophomore." River had tears spilling down his cheeks as his body shook. "They knew I was a Christian, and a virgin, and they started out just making fun of me for it, calling me the "righteous kid," and that was annoying but I could tolerate it because saving myself for marriage was more important to me than their opinion, but then they took that away from me, Skye." His chest heaved again and he sucked in a breath. "Like a cruel prank. They ganged up on me, and I couldn"t do anything. I felt so helpless, and I tried to fight, and call for help but there were three of them and they just…" He sobbed harder, burying his face in Skye's shoulder. "They gagged me, and they kept saying that I would thank them when it was over and that they were doing me a favor. They humiliated me and treated it like a game." He shook even harder now, his body racked with sobs.

Skye's head was spinning from what River had told him. He felt nauseated, horrified, and enraged. "Fucking bastards," he snarled. He wanted to rage, to throw things. He wanted to find whoever those sick fucks were and rip their fucking throats out. Instead, he ran his fingers through River's hair as his roommate's tears soaked his shirt, and he sucked in harsh breaths. He didn't know what to say. What did you say when someone you cared about told you that they had been robbed of their innocence? "River, I can't even imagine. I'm so fucking sorry."

When River didn't stop shaking or crying, Skye squeezed him tighter. River melted into him even as his breath hitched."You're safe," Skye said. "I promise. You're safe with me." He held his roommate tighter as his sobs diminished, and he noticed that River was starting to breathe more evenly now. No wonder he'd been so put off when Skye had asked him about his virginity the day they had met. Fuck, now he really felt like a grade A dick.

River lifted his head and wiped away his tears. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me," Skye told him. "You don't ever have to talk about anything if you don't want to, but I'm here if you do. I may not know the right thing to say all the time, but I'll listen for as long as you need me to."

River's gaze met his, his eyes red-rimmed as he wiped at his cheeks. "Thank you. I'm doing better than I was a year ago. Therapy has helped and so has my aunt." His chest heaved. "You and her are the only ones who know besides my therapist." He took a deep breath and let it out, wiping more tears away. "My faith has helped, but it's still really hard sometimes." His chest heaved again and another tear slipped free.

"River, how can you believe in a God who would let something like that happen to you?" Skye blurted, then instantly regretted his words. That wasn't what River needed to hear right now, but he just didn't understand. "I just don't get it."

River only gave a soft smile. "It took a long time for me not to blame Him, not to feel like He had abandoned me. But I realized how much He hated what had happened to me, how much He grieved for me. How angry He was. Reading the Bible, seeing God's promises, His truths, that He was there for me, that's what kept me going. If it hadn't been for that I probably would have given up a long time ago.

"I know you've been hurt, Skye, and you have a right to feel the way you do. You've been mistreated your entire life by people who claim to love God, who claim that God is love, but then turn around and spew hate, who are trying to take away your right to exist, to have a family, a job, who call you terrible things, because of your sexuality, and there is nothing okay with that. People do shitty things in the name of religion and in God's name. But the religion itself isn't evil because some of the people in it are, and God isn't evil because some of his so-called followers are. I don't believe God makes mistakes. And you are not a mistake. You are good, and God loves you exactly as you are."

Skye bit his lip and nodded. He wasn't sure what he thought about River's words at the moment. But something else tugged on his mind, too. "What do you mean you probably would have given up a long time ago if it hadn't been for your faith? Is that what these are from?" He slid his fingers over the scars on River's forearms. River twitched slightly but didn't pull away. He nodded. "It's been a while, but yeah, I used to self-harm. It was the only way I knew how to cope before I got some help."

"And the nightmares?" River looked at Skye, his eyes wide behind his glasses.

"Am I waking you?" He looked mortified. "Crap, I'm so sorry. I told my therapist I should have a single room but she insisted I was doing better and that it would be a good idea for me to have a roommate. That it was an important step to take and all that. She didn't want me being alone and never making friends…" He looked like he was starting to panic and Skye shook his head.

"Hey, don't worry about it." He rested his hand on River's arm. "I'm not upset. I just figured if you wanted me to wake you next time it happens, I will." River nodded, relaxing at Skye's touch. And Skye couldn't help feeling a sense of pride, that River did, in fact, feel safe with him. He would always, always make sure of that.

"What do you say we take a break from homework and watch a movie?" Skye said, thinking it was time for a change of topic. "I'll pop us some popcorn."

River gave a soft smile. "Star Wars?"

"A New Hope? That way I can drool over Harrison Ford." Skye waggled his eyebrows and River laughed. It was the most beautiful sound in the world, and Skye wanted more of it.

"Deal," River said.

It was a few days later when Skye woke to the sound of muffled cries coming from River's bed. He scooted out from under his covers and slid under River's. "Riv, you okay?" River turned and buried his face in Skye's shoulder as he sobbed once again, and Skye held him.

"I wanted to save myself for my wife. I wanted to choose who I gave myself to. They took that, Skye. They took my choice."

"Riv, look at me," Skye instructed gently.

When River pulled away, Skye could see the torment etched on his features and his chest ached. Goddamn, those assholes. He wanted to take River in his arms and make everything better, take away all of his hurt and suffering. What the fuck was wrong with people? How could anyone be so fucking sick and twisted? He couldn't imagine going through what River had gone through, and not letting it destroy him. He was incredible. A survivor. And so damn brave. What kind of courage and strength would it take to move forward after something like that; to face it and heal from it? Skye was so amazed by River, by anyone who had been a victim of assault or abuse, and the strength it must take to live day to day.

"I know how important saving sex for marriage is for you, okay?" Skye said. "But you need to remember something. What you just said there, about not being able to choose who you give yourself to, that's wrong. You do get to choose. You didn't give yourself to them. They took it. What they did was cruel and despicable, and you didn't deserve that. No one does. But you still get to choose who you give yourself to now. So if saving sex for marriage is still important to you, then hold on to that. And if your future wife doesn't understand that, then she doesn't deserve you."

River sniffled and Skye handed him a tissue. He blew his nose and wiped his tears. "Stay with me?" Skye could tell his roommate was a little embarrassed by the request, but he didn't mind one bit.

"Always." River snuggled up next to him and Skye held him. It wasn't long before they were both drifting to sleep.

River rarely talked about what happened. Occasionally he would let Skye know he was having a rough day, or had scheduled an appointment with his therapist—who he was now seeing on an as-needed basis—because he was struggling, but he hadn't given Skye any more details since that night ten years ago, and Skye hadn't asked him to share more, either. But River knew if he wanted to talk, or just climb into Skye's bed and cuddle, or cry, Skye was there; would always be there if River needed him.

River sniffled and Skye wiped his tears and pressed a kiss to his hair. His sobs diminished but he didn"t pull away. "You know you can stay," Skye told him. His friend let out a shaky breath and clung to him. Skye felt River's nose against his neck. He rested his cheek against River's head and held him tightly as they drifted back to sleep.

The following morning when Skye woke, River was still next to him, sound asleep. They had separated during the night but River had stayed in his bed.

He looked so peaceful, and Skye hoped his dreams had been happier after he came to join Skye in his bed.

He stroked a finger over River's lightly stubbled cheek. River twitched, his eyes fluttering open, and Skye found himself staring into those gorgeous blue orbs.

"Morning, handsome." Skye traced his thumb down River's jaw and over his chin, and River let him, the feel of River's stubble under his fingertips sending shivers down his spine. There weren't many people who River felt comfortable enough with to let them get this close to him. But Skye was lucky enough to be one of them. "You're gonna be okay." River nodded.

Skye couldn't imagine the kind of fortitude it took to deal with everything River had to deal with every day, doing his best to live and be happy despite his past, despite his scars. To know he was loved and worthy, and that life could still be good, but he was determined to keep reminding his friend how strong he was, and that when he couldn"t be strong anymore, he could lean on Skye.

"What do you say we start the day with a delicious breakfast cooked by yours truly?"

River nodded again. "Bacon and eggs sound good? Maybe hashbrowns?" Another nod. "You wanna shower while I cook?"

River's eyes glinted mischievously. "Actually I was gonna go for a run, if you want to join me."

Skye pressed a soft kiss to River's forehead. "You're so sweet, angel. But I would rather have my wisdom teeth yanked out and put back in."

River laughed and slid out of bed. "Breakfast when I get back?"

Skye nodded, and River headed to his own room to change, Skye assumed. He could still smell River's scent on the side of the bed he'd slept on even after he was gone. Watermelon and coconut. The smell of River.

He found himself burying his face in the pillow River had used before he realized what he was doing. What the actual hell? He shook his head and climbed out of bed, making his way to his own bathroom. If River was going running first then Skye had time to shower before he started breakfast.

After he stepped out of the shower he tried to tame his blond waves, but it was no use. They'd always been unruly, so he just let them be and they fell over his forehead and almost into his light green eyes. Since it was the weekend he decided to forgo shaving until Monday.

When he emerged fifteen minutes later with a towel wrapped around his waist, River was gone. Skye sauntered back to his own room and dressed in jeans and a T-shirt before he made his way to the kitchen. He turned on the Keurig and made himself a cup of coffee. He didn't need to start breakfast until River was in the shower.

He heard the sound of the front door opening and closing a few minutes later and his roommate meandered into the kitchen wearing joggers and a tank top that showcased those luscious biceps. Sweat clung to his skin, shirt plastered onto his back and chest, hair damp. He looked beautiful. He looked happy.

River gulped down water and then headed to his room. Minutes later, Skye heard the sound of his shower running. He pulled out the griddle, then grabbed the eggs and bacon out of the fridge, along with a couple of potatoes, and got to work.

When River emerged again he was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. He sat down on a stool at the bar overlooking the sink, his dark hair still damp from the shower and tousled from being towel dried. It was adorable.

Skye reached over the sink and handed him a plate of freshly cooked bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns, like he'd promised. Then he set a cup of coffee with a little bit of cream and no sugar in front of River, just the way he liked it, and River gave him a soft smile.

"You work today?" Skye asked.

"Yeah, noon to four, and then I'm hanging out with Anna. You?" River took a sip of coffee before starting in on his breakfast. Anna was the girl River had been dating for the past several months. She was kind, caring, but didn"t take shit from anyone. There was nothing wrong with her, honestly, but for some reason Skye felt himself bristling at the mention of her name. She had been spending more and more time at their condo lately, and the last time she was over Skye had hid away in his room after half an hour of watching her and River cuddling and kissing on the sofa. He just couldn't stomach it anymore. When he brought it up to Nick and Jenna, they told him he was jealous. What the fuck did they know? Skye wasn't jealous. Why would he be jealous? River was his best friend. He just didn't like to watch PDA, that was all.

"I think I better make a grocery run," he said. "Then I've got more papers to grade and lesson plans to make for next week. Thinking about hanging out with Jenna and Nick tonight. You and Anna could join us if you want."

"I'll see," River said, taking one more swig of his coffee. "I can go to the grocery store with you if you want. I need stuff too."

"Sure. Just let me pee first."

When he walked out of the bathroom, River was loading the dishwasher. He smiled at Skye and Skye swore butterflies filled his stomach. His friend seemed to be doing better.

"Almost done," River said. Skye grabbed his keys and wallet and slipped his shoes on as he waited for River to finish, then they were on their way out the door.