18. River

When River woke up he was on his back, his legs propped up, surrounded by paramedics. Jenna and Nick were standing over him with worried looks on their faces and Skye was kneeling next to him, holding his face in his hands. He looked like he was about to cry.

"River?" Skye said, his voice sick with worry. "Oh my God, you scared the hell out of me, out of all of us. What the hell was that?"

River just blinked and shook his head.

He took some deep breaths and waited a few more minutes, Skye kneeling next to him the entire time.

"Can you tell us what happened?" one of the paramedics asked.

River blinked again. He felt weak and tired. He really had no idea what had actually happened. Only what he'd felt. And he was not ready for it to happen again. "I uh, my heart, it started beating super fast, and I got lightheaded, and I just passed out." He saw the way Skye's eyes widened and he closed his eyes again and took in a breath.

"We'd like to take you to the hospital and make sure it's nothing serious. With heart issues you really don't want to take a chance," the paramedic said.

"Can I ride with him?" Skye asked, still gripping River's hand tightly.

"Of course."

River swallowed and Skye squeezed his hand before they loaded him on the stretcher.

Skye said goodbye to Jenna and Nick, promising to call them when they knew anything, and climbed into the back of the ambulance with River.

"How are you feeling?" Skye asked, his green eyes filled with concern as they waited in the hospital room, River in the bed with a blood pressure cuff around his upper arm and a pulse oximeter on his finger. God, he was getting far too familiar with this place. They both were.

River shrugged. "I feel fine, now. More anxious than anything."

"Your heart was beating super fast?" Skye said, the growing concern evident in his voice. "Like actually beating super fast?"

"Yeah, like it was painful. And scary, if I'm being honest." He put his hand to his chest and let out a breath.

"God, River, what the hell?" Skye ran his fingers through his hair, his anxiety palpable.

It was several hours later when they arrived back home after having tests run, blood drawn, an EKG, and an echocardiogram done, along with a chest x-ray, and being told that the doctors couldn't find any issues with River's heart, and his blood work was fine, but that they recommended he follow up with a cardiologist as soon as possible.

River knew they were right. But he was So. Sick. Of. Doctors.

"I wish you would let me come with you to your appointment," Skye said, as he slid his coat on, frowning.

River gave him a small smile. "I know. But it's a short trip, and I'm just getting hooked up to a monitor. You don't need to be there." He'd done a stress test, and passed that with flying colors. He'd done another EKG, and another ultrasound, and more blood work. Now he was going back in to get a heart monitor that he would wear for a few days and would give the cardiologist real time information about his heart, and hopefully give them some answers, because so far they had none. Everything else had come back normal. But there was nothing normal about this, and they both knew it.

He hadn't passed out again yet, but he had had several more episodes of his heart rate spiking, and feeling simultaneously lightheaded, seemingly for no reason. The doctor had asked him if it happened more when he was active, which it didn't. It actually happened when he was sedentary, and had even woken him up a few times in the middle of the night. It was scaring him, and Skye, but he'd found a way to manage it somewhat, too. If he wasn't already laying down, he did that as fast as he could when it started so he wouldn't pass out. And then he took a deep breath, and held it for a second or two, and his heart would calm down and go back to its normal rate. Sometimes it worked the first time and other times he would have to do it three or four times before it stopped racing, and the longer it raced, the more painful it got, sometimes causing pain in his jaw and even in his temples. The episodes could last anywhere from a couple of seconds to a couple of minutes, and those were the worst.

"I just don't like the idea of you driving yourself," Skye said, concern in his eyes as he rubbed his hands up and down River's arms. "What if it happens while you are on the road?"

"Then I pull over and wait for it to stop," River said. He knew it wasn't ideal but Skye couldn't be taking off all of the time to drive him to all of his appointments. This had been the fourth one in three weeks. And the Uber rides were getting expensive.

"Let me know how it goes," Skye said, leaning in and giving him a kiss on the forehead. "I love you. Be safe."

"I love you, too," River said, and watched his boyfriend walk out the door.

"So, how was it?" Skye asked when River got home that evening. He kissed him at the door.

"It was fine. I've got a bunch of electrodes and wires hooked up to me, and a device sitting in the middle of my chest in this little pouch. The fun part is going to be taking it off and putting it back on every time I shower, ‘cause I have to wear it for three days."

"Can I see it?"

River raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Is this just an excuse to get me to take my shirt off?"

"What if it is?" Skye's eyes twinkled as he stepped closer to River.

River grinned. He unbuttoned his coat and took it off, and then lifted his T-shirt so Skye could see the device strapped over his shoulders, the electrodes stuck to different areas of his chest and the rectangular device in the center.

Skye reached out and ran his fingers over it. "Looks fun."

"Well, if that's all," River said, and began to lower his shirt.

"Not so fast." Skye reached over and grabbed the hem of River's shirt as River grinned at him knowingly. Skye's pupils were blown wide and his voice was low and husky.

"You're so predictable," River said, low and soft, stepping closer and allowing Skye to pull the shirt up and over his head. The shirt fell to the floor, and then Skye had one hand on the back of River's neck and the other around his bare waist and was kissing him fervently.

River felt his back pressing up against the cold door and grunted. Then moaned as he felt his boyfriend's tongue sliding into his mouth, claiming him. He returned the kiss, running his fingers through Skye's hair and sliding his other hand around, pressing it against the small of Skye's back.

Then Skye was gripping River's thighs and pulling him up and River went willingly, wrapping his legs around Skye's waist as he slid his tongue into Skye's mouth, deepening the kiss. Moans escaped them as their tongues tangled and their hands roamed, feeling along each other"s arms and chests, and cheeks, and running through each other's hair.

"Crap," River said, suddenly breaking away, his breathing heavy. He looked at Skye, his boyfriend's face flushed, his blond waves a mess, green eyes blown wide with desire and affection. He didn't think Skye had ever looked sexier.

"What?" Skye asked, breathing heavily. Then a frown appeared on his handsome face and his eyes widened. He loosened his grip. "Shit, did I overstep?"

"No, no, you're fine," River assured him. But he removed his legs from around Skye's waist and slid out of his grip. "I just realized we can't really do that while I have this thing on."

"Oh." Skye looked down at where the heart monitor was on River's chest. "Why not?"

"‘Cause they're recording my heart rate in real time, and I have to log when it starts to act up, and what I was doing at the time. So if we start making out and that makes my heart go crazy for some reason…" he bit his lip. "I don't really want to be recording that."

Skye smirked at him. "No making out for three days, is what you"re telling me?"

River blushed. "I'm sorry. I'm probably being ridiculous. I just…I mean, we can still kiss, just not hot and heavy make out sessions."

Skye pecked him on the lips. "Fine. But as soon as that thing comes off, you're mine."

River blushed again and then grabbed his shirt off the floor and slipped it back on, before following Skye into the kitchen.

"Hey, Riv, can I ask you something?" Skye said, hesitantly as he set the timer for the oven.

"Okay," River nodded, his anxiety spiking a little as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

Skye turned to face him and bit the inside of his cheek. "I was just wondering…I mean, we've been together for a few weeks now, and we've been making out quite a bit." He stepped closer to River and rested his hands on his arms. He stroked them gently and peered into his eyes. "Have you…been aroused yet, at all?"

River flushed and tensed slightly. "I guess that depends on what you mean." His gaze darted to the floor. "I get aroused," he said, more softly. "I just…"

"Can't get an erection," Skye finished for him, his voice gentle.

River nodded, shame and embarrassment seeping through him. He started to step away, but Skye pulled him back.

"Hey, don't do that." His voice was gentle once again as he lifted River's face to look at him."I'm just asking, angel. There's no judgment. I want it for your sake, just as much as mine. But it's not your fault. I know that. And I love you. The last thing I ever want is for you to feel embarrassed or guilty. There's no shame here. I want you to feel safe with me, always."

River nodded, and then Skye was pressing his nose against his, and River was smiling, before they kissed softly once again.

"Can I ask you something?" River said once they pulled away.

"Shoot."

"How long has it been since you had sex?"

Skye blinked at him, then gave a soft smile. "It doesn't matter." He pressed his lips to River's forehead.

"Skye," River said. "How long?"

Skye kissed him again. "A while."

"How long is a while?"

"River, I don't want to tell you this if it's just going to make you feel guilty. ‘Cause it shouldn't. It should make you feel loved. And I'm really not trying to push you into anything. It was my choice, okay? I didn't have sex because I realized I didn't want anyone but you."

"But…but you couldn't have me, Skye."

"And I was okay with that. I still am. I'm so happy with what we have. And even if it never changes, even if we never have sex, I'm happier with you than I could ever be with anyone else. All the sex in the world can't compare to being with you. You are what I want."

River felt tears forming in his eyes again and wiped them away before they slid down his cheeks.

"Okay, I won't feel guilty," he promised. "But I'd still like to know. How long?"

Skye grinned and flushed. "Eight months."

River's mouth dropped open. "Holy shit."

Skye laughed and kissed him again. "And I'll go eight more if I have to. I'll go eight years, River, a lifetime. ‘Cause you are it for me."