15. Skye

"River?" Skye called when he heard the front door open and close, then footsteps a moment later. He'd been pacing back and forth for what seemed like an eternity waiting for his roommate to come home, and to say he was freaking out was an understatement.

His palms were sweaty, his heart was racing, and he'd been pausing every once in a while to try and take deep breaths. He didn't think he'd ever been more nervous or panicky in his life. And it wasn't because River had kissed him. That part had been fucking amazing. But he had no idea what was going to happen now. Would River want to pretend it never happened? Would he be so freaked out he'd want to leave for good? Would he chalk it up to being exhausted and emotional? Would this ruin their friendship? God, he couldn't stand the thought of losing River.

He swallowed nervously as River shuffled into the room, hands shoved in his pockets, his gaze not meeting Skye's. "Where were you?" Skye asked.

"Just walking." He murmured it so softly Skye could barely hear him. He still didn't make eye contact.

Skye sifted his fingers through his hair. "Can we talk?"

River wrapped his arms around himself and nodded. Skye saw him swallow and it was clear as day how anxious he was over the situation. God, Skye hoped he didn't regret it.

"Skye, I…" River started quietly, but didn"t finish. He was trembling slightly as he finally made eye contact with Skye and a single tear slid down his cheek. "I'm so sorry."

Skye stepped closer immediately so River didn't have the chance to spiral because of this. He wouldn"t let him think that that kiss was anything but perfect and beautiful and the best thing that had ever happened to him.

"Hey, none of that," he said, gripping River's face ever so gently in his hands. "It's okay, angel." He wiped the tear away with his thumb and smiled.

River's eyes widened slightly. "It is?" Skye nodded. He couldn't help but smile even more at the way River blushed and bit his lip, the way his sapphire eyes danced with…hope? And the way his body relaxed under Skye's touch.

"Yeah, Riv, it's more than okay." Skye's gaze fell to River's mouth and he noticed his friend's breath was picking up. River's hands reached out to grip Skye's hips and it felt amazing.

His grip tightened as he said, "I've never kissed a guy before."

Skye smiled softly and stepped just a bit closer, their chests almost touching now. "Did you like it?" He stroked River's cheek again and his friend shivered, leaning into his touch and closing his eyes, letting out a soft breath as he reached up and placed his hand over Skye's. Skye inhaled, his heart clenching in the most beautiful way. Please say you liked it.

River's long eyelashes fluttered from behind his glasses as he opened his eyes, gazing into Skye's. Then he bit his lip and nodded. Skye's heart leapt in his chest. "I liked that it was you," River said, flushing as he looked down. His bashfulness was so fucking endearing. "I…I think I would have liked it better if you had kissed me back, though." His gaze met Skye's again, before darting to his lips. Skye couldn't help but notice the way his friend's chest rose and fell as his hand slid around and gripped the back of River's neck. Couldn't help noticing the way his pupils dilated and the way he sucked in a breath as Skye wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Can I kiss you back now?" he asked, his gaze falling to River's full lips once more, voice low. He felt the shiver that ran down River's spine and his cock twitched, but he told it to calm the fuck down. They were taking things slow. This was just a kiss.

A flush crept up River's neck and cheeks, tinting his ears. He swallowed again and then nodded.

Slowly, so slowly, Skye lowered his mouth to River's, and pressed their lips together. There was no tongue. Just the feel of River's slightly chilled but so very soft lips on his. He felt a breath leave River, and his friend tightened his grip on Skye's hips. Skye kissed him again. It was slow and gentle as he took his time, drinking River in, memorizing him, breathing in his scent mixed with the winter chill that still clung to him. He basked in the feel of his lips, their fullness, the way his bottom lip was slightly more plump than the top, and the way they fit so perfectly with Skye's. The way Skye was holding him, touching him, tasting him, as River kissed him back. He angled River's head slightly, the kiss intensifying. His cock jerked when River moaned, his arms sliding around Skye, drawing him closer, their bodies pressed together now.

He was fully hard. How could he not be with River this close to him, making those glorious sounds? Little moans and whimpers escaping him as Skye cradled his lightly stubbled cheeks in his palms. Like Skye was kissing him the way he'd been waiting to be kissed his entire life. Like he craved Skye.

Skye pulled back, not wanting to rush things, or scare River. The last thing he wanted was to ruin this before it even started.

River blinked, his glasses slightly askew and fogged up, his face flushed and his lips swollen from their kisses. Skye didn't think he'd ever loved anything more. "Why did you stop?" River whispered.

"I didn't know how far you wanted to go," Skye told him honestly, stroking his cheek again. "I was, uh, getting a little excited." He smiled, flushing, and glanced down at his crotch, his erection still very prominent and noticeable in his jeans, and River's gaze followed.

"Oh, um, well, I would like to keep kissing you," Skye was relieved to hear him say. "Can we stick to that?" Skye nodded, and their lips found each other's again, but Skye didn"t press as close to him this time to keep things more chaste. It was still incredible, just this. It was more than he ever dreamed he would have.

They kissed for several more moments, and even without the closeness of their bodies, Skye's cock was so hard it hurt, precum leaking out and leaving a wet spot on his underwear, but he didn't press closer, he didn't touch himself, and he didn't touch River, other than his hands on his face and neck and his lips on his.

"Fuck," River breathed when they finally parted for the second time. His hands gripped Skye's biceps as he rested his forehead against Skye's, closing his eyes, his chest rising and falling.

Skye chuckled. "You never swear."

River laughed. "I never get kissed like that, either." Skye couldn't help the grin that took up his entire face. And he knew he couldn"t keep it in any longer. "I love you, Riv," he said.

River looked up, and met his gaze. "Really?"

Skye almost laughed again at the disbelief in his voice. "Yeah, really. I've loved you for a while now." He reached up and adjusted River's glasses. River bit his lip and Skye saw the anxiety written on his face, felt it in the way his friend tensed in his arms. Shit. Did he mess up? Should he not have said anything? Was he putting too much pressure on River? He just wanted to assure him that this was real for him, not a game, or an experiment. Not a trial. He wanted River. Only him. Always.

"Shit. I shouldn't have said anything," he backpedaled. "I didn't mean to scare you or make you uncomfortable?—"

River shook his head. "No, no, it's not that. God, it's not that. I…I love you, too." Skye's breath almost left him, but then River said, "I just don't know how to make this work." His eyes were so earnest when he looked at Skye, but there was something else there, too…sadness, pain even.

Skye's heart thrashed wildly. "What do you mean?" He swallowed. "If this is about me not being a Christian—" he stopped when River shook his head again, adamantly. Then it dawned on him. This was about the sex. River was afraid. He didn't think he could give Skye what he wanted. But he would give up sex for the rest of his life if it meant having River. If it meant kissing River, and holdling River, and falling asleep and waking up next to River, growing old with River. He might struggle some, sure, but he would never ask him to give more than he was comfortable with, and he would find joy in the knowledge that River was his, finally his, wholly and completely. He was about to tell him this when River spoke.

"You deserve someone who can give you everything you want and need sexually, Skye. And I just don't know that I can be that person. Kissing you and touching you is one thing. And I want that. I want it desperately. But, I don't know if I can be sexually intimate with you. I don't even think I can get an erection. No matter how much I love you or how attracted I am to you it just won't work. Even if we got married and were allowed to have sex, psychologically my body just won't let me get aroused by you, and…I still want you, but, it's not fair to you. You deserve better. I can't do that to you. I can't make you deal with all of that shit."

Skye gripped River's face in his hands tighter and stared into his eyes. "Listen to me," he told him, his voice firm but gentle. "I am the one who gets to decide what I deserve, and what I need. I don't need sex, I don't need anything you aren't comfortable giving me. I just need you. Only you. I. Love. You." He enunciated each word trying to get them to sink in. "I will never pressure you for sex. I will never make you feel guilty or ashamed. You make me so happy. I know you're scared, but you are safe with me.

"I can be patient, and we can take things as slowly as we need to, and we'll see what your body does over time, okay? If you decide that sex is something you want, we'll figure it out together. If not, we won't have it. I will be perfectly happy loving you and showering you with kisses, cuddling you on the couch, and holding you in my arms while we sleep at night.

"This is all brand new. Maybe you'll be surprised. Maybe your body and your mind will know that you"re safe with me and loved by me, and it will work out on its own. You're in charge, River. You make the calls. But whatever happens, we'll figure it out together. Because your shit is my shit. Because I am not letting you go. There is no one better for me than you, angel."

Tears filled River's eyes as he looked at Skye. "I'm not worth all of this, Skye," he whispered.

"You are to me." Skye stepped closer and covered River's mouth with his once more, feeling River's salty tears against his lips and hearing him suck in a breath, a whimper leaving him that sent a bolt of pleasure down Skye's spine and straight to his cock. "I told you, Riv," he said, pulling away, "I love you. I want you. All of you. All of your hurt and scars, all of your grief and pain. All of your heartache and struggles. I'm not afraid to love you."

River's chest heaved and he sniffled. Then he stepped forward and embraced Skye tightly. "You wanna be my boyfriend?" he asked, his chin resting against Skye's shoulder.

Skye wrapped his arms around River, feeling the fabric of his soft, black sweater, inhaling that watermelon and coconut scent, soaking in the feel of his warm body pressed against his, and he had tears forming in his eyes now, too. Tears of utter and complete joy. He nodded, his face brushing against the skin at the back of River's neck. "God, yes," he said as the tears fell down his cheeks. "Please."

River laughed slightly and nuzzled his nose into the side of Skye's neck. "Hey, Skye?" he said, "I don't think I'm straight."

Skye was laughing now. "Thank God," he said, and gripped River tighter. "Remind me to send Anna a fruit basket, by the way."

River chuckled and tightened his grip, too. "I love you, Skye," he whispered, his lips brushing the skin of Skye's neck and sending another shiver down his spine.

"I love you too, angel," Skye whispered back.