11. River

River lay on his side on the couch, hands tucked under his head. Anna sat at the other end of the couch with his feet in her lap. She'd been asking about River for a while, wanting to see him, telling him she missed him, letting him know she was thinking of him. She'd been around at least twice a week in the evenings since he'd had his accident and they'd watched movies and had dinner together on the sofa as he iced his ankle and ribs, but ever since his tailbone injury he'd been more hesitant to have her around.

He didn't know how to tell her that he couldn't go out because his butt hurt. And he was humiliated at the idea of having her over to his house and having to take up the entire couch to watch a movie because it hurt too much to sit. It sounded absolutely ridiculous. What if she didn't believe him? What if she just thought it was some lame excuse for not spending time with her? But Skye had once again convinced him to be honest with her, and he had been, and she'd been just as gracious and understanding as Nick and Jenna had been. He still felt like a complete idiot but at least she was here, and they were spending time together. Even if she wasn't sitting next to him like she normally would be, holding his hand or cuddling close.

He felt her small fingers starting to massage his feet and he let out a soft moan. "You don't have to do that."

She smiled at him. "I don't mind. You've had it rough lately. You could use some pampering."

"It feels good," he said, and wiggled his toes. "I won't stop you." The movie continued to play and she continued to massage his feet. And God, it felt so good. Her hands were small, but they were warm, and soft, applying just the right amount of pressure. "You're good at that," he said, after a while, his voice relaxed and a bit rougher than normal. She smiled and planted a kiss on his foot, making him flush.

"I used to give my mom massages. She has fibromyalgia and it really helped her. I'm pretty familiar with chronic health issues."

He nodded, then reached over and squeezed her arm. "Thank you. For being so patient with me. I know these last several weeks I've been kind of MIA. I just, I didn't know how to tell you what was going on. I was scared you wouldn't understand. It's kind of weird, you know? And I'm not sure how much longer it's going to be an issue even, and I hate that I have to be laying here, taking up the entire sofa. I want to be better, and I want to be the boyfriend who's taking you out and going to church with you."

Anna scooted out from under his feet and leaned over, planting a kiss on his lips. He drank her in, placing a hand on her cheek and kissing her back. "God, I missed this." He looked into her green eyes as she pulled back and smiled.

"Me, too. I get it, though, us not spending as much time together with everything that's been going on." She took his hand and squeezed it. "But I don't mind being here, if this is where you have to be, River. As long as we're together. I know you're struggling right now, but please don't push me away. And please don't ignore me."

He nodded, so thankful that she understood, that she was so quick to forgive him. That she was trying to make this work. She moved back to her spot by his feet. "More?" she asked, grinning at him.

"Please?" He smiled back.

A moment later Skye came in the front door carrying bags of groceries. He unloaded them and then made his way into his bedroom before coming back out in his pajamas a while later.

"You guys having fun?"

"Yeah, we're just finishing up our movie," River replied.

"Okay, well, I'm gonna hang out in my room for a bit and then head to bed." Skye bent over and placed a chaste kiss on River's head. "Night, angel."

"Night, Skye," River replied, unable to keep the smile from splitting his face.

"Night, Anna," Skye said, waving at her. She waved back, but River saw her biting her lip as Skye exited the room.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, of course." She gave him a small smile. "I'm fine."

River's breath caught in his throat when he pulled up to their condo a couple of days later. Christmas lights adorned the bushes in front of their small window, and ran across the roof. In the middle of the yard was a single tree, its trunk wrapped in the same sparkling white lights. A sleigh and reindeer decorated the front lawn, and a giant red mailbox sat on the front porch that read, "Letters to Santa."

He'd been so focused on his pain and how miserable he was, on how he knew there was no way he would be able to make the drive to see his aunt Jodi this year. Normally, he would be the one to put up the Christmas decorations because of Skye's fear of heights, but he'd been so worn out from dealing with everything that he just couldn't. He hadn't even mentioned it to Skye.

But there they were. And they brightened up the whole neighborhood, and his heart. And they made him smile.

Skye made him smile.

Suddenly he couldn"t wait to get inside and see his roommate.

It was two weeks until Christmas, and snow covered the ground. He was bundled in his gray wool coat, black gloves and a turquoise scarf when he stepped out of the car, wincing at the pain in his tailbone. He trudged through the snow and up the front walk, making sure to get rid of as much snow as he could before he stepped inside.

When he opened the door to the condo and saw the beautifully decorated Christmas tree with blue and gold ornaments, the white sparkling lights that adorned it, lighting up the dimly lit living room, giving it a warm ambiance, the gold ribbon on the tree for garland, and a twinkling star on top, he almost cried.

"Skye?" he called as he slipped off his shoes, then unwrapped his scarf and removed his gloves. He shoved the gloves in his coat pocket and hung the scarf over the hook by the front door, all the while staring at the tree. It was absolutely breathtaking.

"Hey, handsome," Skye said, entering from the kitchen with a smile as River took off his coat. "You like it?"

River met his gaze, Skye's green eyes warm and sparkling under the glow of the lights. He must have sensed how emotional this was making River because he looked down, shoving his hands into his pockets, blushing.

"You did all of this when you got home?" River asked. "After a full day"s work? In this freezing weather? It's beautiful. And you even went up on a ladder? You don't do ladders, Skye. What's up with you, lately? You're being extra sweet."

"I just wanted to cheer you up," Skye said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, it worked."

Skye looked up, cheeks still flushed, and a timid smile on his handsome face. His gaze locked with River's, and River found himself swallowing, his chest tightening. What was happening to him? He was staring into Skye's eyes, and looking at his plump lips, and…what the heck? He swallowed again and glanced away.

"Dinner's ready," Skye said, clearing his throat as he motioned for River to follow him. "You want it in bed?"

"I can stand," River said, joining him at the bar. Skye had cooked a delicious meal of salmon, roasted asparagus and mashed potatoes, and it was making River's mouth water.

"You ready for a break?" he asked as they dug in. He had to stop himself from moaning around his mouthful as the flavor exploded on his tongue. Butter, garlic, and parmesan cheese. River loved Skye's cooking.

"Yeah, I'm excited to see my family," Skye said. "Heading to Mom's place in Kansas and Jaden and Chloe are gonna meet us there. I would have asked you to come, but I know you can't travel."

"No, it's fine. When I told Aunt Jodi what was going on she said she would come to me."

Skye smiled and nodded.

"Skye, I've been thinking," River said, after a moment of silence. He picked at his food, moving it around on his plate but never actually gathering it on his fork.

"About what?" Skye swallowed his mouthful of food.

"About that manual therapy you were talking about. I don't know. Maybe I should try it."

Skye blinked. "You sure?"

"No, I'm not sure. But I feel like I can't keep dealing with the level of pain I'm in, and I can't keep complaining about it if I'm not willing to try everything available to me to help me get better. It scares me, but I feel like, if it might help get me some sense of normalcy back, I need to give it a chance."

Skye's eyes were soft and compassionate as he gazed at River. Then he rested his hand on River's shoulder. "I'll support you, whatever you want to do. You know I'm here for you."

His eyes widened and he stammered when River asked, "Would you come with me?"

"Uh," he swallowed his food and covered his mouth with his hand.

"You don't have to." River looked back at his plate and bit his lip. "I get that it's kind of weird."

"No, I don't mind," Skye replied, quickly. "I'm just kind of surprised you want me there. I thought that would make you more uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I get that. But for some reason, the idea of having you there makes me less upset and anxious about the whole ordeal. And if I do start having flashbacks or a panic attack, I'm pretty sure you're the only one who's going to be able to help me work through it."

River heard his intake of breath, and then Skye swallowed. His response was barely audible, "Okay, I'll come."

Skye

"You okay, Riv?' Skye asked as they sat in the car on the way back from seeing the pelvic floor therapist.

Skye couldn't be more proud of River. He'd talked with the therapist about his concerns, about his history, and why he was hesitant about the therapy, and she had assured him that he was in good hands, that he was safe, and that they dealt with many patients in their line of work who had a history of sexual assault and the traumatic memories and associations that went hand in hand with it, and were hesitant to go forward with this kind of therapy for the same reasons. She told him that if at any moment he felt uncomfortable or changed his mind, she would be done, he just had to say so. He nodded and Skye and the therapist left to let River get undressed from the waist down.

When they came back in, River was lying on his side, covered with a sheet, his hands under his head. "I'm going to put a glove on, and some lubricant," the therapist told him. "Are you okay so far?"

River took a deep breath and let it out, then nodded.

"Okay, I need you to relax, and just breathe," the therapist instructed. "Then bear down like you're having a bowel movement. That will actually make it easier for me to get in and less uncomfortable for you. It shouldn't hurt, but if it does, let me know. It'll feel cold, and you'll feel my finger sliding in, okay? If at any point you need me to stop, just say so."

"Can I stand by him?" Skye asked, feeling a desperate need to be by his friend's side.

"Of course." She smiled at him and he moved over to the other side of the table so he could see River. His eyes closed as he breathed in again, and Skye reached out and took his hand. River's gaze met his as he breathed out.

"You got this," Skye told him. "You're safe. I'm here." I love you. You're so strong. And so beautiful. And you've never let your scars define you. I am so proud of you.

River's grip on his hand tightened as he breathed out again, then shifted ever so slightly as the therapist"s finger slid inside him.

"You've got a lot of scar tissue in here," she stated, matter of factly, "which could be causing a lot of the problem if the adhesions formed on the surrounding muscles and tendons are pulling on your tailbone. And your tailbone is definitely dislocated. It's deviated to the left like the x-ray showed and it's also tucked under. So I can move your tailbone back into place, but then we're gonna have to work on doing some pelvic floor exercises to relax those muscles and give you more room so your tailbone can stay in place. We'll also tape it on the outside so that it stays in place. But the exercises are going to be essential. And then I would recommend that you come back as often as possible to do some myofascial release and work on breaking up the scar tissue that's built up in here because that will help too. You doing okay so far?"

River nodded even as his gaze stayed locked with Skye's. His hand hadn't moved from Skye's, and Skye gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm fine," River said.

"Okay, I've reached your tailbone. You're going to feel a tugging sensation, and maybe a sharp pain."

River grunted and winced.

"You okay?" she asked again.

He nodded.

"Okay, I'm going to come out slowly now," she told him. "Just keep breathing in and out." River did. "Okay, one long exhale," she instructed, and then she was sliding out and standing up, removing her gloves and tossing them in the trash. Then she turned back to River with a warm smile.

"You did great. Now we'll get you taped up, and I'll show you those exercises. I would like to see you once a week for the next few months, just to get rid of some of that scar tissue and do the myofascial release I talked about. It'll be really similar to what we did today but it will take a little longer, and we'll do internal and external work around your tailbone. If you want to take some time to think about it you can. I totally understand. But I do think it would really help your physical health improve and help you get back some quality of life. Let me know what you decide. I'll be back with the tape and the copies of those stretches."

River sat up. "Can I ask you something?" he said, somewhat hesitantly.

"Of course," she answered.

"The scar tissue you're talking about, is there any way to tell what caused that? I mean, was it from the assault?"

"It's quite possible. I'm afraid that's often the case for victims of sexual assault. But I'm afraid there's really no way to know for sure in your particular case," she said. "You said you also had a bad fall several years back, and a car accident not too long ago, correct?"

River nodded.

"So any one of those things or a combination of the three could have caused it. But we're going to do our best to help you get better, okay? Just hang in there."

River nodded, biting his lip. "Thank you."

Skye's breath hitched when River reached over and took his hand, pulling it away from the steering wheel and interlocking their fingers together. His heart started beating rapidly as River's warm skin pressed against his, and focusing on driving became increasingly difficult.

"River?" he said, swallowing hard. He'd held River's hand before, especially lately, but not like this. River's thumb skated over his hand and Skye sucked in another breath. It felt different. Tender, and, dare he say…intimate. Breathing was becoming more and more difficult, and Skye's brain was malfunctioning.

His dick twitched. Fuck. He didn't want to take his hand away from River's but he felt like if he didn"t they would end up in a wreck. He couldn't think straight with River touching him like this. And he didn"t even know what River meant by it. Was it intimate? How could it be? River still had a girlfriend. And he'd never shown any kind of sexual attraction for Skye. What was he supposed to do with this?

"I'm okay, Skye," River said, softly. Then he reached over with his other hand, and took their linked hands into his, before placing them on his lap. He began to stroke over the top of Skye's hand repeatedly. Skye's cock twitched again and started to thicken in his jeans. If River didn't stop soon Skye was going to have a very visible boner. "And I don't know if I would have been without you. Thank you for being there."

Skye swallowed hard again. Okay, seriously what the hell was River doing? "Sure," he said, trying to stay calm and collected, as his body heated up and his skin prickled. He began to slowly remove his hand from River's and put it back on the steering wheel. Then he spent the rest of the drive home trying not to read too much into what the hell had just happened.