Chapter 21

Chapter 21StellaMy heart pounded the whole drive up, and not just because I was tailing Gale’s car and hoping it wouldn’t break down in front of me. It made it in one piece back to the lot at the lodge, but I wasn’t sure I could say the same for my psyche.I should have just told her everything… I’d meant to. That I loved her, that I wanted her to stay, that I was willing to go through whatever it took to be with her. But… I wanted to spend Christmas with her even if the answer was no. And I didn’t really want to ruin that little bit of time we might get if the answer was no.I parked in space 12, under the shadow of the lodge, and I stepped out of the car and around to where Gale looked more than a little pale, breathing out slowly looking at her car. I put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing.“No weird noises this time?”“Nothing. Drove like a dream. Just was afraid the whole time it would turn into a nightmare.”“I’m sure it’s good. Do you…” I let my hand slip down, my heart pounding as I slipped mine into hers, straining for her reaction. When she squeezed my hand, my heart jolted, daring for every little possibility. “Do you want to go in with me now? I bet even Faith is up now, so… we don’t want to keep everyone waiting.”“Mm.” She smiled sweetly at me, in that disarming way that threatened to undo me completely. “Gladly. But I’m not saying the thing about walking in on my parents…”“They’d never ask you questions like that again if you did.”“I’ll consider it if things start to get too desperate in the future.”I wonder if that meant we had a future. I wonder if I was reading too much into every small thing.I led her by the hand up to the covered porch, dressed up in its Christmas lights—Bellsford was so quiet right now it was like we could hear every snowflake that drifted in the breeze off of the roofs and the streetlamps, but the lodge was alive and alight with activity. I squeezed her hand as I pushed open the door, kicking the snow off my boots, and I felt my heart beating faster as we stepped into the warmth of the lobby, the fireplace crackling underneath the sound of all the chatter around, Christmas music playing softly and the smell of cinnamon rolls filling the air. My family squeezed in, down to the last one, all gathered around where the tree was stocked with presents, and a ripple of chatter went through the room as Gale and I stepped inside, Mom making a beeline for the two of us with Grandpa hot on her heels, but Clarissa beat them both to us, coming down off the couch and running at full tilt.“Abigail!” she shouted, throwing herself onto Gale in a hug. Gale knelt, stripping her gloves off before she hugged Clarissa back, squeezing her as they both laughed.“Hey, Clarissa. Can’t say I’m gone for years at a time now, can you?”Clarissa scoffed. “That doesn’t count! You can’t just run away so you can say you came back, that’s cheating!”“Ah, tough crowd.” Gale stood up, ruffling Clarissa’s hair. “Merry Christmas, Clari.”“Abigail,” Mom said, coming in past Clarissa and giving Gale a hug too. I started to wonder if we’d get a whole procession to hug her. “I’m so glad you made it back okay. I heard about what happened with your car…”“Ah, yeah… well, thanks to Charlie and Stella, here I am.”Mom stepped back with a teary twinkle in her eyes, and my stomach dropped, knowing I was in trouble before she even said it. “I’m really happy to see you and Stella both… I’m happy for you two.”“Uh, Mom,” I said, with my best please-can-it look. “Let’s just celebrate having Abigail back for Christmas.”Clarissa nodded, and she missed the memo, because she blurted loudly, “Are you two together now?”Grandpa put a hand on Clarissa’s shoulder, smiling widely at Gale. “Now, now, Clarissa. Let’s not play these games right now. It’s good to have Abigail back. Is everything okay with your parents after all?”“Yeah. They were, uh, worried about some bad news from the doctor and I thought I should be there to comfort them, but… turned out to be a false alarm and everything’s good, so we’re just celebrating together another time.”He nodded, seeming satisfied, but Clarissa sure wasn’t. “I’m not playing games,” she said, pouting. “Stella said she was going to go because she loves Abigail and she misses her—”“Clari,” I said, speaking much too quickly now, suddenly aware of every pair of eyes looking at me. “What matters is that Abigail is here now—”Clarissa scowled. “You said you wanted a Christmas miracle so you and Abigail could get back together—”Grandpa wasn’t the only one now I was mortified in front of. I cleared my throat loudly. “What I meant—”“Clarissa,” Grandpa said, his voice sterner now. “Christmas isn’t the time for these kinds of discussions.”Clarissa shot him a bewildered look. “What? What’s wrong with being in love with someone on Christmas?”“Clarissa, I want you to listen well,” Grandpa said, but Mom put a hand up.“Dad. There’s nothing wrong with it. Stella and Abigail would have my full support if they were to be together anyway.”Gale gave me a wide-eyed look out of the corner of her eye. Suddenly shy, I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, my cheeks tingling with a flush.Grandpa looked between us like we were talking about murder. Grandma came up to his side, putting a hand on his back, and she spoke in a low voice, quiet enough I wasn’t sure she knew we could hear. “Honey, you can talk to them about it later.”Talk to them about it. Like we were being unruly kids if I was—what, being gay? I found myself standing up straighter, something smoldering in my chest. “Talk about what?” I said. “I mean—if Abigail were my girlfriend, would it be a problem?”“It wouldn’t,” Dad said, coming around the couch and towards us. “Stella can date who she wants. All due respect, Mister Jackson, but Julia and I are responsible for our own decisions with our family, and we’re happy to welcome Abigail.”Grandpa lost it. I could see the look flare in his eyes—having his spineless son-in-law talk back to him getting to him, apparently. He shot Dad a look, and he said, “You watch your own family when your wife is sneaking out for an affair, and you don’t even—”“Dad, we’re getting divorced,” Mom said, and Grandpa whirled on her, mouth open but not saying a word. Dad cleared his throat.“It’s been in the works for a while,” he said.“I didn’t want to bring it up for Christmas, but…” Mom gestured vaguely his way.“For the record,” Dad said, “she told me she was going to see Charlie. I thought it was a nice gesture to clear everything. You know—despite everything—I want her to be happy.”I stood up straighter. “And for the record, I’m bisexual,” I said.Next to me, Gale laughed. She tried her best to suppress it, pursing her lips and smiling widely through it, but it still slipped out. Grandpa paled, looking at us with a blank stare, like we were the dead speaking to him, and he shook his head before he finally spoke.“After everything I do… just trying to make a family all the things it should be. And you… you…”Gale put a hand up. “While we’re here, I’m a lesbian. I actually prefer going by Gale, too.”Grandma gave her a pleading look, please stop written all over her face, and Grandpa shot her a withering glare. “And why are you even here? Just to bring all of this to Christmas—a whole Christmas celebration that all of us worked to put together?”“Ah, y’know.” Gale shrugged. “Heard there were some of those marzipan chocolates here. Couldn’t help myself.”“You aren’t even a part of this—”Mom cut in with a hand up. “Abigail’s always… Gale’s always been a part of our family.”I slipped my hand into Gale’s, feeling something welling up higher in my chest, swelling until I just wanted to throw myself on her and hold her forever. “Well, if we’ve overstayed our invitation,” I said, “we can always go. Have Christmas at my place instead.”“You might as well,” Grandpa said, his face red now—the man didn’t even know what he was saying, so caught up in trying to win. Faith just about fell over the back of the couch, coming towards us.“Shit, can I leave, too?”Grandma shot her a look. “Faith. Language.”Faith rolled her eyes. “English. Want a different one? Mierda, can I leave, too?”Mom shook her head. “No, honey. We’re not leaving. I want it to be perfectly clear Stella and Gale are a part of this family.”Faith slumped. “I thought maybe there was an upside to Grandpa being a homophobic old walrus…”Gale stepped closer to me, taking a long breath. “If you do want to leave, I’m going with you. Anywhere at all.”I scanned my eyes over the room—a dozen other family members standing by watching the altercation. No idea what side they were on.Well… maybe they weren’t on a side. Most of them had probably never dreamed they’d have a gay person in the family—all growing up in the kind of community where there was one gay couple in the neighborhood who everyone spoke about in whispers like they were mythical. They were probably just trying to wait and see the right side to be on.Everybody so damn concerned with doing it the right way, fitting in.I squeezed Gale’s hand. “No,” I said, a little louder. “I’d like to spend Christmas here. With the people I love.”The air felt charged, loaded like a live wire, ready to explode at the first touch—finally, Grandma laid a hand softly on Grandpa’s arm.“Ron, sweetie. It’s Christmas. Let’s just be together.”He looked between us, his expression shifting, struggling to decide what he was supposed to feel, before he turned away with a grumble. “Don’t understand how someone’s supposed to actually enjoy marzipan, but I guess someone’s got to like it. They’re on the table with the pumpkin rolls.”A tension cut loose in my chest, and I could breathe again. Gale’s shoulders dropped, and a big smile broke out over her face, and Mom turned back to us with a big smile.“Merry Christmas, Gale.”Gale put a hand over her mouth, covering up a soft laugh, her eyes twinkling. I felt like my chest would burst, looking at her like this—just the most perfect person I’d ever known in my life. She glanced over at me, her eyes meeting mine, and my stomach swooped, a racing sensation at the unspoken words between us.“Merry Christmas, Julia,” she said, taking just a second too long to take her eyes off mine and back to Mom.Never long enough, though.*“Sorry about that,” Gale groaned, rubbing her forehead as I led her out to where the sunset cast a glimmering orange-hazel glow over the snow on the ground. It had warmed up a bit from this morning, but the cold still tingled a bit at the tip of my nose, snow crunching under our boots as I took Gale by the hand.“Please. Don’t worry about it,” I said. “That was a lot of people in a small room. You looked like you were about to pass out or go feral.”“I owe you one.”“Truth be told, I’ve had a little too much family for the day, too,” I laughed, walking with her down the cobblestone street, into the perfect quiet of the night, surrounded by glimmering lights. “I could do with a getaway.”She nodded to the parking lot. “Let’s drive a bit. I want to see if my car still works okay. Figure there’s no better time than Christmas evening where no one is out on the road…”She was angling for something, but I didn’t mind. If she wanted a little privacy with me away from the bustle of Bellsford, I was the last person to complain. “Lead the way,” I said, following along behind her, and Gale being so chivalrous, she even got the door for me, let me in on the passenger’s side and shut the door before she went around to her side and climbed in front of the wheel.“Want to sign a liability waiver first?” she said, and I laughed awkwardly, scratching my head.“I trust Charlie’s friend…”The car ran fine, turned out, although we didn’t go far from Bellsford. We headed down the front street and past the gates, and we went just beyond the outskirts and slowed down where the road pitched and veered down the mountainside before she turned off into a snow-blanketed field, tucked in behind the cedars and overlooking the mountains drenched with the golden light of sunset. She stopped the car facing away from the mountainside, and I looked over at her unbuckling.“Kidnapping me? If you’re ransoming me to the Jacksons threatening to toss me off the cliff, you should have done it before I pissed them off…”She laughed. “I don’t think you even pissed them off that much. I think they kinda liked it.” She looked away. “Nah, I just… uh… just… wanted some privacy with you.”My heart skipped a beat, and I swallowed, hard, nodding through a breathless smile. “Yeah… I’m here.”“Let’s sit in the back. I’ve got a blanket there and everything.”“What, camping out in your car all the time?”She laughed. “It’s my go-to when I’m on campus but I need to wrap myself up in a blanket in an enclosed space.”Well, that didn’t sound too bad, when she put it like that. I stepped out of the car with her and helped her put the back seats down, and she climbed into the car first, taking my hand and helping me up inside with her. She pulled a blanket from a bag, draping it over the two of us, and I felt my heart beating faster, sitting close to her like this, watching the sunset out the rear windshield. Gale didn’t say anything—just shifted closer to me, and slowly, cautiously, she rested her head on my shoulder.I laid my head against hers. We fit against one another so well. I didn’t think there was anyone else in the world I fit with so well.“It is nice here,” I said, my voice quiet.“Mm…” She nodded. “What did I tell you?”“Indeed. I would never dream of questioning you again.”She paused. “Are you feeling okay?”“Okay?” I laughed, taking her hand under the blanket before I could rethink it. “I feel wonderful. I don’t like to hide things. And even if it wasn’t perfect… there’s family who supports me the way I am. I couldn’t think of anything better.”“Mm… could you not?”I felt a nervous laugh bubble up in my throat. “Um… maybe I could think of something even better, if I tried really hard.”She swallowed. I felt it like it was my own nerves. “I’m… I’m glad you came back for me.”“Me too,” I whispered. “Glad I went for you, and glad you came back with me. So… thank you.”She gave me a playful smile. “You look cute in that pendant.”I met her gaze, and all I could think was that she was so beautiful—so breathtakingly gorgeous I couldn’t take my eyes off her. “Thank you,” I said, and I found my hand caressing her cheek—touching that perfect softness of her skin, feeling the way she fit so naturally into the cup of my hand, the way she fluttered her eyes shut and sank into my hand. “I love it,” I whispered.“But I don’t know who bought it for you.”“Uh-huh. I’m sure you don’t.”“I’m sure you are.”I sank into her, moving effortlessly, until my lips found hers, and I kissed her, softly, sweetly, tenderly. My heart jumped, beating faster, and then slower as we fell into one another, holding her there into me like it was where she was always meant to be.Wasn’t it? We’d known this all our lives. We’d waited so long for this, and nothing in this world was making me turn away from her again.I kissed her, slipping my hand to the back of her neck, moving my lips with hers, slow, adoring. She rolled her head back when I kissed down to her jawline, and she whispered a soft breath when I moved down and kissed her neck.I kissed lower, down to the peek of her collarbone out of her shirt, and she laughed a little, nervous and as high on this feeling as I was, and she moved quickly—pitched herself on top of me, pressing her lips to mine and stealing my breath away as she kissed me. I felt fireworks exploding in every part of my body as she tilted my head back, kissing my neck, and I let her move me down onto my back, settling down on top of me and kissing back up to my lips. I slipped my hands up to her back, darting up her shirt and touching the soft skin along the small of her back.“Stella…” She whispered my name like a silent prayer against my skin.“Gale?”“I… I want you.”I bit my lip, smiling brilliantly at her. “I want you, too.”She fluttered her eyes shut, kissing down at my collar, slipping her hands up the sides of my shirt, fingertips teasing over my waist. “I want to hear all the sounds you make…”“Mm…” I lay my head back and let it happen, arching my body against her and savoring every perfect little touch along my body. “You too, you know.”“I’ve been holding back for too long.”“Me too,” I laughed, and I met her in a kiss as she came back up, her lips finding mine as her hand moved up to my breast, massaging softly, thumb brushing over my nipple through my clothes. I moaned quietly into her mouth, giving myself over to the pleasure that glowed molten through me.She took her time with me, soft and loving little touches that built up warmth through my body, lighting me up as she went, and I was short for breath and felt my face burning by the time she finally gave me what I needed—propped up on her elbow next to me, her face inches from mine, watching with the softest smile as she moved a hand down, under the band of my pants, and I collapsed against the upholstery beneath me with a moan as her fingers worked over where I needed her, building up a well of pleasure.“Stella,” she whispered, and I cracked my eyes to look at that—that perfect smile she was giving me. “Don’t close your eyes. Look at me…”I let out a shaky breath, nodding quickly, and I caressed a hand over her cheek, looking at her with that adoring smile as her fingers danced over me.I was so in love with her… I didn’t know when it had started, just that I didn’t think it would ever end.Pleasure built up until it felt like I would break, and I heard myself gasping her name, over and over, crackling through the soft moans and whimpers, and I managed to whisper a, “Gale, please, I…”She nodded. “Please.”She kissed me, and her fingers pushed me over the edge, sending me spiraling into a mind-numbing pleasure that washed over every part of me—I faded into the perfect harmony of the moment, Gale’s fingers taking me higher than I’d ever been, her lips against mine, and the sweet scent of her so familiar on my senses, making me feel like I never needed anywhere or anything but this, never needed anyone but her.I was breathing hard when I came back down and Gale pulled back, biting her lip through a sweet smile, looking at me with that look I could never get enough of.“Gale…” I whispered, brushing a thumb over her cheek.“Stella?”“I… I don’t know if it’s too much, but… but you know I love you, right?”She laughed, softly, a twinkle in her eyes. “What, because lesbians read minds?”“If you can do that, you could have saved us both a lot of trouble… okay, well, I’m telling you now.”She pressed the sweetest kiss to my lips, laughing quietly. “I love you, too, Stella. I have for… quite a long time.”“Mm…” I bit down on a floaty little giggle, feeling like I could just drift away on the clouds that streaked across the sunset outside the window. “Me too. I’m really glad… you didn’t hold a grudge about the trumpet.”“Yeah… the scar healed.”“Or the cupcake…”She laughed. “Not the first or the last time I poisoned myself with lactose.”“I know we’re going to different schools, and… my family’s kind of a mess… but I want to be with you. Now and forever. Can we…”She laid her head down next to mine, smiling sweetly at me. “It’s only, like, an hour and a half drive from mine to yours. In lesbian currency, that’s nothing.”“Okay, but I’m not a lesbian.”She laughed. “Then you’re going to have to tell me if it feels too far for you.”I bit down on a smile. “No… I don’t think any distance would be too far. I love you, Gale.”“I love you, too. A lot. Merry Christmas.”I laughed, so bubbly-perfect happy right now I could just burst. “Merry Christmas, Gale. But… just, uh…”She raised her eyebrows. “Yeah?”“Um. Can I, you know—” I pointed down between her legs. “I mean, it’s only polite to return the favor.”“Okay, definitely, because I didn’t want to rush this, but I’m really… you know.”“Great,” I laughed, kissing her again, just trying to get every little bit of her. Desperate for as much of her as I possibly could, which was kind of silly, since we had so, so much time to love each other.But I guess love made you a little silly. I didn’t mind.