Chapter 20

Chapter 20StellaI couldn’t sleep well that night, and I doubted it was excitement for Christmas morning. I lay quiet in bed, waiting and wishing sleep would come, but my mind wouldn’t leave the red gift-wrapped box on my nightstand, feeling like it was staring at me, judging me.There was a heavy feeling in my chest when I woke up, only the very first glows of sunlight starting to kiss the edges of the window frame. I went from a shallow sleep to total wakefulness in an instant, sitting upright, and I put a hand to my chest, all too aware of my heartbeat hammering away.Gale was leaving soon. And every part of me wanted to do something, but… what? Chase her down and ask her to come back?I was being ridiculous. Even if I was putting aside everything with my family, what made me think she would even want me to ask her back?I knew the family would be gathering in the lobby soon. But it was still early enough I doubted anyone but Mom was up… I didn’t want to face anyone, but I didn’t want to be alone, either.So it was that my hand drifted naturally to the red-wrapped gift box on the nightstand, picking it up and holding it carefully, my heart pounding. The nerve of that woman, to give me a parting gift and even trying to do it in secret… could I even open it and accept a gift from her in good conscience after I’d let her go?I closed my eyes, trying to make myself put it back down, but my hand seemed to move of its own accord—I tore the wrapping paper, one thin strip ripped off, and I found myself looking at it with shaking hands. The first step taken now, I kept going, pulled the bow off and tore the paper, until it fell away into a small wooden jewelry box.“Merry Christmas, Gale,” I whispered, and I cracked the box open, fingers shaking. I felt the breath leave me at the crescent-moon pendant inside, intricate detailing around the edges of it, a delicate chain—the same one I’d looked at in that gift shop. Right before I kissed her under the mistletoe.Something caught in my throat, and I struggled for a second to breathe, lifting it gingerly from the case, feeling tears prickling at my eyes.It was so gorgeous… even more than I’d dared to realize at the shop. The precious silver was so fine I could see my reflection distorted along the edges of it, a tiny alexandrite in the center, my birthstone. That was why it had caught my eye at the shop, but it meant a lot more now.She’d tried to give it to me without me knowing who it was from, but there was no way for me to see that pendant and not know who had bought it for me. She wasn’t trying to hide who it was from, she just didn’t want me to know until I opened it.She was… afraid I wouldn’t open it if I knew it was her. Afraid I would reject her.I unfastened the clasp and clipped it on around my neck, touching the stone lightly before I moved—I glided like I was in a dream, pulling on pants and tugging a robe on over my clothes, stepping into a pair of slippers and stumbling out of the room, walking in a rush that turned into a half-run to the stairs and down two at a time before I came into the lobby and into where Mom was preparing a cup at the coffee bar, and I didn’t even care about what it looked like anymore. She glanced back at me, and I hurried across the room to her and I hugged her, burying my face in her shoulder.“Stella—” She set her coffee down, holding me softly by the shoulders. “Stella, what on earth is wrong?”“I miss her,” I said, my voice wobbling. “I let her go and I shouldn’t have—I love her so much, but I didn’t want to ruin everything, but… but I…”“Oh, Stella.” She put a hand on my back, holding me while I cried on her—I should have been embarrassed, I realized distantly, but I couldn’t bring myself to think it, just letting it out, letting it happen, letting myself cry on her shoulder. “Oh, honey,” she sighed, squeezing tightly. “I’ve gone and caused so much trouble for you.”“You’re supposed to be happy for me,” I said, my throat raw. “I found someone I love, and she’s… she’s wonderful. You think she is, too. So why…”She squeezed me again before she stepped back, her hands on my shoulders, and she moved to look me in the eye even when I couldn’t hold my head up. “I am happy for you, Stella. I’m so… so happy. Abigail is wonderful, and I… we all love her so much. She’s always been welcome in the family, whether as your friend or… or more than that. And if anyone has an issue with you—with all of you—with you being the person you are and loving the person you love—then they can take it up with me.”I choked on a sob, hot and angry in my throat, in my eyes, and I forced in a shaky breath. “That’s… that’s not what you were saying before, now, is it? Not when it counted.”“I know. I was wrong. I always wanted to be the person you’d trust for… for big things in your life, but I was trying to—” She pursed her lips, casting her eyes up in that thing she did when she was searching for what to say. “I was trying to make everything better with no problems, and I just got everyone hurt, instead. I’m sorry, Stella.”I’d never actually thought I’d be able to hear something like that from… it broke down the last little bits of me, and I collapsed against her again, crying my little heart out on her. “She… she said she should leave, not cause any problems, and I just… just let her go. I miss… I miss her so much,” I said, my voice thick through tears.“Well, honey, I—” Mom started, and we both jumped when Clarissa’s voice spoke from behind me.“Who do you miss? Is it Abigail?”“Oh—my god.” I put a hand to my chest, turning back to where Clarissa clasped her hands at her waist, swaying with a puppy-dog-eyes smile up at us. “Clarissa? What are you doing sneaking around this early?”She giggled. “Hi.”Mom cleared her throat. “Clarissa, your sister and I are talking about something important—”I knelt in front of Clarissa, looking down. “Yeah,” I said. “I was… talking about how much I miss Abigail.”Clarissa pouted. “Why don’t you ask her to come back, and you can get back together?”Clarissa had such a simplistic view of things. But sometimes I was pretty sure I needed to be more like her myself.“Clarissa—” Mom started, but I looked up, meeting Clarissa’s eyes.“Yeah?” I said. “You think you can close your eyes really hard and wish for a big Christmas miracle for me and Abigail?”Clarissa gave me a dirty look. “Don’t just wait for a Christmas miracle, tell her to come back. I know she loves you. And I want to see her again.”Kid just dragged me through the mud. I laughed, standing up, and I turned back to Mom. “Hey… Mom. Can I ask you a favor?”*GaleI felt hungover, and if I was being honest, I looked like it too. No matter how much I tried in Charlie’s tiny little bathroom that somehow had the luxury of a personal sauna and yet a toilet in the shower to save space, I couldn’t scrub away the heavy, hanging exhaustion over my face, and I resigned myself to it, stepping away from the mirror and toweling off the last of the water from my hair.Shockingly, it wasn’t the wine that had me like this, even though I’d gratefully accepted another mug of it last night while I sat in the living room and talked about nothing with Charlie while he worked on his latest project—the background noise had saved me from myself, but right now, it was just me, my thoughts swirling around the drain.Merry Christmas. Charlie had started for the lodge in the early hours before I woke up, and I came out of the loft to a note telling me to make myself comfortable here however I needed, for as long as I needed, and help myself to anything from his house, with one condition: not to leave before 8. Roadwork finishing up down the way, apparently, and he didn’t want me stranded out there.Who was doing roadwork on Christmas Day? It didn’t make any sense, but I wasn’t ignoring the one request Charlie made after he’d saved my ass out here and his friend refused to even charge me for the quick fix, saying it was no big deal and he didn’t want to strain a girl with a broken heart.Because… that was what I needed to think about right now. I hated that it was this obvious. So after I’d packed up all my things into the car, I put together a breakfast from scraps in Charlie’s kitchen, not wanting to take too much even with his offer, and I ate alone under the Christmas lights next to a window overlooking an early-sunrise winter wonderland I just wanted to get away from.I was never enjoying Christmas again in my damn life.And as I sat in front of the fireplace drinking my coffee, despite my best efforts, all I could do was think about Stella. About her voice, about her smile, about her laugh, about the soft look she would give me when it was just the two of us, and… and about the present I left her.I wondered if she’d opened it.And apparently, somehow, by Christmas magic, I must have invoked that thought into existence, because my phone buzzed. I ignored it for a minute, lost in my thoughts, but when I lazily glanced at my phone, I almost dropped my coffee at the sight of a text from Stella.Merry Christmas, Gale. Did you really think I wouldn’t guess the pendant was from you?I could almost hear the playful tone in her voice. It ached like a knife wedged between my ribs, but I felt a smile come on anyway as I texted back. pendant? I don’t know what you’re talking about tbh.She replied right away. My heart missed a beat. oh, well then, i guess i’ll tell the old man at the gift shop thank you! i’m sure he won’t have anything interesting to say about you buying a pendantI felt a laugh bubble up from somewhere, despite everything. there’s no need for that…….. he cannot be trustedmhm. And then after that, thank you, gale. i love it. it’s the best christmas present i’ve ever gotten.She was just twisting the knife in deeper. And yet… at the same time… I didn’t want the space, the time, that I’d asked for. I wanted her, even if friendship was all we had, and I was desperate for even the slightest chance at that. I fell against the back of the couch, texting back. well, let’s not get too hasty!! i do remember you got a very special present from clarissa in our last year of high school!do i look like i want a furby??? i’ve heard the stories, i burned that thingI laughed, feeling a smile like warmth in a blizzard right now. i’m glad you like the present. guess my attempt at stealth was futile.She started typing, and then she deleted it, and again, and again, and then she sent something that made my heart stop. Come back to Bellsford. Please.My heart beat faster, harder, pounding in my chest. A cottony sensation filled my mouth, and I forced myself to swallow. We agreed on this, I sent, but I desperately wanted her to fight me on it.I don’t want to have Christmas without you. Please? And then before I could respond, another message. I don’t care if it causes problems. I miss you. And then sentences in separate messages, coming quickly now, Clari misses you. Mom and Dad miss you. A pause. Even Faith misses you. Do you know how rare that is?I laughed, a dry sound streaked with tears I hadn’t realized were waiting there on the precipice. Is everything okay with your parents? What am I supposed to say about mine?My parents are grownups. They can handle themselves. Say you found out your parents are just fine after all bc you walked in on them having sex.Oh, um… might pass on that partPlease, Gale. I know I should have done things differently, but please choose me.It felt like a vice clenching my chest tighter until it threatened to crush my ribs. I just don’t want to be a part of anything going wrong in your family…She replied right away with something that had me staring blankly at the screen. Do you want to see the pendant? I took a selfie with it.That was… a tonal shift. Were we just moving on? uh, sure.She sent a picture. She looked beautiful in it—dressed up in her outerwear, a coat and scarf with a beanie, the tip of her nose pink from the cold, the pendant sticking out from under her scarf—but that wasn’t what caught my eye.What caught my eye was the secluded building in the background, log-cabin style construction, and a silver-and-red wreath on the door that looked a little too familiar.I dropped the phone on the couch, almost throwing my coffee putting it down on the table, and I scrabbled up to my feet with my heart in my mouth, racing over to the window and throwing open the curtain. On the ground below, Stella stood next to her mom’s car, looking up at me, and she laughed, waving at me through the glass. I felt like my stomach dropped out, heart jumping, and I threw the window open, leaning out.“Stella?” I blurted. “What are you doing here?”She put a hand on her hip. “Is that any way to greet a girl who comes looking for you? Merry Christmas, you terrible host.”“How did you even—”“Mom told me where Charlie’s house is.”Unbelievable. I laughed breathlessly before I shut the window, stumbling over to the door and throwing on a coat as fast as I could, stepping into slippers and hurrying out, slipping on ice going down the old wood steps to where Stella caught me in a hug.“Hey—I’m excited to see you, too, but don’t crack your skull in the process,” she said. I buried my face in her shoulder, breathing in the sweet scent of her, no idea what this was or what this meant or what was happening but it didn’t matter right now.“Criticizing me for hosting when you show up on Christmas morning without even letting me know you were coming…”She laughed, squeezing me. “And spoil the surprise? When I could have seen the picture mark as read and heard you drop things and start running around inside?”“Ah, well…” I stepped back from the embrace, looking away, feeling my face prickling. “I didn’t think I was that loud.”“It’s just quiet out here, is all. I get to pick up on every little detail.”Every little detail… sounded familiar.Was it some kind of sign? Out of everyone in my life where I’d drifted on and along, never touching down, Stella was the only one who went with me. The only one I wanted to keep coming back to again and again and again.I swallowed, but I put on a smile. “Am I, uh… correct in assuming this means I don’t get a say in going back to Bellsford or not?”She flickered a nervous smile at me. “What, do you not want to? You’ll be subjecting me to hearing Faith complain I’d chased you off…”I laughed, nerves bubbling up in me, as I dropped my gaze to the ground. “Oh, er… well, you know. I guess if that’s how it is, I wouldn’t want to put you in that kind of position.”She watched me, studying, careful, hundreds of nervous, unsaid words thrumming between us. Finally, though, she said in an offhanded voice, “Besides, you can get Charlie’s mechanic friend to spend some proper time with your car while you’re in Bellsford…”“Oh, yeah. I mean, seeing how the elves didn’t actually do a thing for me.”“Give them a break. They’ve been busy.” She stood up straighter, taking a long breath, and she offered me a hand. “C’mon, Gale. Let’s go. Christmas, with you.”Christmas… with her. And all the things that might have meant.I didn’t mind. Wherever it might have led.I jabbed a thumb over my shoulder at the lodge. “Gladly, but I just, uh, I just need to finish my coffee first. Maybe even grab my things.”“Oh. Right.” She laughed nervously. “My ears are freezing off, so… guess I’m helping myself to Charlie’s house in the meantime and not thinking about my mom visiting.”I was also resolutely not thinking about Julia being here. But to be fair, I wasn’t thinking about anything right now, just… just experiencing whatever came next.