Chapter 14

Chapter 14GaleMerry Christmas indeed. Talk about a dream come true, getting to wake up with Stella in the morning, her early stirring nudging me out of sleep and over to where she sat up, stretching her arms out and covering up a yawn.“Good morning, pantsless,” I said, and she laughed out of the yawn, looking back at me.“You like it now, huh?”“Liked it the whole time.” I moved a sleepy hand in the low light of the room before sunrise, running my fingers over the soft skin on her thigh. “Damn, it’s not bad to wake up to.”“I mean, you can look all you want. Touch all you like, too.”“That is one hell of an offer…” I slipped my hand around to the inside of her thigh, roaming lazily. “Might be here all morning, though.”She licked her lips, a smile spreading over her face. “I mean, there’s almost no one else awake at this time… and we can just say we slept in…”I tugged her shirt up a little, leaning in and kissing the soft skin on her side. “Hey, I told you, you issue a challenge, and I’m taking it.”She grinned, turning back to me. “And I told you I’d take you up on that.”There were definitely worse ways to wake up.It was maybe an hour later that we finally rolled out of bed—properly out of bed, at least, not counting me getting on my knees at the edge of the bed with her legs over my shoulders—and stumbled on shaky footing, laughing, to the shower together. Getting dressed was a little disappointing—Stella naked was really one hell of a sight to see—but we’d probably start to raise questions if we spent all day every day inside our room together.Stella sighed once we got downstairs and found Charlie sitting on the couch with Julia, and Charlie gave her a sheepish smile, but Stella just walked past for the coffee bar.“Good morning, honey,” Julia said, before smiling at me. “Good morning, Abigail. I like the hair.”I’d forgotten I was called that. “Thanks.” I touched it absently. “Guess I wanted to symbolize a new life for me back here in the States… it feels a lot lighter.”She nodded, buying it hook line and sinker. “Yes… new beginnings. A good theme for this time of year.”“Slept well, Mom?” Stella said, coming back from the coffee bar with both of our drinks. “Dad didn’t snore too much?” I took my drink with a grateful smile, and Julia made a face.“Ah… your father was out for the night.”“Out? For the night?” Stella frowned. “Where to?”“He didn’t tell me…” She shrugged. “Maybe he’ll let me know when he’s back.”Seemed lack of communication was a chronic problem on all fronts with the Jacksons. I sipped my coffee, sinking into the chair across from her. “I’ll let you know if I find him wandering around somewhere.”Charlie ducked his head. “I happen to have a clue or two where he is…”Julia looked at him with wide eyes. “You do?”“I gave him the recommendation for an interesting activity. He’s ice-fishing.”“Ice fishing?” Julia shook her head, looking down at her coffee. “Men really are a different species sometimes…”Charlie smiled wider. “Don’t say that too hastily. Faith is the one who wanted to do it. She went with him.”Mom looked at Charlie like he had just grown a second head. “Faith did. She wanted to go out and participate in… ice fishing? Overnight?”“She did,” he said lightly, pausing for a delicate sip of his coffee. “She was remarkably excited.”“She doesn’t ever want to go out for anything,” Julia said. “That one actually is magic. You are an elf.”He smiled wider. “Everyone has their things they like and their things that bore them. Teenagers included. Sometimes you just need to sit down and ask them. Without judgment. You know—loving attention.”Stella laughed drily. “I’ve heard it’s magical…”Julia looked down into her coffee. Poor woman looked like she was going through a crisis. Stella sank into the chair next to mine, leaning on the arm in my direction, and even just that little gesture had me so wildly taken with her.“Well, you ever want to get away from the noise here again,” she said, kicking one leg up over the other, “Charlie was talking to me about how he likes to host people at his place and that he’d love to have you over but he didn’t want to be too forward in asking—”“Oh, er.” Charlie scrunched up his face, almost crossing his eyes. “Well…”“Would you?” Julia looked like she’d set down a ton of bricks. “If you wouldn’t mind me bringing Clarissa, I’d love to get away from the noise here for a while.”“I would…” Charlie cleared his throat, giving Stella a quick confused look before back to Julia. “I would actually be delighted. I think I could set up a bit of Christmas magic there to surprise Clarissa.”None of us got to get any further, though, because that was when a bustle came from the stairs, a gaggle of Stella’s cousins coming down the stairs and filling the room with chatter and laughter, and it wasn’t long after that Ron Jackson and his wife came after, and we were all mobilized like a Christmas army before long.We went in smaller groups, Stella sticking close to me as Stella’s family and her aunt Georgia’s family came with us to a cute café with a gingerbread house theme. Stella and I took Clarissa through the place looking at the festive décor and admiring the panoramic views from the windows, and we got out with only a few bags of gingerbread cookies bought at the insistence of Clarissa’s puppy-dog eyes. When we went out to the outskirts of town after and gathered with everyone for the sleigh ride that Stella’s grandmother had been talking about all week, Clarissa looked like she would positively burst with excitement.Me, I was just happy to sidle up next to Stella in one row of seats for it, slipping my gloved hand into hers and resting unsubtly on her shoulder, watching the snowy scenery roll by as bells sang softly around us.Never thought I’d be a sucker for Christmas, but Stella could have made me a sucker for anything.“Hey, question,” I said, quietly, leaning closer to her ear as we glided over the snow.“Mm?”“Uh… your mom and Charlie?”“Oh, that…” She looked back out at the horizon, and she snorted. “Mom’s clearly into it too. And just… I dunno. Let them be happy.”I laughed, nudging her side. “You’re sweet. Not many people willing to wingwoman for their mom.”“I’m kind of hoping it’s the last time in my life I’ll ever find myself doing that.”That was more than fair enough.Philip and Faith finally joined us again by the time we got back and went to the park, where the adults sat at the heated seating areas under the dressed-up evergreens and the kids ran in the snow, laughing, playing, and competing for the biggest snowman. Ron Jackson pulled Philip aside for a long, stern exchange that seemed to kill the mood a lot more than an ice-fishing trip, but Faith looked like she’d just gotten back from the absolute best day of her life.Ice fishing. Kid really contained multitudes.Stella and I were in the middle of a conversation with Julia and Stella’s cousin Andrew when Clarissa came up to me and took me by the hand, tugging me out into the snow. “Abigail, c’mon! We’re having a snowball fight.”“Whoa. Sorry, Stella. I’m getting conscripted.”Stella put a hand to her chest. “I’ll wait for your return from war.”Well, I couldn’t disappoint her. But sadly, I was felled in battle, Clarissa’s cousin Amy pelting me in the chest with a snowball that crumpled on impact but she looked so satisfied with herself that I had to make a real show of getting taken out.The day was a swirl of activity, never feeling like I was getting enough of Stella, and once we finished with dinner—where we all squeezed in together and I got to listen to a whole new host of people talk about my haircut—I felt like I was aching with need for her, as if I hadn’t seen her in weeks, by the time we got back to our room in the lodge. Stella barely kicked the door shut behind us and threw the lock before she had her arms over my shoulders, kissing me passionately, and I threw myself into her just as wildly, our lips moving together in a slow dance as snow piled up in the windowsill and our outerwear came off—and then our underwear not long after, falling into one another’s arms in the bed, kissing passionately and hands exploring one another’s bodies until we reached feverish heights and collapsed, breathing hard, into one another.“Ugh.” Stella buried her face in my chest, lying with me once we’d finished. “Felt like it took forever to get back here. I’d have died if it had taken much longer.”“Tell me about it… I was of half a mind to make out with you in the restaurant bathroom.”She laughed, licking her lips quickly. “I’d have said yes.”It was like a dream, being here with her. I worried going to bed I’d wake up and it would all have just been a happy fantasy, and Stella and I would be right back to where we were, but I woke up to her caressing my face and laughing in embarrassment at having been caught in the act. The next day was a hazy swirl of too-good-to-be-true just like the last, even if we did get dragged out everywhere and have to struggle to keep our hands off each other, but we were at least let loose at the winter market the next evening and split up there, and I got to link my hand in hers and walk through the stalls with her, trying different little snacks and picking up trinkets.Mostly, though, I was just in it to see the way Stella’s eyes sparkled every time she saw something she liked. I can’t believe I’d never really noticed that when we were younger… that glimmer like the whole universe was there in her eyes when she lit up.God, I was in deep.We were in the middle of looking over a rack of handcrafted wooden ornaments when I felt someone move behind us, and I glanced back to where Philip put a hand on Stella’s shoulder from behind, startling her into jumping.“Hey, kiddo,” he said, and she whirled on him.“Oh my god, Dad, don’t sneak up on me like that.”He grinned, looking between the two of us. “Having fun shopping, you two?”I think I got what he was getting at. I looked away, a little shyly. “Getting frostbite on my ears, but otherwise, absolutely,” I said.“I keep telling her to wear a hat,” Stella sighed, with that what-can-you-do tone. “Your hair isn’t going to protect your ears anymore, young woman.”“You’re three months older than me. Don’t talk like you’re my mom.”Philip laughed before he turned back to Stella. “Hey, you mind going with me just for a bit? I want to ask your help picking something out for your sisters.”“Oh…” She gave me a look, and I nodded her along. “All right. Sure. Where to?”He led her off down the path, giving one more searching look back my way, and I shifted awkwardly, really not sure what to read into the guy. Did he… want me to date Stella?Was what we were doing even dating in the first place? We hadn’t exactly discussed the specifics, and besides, we were only here for a little longer to begin with. Was this all that different from Megan? A woman I’d fallen head-over-heels for on a magical trip to a place I’d never been before, where it felt like all the rules didn’t apply, and then—and then leaving, and all the rules suddenly applied again, and the dream was over.Maybe it was easier not to discuss it after all. If it was a dream, I didn’t want to wake up yet.I was in the middle of looking through a stall’s display of knitwear, not really even seeing it, when I found Julia sitting on a bench at the edge of the square, under the shadow of a strip of garland and the oversized red ribbons hanging from the streetlamp, looking at her phone with a silly little smile on her face, like a teenager texting a high school crush, just a woman in her mid-forties instead. Maybe Charlie wasn’t the only one.My feet found me walking over to her, and she jolted when I sat down next to her, putting her phone away. “Jesus, don’t sneak up on me.”Seemed the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. I smiled at her. “Clarissa’s still with her grandpa?”“Touring the magic of the candy workshop. I’m glad I’m not there, honestly. Not just because my feet are killing me, but because I don’t need to be tempted into buying candy for myself, too.”“I’m sure she’s having the time of her life,” I said, relaxing into the bench. “Looks like she’s not the only one, though…”She frowned. “What are you getting at?”“How were the art projects? Charlie’s?”She opened her mouth and closed it again, studying me for a second. “They were lovely, but I’m not following.”I laughed. “Just saying, you looked awfully happy on your phone just now.”She frowned sharply. “Abigail, I really don’t know—”“Hey, I’m happy if you’re happy.”She faltered. “Er… we’re not…”I dropped my voice, ducking my head. “I heard about you and Philip…”She tightened her expression, a dangerous look flaring over her eyes. “Did Stella tell you?”“It doesn’t matter who told me. I’m not spreading it around.”She relaxed, letting out a long sigh, and she hung her head. “Right… sorry. I’m high-strung.”“It’s Christmastime. Aren’t we supposed to be letting go and unwinding?”“Life isn’t usually that happy and convenient,” she said lightly.“Yeah, isn’t that the truth,” I said. “But… I guess when you find someone who makes everything feel that happy, you stick with them, whether it’s a week or a lifetime.”She quirked a smile at me. “You’re awfully philosophical all of a sudden, Abigail.”“Ah, you know. A bit of winter solitude will do that to you.” I kicked one leg up over the other.“Solitude… you haven’t gone one second without Stella next to you.”I glanced at her. “Is that so bad?”She looked down. “No… not at all. I’m glad you two have each other. Stella’s… she’s looked so hollow lately, I don’t know what’s been missing. I assumed it was because of everything with me and Philip. But maybe it was something else I was missing.”“Hey. Stella’s a grownup. You’re not responsible for all her feelings.”“No… but I should be responsible for paying attention. For knowing what she needs.”I shrugged. “If she lets you. If not… all that can be done is letting her know that you’re there in case she is ready to share those needs.”She laughed. “Paula did a good job with you, didn’t she?”I looked away. I didn’t need to think about my mom right now. “Eh… you’ve been my mom as much as she has, and I think you know that.”“And I’m proud of how far you’ve gone. Even as far as Scotland.”I laughed. “Do you want to go to Scotland? You seem invested in my semester there.”“No, just…” She looked down, a troubled look in her eyes. I was quiet for a second before I heard myself speak.“You know… I don’t think it’s normal to spend your whole life pining for a place you went once.”She laughed, once. “Isn’t it the lot of humankind? To want what we don’t have?”“Um… no.”She gave me a sidelong look. I shrugged.“Hey, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure a life spent denying yourself what you want is going to be glum.”She turned away. “Most of the time when we get what we want, it loses its appeal and we just want something else.”“I mean… and?” I shrugged. “I think I’d rather get something and decide I don’t want it than to just long for it forever.”She didn’t say anything, her brow furrowed. I stretched my legs out, giving her a second before I asked.“What if you could go back to California right now?”“I don’t know…” Her voice was small, and she looked down, suddenly looking so… fragile. Divorce could cut anyone down, I guess. “California is just a place. What if I just liked being… away? Being somewhere new?”“Have you felt like that here?”“No.” But she paused, mulling it over.“When you went to see him,” I said, and she gave me a look.“Who are you to be picking through my brain?” she said, her voice playfully mock-offended. “I am twice your age, Abigail.”“Hey. You were my age when you got married, right? Maybe this is the chance to go back to that age. To do the things you did then that you’ve wanted to do ever since.”She watched me, silent, studying. I stood up.“New beginnings. Good theme for this time of year, huh?”Little footsteps pulled my attention to the side, where I saw Clarissa running towards the two of us with eyes shining, and to no one’s great surprise, she was carrying a mountain of candy in her arms. “Mommy! Abigail! I made candy and got a chocolate mountain and I got to play with the machines!”Bless her. I knelt to catch her in a big hug.