Chapter Thirteen

Taryn sat with her friends at a high-top table at Toby's, nursing large schooners of dressed Dos Equis and celebrating the first half of exams in their rearview mirrors. Soon they'd all pack up and say good-bye for a month before returning to do it all over again.

"So on a scale of one to ten, what's the report?" Sasha asked. Behind them a group of guys threw darts and occasionally erupted in a round of raucous cheering, causing them to raise their voices.

"Ten. No doubt," Taryn said. She stared into her beer. Her enthusiasm was still there, but the run-in with Charlie's friend had taken a bit of wind from her sails. No, that was an understatement. All she'd thought of for the past forty-eight hours was the look on Charlie's face when she realized someone she knew had been watching. Her whole demeanor had shifted.

"If it's a ten, why do you say it with so little conviction? Damn, Tare, you need some caffeine or maybe a little action with your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend. We've not had that talk."

"Is that why there's a little raincloud following you everywhere you go, like Eeyore on very little sleep?"

"Maybe." She shrugged, and the tiny beer buzz she had going dragged the words right out of her. "We had a moment where it was clear she didn't want her friends to know about us."

Caz and Sasha exchanged a look. "You or me?" Caz asked.

"You then me," Sasha said quietly. They put their hands in a pile and broke like a seven-year-old's soccer team.

"Is it possible, Counselor, that Charlie is still quite new to her journey of self-discovery as it relates to her sexuality?" She stared at Taryn, brow furrowed, awaiting her response.

"Yes, undoubtedly."

"Me?" Sasha asked, rising her hand.

"Tag in," Caz said.

"Are we lawyers?" Sasha whispered.

"If you want," Caz said. "Feel it out."

"Is it or is it not true, Ms. Ross," Sasha literally yelled, making even the rowdy dart throwers turn around, "that no one tapped their foot impatiently while you found your way to officially coming out?"

"First of all, I'm not a hostile witness, so slow that passionate delivery." Taryn, still processing, took a moment to consider the question. "Secondly, yes. I took my time literally over a few years."

"And should we not afford Charlie a small amount of grace for not arriving on the scene with the perfectly minted tools to maneuver her own journey?"

Why hadn't she framed it like that for herself? Taryn sighed, feeling like an ass. How had her friends seen something so simply while she'd fumbled around, lost in her own emotions. "Fuck. I'm being a selfish asshole. She texted me three times today, and because I was licking my wounds, I sent back short blow-off responses each time."

"Okay, well, that's already in the past," Caz stated over the roar from the group throwing darts. "You can't undo it. The question is, what are you going to do now?"

Taryn downed the rest of her beer and checked her watch. It was only eight p.m., and Charlie would likely be getting home soon from some sort of departmental Christmas gathering. "I'm going to fix it and grow the hell up. I can be a supportive partner and need her to see that we're not in a rush."

"Case dismissed!" Sasha shouted and lifted her schooner.

* * *

There were only so many times Charlie could nod her head knowingly and laugh at the anecdotes from one of the men in the writing department. "No, that must have been such an honor. Really? Impressive." She tossed in an obligatory laugh as one of the tenured professors continued to gloat about his year. The fact was, as a woman, she was in the definite minority and found herself glossed over, brushed aside, or expected to fall all over herself at how great they were.

Even Danny.

Across the room, she watched as her now ex held court as the entire graduate department listened to him talk about all the literary agents who wanted to take him on once he was ready to shop his work around. The last name McHenry brought forth a lot of opportunities, and she wasn't one to complain. Monica had made the connection with June DiCarlo, and she'd be forever grateful for that open door.

"Your mother was special to me, Charlie, and I will always look out for you," Monica once told her, pulling her into a warm hug. Charlie felt the emotion well at the memory, recognizing how lucky she was to have had someone like Monica step into that maternal role when her mother passed away. Monica checked in on Charlie, took her in on holidays, hugged her tight, and made her feel like she was forever in her corner. She exhaled as Danny accepted a refill of champagne and made his way toward her. She took a deep breath and prepared herself.

"Happy holidays," he said, running a hand over the thin beard and mustache he'd added since their breakup. "I wanted to talk about the Christmas break."

"Okay, we can do that."

"I know you've spent the last few years with my family, and if you still want to join us, it's definitely something that we can talk about."

"I just think it might be a little awkward, given where we are now."

"Speaking of which, Mom got into town today to help me pack and drive back. She mentioned getting together with you, something about handing off some of your mother's books."

"Sounds good. I'd love that. Have you told her?"

He studied his glass. "She's already naming our children, Charlie."

That part tore at her. She remembered the two moms making plans to babysit together. "So what's the plan? We can't keep leading her on. She should know the truth."

He hesitated. "I think I kept waiting for you to say you'd made a mistake." There was a sadness in his eyes that hadn't been there the last time they'd talked.

Charlie softened, because none of this with Danny was easy. "As hard as it is to say, I don't think I did make one. I'm still figuring out who I am, Danny, and part of that is learning who I fit with. We're not a match."

He straightened. "I hear you. I don't have to like it, but I can understand." He met her gaze. "I'll talk to her when I get home tonight. Tell her everything."

"Thank you." Charlie honestly didn't know how Monica would take the news. She was protective of Danny, but she loved Charlie, too. Surely, she'd understand, even if shouldering disappointment. Suddenly, all kinds of doubt descended. "And if there's anything I can do to make sure everyone's okay, please let me know. I'll definitely give her a call tomorrow to check in. Maybe we can even go for coffee when she brings the books." It was wishful thinking, but Charlie felt a strong call to hold on to her relationship with Monica. Danny, too. They were her family, and she hoped they felt the same way.

"Yep." He nodded, killed the rest of his glass, and lifted it to her. It seemed he was done with the conversation. "Anyway, Merry Christmas."

She deflated. "To you, too."

By the time Charlie made it home, her feet hurt from the high-heeled boots, and the red sweaterdress she'd selected was itchier than it was fashionable, and Taryn was out with friends and hadn't so much as checked in, which meant her feelings were still hurt and all Charlie wanted in the whole damn world was to crawl into bed and escape.

That's when Charlie saw her, and the vibrations went quiet. Her stresses were placed on pause. Unless, of course, she was hallucinating. "Taryn?"

"Hey, you," Taryn said, standing from her spot on the stairs in front of Charlie's apartment. "I hope you have the magic key that will take us inside. Provided it's okay I'm here."

Without a word, she moved straight into Taryn's arms, grateful when Taryn caught her and wrapped her arms around Charlie wordlessly. For a minute, they stood just like that, holding each other and hovering happily in the feel of it. She breathed in Taryn, her hair, her smell, the press of her cheek. It had only been a couple of days on the calendar, but the time apart had taken a toll.

"I'm sorry I've been an ass lately," Taryn said quietly into her hair.

"I'm sorry I acted like a frightened child when Emerson showed up the other day."

"Well, I'm sorry that I probably smell like a snack mix and beer."

"I'm sorry that my sweater is itchy." Charlie lifted her face, propped her chin up on Taryn's collarbone, and looked her in the eye.

"We're an apologetic pair," Taryn said.

"I want to get in bed and be a vegetable. Want to be a vegetable?"

"If veggie status is on the table, then yes, I want it."

Charlie laughed not out of just amusement but relief. They were going to be okay. She was. Taryn was. She let them into the apartment, flipped on some lights, grabbed a bottle of wine and two long-stemmed glasses. With them dangling upside down over her shoulder, Charlie inclined her head for Taryn to follow. She'd never been in Charlie's bedroom, and the newness of her presence there carried a certain hum of forbidden tension. This was new territory.

Charlie opened the bottle and began to pour the red wine for them. "Action or rom-com?"

Taryn's eyes went wide. "Why do I feel like this is a test I'm about to fail?" she asked, shrugging out of her jacket. She accepted her glass, eyes on the screen that hung on the far wall. "Rom-com."

"Is that what you would choose for yourself?"

A pause. "No."

Charlie passed her a look.

"I'd be down for an action movie, but only if you're interested in one, too."

"Better." Charlie climbed on the bed. "Let's always be real with each other, okay? Hard for me too, sometimes, but let's shoot for that."

"A new pact. Done"

Charlie arranged the many pillows she had on her bed so they had a comfy little nook to watch the film that Taryn had found and selected for them on the menu. Just as they were settled and about to hit play, Charlie sat up. "What are we doing?"

Taryn quirked a brow.

"We don't have popcorn with butter." She widened her eyes and stared at Taryn for a beat. "What kind of heathens are we?"

"Awful, awful people," Taryn said, then made a spitting sound. "Blech."

"Be right back."

Taryn grinned as Charlie scampered from the room. She quickly microwaved a bag of popcorn and promptly topped it with fresh Parmesan, her favorite addition.

"Popcorn and wine," Taryn stated when she returned with the silver bowl.

"That sounds like commentary. I'll have you know that it's an excellent combination. There's Parmesan on that popcorn, and the wine's Italian. Bam. Perfectly paired."

"If you say so," Taryn said.

Charlie gasped. "The skepticism lacing your voice!"

"You're attractive when you're outraged."

"I will be forced to tackle you. This is serious popcorn business," Charlie informed her. "You've been warned."

"That you're defending the honor of a strange snack combination? Sure. Yeah. I hear you."

"Strange?" Charlie leapt, and Taryn caught her, but she wasn't fast enough to stop Charlie from getting a couple of fingers into her ribs for the tickle punishment she deserved. Taryn shrieked and squirmed.

"Say you're sorry."

"Never!" Taryn yelled, reversing their positions until she was on top. The smile fell right off Charlie's face when she saw the image of Taryn looking down at her. The room went still, and Taryn slid off to the side, part of her body still covering Charlie's.

"You know what?" Taryn asked. "Maybe it's not such a bad combination after all," Taryn murmured, holding eye contact. She seemed drunk on the moment and lost in their eye contact. Charlie was, too. She reached up and cradled Taryn's cheek with one hand. They didn't need words, she realized, as Taryn leaned in to it. Charlie smiled and shifted out from underneath, until they were lying side by side, facing each other. The top of her forehead was pressed to Taryn's.

"I'm glad you've seen the error of your popcorn ways."

"What's popcorn?" Taryn asked.

Charlie's laughter broke the spell, and they both seemed to breathe again. "Maybe we should watch that movie?"

"Yes. That's all I'm thinking about. A movie. Desperately want to watch people interact on a screen while you're nearby," Taryn deadpanned and then tossed in a smile. It was such a classic Taryn response that Charlie translated expertly. She had sexier things on her mind, and to be honest, so did Charlie. The only obstacle was that she was entirely too nervous and in her own head to go there. She'd been sexually active since seventeen, and after the first time, she'd never been intimidated by sex. Yet the concept of her and Taryn did just that. What if she was bad at sex with a woman? What if she missed important signals or fumbled or was a disappointment? She wasn't sure how well she'd handle that horrific outcome.

Charlie grinned. "Hey. Don't underestimate the power of The Rock to deliver a really convincing performance." She tried for levity because that made all of this less intimidating. But as they settled into the film, sharing the popcorn and sipping the wine, Charlie couldn't keep her attention on much besides the fact that Taryn was next to her, and their thighs were touching while they watched a movie in her bed of all places. She's in my bed. Charlie blinked, trying to follow the scene in which a helicopter was flying too low, but she lost the thread because Taryn shifted as she reached for the popcorn, and that pressed her in even closer. Charlie's body flared, sending heat and a wash of sensation…everywhere. She stole a glance at Taryn's profile, so perfect and sexy and gorgeous. What was she waiting for? What logical person would watch a movie in this moment?

Taryn clearly felt her gaze, turned, and met her eyes. She must have recognized what she saw in them, too, because she quietly took the popcorn bowl and set it aside. She brushed a strand of hair off Charlie's forehead and looked at her, really looked at her. It made Charlie's stomach muscles tighten as if she and Taryn were climbing the most terrifying hill on a roller coaster, not at all certain what was on the other side. Yet she wanted Taryn. She'd never felt more sure of anything.

"Come here," Charlie said, silencing the film and sliding down the pillow. Taryn nodded and slid on top, their thighs staggered. The sheer weight of Taryn pressing down on her was heaven. "Take this off," she said quietly. Taryn sat up and pulled her shirt over her head, revealing the soft skin of her stomach and a sky-blue bra. Charlie could hear her own heartbeat in her ears as her hands itched to hold, touch, explore.

"This, too?" Taryn asked.

Charlie sat up, which put Taryn in her lap. "No. I want to." Her hands shook slightly when she reached around to unhook Taryn's bra. She let her gaze drop to her breasts, round and perfect. And when she let her fingertips circle a nipple, Taryn hitched in a breath. "You're beautiful," Charlie breathed. She dipped her head and placed an open-mouthed kiss on the top of one and kissed her way down to the nipple, pulling it into her mouth to a small cry from Taryn. She paused a moment, making sure she hadn't hurt her, until it became clear that Taryn enjoyed the attention. The knowledge sent a shot of something potent right between Charlie's legs, making her yearn, fueling her passion and determination. She continued to explore her breasts with her mouth as Taryn began to slowly rock against her. Charlie was drunk on desire, foreign and unfamiliar. Maybe that was why she didn't protest when Taryn took back control, laying her down and kissing her neck. This was so new, so different. She felt out of control and in heaven in the same breath.

"Is this okay?" Taryn asked, fingertips on the hem of Charlie's shirt. While she wanted to say God, yes, all she was capable of doing was nodding as her shirt was removed, then her bra. Taryn kissed under her jaw, trailing her way down Charlie's neck to her collarbone, sending shivers and pinpricks of pleasure as she went. Charlie wasn't sure she was going to survive this, and they'd barely done anything.

* * *

Taryn wasn't sure what would happen when she sat in front of Charlie's apartment waiting for her to come home. But this wasn't it. Her head swam, her body ached, and she knew unequivocally that she would remember this night for the rest of her life.

With her breasts now pressed to Charlie's, she kissed her long and deep. Gone was her logic, her overthinking and premeditation.

"I want to kiss every inch of you," Taryn said in Charlie's ear. She pressed her hips snugly against Charlie's center, desperate to get rid of the last of the fabric between them.

"Oh, not enough time for that," Charlie said, digging her nails into Taryn's shoulder blades. The implication was she wouldn't last that long. They were a hurricane when they came together, unstoppable and strong.

"Still want to."

"This is so much."

Charlie's hips pressed upward against Taryn, searching for release. She was warm and wet and Taryn's senses were on overload, an intoxicating sensation she wanted to live in forever. The ache between Taryn's legs grew by the second, and now she understood what Charlie meant. Slow wouldn't be part of the equation tonight. There'll be more times, she told herself. Palming one of Charlie's breasts, she lavished attention on the other, pulling a nipple into her mouth and sucking, gone on the satisfaction it brought her. Charlie hissed in a breath and slid her fingers into Taryn's hair, holding her in place. She had sensitive breasts, and Taryn thrilled in that intimate information.

Charlie managed a hand between them and was tugging on Taryn's jeans, and before she had a chance to react, they were unbuttoned and her zipper pulled down. "Can I touch you?"

"Yes." Taryn closed her eyes and nodded, acutely aware of each small movement and the pinpricks of feeling that came over her when the slightest bit of pressure was applied. Her jeans were only to her knees when Charlie slipped her hand between Taryn's legs, stroking her softly through her underwear. It was too much. She wanted to hold on and knew she wouldn't last with that kind of attention. Reluctantly she moved out of Charlie's touch. "Give me just a minute," she said and attempted to steady her breathing.

"Hard to get," Charlie said, her darkened eyes making Taryn want to do decadent things to her. First, the little matter of clothing. She removed the rest of hers while Charlie propped herself up on her elbows watching. She swore quietly and pulled Taryn to her. She kissed her with fire and determination, shrugging out of her own remaining clothes with an assist from Taryn, who took a moment to just behold. Memorize. Admire. Charlie was soft and beautiful with curves that made her look like she'd been painted by one of the greats. Taryn could scarcely believe this moment was real but knew exactly what she wanted to do. Yes, she was new at this and definitely inexperienced, but that couldn't stop her. She ran her palms from Charlie's breasts down to her stomach and over her hips, memorizing every inch, allowing her fingertips to linger and explore each soft section of skin. Charlie murmured her approval, and Taryn made those sounds her guide. Finally, she parted Charlie's legs and tasted her, kissed her, and then ran her tongue in circles, prompting Charlie to moan and arch into her. "Taryn."

She couldn't answer.

Charlie's fingers were tangled in Taryn's hair, and as Taryn continued to explore with her tongue, tracing languid patterns, they found their rhythm. Relying purely on instinct, she did her best to pay attention to cues. When Charlie's hips began to pick up speed and the wonderful little noises got louder, she slid her fingers inside slowly at first, amazed at the warmth that enveloped her, and then more firmly, matching their dance. She was overcome with the strength of their connection, the emotion every bit as potent as the satisfaction. She slid her arm behind Charlie's back and held her as she brought her closer and closer to the brink with each thrust.

Charlie called out as she broke, her hips rising off the bed, her skin shimmering, and her eyes closed. "Oh God," she whispered, her hand grasping the fabric of the pillow next to her. Taryn held her close, still intimately joined, until the orgasm receded and Charlie's breathing evened out. She withdrew her hand but remained where she was, stunned and happy.

"Taryn?"

"Yes?" Taryn asked. She still hadn't moved or crawled back up the bed. She was in awe of the experience she'd just had and wanted to hold on to it a moment longer.

"It's lonely up here."

"Sorry," she said, smiling up at Charlie, the most beautiful creature she'd ever seen. Her hair was to one side of her on the pillow, and her gaze was trained on Taryn as if she was the most important person in the world, which was, of course, how she felt about Charlie. "I think I was trying to capture how I'm feeling like I would a photograph. Only you can't see what's in here," she said, touching her chest. "Impossible."

"I can't tell you how much I love how your mind works."

"It's not fully back yet." Charlie stroked Taryn's hair softly, before letting her fingertips trail up and down Taryn's bare back. Taryn had almost forgotten she was naked, but the delicious shiver reminded her.

Charlie slid down until she lay alongside Taryn and urged her onto her side. With Charlie's gaze roaming her body, Taryn felt the warmth touch her cheeks. With one finger, Charlie circled her nipple. Taryn swallowed as a wash of desire hit, not to touch but to be touched. Charlie eased her knee between Taryn's thighs and lifted. She was already so sensitive it was nearly too much and wonderful at the same time. As she attempted to recover, Charlie slid on top and settled her hips in between Taryn's legs and began to rock. It was only moments before the pressure began to build to astronomical levels. Charlie had barely touched her, and Taryn was climbing and climbing, higher and higher, until she saw light behind her eyes and shattered. She heard herself calling, but Charlie didn't stop. She was inside her, creating a fullness Taryn had never known. When her thumb pressed down, a second orgasm tore through her like a speeding train. Pleasure rained down, and Taryn held on to Charlie, lost in the beautiful, satisfying oblivion.

"Did you just…?"

"Twice," Taryn said, eyes still closed as the final shockwaves moved through her until she could think in full sentences again. She lifted her head and laughed. "So that happened. Does everyone get this memorable a first time?" She rested her cheek on her arm above her and Charlie mirrored her.

"Our first time, you mean?"

"And mine."

Charlie's eyes went wide. "With anyone? Even guys?"

"Anyone," Taryn said, now a tad self-conscious.

"How are you that good at this, then?"

The self-conscious part flew right out the window and she laughed. "Can I get that in writing? I might want to frame it. I'm serious. Where's some paper?"

Charlie laughed. "I'm confused. Aren't you supposed to be awkward and clumsy? It's not fair."

"You weren't."

Charlie matched her grin. "Yeah, we should find that paper."

Taryn stole a kiss because she couldn't go another second without one. "I will spray-paint it in your kitchen if you want."

Charlie looked thoughtful. "Not a bad idea. My guests will know who they're dealing with."

"You know what? Never mind," Taryn said quickly, pulling Charlie to her.

"Hi," Charlie said, her voice quiet. "I really enjoyed tonight. Right now. All of it."

"It was okay," Taryn said back and then offered a smile. "Or the best night of my life."

"I like option B better. Hoping and praying it's B."

"Ding, ding, ding." She pressed her forehead to Charlie's. "Should I stay? Should I go? Would you like space? Tell me how this works. I'm new here. First day on the job."

Charlie didn't hesitate. "Please, stay. I would be lonely if you left."

"Decided." Happiness gathered in Taryn's chest. "It's a sleepover, I suppose."

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "You don't even need pajamas for this one."

"Good thing because I don't have any."

They slipped beneath the crisp, cool sheets and tried to watch the film, but wound up talking over it much of the time, not really able to fixate on anything but each other. Taryn updated Charlie on her finals, and Charlie told Taryn all about the different neighborhoods she'd been researching in New York and which ones seemed the most affordable.

"I don't know what my exact salary might be, but Monica has given me a good indication of what I can expect. The trendy neighborhoods are out. But instead of living in Chelsea, maybe I'm Chelsea-adjacent. I might need a roommate or eight."

"You're gonna love it no matter what neighborhood you land in." Taryn stared at the ceiling, their fingers playing, intertwining and then loosening, over and over again as they talked. "I don't want to imagine a semester without you."

Charlie paused. "Just temporary. And here's a thought. You don't have to do much with it other than mull it over. Okay? Just hear me out."

"I'm listening."

"New York is great for the arts."

Taryn went still, hoping Charlie was headed where she seemed to be, but she didn't want to jinx it by getting ahead of the words. "It definitely is. It's the place for them."

"And I'm not talking about anyone specific, but if one wanted to pursue photography as a career, maybe it's not a bad place."

"I hear they have a few reputable graduate programs for random individuals without names," Taryn said, propping her head up on her hand. "Wait. I'm actually interested in grad school. Coincidence?"

"It really is!" Charlie proclaimed.

"Weird. Should I look into them?" Taryn said it so casually it was ridiculous. Could Charlie not see the excitement vibrating off her, like a poodle about to be fed?

Charlie slid closer, as if preparing a pitch. "I'm just gonna say it. Come to New York with me after you graduate."

She exhaled. There they were. The coveted words she'd longed to hear. "I'd love to, but what if things are different between us by then? You might get there and realize there's a world beyond this. Beyond me." It was unthinkable, but Taryn tended to lead with fear, expecting something to always go wrong. Something she was working on.

"I don't think that there's better than this, than you, than us, anywhere in the world, but what if we made it a goal? We don't have to talk in absolutes."

"Goals are healthy, right?" Taryn said, hovering just shy of Charlie's lips before closing the distance, angling her head, and kissing Charlie long and deep. The kiss carried the happiness that moved through every inch of her. Their night had been amazing, they were making actual plans for the future, and Taryn couldn't come up with a complaint in the world—other than the fact that she was heading home in two days and would have to say good-bye to Charlie.

"I think this means you definitely need to spend Christmas with me."

"Tonight was the definitive sign?"

"Tonight was everything."

Charlie snuggled her face against Taryn's neck and let out a deep satisfying breath. "It really was."