Chapter Nine

It was cold outside, but you'd never have known it. With a week left until final exams, which would lead them into the holiday break, Taryn found herself flat on her back, head beside head with Charlie Adler, staring up at the red-leaved branches of two intermingling maples.

"But the thing about studying at the library, specifically, is that I always want to peer over and see what you're doing."

"I get that," Charlie said seriously. "The work I do is highly intriguing. Most people can't look away."

Taryn laughed. "You do whip those reference books around with a great deal of flair."

"That's my middle name. Charlie Flair Adler."

Taryn peered over because Charlie delivered the line with such believability. "No, it's not. The side of your mouth is twitching, which means you're lying."

Charlie turned and met her gaze. "You're already on to my tells?"

"I know. This friendship is getting serious."

Charlie laughed quietly and dropped her head. "Do you ever notice that when the afternoon edges toward evening, the campus turns copper? Look how everything is lightly touched with the most golden light."

Taryn took a moment to marinate in the perfectly articulated description. "You even talk like a writer. But yes, I have. I've even tried to capture it on film, but it's an elusive quality. So I try to just enjoy the thirty minutes or so we get of it each day." A pause. "I've never thought of it as copper before, but that's exactly what it is. This place is copper."

"So are you."

"What?" Taryn grinned and her heart squeezed. She had to hear more.

That's when she noticed Charlie watching her. No, studying her, causing her skin to tingle and her limbs to warm. "You have an adorable dimple on that left cheek. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Absently, she touched her cheek, needing to experience what Charlie was fixated on. "My mother is a big fan. She's the only one, unfortunately."

"Not anymore."

Okay. That sent a potent tingle up her spine. There was a surprising openness to the way Charlie was interacting with her today. It was markedly different and, in all respects, quite wonderful in Taryn's opinion. "I had no idea you were an admirer of dimples."

"There are a lot of things you've yet to discover about me." She didn't look away, and neither did Taryn. If this had been a date, Taryn would have kissed her after that remark without hesitation, hoping to learn one more thing and then another, starting with how Charlie kissed, what she tasted like, and what kinds of things made her murmur in appreciation.

"Did you hear what I said?"

Taryn blinked and rejoined the fold of the conversation. "I drifted away for a second, but I heard you."

"What were you thinking about?"

"Well, I can't tell you that."

Charlie offered a half pout. Adorable and sexy, too. Taryn understood that with the right facial expression, Charlie Adler could probably get Taryn to do anything. Not that she was prepared to share that information.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Charlie turned onto her stomach and rested her chin in her hand while improving the pout. Fucking dammit. Charlie was doubling down, and it was doing things to her. As they watched each other, Taryn decided this was another situation where her intuition was completely off when it came to matters of the heart because she would have sworn this was a form of flirting. Why was she bad at identification? Because if Charlie was flirting with her, the world had just exploded into sunshine and lollipops. Her phone buzzed.

"I cannot be swayed," Taryn said as she checked the readout. Ashley checking to see how Taryn's lab session had gone. She'd taught her an awesome new way to batch photos to speed up the process and make the most of her lab time. She smiled and typed back.

"Who has you smiling over there?" Charlie asked.

Taryn sighed. She wasn't sure how to describe what was happening with Ashley. Since the kiss at the church, they texted on occasion, talked technique and style over text, but there was a big question mark around whether there was anything true bubbling between them. "Ashley."

"The mentor, that's right. How's it going?"

Taryn decided to just be honest. Charlie had a lot more relationship experience than she did and could maybe offer some helpful advice for navigating confusing waters. "Good, with a question mark sidecar."

"Interesting response. What's the question mark?"

"So, I went to the shoot last week, which was awesome and educational and all you would expect. Blah, blah, blah."

"The blahs are noted. You say them nicely."

"Thank you."

"Now to the mysterious sidecar."

Taryn sat up straighter, searching for the most effective way to describe what had happened. She had nothing creative or cute, so she just went for it. "Then we kissed."

"Oh."

"Well, clarification. She kissed me, but I definitely participated." As she spoke, Charlie's smile seemed to freeze in place, becoming a lifeless placeholder of what Taryn knew her true smile to be. Nervous now, Taryn described the scenario in more depth, probably providing too much detail. Charlie nodded. But again, the action seemed mechanical at best, as if Charlie was going through the motions of things a good listener would do. There was an indifferent glaze coating her features that left Taryn on edge. Should she not have shared any of this? Was this because Ashley was female? A feeling of dread trudged over her because she wasn't sure she could handle homophobia from her favorite person. "So I'm not really sure where we stand. Should I ask or just leave things as they are?"

Charlie took a moment. She nodded again, this time absorbing. "I think that depends on what you want out of it. Do you have feelings for her?"

"I mean, no. We don't know each other well."

Charlie's mouth made the shape of a small oh. "But you're attracted to her."

"She's definitely attractive. Not someone I would have instantly been drawn to, but there's something about her that's interesting. She's more confident than I am."

"I've always thought of you as very confident." The trees caught a breeze, and the branches swayed above them, jostling each other in their tangle. Taryn watched the way a strand of hair blew over Charlie's eyes, and Charlie casually brushed it away. Even her everyday gestures had a way of captivating.

"Then I'm doing my job well. But no, Ashley is all sharp edges and charisma. She comes to play. I'm more the reserved wallflower."

"You're reserved, but if anyone doesn't notice you, that's on them. You stand out, Taryn. Stop telling yourself that you don't."

She felt the corners of her mouth tug in happiness. Hearing that Charlie thought so was everything.

"I think flashy people sometimes seek out the less flashy. Maybe she saw that in me, or maybe she really just wanted to kiss someone and it'll never happen again. We're gonna grab dinner in a couple of days."

Charlie stared down, thumbing the blades of grass beyond the blanket.

"Are you okay?" Taryn asked. She seemed more and more pulled into herself with each moment that ticked by. The playful and bold Charlie from earlier was nowhere to be found. She missed her already.

"Do you mind if we head out? I'm starting to not feel so good."

Taryn widened her eyes, feeling guilty now. "I don't mind at all. Here. Let me grab the blanket and your bag. I'll walk them to your car."

"You don't have to do that," Charlie said softly, pushing herself to standing.

"Well, I'm going to." She picked up the blanket with the intention of folding it.

"Here. I can do it," Charlie said, reaching for the corner.

Taryn held tight. "What are you doing? Stop that. I got this."

But Charlie didn't. She actually ripped the blanket out of Taryn's hands and begin folding it herself without a word. Taryn watched in surprise, unsure what had prompted the move. But Charlie focused fully on her task without raising her gaze at all. In fact, it felt like she was purposefully avoiding Taryn and any and all eye contact.

"What just happened?" Taryn asked quietly.

Charlie's beautiful hands went still and Taryn was wildly aware of her heart beating double-time. "I don't know," Charlie said. "I'm working that out, and I don't think I can talk about it right now. I hope you understand."

Taryn nodded. "I do. I think. That's all right." She looked around, searching for the right words to say to move them out of this awkward moment and noticed that the copper quality of the afternoon had evaporated right along with their mood. Taryn felt guilty about anything she'd done to land them here, although she had no idea what that could be. In fact, nothing seemed to fit. She'd asked a friend for advice. Yet, the information that Taryn had kissed someone seemed to have upset Charlie. She went still. Because, no. There was no way in hell that Charlie was jealous. Impossible. Not eligible for the list of possibilities. Then again, she'd balked at the thought of Charlie flirting earlier. And now she was shoving away the idea that Charlie was jealous. What if she was wrong on both counts? Taryn placed a palm on her forehead as if searching for life's answer.

"Can I please walk you to your car?" Taryn asked.

Charlie's face was red, and it seemed as if she was embarrassed. "No. I'm good."

"Well, that question was only a formality because I'm doing it."

"Fine. I'm that way."

They walked in silence, an uncomfortable weight pressing on Taryn's shoulders. She usually enjoyed silence. Not this kind. "Will you let me know how you're feeling tonight?" she asked as they approached Charlie's Rogue.

"If you want me to. Yeah." Her voice was soft and friendly again, but she was noticeably more reserved than usual. Taryn had a million questions diving and circling her brain, but the perfect sequence of words never seemed to assemble itself. Instead, she offered a nod. "Yeah. Thank you."

She stood on the curb and watched as Charlie, the most beautiful and puzzling girl ever, drove away from her, taking a piece of Taryn's heart along with her. "What the fuck was that?" she murmured, at a total and complete loss.

Too keyed up to work, study, or eat, Taryn found the walking trail that circled the perimeter of campus, and with her hands shoved into the pockets of her leather jacket, she replayed the afternoon over and over again. She realized that night had fallen around her as she walked, and her stomach rumbled, uncomfortable from lack of food. Didn't matter. The more Taryn examined their interactions, the more she was convinced that maybe Charlie felt a sliver of what she did. And if that was the case, wasn't there a conversation to be had? She blinked as terror descended. Oh, fuck no. There was no way she could bring this up to Charlie. Everything about Charlie had signaled she was straight until this point, including a very serious boyfriend. Plus, God, what if she was wrong? The embarrassment would be never-ending. Nope. She paused under a streetlight and regarded it for help, finally coming to her conclusion: so much better to just wait and wonder. And that's simply what she would have to do. If Charlie felt anything for her whatsoever outside the boundaries of friendship, there would be more signals along the way. Her new trajectory would have Taryn paying close attention.

* * *

The dog barking incessantly in the apartment above Charlie's had woken her up three different times the night before, and now she'd woken up grumpy and exhausted. Not only that, but her slow-moving status left her less than fifteen minutes to get out the door to teach her intro creative writing class, and no will at all to make that happen. Glaring at the walls and furniture, she moved slowly from her room to the kitchen, wearing one of her nicer suits in the hope that it would make her rise to the occasion and deliver a killer version of the lesson she had planned for her students, one she'd actually been truly looking forward to until today. The short lecture, followed by a group brainstorming session, and finally individual writing and sharing time was generally a hit with her students. It would be in her best interest to get it the hell together.

But the overactive portion of her brain—the other reason she'd been left awake half the night—wasn't exactly relenting. She took quick swallows of coffee and closed her eyes as it burned a trail down her throat. She needed it, though. Anything to jar her back to herself. She'd been on edge ever since she'd listened to Taryn describe her kiss with that Ashley woman, which she had no business caring about.

Yet she could no longer deny the fact that she had. Taryn made her feel things she hadn't expected and shouldn't feel, given where she was in her life. Danny was on the brink of proposing, she was nearing graduation, and until recently she'd believed herself to be an ally but certainly not a card-carrying member of the queer community. None of that seemed to matter to her mind and body. Her feelings had also joined the club because she didn't just lust after Taryn, she felt strongly for her, too. She loved listening to her talk and found solace in those big brown eyes. There was a string between them, a tether that tugged Charlie in Taryn's direction over and over again that she simply couldn't ignore.

Now what? She swallowed and checked her watch. There was no time to solve all of her life's problems on a Thursday morning in her kitchen, but it was time she stopped hiding from what continued to smack her in the face. She was deeply attracted to the grown-up Taryn Ross.

When she arrived on the second floor of the Saunders Building, her students were mostly assembled in their seats. She scanned the classroom and its raked seating that offered her a clear view of each student. With a smile, she deposited her belongings behind the small desk off to the side and moved to the podium to set up the slides she would run from her laptop. Something tugged at her, though, beckoning her to raise her gaze. She did. Seated in the back row on the far left side was a familiar brunette. She tilted her head in question. Taryn offered a four-finger wave and shooed her back to her job. She was crashing Charlie's class? Interesting turn of events that gave her a slam of energy. If she'd been looking for a motivator this morning, she'd certainly come upon one.

"Good morning, everyone," she said and made eye contact with several different students purposefully. A routine practice. Charlie had always believed that personal connection mattered in education. "How's the final paper coming?" The question was greeted by a chorus of uncomfortable sighs. She nodded hyperbolically. "Oh, really. That good, huh?"

"No clue how real writers do it," Trey Cobb said from the second row. Most of the students were hanging on by their fingernails, attempting to make it through the end of the semester. Final projects and exams loomed, demanding more from them than ever before. Care packages were arriving on campus, overflowing with snacks and notes from home. Travel plans had long been made for the end of finals week. Identifying, Charlie hoped to ease the mental load as much as she could.

"Well, I have news for you, Trey. You're a real writer."

"If you say so," he said half-heartedly. The kid was better than he thought, though, and before the semester was over, she planned to make sure he knew it.

"Well, hopefully a few of the tips I have for you today will loosen your brain, get your words unstuck, and have you writing the best work of fiction you've ever turned out. Who's with me?"

She saw the class sit a little taller and greet her with a few grins in response. "I'll take that. Let's get started." As she turned to her slide deck, she was aware of Taryn's eyes on her. As she began her short lecture, the glimpses she grabbed let her know that Taryn was sitting back in her chair, wearing a black shirt and plaid scarf. Too good. She'd rested her chin in her hand and never took her eyes off Charlie. She'd make a good student, Charlie realized, feeling proud. The class was a successful one and rowdy by the end with the group coming together and offering suggestions to their classmates and encouraging one another, just the environment Charlie had been going for, and she smiled at the success. When class concluded, Charlie remained at the podium for private questions from her students and then packed her materials in her attaché, the one she never could have afforded on her own. Monica had purchased it as a gift once Charlie had been assigned her first class as an instructor. All the while, she knew exactly where Taryn was in the room without even fully watching. Apparently, it was her gift.

Taryn had repositioned herself near the door, arms folded across her chest, all assured and looking amazing. She's waiting for me, Charlie thought, suppressing a smile. Honestly, it was her first genuine smile since she'd heard Ashley had kissed Taryn. She gave herself a moment to savor the happy effect before making her way over to the door and Taryn.

"Well, this was a surprise. Hoping to pick up a few writing tips on the fly?"

Taryn's eyes were bright and she shook her head as if in amazement. "You had them eating out of the palm of your hand and then each other's. That was amazing."

Charlie felt her herself fill up with that compliment. She shrugged. "I think because I've been in their shoes and carry such passion for the subject matter, I'm able to work my way in. At least, that's my hope." She closed the classroom door behind her and led them down the hall.

"Have you considered teaching as a career at all?"

"Um…" The truth was she had but had never given the thought voice. "I have, actually. I think I want to get out there and give myself a chance to struggle and get my writing career going. Maybe down the road I can bring back what I've learned to the classroom."

"You have my vote if you ever get the chance."

Charlie had a feeling that Taryn would support her in most anything she attempted in life, from choosing an ice cream flavor to a risky career. "I'm glad you came. Brightened my morning." Instinctively as they descended the steep outdoor staircase to the sidewalk, Charlie looped her arm through Taryn's, feeling too light to stop herself.

"Well, watching you in your element completely brightened mine. I don't think you understand how in awe of you I am right now, and I was already fairly impressed with you in general."

"Stick around. There might be more."

Taryn paused and an unreadable expression enveloped her perfect features. It made Charlie want to confess everything, that she was drawn to Taryn whether she should be or not. That she thought about her more than a friend thinks about another friend. That she was attracted to her physically to the point she'd experienced foreign reactions from her traitorous body. But what would that say about her relationship with Danny? What would it mean for everything she thought she knew about herself and what she wanted in life? But the unanswered questions were becoming tiresome, and Charlie wasn't prepared to battle them anymore. Because what did one do when they didn't have answers? Seek them out. She stopped walking and turned to Taryn, more determined than she'd ever been. They weren't alone on a busy sidewalk. Not even close. Students and faculty flooded the walkway between buildings, dodging each other, talking animatedly with their friends and classmates as they moved from one class to the next. Didn't matter. All Charlie saw was Taryn.

"I really like you, Taryn." She exhaled. It was a step.

Taryn stood taller, making the two inches she had on Charlie all the more noticeable. "Is that what we're talking about? Like?"

"I'm not sure."

Taryn hesitated, this time searching for words. "What does that mean? You like me. Because it could go a lot of ways, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't wondered where your head was when it came to us."

She nodded. "Us." God, she liked the sound of that as much as it terrified her. "I imagine I've made things confusing. I can see that. But it's because I have been confused. In fact, to be specific—"

"Hey, Charlie." Trey Cobb stood at her elbow with a concerned look on his face. "Hate to bother you, but I left my notebook under my seat in class, and the door must have locked because I can't get in. Do you by chance have the key?"

"I do. Um…" She turned fully to Trey and blinked herself into the here and now of his plight. "I can walk you back up there. I don't think there's a class after ours."

"Thank you. I have a project due next class, and I need that folder badly."

She turned to Taryn, apologetic. "Can we maybe press pause?"

"Definitely. I get it." But her eyes held so many questions. While Charlie wasn't sure she had the answers, she was certainly willing to try to find them.

"Let's talk soon," she said, holding eye contact as she reluctantly walked away from the girl who owned all her thoughts these days.