14. Stella

Chapter Fourteen

STELLA

Hudson’s eyes were wide, and my cheeks were so hot I worried my face might melt.

So, a few days ago, you told this guy you were a virgin, and now you just told him you think maybe not because you have a vibrator. Way to go.

My critical mind was good at its job. I had plenty of practice with beating myself up.

Mentally scrambling, I stared up at him, wishing I could run away, preferably to dive into a vat of ice water to cool myself off. I couldn’t think of any way to backtrack from this. I’d spent three days avoiding him and wishing my mouth didn’t get ahead of my brain. True to form, my mouth had gone and done it all over again.

“Um…” I began. Brilliant start. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Obvious much? Critical me lobbed that into the mental churn of sheer embarrassment.

I finally groaned. “How about we forget I ever said anything? We never kissed, you have no idea I’m a virgin, and you definitely don’t know that I have a vibrator,” I babbled.

I could feel the burn of Hudson’s stare. There wasn’t much I could do to make this more embarrassing, so I told myself I could handle this.

“I can’t forget any of that.” His words were slow and deliberate.

I felt as if I were picking my way through a minefield of anxiety and embarrassment and the most awkward series of moments I had ever encountered. And, of course, it was all made worse by the fact that we lived in the same house and I couldn’t avoid him.

“If you worked at it, maybe you could?” I pressed.

Hudson’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he let out adisbelieving laugh. He didn’t seem to be mocking me, more laughing at himself.

“I could try, but it would require some kind of memory-wiping device.” His tone was dry as tumbleweed.

My own laugh bubbled up. As soon as it started, the momentum built until it was a full belly laugh and tears were rolling down my cheeks. By the time I pulled myself together, Hudson was shaking his head slowly. I was hot and tingly all over.

The laughter was good because it relieved the pressure of sheer mortification. I sighed and wiped the tears off my cheeks. “I’m sorry to make this all so awkward, but I suppose that’s my brand.”

“Your brand?”

I shrugged. “You know, like what you’re known for. I’m known for being socially awkward, never being cool.”

Hudson studied me for several beats. “You’re pretty cool.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m definitely not cool, Hudson. I’m almost thirty and I’m a virgin. And, it’s not because I’m saving myself for someone amazing. At least, that would make sense. It’s because I’m awkward and tense and I can’t relax. I promised myself I wouldn’t keep dating assholes. That’s my other brand, dating assholes, that is. I hope you’re not an asshole. I’m not saying that we’re dating, because we’re definitely not, but we kissed and I tend to kiss guys who are assholes.”

I didn’t know how to read Hudson’s gaze. He was quiet long enough after I spoke that I got nervous. My nerves led to more babbling. “I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m really sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. Please, could you just forget all of this? You stay downstairs, I’ll stay upstairs, and the kitchen will be like Switzerland. It’ll be totally neutral and we’ll treat each other like friendly strangers.” I twisted my hands together.

“Friendly strangers?”

I felt my curls bounce as I nodded way too enthusiastically. “Yeah, friendly strangers.” I thrust my hand out as if to shake his. As if that made any sense.

His eyes dropped to my hand. In slow motion, he reached out, his palm engulfing mine. His touch was warm and dry. Instead of shaking my hand, he held it for several rushing beats of my heart. His thumb began to move in slow strokes along the oversensitive skin on the inside of my wrist. I felt as if I were falling, my belly swooped, and my breath became short.

Hudson took a step closer, his eyes darkening, and never once breaking away from mine. “I don’t want to forget any of it, Stella. I don’t want to be friendly strangers. I know what it feels like to kiss you. I know what it feels like when you come all over my fingers.”

I swallowed, barely able to breathe as heat pooled like molten lava in my belly. I couldn’t even speak.

“We’ve established that neither one of us wants anything serious. You said you want to deal with your…” He paused, looking uncertain.

“Virginity,” I offered helpfully.

What the hell are you doing?! My mind screeched.

“This doesn’t have to be complicated. I think you already know it’ll be good with us. I know I do. We can establish some ground rules.”

I felt my head bobbing up and down. Everything with Hudson felt good. Even just standing here with his thumb brushing in idle strokes on my wrist. That little strip of skin was on fire with flames radiating outward.

“What do you mean by ground rules?” I managed.

“Well, we already both don’t want things to get complicated. You can change your mind at any point and shut it down completely. And maybe, we can’t forget what happened, but I can respect any boundary you set. We can just be friends. Even though neither one of us wants to get serious, we should decide if we’re exclusive for the purposes of this.”

“What’s this?” I rasped over the pounding beat of my heart.

“Kisses, making you come all over my fingers and maybe more, but not with anyone else. Do you want that?”

My lungs were pretty useless, but I sucked in enough air to speak. “Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“Let’s do that.”

“How about you think about it for a few days?”