12. Hudson

Chapter Twelve

HUDSON

A few days later

Are you okay? Stella had asked, her gaze searching mine.

I was absolutely not okay.

I’d known since I laid eyes on Stella that she was cute. But this wasn’t about cute. She’d tossed a little silk lasso around my heart and cinched it tight.

All this time, I was trying to convince myself it was just a little extra chemistry, to give it time and it would fade.

I had plenty of reasons why I avoided romance.

I was still relieved I’d somehow gotten my life on a good path after my disaster of adolescence. My good angels liked to believe that if it hadn’t been for my father, I never would’ve gotten in trouble in high school. While that was partially true, I also knew there was a darker side. The little devil on my shoulder had enjoyed the fun of it, of trying to get away with things, of trying to bend the rules. All it had taken was a good dose of fuck-around and find-out and I’d never wanted to bend the rules since.

I’d spent most of my life since then wondering if I was worthy of someone, whether I could be good to someone. Aside from his questionable choices in life, my father had been loving to me. But he was a serious flake when it came to relationships. He was charming and handsome and women flocked to him. Over the years, he’d had plenty of girlfriends who thought they could change him. Spoiler alert: No one ever had.

I kept things casual. Not because I wanted to screw anyone over, but because I didn’t want to let anyone down.

As my thoughts spun back to Stella with her rumpled blond curls, her freckled cheeks, her big brown eyes, and the way her pussy felt—slick, wet, and clenching around my fingers—I thumped my head against the wall of the shower. My cock swelled just thinking about her.

I turned the water to cold. Even then, I had to take matters into my own hands, literally. This was round three of me coming with thoughts of Stella. She’d become so much more than a fantasy. I knew the sounds she made, I knew the way she trembled when her body quickened, and I knew how it felt when she came all over my fingers.

And, now she was my roommate. All I had to do was walk up the stairs to her room. In the middle of winter, the chances of me finding another place to stay were slim. Finding a good place to rent in Willow Brook was not easy to begin with. It was a tourist destination so many rentals were slated as short-term.

Something about last night with Stella had burrowed into me. The ribbons cast around my heart were strong. Stella could break me and she didn’t even know it.

After several minutes under the icy water, I was wide awake and freezing cold. As I toweled off, I made a decision. I didn’t like admitting it to myself, but I’d been avoiding her.

I would be direct and tell her I wanted her. Because I did. Holy hell, I wanted her. Maybe I needed to run straight at it, like I did a fire in the wilderness. I also needed to strategize lines of defense around my heart. That meant getting her out of my system. Just like a fire in a dry forest, it had to burn itself out. The more I dwelled on her, the hotter the fire would burn.

I tugged a T-shirt on and jogged upstairs into the kitchen. Stella was standing by the counter, filling a mug with coffee.

“Good morning,” I said, my voice coming out forcefully.

Stella spun around. The smattering of light freckles on her cheeks stood out in the early morning light. She looked fresh and pretty. My heart pinched a little. As I stared at her, I realized it had been a grave mistake to avoid her. Seeing her after too many days was a jolt to my nerves.

“Good morning.” She took a swallow of coffee.

My eyes were drawn to the way her lips parted just before they closed around the edge of the mug. When she lowered it and slid her tongue across her bottom lip, my knees almost buckled. Need sank its claws into me, twisting tightly.

I cleared my throat. “Do you have a minute?”

Her curls bounced a little with her nod.

I barreled ahead. “Here’s the thing, I don’t want to get into all the reasons why, but I can’t get serious with someone. I realize we’ve—” I paused when pink flared on her cheeks.

“I guess what I’m saying is maybe we could be friends with a little bit more.” As soon as I said that, I felt ridiculous. What the hell was I thinking? Stella was worth so much more than that.

She studied me, curling both hands around her mug. “Okay,” she said, startling me.

I’d braced myself for her to be insulted, maybe even upset with me. In contrast, she seemed calm about the whole thing, almost practical.

“I have my own reasons for not wanting to get serious. I don’t even want to feel like I need to explain them. It seems like we have some…” Her composure flagged and she paused, biting her lip.

“Chemistry,” I offered helpfully.

She blinked and nodded. “I should tell you something though.”

“What’s that?”

“Not because it matters, but I’m a virgin.”