2. Chapter 2

The overwhelming scent of the ocean invades my senses, filling my nose with a pungent combination of salt and seaweed. I can practically taste the briny tang on my tongue, as if I am one with the endless waves and those gorgeous ancient tides.

But there is more to this aroma than just sea and sand. The faint perfume of sunscreen lingers in the air, intermingling with the natural fragrance of the ocean to create a unique and intoxicating blend. And beneath it all, the subtle sweetness of coconut oil adds a touch of tropical warmth to the mix.

As I breathe in deeply, my entire body feels alive, absorbing the rhythmic whispers of the sea that surround me. The warm breeze that carries off the water is tempered by a coolness that caresses my skin, bringing with it refreshing droplets of ocean spray from each crashing wave.

Slowly, I open my eyes and take in the serene view before me. The clear blue expanse of ocean stretches out endlessly, its surface rippling with gentle waves that seem to sing in harmony with the distant calls of birds and crickets. The ceaseless murmur of the sea washes over me like a comforting, familiar blanket, only adding to the tranquil state of my mind.

The weight that once pressed on my chest like a bulldozer, crushing my very ability to breathe, has finally lifted. The salty sea air fills my lungs with each deep breath, replacing the suffocating grip of anxiety.

My eyes scan the vast expanse of the beach, searching for any sign of life, but I am met with an empty stretch of sand. Not a single soul in sight but me.

Yet, despite the emptiness, this place feels familiar. The crystal-clear ocean, shimmering under the bright sun. The warm breeze caressing my skin.

I know this place. This is my happy place. Where Dean and I spent two incredible weeks together on our honeymoon.

I'm in the Maldives.

A sense of calm washes over me as I take in the beauty and tranquillity of my surroundings. I look down at myself clad in a navy-blue bikini and place my hand on the flat panes of my stomach. No baby bump in sight. I'm not pregnant.

"JJ?" Upon hearing Dean's voice my heart takes a leap into my throat, and I spin so fast my head takes a moment to catch up.

"Dean…" My heart races as I watch Dean stroll towards me, his strides confident and strong. He looks as handsome as ever, his chiselled features illuminated by the soft glow of the setting sun. His signature panty-melting smile is plastered on his face, making my knees tremble.

"Promise me you'll never stop looking at me like that, Mrs Reyes," he drawls in his deep, husky voice. The sound sends shivers down my spine.

Dean continues walking along the shore, the waves gently washing over his feet. His hands are casually tucked into the pockets of his black swim shorts while a crisp white cotton shirt blows back in the ocean breeze. It's like a scene from a movie—too perfect to be real.

I can hardly believe it. Is this really happening? Are we still on our honeymoon? Oh God, please let it be real . Please, if I have ever done a good deed worthy of rewarding in my life, please grant me this one wish . I pray silently. Either the past couple of weeks have all just been a horrifying nightmare or I have died and I'm finally with him. Either way, I'm grateful that nightmare is over.

As I take a step in his direction, I feel the coarse texture of sand under my feet and the warm sea water wash over it a second later and smile. If I can feel the sea and the sand, surely I'll be able to feel him too, right? "And how am I looking at you, Lieutenant?"

Dean smiles and bites his lip as we walk toward each other along the shore. "Like I'm the only one you'll ever see."

My heart swells to twice its size inside my chest. "You are and always will be all I want to see." I respond as we finally reach one another. Dean's muscular arms circle my waist and I look down and almost melt when I feel the strength of them enfold around me. I cup Dean's face and press my lips to his. An emotion I haven't felt in so long consumes me. Exhilaration. "I can feel you," I whisper after we pull back and Dean nods, pressing his forehead to mine with a placid smile when I place my hands against his bare chest.

"I've missed you so much, Dean." I state, tipping my head back to kiss him again. "The pain of losing you and having to go on without you has been unbearable."

"I know, baby." Dean replies as he brushes away the tears that roll down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry that I broke my promise to you."

I shake my head and lift my hands to stroke his handsome face. "It's over now, right? Please, tell me this is real and I'm not hallucinating or dreaming. Tell me this is it, Dean. Tell me we're together forever now and I'm not going to suddenly wake up and find you're gone again."

"Baby, shh, don't think about that right now." Dean asserts as he draws his head back to gaze into my eyes. "We're together and we don't have much time, so let's make it count." My eyes close briefly and I soak up his touch when Dean affectionately brushes his fingers across my cheek and butterflies take flight in my stomach.

"Wait, what do you mean we don't have much time?" I question looking up at him again. "Did I… am I… dead ?"

Dean shakes his head slowly and gently brushes a strand of my hair away from my face from where the wind has blown it. "No, baby, you're not dead."

"I don't understand. If I'm still alive, why am I here with you? Am I dreaming?"

"You're under anaesthesia. You're currently undergoing surgery."

I frown, "Surgery?" While I stare into the eyes of the man I love, I remember my final lucid moment before everything went dark. "The baby..." I whisper instinctively placing my hand on my flat stomach. "I was bleeding, and the pain..." The thought of the blinding pain ripping through my body makes me wince. "I… I've lost it, haven't I?"

Dean presses his lips to my forehead, and I feel him heave a sigh before he answers. "No, you haven't lost the baby. You were rushed in for an emergency c-section when you started haemorrhaging. They're currently delivering our son. He's just like his mother, a little fighter."

I draw my head back and blink up at him, a fresh batch of tears filling my eyes again. "Our son?" Dean smiles handsomely and brushes his thumb along my bottom lip, "I was too scared to find out the sex of the baby because I never expected to make it far enough in the pregnancy to deliver it. I've been so terrified of losing the last thing I have left of you and everything I have been fearing is happening. But it's okay because I'm here with you now. We're together again and this time it's forever, right?"

Dean's face, once bright with a smile, fades into one of sorrow. His features are etched with pain and his eyes glisten with unshed tears. "JJ?—"

I shake my head, willing myself to put on a brave face despite the overwhelming weight that settles in my chest again. "Don't." The word comes out as a strained whisper. I place my fingers against his lips, silencing him. "Don't make me go back, Dean," I plead, desperation etched into my voice. "Don't make me go back to a life without you. I can't bare it, especially if all that's waiting for me is more suffering. I don't want to go back to a life where I'm forced to pretend I'm okay when someone mentions your name and all I want to do is fall apart. I want to be here with you where there is no pain, and I can finally breathe without it killing me."

My heart aches at the thought of returning to a world where he is gone, and I am left alone to drown in my grief once again. Dean's hand tightens around my wrist, and he leans in closer, pressing a tender kiss to the tips of my fingers before placing my hand over his heart. "Jeyla, please listen to me," he pleads, his voice trembling with emotion. "This isn't real. You're not gone, and this isn't the afterlife. You're still very much alive, still breathing. Your heart is still beating. Your mind has created this moment to shield you from the pain and grief you've been feeling. But you can't stay here baby, you have to wake up. Our son needs you. He needs his mother to love him and guide him, you're his only chance of making it through. I know it feels impossible right now, but you need to find the strength to keep going, for both of us, and more importantly, for our son. Please, Jeyla, you can't give up, not when you have something so precious to live on for. Promise me that no matter what you will cling onto life with both hands for our baby?"

I shake my head, trying to hold back the relentless sob that threatens to escape my trembling lips. My hands reach up and cup his face gently, fingers tracing the sharp contours of his jawline. I meet his unwavering gaze, emerald eyes shining with a depth that seems even brighter than ever before.

"No, I can't," I whisper, my voice breaking with emotion.

"Yes, you can, JJ," Dean insists, his voice firm but filled with tenderness.

My bottom lip quivers as I struggle to contain my overwhelming emotions. "No, I can't, Dean!" I whimper brokenly. "You don't understand the pain I've been enduring. I know what's waiting for me if I go back. I'm only going to lose the baby too... and I can't bear to watch one more thing slip away from me. I just can't do it."

Tears stream down my cheeks as I continue to plead my case to him. "I have no peace in that world. I see you everywhere, even when I'm sleeping you invade my dreams and then I wake up... and relive the devastation all over again. I need it to end, okay? I need it to stop." Dean wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close, offering comfort and support. The weight of everything crashes down on me and tears stream down my face as I bury my head in Dean's chest. "This is where I belong. Don't let me go, Lieutenant." I cry, my voice muffled against him.

Dean's embrace is warm and comforting, providing a shelter from the storm of emotions raging inside me. For a moment, we simply stand there entwined in each other's arms while I seek solace in his presence.

My eyes flutter open when the distant sound of a baby's cry breaks through the moment. Dean lets out a heavy sigh, his voice thick with emotion as he speaks into my ear. "You have no idea how much I wish this was real and I could keep you here in my arms, JJ. But it's time for you to go, baby girl. There is a little someone who needs you more than I do."

My heart sinks when I raise my gaze to look at him. Dean smiles while he stares into my eyes and brushes the tears that roll down my cheeks with the back of his fingers. "I promise you, JJ, this isn't the end for us." Dean affirms, leaning forward to press his nose to mine. "Your love has and will always be the beacon that guides me home, baby." I sigh when he tips my head back and presses a lingering kiss to my lips. "Now tell me you love me one last time."

"I'm crazy about you, baby." I whisper.

"I'm crazy about you ," Dean murmurs as he closes the already miniscule space between our lips and kisses me until everything slowly blurs away, and I'm pulled back to reality.

The first thing I hear when I start to come around is the incessant beeping of machines and the distinctive sound of chatter around me.

"Oh, thank God, she's coming around. Someone get the doctor." The voice is distant and muffled, but I hear someone speak. Is that my Mum? "Jeyla? Honey, can you hear me?" My eyelids feel so unbelievably heavy, despite my grandest effort to open them they barely flicker enough to let in a speck of light before closing again. My limbs refuse to move, and I can't feel anything below my waist; my legs feel like deadweight. What the hell is happening? Oh God, am I paralyzed? Why can't I feel or move my legs!

The sheer panic that consumes me is enough to compel my eyes to open. The machine starts to beat faster the harder my heart beats. For the first couple of minutes everything is a blur; the lights, the figures in the room, until eventually my eyes start to focus, and I see my parents' faces hovering over me. "Mum." I try to speak but the word comes out as I croaky grunt instead.

"Honey, honey, you're okay, you're all right." My mother states, stroking my head tenderly to soothe me in a way only a mother's touch can. "You're in hospital, sweetheart but everything is okay, just try and calm down."

"What… happened?" I stammer as she takes hold of my hand and looks over at my father who is standing at the opposite side of the bed.

"You were rushed to hospital after you started bleeding and collapsed at home." My mother explains, placing her hand on my arm. "They had to rush you to surgery because you started haemorrhaging internally when your uterus tore." I stare up at them, a deep feeling of dread leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I prepare myself for the inevitable bad news that will follow. When I glance down at my stomach and see the bump is no longer there that feeling of dread amplifies. "They had no choice but to prematurely deliver the baby so that they could operate to stop the bleeding."

"The baby?" I rasp while trying to sit up, but my damn body refuses to move and my parents both stop me. "Where's my baby?"

"Jeyla, sweetheart, don't try and sit up, you've just undergone major surgery, you'll tear your stiches."

"Where's my baby, mum?"

"The baby is okay, honey. He's been taken to the neonatal intensive care unit. Because he was born prematurely, he will need to be incubated and closely monitored for a little while so that he can grow and hopefully breathe on his own."

"What? Will he be okay?"

"The doctor said he is a healthy little boy, but he has a tough number of weeks ahead of him. There's some concern that the baby may have suffered perinatal asphyxia which is what happens when there is a lack of blood flow and oxygen delivered to the baby before they could deliver him, but the doctor is confident that he got to the baby in time before any permanent damage was done." My eyes well up, my vision blurring as I picture my baby suffocating inside of me.

"I want to see him." I go to push the covers off myself, but my father stops me.

"Jeyla, not just yet sweet pea. Like your mother said, you just underwent major surgery, and you need to rest and heal so that you're strong enough to hold him when he's ready."

"Please, mum, I have to see my baby?—"

"Jeyla," I look over at Dr Kent who walks in followed by a nurse in cream-coloured scrubs. Dr Kent picks up the chart from a metal holder at the foot of the bed and examines it as he slowly walks over to me. "How are you feeling?"

"I want to see my baby."

Dr Kent gives me a sympathetic smile as he hands the chart to the nurse and takes another step closer. "I know you do, and you will be able to hold your baby soon, I promise. But first, you need to heal from your surgery and avoid straining your stitches by trying to walk too soon. You may not be able to feel the pain right now due to the effects of the epidural—which is numbing you from the waist down. Your body has gone through a lot throughout your pregnancy and then the surgery. You're lucky to be alive, Jeyla. Which is why it's crucial—not only for you, but your baby—that you rest and give your body time to recover."

Okay, well that's a relief, at least that explains why I can't feel my legs, but what about my son? Why are they refusing to let me see him? "Please, Dr Kent, just let me see him. Even if it's through a window. I can't just sit here when my baby is somewhere in this hospital fighting for his life. I should be with him. I need to know that he's okay."

"Jeyla, I understand that you're feeling anxious, and you want to see your baby, but I promise you, he is in the very best hands and is being closely monitored around the clock. While we cannot allow anyone in the NICU, a couple of your family members are there keeping a close eye on your baby through the window."

Family members? I look over at my parents for clarification. "Oscar and Ashlyn have been at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit since he was born. They've been keeping a close eye on him," my mother offers an explanation. Though I'm still feeling highly anxious, knowing that they are with him gives me some comfort.

Slowly I sink back against the pillows and sigh as the doctor talks me through what happened. "You must have been suffering with some pain for some time. The fact you carried the baby through to your third trimester when we didn't see it making it past the first is a miracle. However, just as we anticipated, you experienced a uterine rupture, it is a serious condition where the wall of your uterus tore open, which caused severe bleeding and put both you and the baby at risk."

I remain silent, staring down at the cannula on my hand transfusing some kind of fluid into my body while I listen to him go on and on.

"…during the emergency surgery to control the bleeding and save your life, we had to make a critical decision. The rupture was extensive, and to stop the haemorrhage, we had no choice but to perform a hysterectomy… we had to remove your uterus."

My eyes snap up to look at him and I feel something inside me sink. "What?" I utter, looking from him to my parents. "You—you removed my uterus?"

"Unfortunately, yes. As I explained the rupture was extensive beyond repair, which didn't leave us with much choice. Jeyla, I understand that this is difficult news to hear, but we had to prioritize your immediate health and safety. You lost a significant amount of blood."

"So, what does that mean? I can't have any more children?"

Dr Kent nods in response. "Yes, that's correct. We did our very best to repair the damage and stop the bleeding, but the damage was just far too extensive. The hysterectomy was the very last resort," he explains sympathetically. "Your recovery is our main focus now. Physically, you'll need time to heal from the surgery. We'll manage your pain and monitor you closely to ensure there are no complications. Emotionally, this can be very challenging, and we have support services, including counselling, that I strongly recommend you consider. Particularly, after what you've been through recently."

No amount of counselling is going to help me after everything I have lost. I don't even know how to react or feel to that news. I mean, before I found out I was pregnant after my accident, I didn't think I would ever conceive and while it was devastating, I eventually accepted and made my peace with it. But now, it feels as though I'm reliving that trauma all over again.

Blinking away the tears that gather in my eyes, I look up at him. "Just promise me that you will save my son. Please?"

Dr Kent reaches over and pats my shoulder, "Of course; your son has the best paediatric team caring for him around the clock. Please do not worry and focus on getting some rest. The more you stress, the longer it will take your body to heal and for your milk to come in. Your baby is a fighter, just like you, and he will be in your arms where he belongs before you know it."

I sure hope so, because right now, those words are all I have to hold on to. With trembling hands, I clutch at the frayed edges of hope and hold on for dear life.