Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

S arah lowered her hand, wondering why she had bothered with the politeness of knocking—not that she had alerted anyone to her presence. Her fist hovered in the air, frozen by indecision. She took a deep breath and lowered her hand.

"Oh, James," she whispered, an ache forming in her throat.

Their time together had ended, and while running inside to make herself presentable, the only thought rattling in her head was that the rescue had arrived too soon. Just minutes before, Sarah had calculated she had at least three more days with James—three more days to seduce his heart into falling in love with her.

I will marry when I choose to marry .

James's cold words pierced her chest. Of course, her brother would try to force their marriage. Her parents would too. A rueful smile curved Sarah's mouth. However, she would never marry a man who did not want her, even one whom she desperately loved. There was nothing about her appearance that would inspire confidence in Frederick that she was uncompromised. She hastily dressed in her gown that had been through far too much over these last several days. Her hair was a tangled mess, and her boots were ruined. There was no help for it. The people behind this door were all friends and family. Smoothing her hands down the wrinkled gown, Sarah opened the door.

"Surely you see that you and Sarah must marry in haste!" Frederick snarled.

"Do not be foolish," James said, his tone flat and indifferent. "You repeating your expectations will not make it happen."

"What the hell do you mean by this, Fairbanks?" her brother demanded. "By your own words, you confirmed you have been living with my sister alone in this damn place!"

"Circumstances forced your sister and me to be trapped alone."

Sarah delicately cleared her throat, and it was then they noticed her appearance. Her brother's mouth gaped when he saw her.

"Upon my word, I do not recognize my sister. You look like a pitiable drowned cat!"

Sarah laughed and hastened over to hug him.

"We were so damn worried," Frederick said gruffly. "The instant we realized you must have been taken along with James, Colin and I organized a search. The state of the roads made it almost impossible."

Sarah felt a rush of affection and gratitude for her brother. "Thank you for coming," she said softly, her voice thick with emotion. "But as you can see, I am quite safe and well."

Frederick pulled back to look at her, his eyes scanning her face for any sign of distress. "You have been through a lot, haven't you?"

Sarah smiled, her gaze flicking to James. "It was more like a holiday and not an ordeal."

James met her eyes, and for a moment, the room was charged with unspoken emotions. Withdrawing from her brother's embrace, she peered up at her brother and asked, "How did you find us?"

Frederick lifted his chin, and she turned to see James's older brother Colin, the Earl of Celdon, wearing an inscrutable expression. Her cheeks heated, aware of how unkempt she appeared. Sarah smiled and lowered into a curtsy.

Colin bowed, and when he rose, he winked.

Sarah laughed.

"Knowing my brother," Colin began, "I suspected he would have tried to evade his kidnappers, especially as you were brave enough to hop into the carriage to rescue him."

"Brave?" Frederick spluttered. "It was, at most, foolhardy!"

"It was very courageous of you, Sarah," Colin continued. "It did cause an uproar in the family, but we carefully laid out a plan to search. James has invested in restoring four manors, so we calculated it was likely you could have escaped at any point between London and Penporth. Hence, we decided to visit the two manors you might have stopped at. Of course, we also considered the possibility that you might have continued the journey to Penporth. We decided to split up and conduct our search. Richard and Nicholas went to Hampshire. Ravenswood and Lucien continued to Penporth to see if you were there, and Frederick and I came here."

Sarah clasped her hands before her and smiled at Colin. "Only today, James managed to walk to his neighbors to send letters to town."

She glanced at James and almost winced at his unreadable expression. "Well," she said brightly. "I suppose it is time to return to town."

"It is time to speak about the marriage conditions," Frederick said with a glower. "We will not leave here until an agreement has been reached."

Her chest went so tight that she could scarcely breathe. "Do not be silly, Frederick. Mr. Fairbanks was a complete gentleman."

As if she had not spoken, her brother pinned James with a hard stare. "I appreciate that you kept my sister safe, James, but understand my concerns. Her reputation—"

"Is still intact," Sarah interrupted firmly. "I am not compromised, Frederick. James has been nothing but honorable."

"You have been alone with him for God knows how long—"

"Eight days," she said, arching a brow. "And we are the only people who know this information. So there is no need to press James to make an offer when he is not interested in doing so."

The earl winced and pinned his brother with a gimlet glare. "James, the honorable provision would be to offer for—"

"Do not speak to me about marrying for honor or duty," James said with chilling indifference. "My marriage was always within my control and will remain so. It is not something for you, Colin, Frederick, or anyone to decide. Do I make myself clear?"

Frustration flashed in her brother's eyes, and Sarah could not understand why her heart was breaking into pieces.

She lifted her chin. "I would not marry James because you say so, Frederick. I am a woman of five and twenty years. I knew the risk when I rushed into that carriage. James did not try to seduce me even once, so please stop this nonsense about marrying because we were trapped together for several days. I … I … will not have it."

She loathed that her voice cracked, and an overwhelming ache throbbed behind her eyes. She delicately cleared her throat. "James and I have been friends for years, and our families have been close for years. This … this must not ruin anything, and if anyone dares to insist, I shall leave London and take the modest inheritance our grandmother left me and tour Europe."

Silence fell, and Frederick raked his fingers through his hair.

"Alice is here," he said gruffly. "I shall retrieve her from the carriage, though she is probably stretching her legs. Mother was thoughtful enough to send clothes and all the necessary toiletries you would need should we find you. Please, make yourself presentable for travel."

Sarah nodded, and tried to smile reassuringly at her brother but feared she failed. She glanced at James and prayed her composure was steady.

"Are you returning to town, James?"

His gaze hooded. "No."

"Are you … are you still traveling to Penporth?" Sarah managed to say, barely able to force the words out through her constricted throat.

"Yes."

The silence between them felt brittle. She wanted to ask if there was a chance he might be wedded to Miss Mirabelle when she next saw him. Raw emotions bubbled inside Sarah's chest, but she held them back. Finally, she said, "Have a safe journey, James."

"Have a safe journey to town, Sarah."

How bland and polite. As if the last several days in this rundown manor had not been paradise. Smiling tightly, she turned around and started to walk away. "I shall await Alice in the hallway, Frederick."

As if he sensed she was barely holding onto her hard-won equanimity, her brother did not reply, and Sarah hastened from the room, feeling the burn of James's stare on her shoulders.

James felt torn. There was a shadow of pain in Sarah's eyes that confused him. Despite her rebuttal they were not compromised, something about the situation was clearly affecting her deeply. He had grown to care for her deeply over the past few days, and the thought of her hurt was unbearable. But he also knew that marriage was not something to be entered into lightly, even if the passion between them was incendiary.

James turned to Colin, his temper barely in check. "Would you ride in the carriage with Sarah and Frederick? I want to borrow your stallion."

Colin stepped forward. "You are going to Penporth?"

"Yes."

"Very well. I also brought you a change of clothes and boots." Colin frowned. "Are you going to marry Mirabelle? I know you have been courting her whenever you visit Penporth, and her father must have believed something egregious happened between you and his daughter to force a marriage in such a dastardly manner."

A rough sound escaped James. "I do not know what I will find in Penporth; I only know I need to go to resolve this mess."

Colin hesitated and then said, "Only a fool would not see there is something between you and Sarah. James, you must see the situation from Frederick's perspective. Sarah's honor is at stake."

"She has not lost her honor. Why are you now thinking in the foolish way they do?"

"Because I am the Earl of Celdon, and I live in both worlds and understand enough to let you know this is very important."

James scrubbed a hand over his face. "Whatever is there is for us to sort it out. No one else," he said flatly.

His brother stared at him for a long time, then nodded. James took the clothes and went to the parlor, waiting for Sarah to finish with the bedroom. For almost an hour, he thought about the last several days together and how she made his heart feel knotted inside. The prospect of parting soon weighed heavily on him.

A soft knock sounded, and he snapped his head up. "Come in."

The door eased open, and Sarah framed the doorway. James blinked. Gone was the carefree woman who had romped and fished with him, learned to roast quail, and wore his shirt with her hair tangled. Before him now stood the composed daughter of a viscount. She wore a flattering dark green, high-waist gown; her hair had been tamed and caught in a chignon. Sarah pushed the spectacles up her nose, a nervous habit he found endearing.

Their gazes held, the air between them charged with unspoken words. James felt a pang of longing and sadness, realizing how much he would miss her presence. He stood, stepped toward her and faltered, for her brother suddenly appeared behind her. Sarah glanced over her shoulder, and when she looked back at James, a slight smile was on her mouth that did not reach her eyes.

"I wish you safe travels, Mr. Fairbanks," she murmured.

That cool civility sliced through him like a knife, and her reserved gaze felt like a punch in the gut.

"I wish you safe travels, Miss Bloomfield."

She lowered into a curtsy, turned and walked away. Her name hovered on the tip of his tongue, but he drew it back and raked his hand over his face.

James hastened to take his bath, not bothering to heat the buckets of water he lugged up to the bath chamber. The cold water was bracing, jolting him awake and sharpening his thoughts. Almost an hour later, dressed in the clothes his brother had brought him, he mounted his stallion and raced away from his manor toward Penporth. The journey would take at least four days with rests at inns along the way.

Sarah had been an unexpected intrusion into his life, an intrusion that he liked and longed for. Every moment spent with her had shattered the careful plans he had outlined for his future. Nothing felt practical anymore, certainly not this heavy press against his heart as he rode along the country road. James tugged on the reins, slowing the stallion. Getting to Penporth posthaste and settling whatever nonsense had pushed Mr. Sinclair to attempt his kidnapping was important.

Yet, he couldn't stop thinking about the shadows in Sarah's eyes as she had lowered into that polite curtsy. She had seemed so contained, proper, and unhappy. The free-spirited creature he had fallen for had been replaced by a young lady cloaked in decorum, her liveliness stifled.

James stilled.

He tipped his face to the sky, recalling every moment with Miss Sarah Bloomfield. From the moment he met her three years ago, and thought she was the prettiest creature he had ever seen. He recalled every dance they had ever shared, every biting remark as they argued, and he fought to hide his fascination for her because she belonged to the ton . He despised high society and its ridiculous hypocrisy. He thought of her sweet and lively sense of humor, quick wit, charm, passion, kindness, and courage.

James blew out his breath and urged the horse forward. He needed to hurry to Penporth, settle this nonsense, and then hasten to Sarah. He would woo and court her as she deserved and then make her an offer. Everything he had shared with her these last several days informed him that Sarah was a woman who could live in his world, and by God, if he needed to walk in her world as well to make her happy, he would do it.

He raced ahead, thinking of how much he would miss her in the ten days or more it would take for him to travel to Penporth and back to town. James's heart stumbled in his chest, and he slowed his breathing.

She would be unhappy for days until he returned. He couldn't let a night pass with her, thinking he didn't love her and didn't want her more than anything else in this world. Hell. James could not bear the idea of Sarah going even an hour, thinking she was not one of the most important people in his life.

A slow, deep breath James hadn't realized he had been holding released. The pain in her eyes flared in his thoughts again, and he wheeled his stallion around, racing back toward London. The journey back felt both urgent and surreal. As the landscape blurred past him, James's mind raced with thoughts of Sarah. He envisioned her smile, her eyes sparkling when she laughed, and the warmth of her presence. He had to make her understand how much she meant to him, how deeply he loved her.

Bloody hell . He must have wounded her heart just now with his refusal, even if she had reassured him that she held no expectations.

"How brave you are, Sarah," he whispered. "To love so boldly and fearlessly without even knowing that you also hold my heart."

By God, Sarah, I have long loved you . What a damn fool I am .