15. Emily

15

EMILY

W illiam and I make our way back, his hand wrapped around the small container of sap I gathered. My anger with Griffin still simmers, but knowing I can help keep him alive, at least until we reach the colony, brings a small sense of relief. His wound looked bad, and while I may want him to suffer for the hurt he caused me, I don’t want it to be like this.

Then there’s Max. I haven’t spoken to him yet. I don’t know where his head’s at. He wasn’t there when I woke up, and he was busy taking out rotters when I ran into William. Talking with him is going to be the hardest of all. The last thing I expected was to fall for my ex’s brother. I could never have imagined that the one who hurt me was the same person who hurt Max so deeply.

William’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “There’s something I want to ask of you,” he says, his eyes fixed straight ahead. “I hope it’s not too much.”

“Oh?” I glance up, curiosity piqued.

“You should talk to Max.” His request is slow and careful, his gaze shifting until it meets mine. “I get it if you don’t want to, but he’s…not in a good place. ”

“Is he hurt?” A rush of worst-case scenarios flash through my mind. I thought Griffin was the one I had to worry about, but William seems genuinely concerned for Max. Panic twists in my stomach. If he’d been bitten, they’d have told me right away, not danced around it. If he were on the verge of turning, they’d be keeping a close eye on him, not leaving him to die alone and turn. Despite how upset I am with them; I still know they’re better people than that.

“No, it’s not that.” William rushes to reassure me when he notices the worry on my face. Sometimes I suspect he can read my mind. “It’s not a physical injury. Well, maybe a little bit, but that’s not what I’m talking about. He doesn’t care about falling off the cliff.”

“Wait, what?” I look in the direction we’re headed, but the spot I left Griffin is out of view. Max wasn’t there when I woke up, but I heard him with Buddy before William came and whisked me away. He fell off a freaking cliff, and that’s not what has William worried?

“It’s something else. You’ll understand when you see him.”

As we near the clearing, Max comes into view. He’s leaning into a rotter, beating it with a ferocity that borders on desperation, his morning star slamming down again and again, even as the body dissolves into the dirt. He’s striking the ground now, hitting it like he can’t stop. A sense of unease settles over me.

“I’ll be back,” I murmur to William, handing him my water bottle and taking a few steadying breaths before I approach Max. He doesn’t notice me yet, too absorbed in pounding the earth with a fury that frightens me. This is different from the wild side of him I’ve witnessed before.

Moving closer, I see how he favors one foot. Until he steps on that foot and the pain in his face flashes for a brief moment before it’s replaced with a grin that sends a shiver down my spine. I know firsthand how debilitating an injured ankle is in the apocalypse.

A twig snaps under my foot, signaling my presence. Max spins around in an instant, his morning star raised in one hand and a knife in his other, the blade stopping a mere inch from my throat. I swallow hard and wait.

Recognition flickers in his eyes before he lets out a low, frustrated sound. Both weapons fall to the ground with a thud. He presses the heels of his hands against his temples, mumbling to himself, his whole body tensing. He turns away from me. I take a hesitant step forward. It’s like he’s trying to shake off whatever’s haunting him. I wonder if he’s worse off than William realizes.

He smacks his palms against his head. I worry he’ll hurt himself, so I run around in an arc until I’m facing him, and I grab his wrists, forcing him to look at me. “Max, please. Talk to me.”

He jerks free from my grip. One hand moves to my throat at lightning speed, and before I can register what’s happening, his lips crash into mine, fierce and raw. I momentarily taste blood, but my thoughts scatter, my pulse pounding. I’m pulled into his frustration, his regret, his need. My brain short circuits, and before I can react, he pushes me away.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he mutters, his voice rough. “You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be around me.”

Then he turns and walks away, leaving me alone, breathless, and stunned, staring after him. William was right—Max is dealing with something intense. But I don’t know what anyone expects me to do, or how I’m supposed to help him through whatever shadows he’s fighting alone. How can I be expected to fix three broken men when they’re the ones who broke me?

When I turn my head, I catch Griffin’s gaze from a short distance away. His expression shadowed, eyes dark with something between worry and frustration. I don’t know when he came over, but at least he’s using the enormous tree trunk to support his weight while leaning against it. Otherwise, I’d have something to say about him moving around like this. He’s in no shape to continue the way he has been.

Griffin’s eyes lock onto mine, and his voice is low when he speaks. “We’ve all messed up, but Max…Max’s demons run deeper. If he doesn’t face them, he’ll self-destruct, piece by piece. He’s done it before, and I fear this time I might not be able to pull him out.”

A pang of sympathy breaks through my anger when his words sink in. I don’t want Max to spiral, even if he’s hurt me. I nod to Griffin in acknowledgement, then pick up Max’s morning star, and follow after him.

I catch up to Max a few feet away, his back tense while he mutters to himself, fists clenched at his sides. His hand stretches out, searching for his weapon, only to realize it’s not there. He spins around, eyes wide and wild, and then he spots me.

“Here,” I say, holding out the morning star to him.

He takes it, surprise flickering in his gaze as his fingers wrap around the handle. He spins it once, his knuckles going white when he tightens his grip.

“Talk to me, Max,” I say in a soft tone, keeping my voice steady. “Maybe talking it out would help.”

A shadow crosses his face, and he looks away and mutters. “There’s no point. You’re only going to leave, like everyone else. You already did…just like my brother.”

I hold back a sigh, feeling the sting of his words. “I didn’t abandon you, Max. You made the choice to listen to him instead of hearing me out. You’re the one who pushed me away before I could even explain. I wanted you, but you sent me away. ”

His striking, vibrant green eyes flare with anger, or maybe it’s something deeper. “I know that, but everyone leaves me. Why sit around waiting for the inevitable when I can cut them loose first? You were never going to stay, anyway.”

“You don’t know that. You still won’t give me a chance to explain.”

“Everyone. Leaves.”

Swinging my arm out, I gesture behind me to where Griffin and William are standing watch, William with his arms crossed over his chest and Griffin with his hand balled into a fist by his side. “Those two have never left you, Max. That’s proof enough, even if you can’t see it.”

“One day they will,” he responds, his voice hollow, like he’s speaking from a place I can’t quite reach. “Because everyone does.”

The words cut me sharper than I expected. They damn near break my heart. I know the feeling. So, I step closer, reaching up to take his face in my hands, forcing him to meet my gaze. My fingertips graze along the few cuts and scrapes on his cheek. “You wanted me gone, Max. You wouldn’t give me ten seconds to tell you I chose you—that I was coming back. I was never going to leave you, any of you. Not permanently. But you shut me out before I even had the chance.”

His jaw tightens, the fire in his eyes shifting, but I can’t tell if it’s anger or something else. It doesn’t matter, not when he looks at me like he’d be better off if I was nothing more than mud on his shoe. My voice trembles when I press on.

“I don’t belong in that colony, Max. No one’s waiting for me other than the one and only person who still cares. Everyone else is hoping I die out here before I can return. You belong in that colony more than I do. Not a single person trusts me there, either. You’re not much different from them, so stop pretending you are.”

The look he gives me then is unreadable, a blend of emotions I can’t quite place. Anger, maybe. Pain, definitely. There’s something else simmering beneath it all, a spark I can’t name but I recognize. Betrayal, hot and fierce, with a yearning for revenge.

My voice cracks when I speak again. “I know the feeling, Max. I trusted Nathan, gave him a chance to be more than what he turned out to be, and he betrayed me and everyone I swore to protect. Now no one trusts me—not the colony, and certainly not any of you. All I get is punishment for helping a stranger, and I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t owe anything to anyone, not even you.”

His nostrils flare.

Taking a shaky breath, I swallow the bitterness that’s crept up. “I care about you, Max—all of you. That’s why it hurts this much. If you want nothing to do with me, then stop coming after me. Because once again, I’m not the one leaving. I never was. You are.”

Not wanting to wait for a response, I turn, ready to walk away. His hands clamp down around my wrists, keeping me in place. I look up at him with surprise, though his face is blurring through tears that threaten to stain my cheeks. There’s something desperate in the way he holds on. “Emily, my brother is a liar and a manipulator who will do anything to use people and get what he wants. I hate he did that to you, too. But this whole thing—it’s messed with my head.” His words are low, his gaze intense. “I came after you because I can’t let myself be the reason someone I care about feels like that ever again. It doesn’t mean I’m going to be right in the head, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to be wrong, either. I don’t have it all figured out. Maybe someday. Maybe never. ”

He steps back, my hands slipping from his face. I reach out, but before I can touch him, he grabs me, whisking me up so that my legs wrap around his waist, one arm securing me tight against his hard body. I only have a second to process it before he pulls out his gun and fires twice behind me. The shots echo, and I twist in his grasp to see two rotters lying dead on the ground.

“You wasted two bullets.” I look back at him.

“No, I didn’t.”

“How’s that?”

“Because letting go of you to take them out wasn’t an option. This way, I didn’t have to.” He gives a half-smile that sends a shiver down my spine, his face close to mine. His warm breath fans across my lips. “You can’t leave if I don’t let you go.”

Dropping my gaze, I run the soft pad of my finger along his cut lip, my voice lowering. “Does it hurt?”

His lips turn up in a smile beneath my touch. “Not nearly as much as it did watching you drive away.”

I swallow hard. “I didn’t want to.”

His lips lower back to a neutral state. “Why does a busted lip matter to you?”

My gaze lifts to meet the intensity of his. “Even if you don’t want me around, that doesn’t mean I want to see you hurt.”

“Well, good news for you. I’m invincible. Not even a cliff dive can take me out.”

“You’re not invincible, Max. What were you thinking when you jumped off a cliff?”

His green eyes pale and his face turns somber. “I was thinking about you, and the rotters you didn’t see coming up behind you. Even if the cliff edge didn’t give way, I would have tumbled down, regardless. Despite whether or not you even want me here.”

“You were the voice. ”

He smiles again. “You heard me after all.”

Buddy bounds over, sniffing our legs first and then the dead rotters sprawled nearby. Max’s eyes flicker with a hint of pain, but he loosens his hold, and I slide down. My feet barely touch the earth before William appears, breathless.

“I found us a working car. We’re leaving.”