Chapter 24

Endless, shimmering strands of twinkling white holiday lights wrapped themselves tightly around the industrial-looking concrete column in the center of the room and strung themselves neatly from the metal railing of the stairwell that hugged the exposed brick wall running the length of Alex and Patrick's condo. The first floor of their home was one giant room that seemed to stretch forever and held a living area, kitchen, and dining room table in between long enough to accommodate ten people. A bathroom was tucked away near the front door, out of sight.

No one had been allowed in their condo for a week, not while they were decorating for the party. They'd hosted a holiday party every year for as long as I could remember, and each year, the gatherings grew more and more extravagant. They weren't nearly as pretentious as Nate's parties used to be, but one couldn't throw a party in Midtown without a little snobbery sneaking its way in. Their parties were more about spectacle and design, making people feel welcome and comfortable in a room full of strangers who could become friends. And they had a knack for it.

Beautiful, hand-crafted bands of silver garland were draped from the mantel above the fireplace and framed four giant windows that ran along the side of their condo opposite the stairwell, also decorated with lights and themed ornaments. That mantel was home to two hand-stitched stockings that appeared as though they'd cost their owners hundreds of dollars each, one displaying the letter A and the other the letter P.

A silver Christmas tree centerpiece sat in the middle of the dining room table with ornaments matching those attached to the garland. And in the corner of the living room, placed in the perfect position on that polished concrete floor, was a giant ten-foot-tall silver Christmas tree that matched the smaller one used as the centerpiece. Only this one was decorated with white lights and flashy pops of red and black décor, curiously shaped glass ornaments, and structurally provocative accessories and adornments. All of it was topped off by a huge, shiny red bow with ribbon that flowed down the length of the tree. I'll bet they spent more than one of their paychecks on that tree. But to Alex, I'm sure it was worth every penny.

The condo lights had been dimmed to a comfortable level, and cool holiday jazz music pumped through the surround sound system so it could be heard clearly no matter where one stood. Thoughtfully prepared appetizers had been set out by the caterer on the huge island in the kitchen, along with stacks of small red and black ceramic plates for anyone needing a bite. And in true Alex and Patrick fashion, a skilled and attractive bartender stood behind a small table draped in black and decorated with white lights, ready to prepare guests a glass of wine or mixed holiday cocktail.

Their space that normally felt dramatic and stylish yet minimal, had been transformed into this warm, inviting abode of elegance and cheer. It was masterful design, and my friends made it seem easy. The thing that made their parties so different from Nate's, however, was the fact that most of their guests were easy to talk to—fashionable and well-rounded, yes—but inexplicably down-to-earth and relatable.

It was a quarter after eight, and the party had just started when Matti and I walked in, hung our coats in the closet, greeted the few people already in attendance, then stood in front of that Christmas tree, marveling at its beauty. Not long after, two glasses of wine were delivered by the host himself. One was handed to me and the other to Matti as Alex appeared, giving us each a hug before spinning around to face the entire condo.

"The place looks very nice, Alex," Matti complimented. "You did an outstanding job of decorating."

"Thanks. It took a while, but I think it came together."

"Everything looks great," I added. "Including you. Is that a new suit?"

"Thanks, boo. It is," Alex acknowledged as he raised his arms and spun around slowly. "And thanks for dressing up a little. You know I love your jeans and T-shirts, but you clean up alright too. What, did you dig into your old Banana collection for this?" he joked, pointing out my fitted gray slacks, gray blazer, and red-and-black gingham-checked button-up. A black tie and black oxfords complemented the outfit. "You match my tree."

I spit out my wine, laughing, "Thanks, I guess?"

"It's a nice fuckin' tree. Take it as a compliment."

"I do, I do. Calm down. Where's Calvin?" I asked, more out of habit than concern, considering he rarely showed up on time for anything other than work.

"You know he'll probably show up at nine asking why I didn't tell him the party started at eight," Alex laughed. "But he'll be here. And he said he's bringing a date."

"What?" I asked, nearly spitting out my wine again. Alex was going to have to time his witty quips and dramatic announcements better. Calvin never brought anyone anywhere. He was attractive and had a healthy sex life—that much had been gathered from years' worth of stories about his adventurous hookups—but not once in fourteen years of friendship had he ever introduced us to a date. I wasn't even sure he'd ever had a date. What the hell was happening?

"Yeah. Some guy he met a few weeks ago," Alex explained.

Damn. I'd been so wrapped up in trying to repair the damage I'd done to my relationship with Matti that I'd ignored a couple of Calvin's calls over the past week, simply texting him to let him know I'd call him back soon. I never did. And now to find out he'd been seeing someone for weeks, and I didn't even know about it. So much for being a good friend. "Well, this should be interesting," I admitted, bringing the wineglass to my lips once more, hoping I could take a full sip without showering the room.

"You look nice too, other boo," Alex said as he turned his focus to my man, leaning in to give Matti a peck on the cheek and what appeared to be a secret message delivered via not-so-subtle whisper before throwing a wink my way.

What was that all about?I wondered. Have I missed something? I could have sworn he'd slipped something into Matti's jacket pocket as well, but my mind may have been playing tricks on me. It was going to take me a while to get over this protective vibe I had around Matti.

Whatever. I'd ask Alex about it later.

"Thank you," Matti replied, never breaking eye contact with Alex, as though I hadn't just witnessed the weird secret interaction between them. They had something up their sleeves, and I was genuinely confused. "And where is your other half?"

"He's around here somewhere. Probably showing people in. I guess I should be doing the same, huh? I'll come talk shit with you guys later."

Alex turned to depart and left Matti and me to our own devices—our own conversation—which at that point was mostly about how nice everything looked. Matti was surprised by how much detail Alex put into decorating the condo. Had this been my first party of his and Patrick's, I would have been floored too. I guess I'd gotten used to Alex's eye for detail over the years, though it never ceased to amaze me.

More and more people filtered in as the night carried on, Frank and Vonnie included. Nearly a hundred bodies were gathered in their condo by nine o'clock, socializing with one another under holiday lights by a raging fire, with the help of booze and hors d'oeuvres.

As Matti and I found ourselves chatting with a small group of people who lived in our building, my nickname was called from across the room by a confident, playful, unrestrained voice. It boomed over the beat of the music, and a few people turned from their conversations to figure out who it was that appeared to be yelling.

Leave it to Calvin to interrupt a party without even noticing. I turned to see him approaching Matti and me in a nice pair of dark jeans and solid red button-up, mostly obscured by a gray zip-up cardigan. Like me, Calvin rarely dressed up. Outside of work, he typically wore a T-shirt or flannel. But he looked nice when he put himself together. He greeted me with a big bear hug after zigzagging around a few stray groups of people, pulling me in tight before turning and doing the same to Matti. "Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to call you all week."

"I know. Sorry. I've been kind of preoccupied."

"Yeah, yeah. I know." He smiled, knowingly throwing a glance in Matti's direction, his voice evening to a more reasonable volume. "But listen, there's someone I want you to meet. It's still kinda new, so be nice to him, alright? He's a really cool guy."

I nodded. Of course I would be nice. I was just surprised he'd invested enough time to keep anyone around for longer than a night. "Yeah? Alex said you met someone. Sorry I never called you back. So, where is he?"

Just then, a familiar face rounded the group next to us, tracking the same course Calvin had just used to find Matti and me. My jaw could have dropped, but I was still sober enough to control my reactions. It was Ritz, the young guy I'd berated at the coffee shop seven months ago. I was in shock, still embarrassed by my outburst. I never thought I'd see the poor kid again. I don't know why. Midtown was small and provided ample opportunity to run into people. And now, here he was, standing in front of me. I felt Matti looking at me as though he was trying to figure out why I'd turned white, or red. Maybe I'd blended into the décor altogether.

Calvin grinned a cheesy grin, like a kid in a candy store eyeing his options. "Guys, this is Ritz."

Matti turned his focus to the new guy, offering his hand for a proper introduction. "Nice to meet you, Ritz. I'm Matti."

Ritz returned the greeting. "Nice to meet you too."

Calvin interjected on my behalf, "This is Brandon. An old friend of mine. A really good friend, actually."

"We've met," I started, a bit awkwardly, holding out my hand to shake Ritz's.

Ritz smiled and shook my hand. It wasn't a spiteful smile. It was genuine, like he wasn't upset about bumping into me at a party. "Nice to see you again, Brandon."

"Wait," Calvin asked with comical curiosity. "Have you guys…?" He trailed off, not wanting to say the quiet part out loud.

"No," Ritz started. "We haven't. We had a date. A while ago."

"It was hardly even a date," I tried to explain. "We sat down for coffee, and I told him off for no reason." I looked at Ritz. "Like a jerk."

Calvin jumped in. "I'm confused."

"I'm intrigued," Matti chuckled.

"It's a long story. In fact, the story is probably longer than the date lasted," I explained. "I'll tell you both all about it. Over drinks. Lots of drinks."

An awkward laugh was shared amongst the group.

"Cal, you mind getting us a cocktail?" Ritz asked.

Cal? I'd never heard him go by anything other than his full name. But he seemed to like the cropped version with which Ritz had addressed him. He also seemed to be putting in a lot of effort with this guy. Not that Ritz wasn't worth it. I didn't let myself get to know him well enough to find that out. But Calvin had never been the type to give a guy a shot. He usually wouldn't even give a guy his number. Was he changing his tune on relationships too?

"Sure, babe."

Babe? Wow.

"I'll join you. Brandon and I could use a refill," Matti announced, accepting my glass and joining Calvin on his trek to the bar, probably to gossip about how Ritz and I knew each other. Matti's ass looked nice in his pants.

"So," I started, turning to face the guy to whom I never gave a chance, the guy one of my best friends seemed to be getting serious about, the guy who I might end up having to become friendly with even though the moment made me feel like I was in enemy territory.

"So," Ritz echoed, shoving his hands into the pockets of his slacks, fishing around for something that probably wasn't there, something to alleviate the awkwardness of our interaction.

I quickly dug into my pockets as well, tightening my shoulders as I rocked on the balls of my feet. I felt the next words I said needed to be meaningful or apologetic or self-humbling. Something to set the tone for a possible friendship between us. But all I could think of was small talk, dull and driveling chitchat that would end up being the basis of our relationship, the weather and traffic being the only things we could discuss. I didn't even drive. Would meteorology be our only topic of conversation in the future if he and Calvin became a thing?

"Look," I started, fumbling my way through what I hoped would be a decent apology. "I'm sorry about what happened at the coffee shop. I was going through some things, and you just happened to walk in at the wrong time. None of that had anything to do with you. I need you to know that. Because Calvin is like a brother to me. So, if he likes you, which it seems like he does—really does—I need us to be cool."

"Brandon," he interrupted. "We're good. It was a while ago. You were in a bad place. I get it. Besides—" He smiled, leaning in, lowering his volume. "—my birthday was a few months ago. I'm twenty-six now. Maybe I can join your old-man club."

My smile turned into a chuckle, then a full-blown laugh as I finally pulled my hands from my pockets and relaxed. This was going to be okay. Ritz and I would be fine. And honestly, I wondered if Ritz's mellow nature might ground Calvin a little, keep him in check.

"So, how did you guys meet?" I asked before he spilled to me that they'd met on the Chatter app, an app I hadn't opened in six months, an app I'd deleted from my phone the day Matti told me he loved me. Ritz told me about their first date, and I listened intently, neglecting to mention that I'd never known Calvin to go on a date, not in the conventional sense.

Before long, Matti and Calvin returned with our drinks, settling in for a nice conversation, Alex and Patrick joining us briefly to meet Ritz before moving on to socialize with more of their guests. The evening was upbeat but relaxed, and a feeling of ease washed over me as Calvin draped his arm around Ritz's shoulder and Matti pulled me closer to him, whispering into my ear, "Would you like to take a walk with me?"

"It's thirty-five degrees outside."

"Yes, but it's a clear night, and I could use some air."

"Yeah, okay," I reluctantly agreed. "Sure."

Calvin glanced at me slyly and smiled as we departed. What the hell was wrong with my friends tonight? They acted like we were all in on something, but I had no idea what was going on.

I grabbed our coats from the closet near the door, and we pushed our way outside into the crisp night air. It was unusually quiet outside for a weekend, but then again, temperatures were supposed to drop below freezing, a level people in Atlanta weren't too comfortable with.

We quickly dashed across Tenth Street and embarked on a leisurely stroll on one of the paved trails that wound its way through the urban green space that was Cedar Grove, as leisurely as one could stroll in such a cold temperature. A few minutes later, we reached the spot at the edge of the lake that carved out a backward L shape in the park, snatching a seat on our swing that overlooked the Midtown skyline, the same swing we shared quite a few weekend mornings on as we ambled through the park with our dogs. The same swing on which we hashed out our past relationships for the first time after almost losing each other. Our swing.

The skyline was lit up for the holidays, the spires of skyscrapers painted in red, green, and white LED lights. Their colorful reflections wavered and wiggled on the surface of the lake, dancing like wildfire on the water. Had it been twenty years ago, the vision would have made the perfect backdrop for an epic Ecstasy comedown with friends, the morning after the night before. Now? It was tranquil and serene with the black night sky and Matti sitting next to me.

"We have had a lot of nice moments on this swing, Brandon."

"Yeah. We have."

I wasn't sure where this was going. It was freezing outside, and Matti seemed nervous. He rarely got nervous. He blew into his hands to warm them before standing again. What the fuck was going on? I felt like everyone had forgotten to fill me in on something that was about to happen, like I'd been left out of the joke.

"I was hoping it would not be so frigid tonight, but here goes," he said as he faced me. I started to stand. "No. Sit. Please."

This whole thing was getting weird.

"I didn't know this was where we would end up when we met, Brandon. But I knew from the day we bumped into each other on the street that there was something special about you. And I quickly fell in love with you. More quickly than I had ever fallen in love with anyone."

Confusion gnawed at my face, I'm sure. Was he trying to break up with me now? Had he realized I was just too in my head to crawl out? Too damaged to repair?

He continued, a nervous laugh carrying his words, his breath visible under the streetlights. "And I think I decided on our first date that I was going to do this at some point. But I knew you needed some time. I could see that. And I think you have had the time you need now. I hope so, anyway."

He chuckled nervously as he fished something from his pocket and kneeled on the hard ground in front of me.

"What the fuck?" I gasped, unable to contain my surprise, unable to control my reaction. "What are you doing? It's only been six months. We just got back together."

"Brandon, I have had this for months," he assured me, shaking the ring box between his fingers before glancing off to his right and smiling. "Alex has been keeping it for me so you wouldn't find it."

My friends, new and old—Alex, Patrick, Calvin, Ritz, Vonnie, and Frank—had gathered ten feet from the swing. In my panic, in my confusion, I hadn't noticed them. They must have snuck out of the party right after Matti and me. It was true. I had not been made privy to the events of the night, and if I hadn't been so shocked, I would have been pissed off about it. They all looked on and smiled, bundled up in winter jackets, scarves, and gloves.

"Since we met, you have made my life fun and interesting and sometimes difficult?—"

My friends mocked and laughed as they watched Matti lead this important moment in our lives.

"Shut the fuck up, you jerks," I shouted over them.

"—but I can truthfully say that I never want to spend another day without you and our little family. Even when you are scared and overwhelmed. So, Brandon, will you spend the rest of your life with me?"

My heart raced, and I couldn't think. My mouth had turned to dust, dry as the desert. My palms were sweating, even though it was freezing outside. But I knew my answer. I'd learned all too recently that I didn't want to live another day without him, spend another night without him next to me, keeping me warm, tugging me back to reality. Supporting me. Loving me.

I stood up, pulling him off the ground so I could look directly into his eyes. "Yeah. I'll follow you to the moon. A million times."

Our audience cheered. Matti opened the ring box, where two rings rested side by side, flat black bands, one of which somehow fit my finger perfectly as he slid it on. Fucking Alex. He knew we wore the same-size rings after he and Patrick decided to get married and we all sized our fingers for fun. Matti then handed me the box so I could put the other ring on his finger before cupping my face and kissing me deeply, making sure I knew how happy he was. I hoped he knew I was just as happy. I fell into his kiss, accepting it, swimming in its goodness.

"Alright, already!" Alex shouted. "It's fuckin' freezing out here."

"Come on," I laughed, regretfully pulling away from Matti's kiss, an unwavering smile glued to my face. "Let's go back to the party."

"Anything you want. Forever and ever."

As we all scurried across the street to the warmth of the condo, the world slowed to a crawl once more, and I was able to see everything in slow motion, just for a moment. Enough time to think… about my past, about the people I'd encountered, the circumstances I'd endured. The good and the bad. The thoughts were fleeting, just like the experiences themselves, but that was all they needed to be. They were moments. And moments aren't meant to last. They're meant to experience when they come one's way, completely and without boundaries.

That's what I missed with Matti. That's what I didn't understand when I walked away from him. He was those moments, every last one of them. He ignited in me everything I'd been missing since those golden years. Those moments… they might pass by unnoticed, they might be enjoyed and then flutter away like butterflies held too tightly, or they might last a lifetime, if you can only figure out how to cherish them.

And then, the world sped back up, and I realized I was right where I needed to be. In the moment.