Chapter 13

Icouldn't deny it any longer. My friends were right; I was wrapped up in this guy. A guy I hardly knew. A guy that a week ago I didn't know at all. None of that mattered as we stumbled into his condo, lips locked, tipsy from the drinks we consumed with dinner. Matti and I embarked on what I would eventually refer to as the best sex of my life. Hugo startled, yawning a half-hearted yelp from the couch in the living room as we crashed into the hallway wall, the front door slamming behind us.

We waited for our third date to physically engage, and I was proud of myself. The feat seemed difficult yet not so, maybe because I found him interesting, engaging, thought-provoking. He was able to busy my mind with words, making the prospect of his touch that much more alluring, somehow worth waiting for. He could have had me anytime he wanted had he really tried. I wouldn't have said no. But I got the feeling he was just as turned on by me as I was by him, turned on by being near me, listening to my thoughts and my stories. They were new to him just as his were to me, magical tales that could have been spun up from imagination had there not been so many distinguishing details and reluctant pauses. I pushed all of that to the back of my mind as Matti broke our embrace to unbutton his shirt.

"Wait," I forced between breaths, heavy with desire. "Let me do it."

Matti obliged, removing his hands from his shirt, allowing me to take over the task of removing his clothing. His hands were so big. The strength behind his touch could be powerful had he wanted it to be, if he weren't so gentle, so affable. We'd silently agreed that we would end up in this position with each other over dinner. All it took was an intense glance shared between the two of us at just the right moment, as we took a drink and set our glasses down at the same time, grinning, giving the green light. It was understood.

My dick was half-hard in my jeans as we sat across the table from one another. The longer I looked at him, the more attractive he became. The more he spoke, the more I needed to touch his skin and kiss his lips. It was all I could do to contain myself. He must have seen it in my eyes. Was he thinking the same thing? His eyes conveyed a similar need to me. As we sat at that table talking and laughing, we were seventeen again, unburdened by the worries and responsibilities that plagued adult minds. Our only focus was sex. By the time we reached Stratus, the elevator climbing its way to the thirteenth floor, we couldn't keep our hands off one another.

I wanted to undress him so his body would be revealed to me at the pace I desired. So what if I'd already seen him without clothes? This time, it would be on my terms. I was going to experience his body as I had in my dreams, and I wanted to make it last.

The hair that covered his chest, the salt-and-pepper and soft and coarse, it peeked out from behind the fabric I was separating, slowly and with purpose. My fingers took hold of the next button and pushed it through the slot to reveal a couple more inches of fur covering his abdomen, the one that I thought might be smooth when I saw him from a couple of hundred feet away in the dark, the one that had enticed me so many nights before with its shape. I took a moment to relish the masculinity of his body as his chest heaved with a deep breath.

Lifting my head to meet Matti's gaze, I continued with his undoing, the unfastening of button after button. The light in the apartment was dim, only a small table lamp in the living room providing illumination, an incandescent sheen fading in brightness as it trailed further from the source, nearly black by the time it reached the front door. The blackness only added to the heat of the moment. Warm summer breezes howled their way through the screen covering the sliver of balcony door that had been left open for Hugo to sniff at the outside world while we were out.

Matti seductively bit his bottom lip, impatiently waiting for me to remove his shirt. I decided to have some fun and prolong the process. Pain gripped his face as I paused, leaving two buttons in place, a sinister chuckle slipping from my lips. My back was against the wall, and he had the upper hand. He could have taken control of the situation, but he didn't. No, Matti allowed me my fun because deep down, he was enjoying the sadistic torture of my tease, the masochistic pleasure brought on by the cracking and crumbling of his brittle patience.

Two more buttons to unfasten before his torso would be completely exposed and I could finally slide that useless piece of fabric down his strong, muscular arms. The anticipation of that moment was causing me torment as well. I pushed the next button through the hole and uncovered his navel, revealed the taut flesh of his abdomen, muscles obscured by the darkness and a layer of fur. His shoulders were broad, his chest wide, his pecs heavy. Every aspect of his frame was thick and full and perfect. Fuck, I was horny.

As I lowered my fingers to his waist, reaching for the final button, the back of my hand grazed the hardness mercilessly pushing against his fly. I nearly came as I pressed myself harder against him, a muffled moan escaping me. Matti quickly grabbed either side of his button-up shirt and yanked, the final button popping off and flinging itself down the hallway, rattling against the hardwood as it traveled into the living room. There was force behind his movement. He had reached his breaking point, and I was satisfied with myself.

Matti gripped at the bottom of my polo shirt and yanked it up, forcing my arms as he tore it over my head. It went easily, sailing to the floor next to his, guided by abandon. His mood was no longer playful, and I basked in the sexual aggression behind his actions. It wasn't angry, and it wasn't spiteful; it was simply necessary for the moment, driven by a need to satisfy not just me but himself. I could see it in his eyes; Matti desired us so much that he couldn't wait any longer to touch me, to undress me, to connect with me physically.

It had been months since I'd had sex with anyone, turned off by the thought of wasting my time with a trick, destined to be celibate. The idea of sex with another had been relegated to the back of my mind, though my body had been aching for it. Sex seemed to be readily available when I wasn't in the mood, standing right in front of me when I didn't want to be touched, but the minute my drive piqued, the pool dried up. The world coupled, became too busy, leaving me to a sea of fish that would be more trouble than they were worth.

But now? Now, Matti was in front of me. This tall, provocative god of masculinity who made my heart flutter when he spoke and my hands tremble when he glanced in my direction was staring into my soul as he undressed me. He had sex in his eyes and an erection trying to tear its way out of his pants, and I wanted it. I wanted every last bit of him. My sex drive was back with a vengeance. One word from his lips and I would have done anything he asked me to.

One side of his mouth curled into a half-smile, and he winked at me. It wasn't cheesy like I thought it might be in my dreams. It was sensual and focused and incredibly hot, and it caused my cock to throb in my boxer briefs, pushing at the fabric, a wet spot growing near the tip, no doubt. No need to put this off any longer, I thought to myself. No need to carry on with useless games.

Matti pinned my arms to the wall behind me and attacked my mouth with his. His body brushed against mine as we kissed, his lips against my lips, his chest against my chest, and his hardness against my own. The sensations delivered heavenly shock waves through my body, arresting my entire being. My core was filled with satisfaction. Everything running through me in that moment felt new and wild but natural. Our interaction was feral but expected, exciting but comfortable. Was that what love felt like? What home felt like? It had been so long since I'd experienced anything resembling the emotion I felt at that moment that I wasn't sure any longer.

Matti's next move shook me from the confines of my head, snapping me back into the here and now. His hands freed my wrists and traveled down my arms, his lips breaking with mine to plant themselves on my neck. Shifting my head against the wall, to one side, then the other, I did what I could to provide him with easier access to that part of me—that sensitive, tender part that could have been used against me had Matti been prone to ill intentions.

Instead, he tickled me lightly with his soft lips and eager tongue. Weakness overtook my knees as he progressed to my collarbone. His kisses felt so good that I wasn't sure how much longer I'd be able to stand on my own two feet. There was passion bubbling under his skin, and its exodus was made through his lips dancing their way across my flesh. I moaned as he continued, the volume of my pleasure more out of control with each breath I took, each flick of Matti's tongue.

While my first instinct was to let him continue his oral exploration of my body for as long as he desired, I grew impatient and decided to exert a bit of dominance myself, wriggling out of his grip on my arms, turning us around and pushing him against the wall where I'd been held captive. I mashed my mouth against his before quickly kissing my way down his chest, stopping only to nip at his neck and gently bite each of his hard nipples, causing him to flinch in ecstasy. His moaning made it clear that he enjoyed what I was doing. By the time I made it to his waistline, I grabbed his hips and pressed my face against the sizable bulge in his jeans, feigning a playful bite with my teeth. Again, he jumped with excitement, an uncontrollable chuckle surprising us both.

That was the last straw for me. I needed to taste this beautiful man, his cock enticing me with its unforgiving fullness. Quickly, I unfastened Matti's belt, unzipped his fly, and drew his jeans slightly down his thighs—along with the waistband of his briefs—until the elastic rested just above the base of his cock. Burying my face in the haphazardly manicured pubic hair that thickened the closer it grew to the base, I inhaled his scent, natural and clean. As I traced my tongue along the thick root of his manhood, Matti lightly palmed the back of my head to draw me in closer to him. I had never been so turned on by a man in my life.

Once I'd sufficiently teased him, his deep moans and growls permeating the hallway, my fingers tugged at the waistband and pulled his pants further down, the thickness of his uncircumcised cock bouncing up in response to its release. It was perfect, mostly because it was his.

After briefly admiring the guy in front of me, my hands still gripping his waist, I parted my lips and dove in, allowing my tongue to taste the warm flesh that composed his cock. I took Matti's length into my mouth as far as I could before pulling back and exploring the hooded tip, running my tongue under the slightly retracted skin to taste as much of him as possible. My actions caused him to lean his head back against the wall and moan out. The sound of his voice emitting uninhibited ecstasy without restraint—without a hint of moderation—got me going. I pushed myself down his length again, using as much saliva as I could produce to the benefit of us both. I eased my grip on his waist and began massaging his balls with one hand while my other hand assisted my mouth with his dick. Matti's fingers briefly grasped the back of my head before his hands landed on my shoulders, rubbing them intensely as I sucked his cock.

Hardly a word had been spoken between us since we entered his condo, but communication was clear and present, if unarticulated. Matti looked down at me while I pleasured him, our eyes meeting as we experienced a shared moment of desire. Again, he bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes as I continued my work on him. His breathing became heavy—shallow—as he unconsciously leaned his weight into me, gently fucking my mouth. I wanted him to come. I wanted to taste him. But I also wanted us to share a deeper moment. I was torn, but Matti made the decision for us.

Without warning, he pulled himself from between my lips, hooking his hands under my arms to lift me to his level. I pushed to my feet, and again, we shared a kiss. I hoped he could taste himself on me. Our kiss didn't last long. As we pulled apart, our breathing labored, he asked me if he could fuck me. It was all I could do to not melt into a pile of need on the floor in front of him.

"Yeah," I offered quickly between breaths. "I want you inside me."

He kissed me again, deeply, passionately, sighing with relief. "Good. Because I really need to be inside you, Brandon."

Fuck, that was hot. I could listen to him say my name all night, for the rest of my life.

"Say it again," I demanded, my chest heaving, beads of sweat forming on my skin.

Matti obliged. "I really need to be inside you," he repeated as our torsos throbbed in unison. "I need to feel you, Brandon. I need to feel you from the inside."

We briefly shared another kiss, Matti's breath warm against my skin. I kicked off my shoes and took off my jeans. Matti removed his shoes as well, stepping out of the pants that were still wrapped around his ankles. He gently pushed me backward through the open doorway to his bedroom and onto his bed. Gripping the waistband of my underwear, he quickly pulled them off. I lifted myself from the bed to assist, then raised my legs to give him easier access. He tossed them onto the bed behind me, then knelt, pushing on the back of my thighs.

Without thinking, I took Matti's cue, wrapping my arms around the back of my knees to pull them in closer to my chest, exposing myself to him. His large hands gripped the back of my thighs, and without warning, he buried his face in my opening, his tongue exploring every knot and every crevice. His style was authoritative but gentle. With his tongue, he made it clear what he wanted from me: my body, my desire, my trust in him.

As he continued his welcome assault, he tried to lube me up well enough to penetrate me, and with each flick of his tongue, I cried out in pleasure. It had been a while since I'd been entered, but there wasn't any pain just then, only need. After what felt like minutes, hours, years of him eating my ass, Matti removed himself, only to stand and lean over me, offering me his mouth once again. It was my turn to taste myself on him, and I wasn't sure I would ever want to taste anything else again. His heavy cock rubbed against mine as we kissed, and I wasn't sure how long I would be able to last with this guy. With Matti. Making me his.

Turning from me, he opened the top drawer of his bedside table to grab a condom and a bottle of lube. For a moment, I became jealous of all the guys he'd probably fucked before me. I certainly had no room to be possessive, not with the revolving door of one-night stands that dotted my history. My unwarranted feelings faded as he tore open the wrapper and began unrolling the sheath onto his hard cock.

Out of instinct, I turned over onto my stomach, but Matti gently grabbed my arm. "No. I want to see your face." He said it pleadingly, as though he needed that from me. I wouldn't have said no to him if I could have.

"Yeah. Sure."

Returning to my back, I shifted my ass to the edge of the bed and again brought my knees to my chest as Matti rubbed a drop of lube onto his cock as well as my hole, using the remainder of the lube in his hand to coat my dick. The feeling of his hand on me was intoxicating. The lube was cold, but his hand was warm and familiar. I flinched slightly as he softly jerked my cock, then watched a bead of sweat roll down his chest only to get lost in his fur. His presence alone made me weak.

"Fuck me," I commanded between moans. The words came from deep within, someplace I didn't know about, hadn't tapped into in some time. They were delivered with urgency, as though my life depended on his actions.

Gripping one of my ankles with his hand, Matti used his other to guide the tip of his cock to my opening, firmly pressing himself against me. It would burn, would sting a little as he entered me, but I didn't care. I did everything I could to make myself as accommodating as possible to this man. I was catapulted somewhere between reality and a sensory-induced dreamworld as Matti eased himself into me. He moved slowly, mentally calculating my threshold for the pain he might have been inflicting. Maybe he read discomfort on my face, but I was beyond the point at which discomfort mattered. His concern was noted and would be fondly remembered later, but just then, I needed him to fuck me.

I let go of the back of my legs and reached for the firmness of his ass, pulling him closer, nudging him into me. "It's alright," I muttered softly, again meeting his deep green eyes.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't worry," I choked out, the slight curl of a smile on my lips.

The look of worried apprehension disappeared from Matti's face as he finally buried himself in me, the tip of his cock forcing my eyes to roll back in my head as it touched my soul. He pushed me further back onto the bed using his shoulders, crawling on top of me as he slowly rocked himself in and out of my existence, bundles of nerves shooting goodness throughout every inch of my body. His eyes never left mine as we fucked, almost as if there were some unspoken rule that we would see each other not as expendable playthings but as people, as human beings that needed to feel pleasure with one another, be pleasured by one another.

A mutual wish that this feeling would last all night, maybe even forever, was sent to a star in the sky between us. But as Matti continued pushing himself into me, sweat covering his forehead just as it did mine, we both knew we wouldn't be able to last long. The look of hunger on his face as he used my body to bring himself to the edge intoxicated me. I squeezed myself tightly around him, providing the friction needed to accomplish our goal. Both of us were trying to stifle our moans, though I'm not sure why. The motions were intense, and the air in the room felt hot, sweat pouring over both of our bodies.

One arm thrown over my head while the other tightly gripped the back of Matti's thigh, I was lost in a state of surrender, on the verge of coming without ever having touched myself, Matti's sex rippling through me. The shadows created on his now shimmering flesh by the dim light against his muscular frame were all the inspiration I needed. I was ready to pop, but I wanted Matti to experience his release at the same moment I experienced mine. Quickly, I grabbed the base of my hard cock and squeezed, trying to keep my pleasure inside. It seemed futile as I felt the rush of orgasm begin to overtake me. My body heaved as I tried to contain myself. Matti rocked into me with force one final time as his muscles tensed.

"I'm coming," he forced out with stunted breath.

"Do it," I commanded through gritted teeth.

He pulled himself slightly out of me once more before slamming back in with intensity, his body tightening as he released.

"Fuck, Brandon… Fuck!" Matti rasped as he poured himself into me. At the same moment, I let go of my cock, my body finally shuddering with the intense allowance of blissful gratification. For a moment, I saw stars and vivid vibrations of color dancing with one another as a hazy cloud of indulgent solace fell on top of me, along with Matti's beautiful body. His arms enveloped me as he buried his face into the crook of my neck. We continued to come as we crashed into one another, our breathing heavy and our bodies convulsing. We became a sweaty, dithering pile of limbs as our orgasms waned and we shrank back to the reality of the moment.

"What just happened?" I chuckled.

Matti lifted himself from my body, shifting his gaze to where my head rested on his pillow. He smiled, then laughed as another heavy sigh left his body. We both laughed. Comfortable laughter after sex is one of my favorite activities.

He started to pull his softening cock from me, but I protested, "Wait. Don't. Not yet. I don't want you to leave me."

He smiled. "I don't want to leave you either, Brandon."

Laying his head on my chest, he inhaled deeply. I did the same as my face met the top of his head, the product he typically wore in his hair sweated out. One of my arms draped across his back, and the other gently gripped his head, pulling him in closer to me. We stayed in that position, simply holding each other, being with each other, breathing each other in. I knew it only lasted a few minutes, but I could have held him like that for hours. I flinched when his cock softened enough to finally slip from my opening.

I hated that feeling. It was empty, leaving a void for every worry and care and responsibility to creep back in, things I needed to resolve at the shop, issues I needed to take care of at home, bills and my mortgage and calling my ma.

Matti finally lifted himself and stood at the foot of the bed, removing the used condom from his now flaccid cock. I shifted myself toward the edge of the bed as well, sitting up only so much as to not allow my mess to drip onto his comforter.

"I'll get you a towel," Matti offered as he started toward the bathroom. His body was every bit as perfect after the act as it seemed during our magnetic stupor. Before turning the corner though, he spun back around and looked at me, smiling. I smiled back in his direction, unsure of what he was doing. He approached as though he was going to kiss me before quickly shifting course and taking my cock into his mouth. A post-release sensitivity still plagued me. I flinched and called out, trying to push him away from me, wriggling and laughing. He laughed as he removed himself from my orbit once again, then leaned in and took my mouth one more time, our tongues dancing as we kissed.

"Brandon," he started as we pulled apart. I could tell there was something he wanted to say. The moment had a weight to it, the anticipation of words held consequence.

"Yeah?"

"You are so beautiful. Thank you."

I smiled as he again started toward the bathroom to fetch a towel. Consequence, indeed. From anyone else, the words would have meant nothing, the fluff from the middle of a marshmallow. In any other situation than the one in which I found myself, they would have fallen awkwardly over the room, an appropriate response lost in a cloud of burdensome expectation. Matti's words had required no response, carried no such expectation.

"Would you like to stay for a while?" he called from the bathroom.

I shifted my gaze to the digital clock on the microwave in his kitchen over the half wall of his bedroom. Twenty minutes until eleven. Of course I wanted to stay for a while. I wanted to stay in his arms forever. But I had responsibilities. "I'd love to. But I need to run Maestro out."

With a bath towel in hand, Matti popped back into the bedroom, swiping it gently across my chest to wipe up the mess I'd made before doing the same to himself. It would require soap and water to accomplish the real task, but the towel would buy time and comfort.

"Of course," he replied, a sliver of disappointment seeping into his tone. "I understand. Hugo will need to go out too."

Hugo's head lifted from the comfort of the couch cushion when his name was mentioned.

"Maybe sooner rather than later," Matti chuckled.

We grabbed our clothes from the floor—the same clothes we'd haphazardly discarded just moments before in our haste to get each other naked—and got ourselves dressed. Matti's look was disheveled after our adventure, which only made him more attractive. I must have looked like a sweaty, rumpled mess, but if so, Matti didn't mention it. He only smiled before drawing me into his arms and kissing me again, this time sweeter, softer, more romantic.

When we pulled apart, I felt naked—emotionally, this time. Our date, the entire night, had been a dream. That moment when two people who so desperately want to be together—to remain in the other's embrace—have to part ways is agony. I shifted to approach the front door but turned back at the last minute. "I'll call you tomorrow," I offered.

"I hope you do." Matti smiled.

Once Matti's door closed behind me, locking by default, I stood in the hallway, frozen in my emptiness, unimpeded by the ecstasy of his embrace. I wanted to be impeded. I wanted to be altogether confined, attached to his aura. The dull glare of fluorescent lightbulbs opaqued by frosted fixtures bounced from every wall, creating abstract shapes and designs that lightened and darkened with each step. I suddenly remembered that we lived in the same building. It took me a moment to recalibrate in the dizzy glow of sexual aftermath. My eyes adjusted, and then my brain thought for a moment. What was I doing? Even five more minutes with him would be better than nothing. I turned around, rapping my fingers gently against his door. It opened within seconds.

"Hello," he offered with a grin.

"Hey," I responded. "Do you wanna take the dogs for a walk together?"

Matti's face somehow brightened with my suggestion, his desire to spend another moment with me—even one—apparent. He was strong and confident but also vulnerable and romantic. "Sure."

"I'll go get Maestro and meet you out back in a few minutes?"

"We'll see you then."

Maestro and I met Hugo and Matti behind the building, across the alley along a narrow bed of mulch and young trees where the residents of Stratus regularly allowed their dogs to relieve themselves. Matti stood with his back to the building while Hugo sniffed around in the mulch. As soon as Maestro noticed them, he darted ahead, drawing me close to Matti, who hadn't noticed a lock of his hair sticking up in the back, a token of our hot, hasty exploit. It was adorable. When Matti noticed Maestro, he turned to face me with a smile. I attempted to flatten his cowlick, but it didn't work.

As soon as we began walking, a renewed interest in conversation materialized, and I knew this wouldn't be just a quick bedtime stroll around the block. A subconscious attempt to make the moment last lingered between us. Heat lightning pierced through the dark sky in the distance as we ambled across Grove Avenue and into the Garden District. The neighborhood wasn't desolate—there were still people out finishing their dinners, enjoying leisurely cocktails, walking their dogs—but it was a weeknight, so the area seemed comparatively quiet.

Summer callously approached, and the moisture in the air made it clear. Few words could be used to describe summer nights in Atlanta: thick, heavy, dense. Each one of them was more palatable than those used to epitomize the afternoon hours.

We were six blocks away from our building when the first droplets of rain began to fall. They were few and far between at first, sort of like the clouds couldn't decide if they felt like doing something that night or not, lazily fidgeting on the couch, trying to decide whether they'd call a friend to go out. By the time we heard the first crash of thunder following a flash of lightning that appeared closer than the other strikes we'd noticed in the distance, they'd made their decision. It would be a night out after all, a raging party of a storm.

The skies opened up, and the downpour caught us in its grip. Matti and I had been so wrapped up in each other that we hadn't paid much mind to the weather forecast. In a labored jog, we dragged the dogs through the rain on our way back to Stratus. We picked up speed as we went, as the rain did in intensity, bounding past houses and cars as the drops pummeled us like acorns falling from trees. At one point, we stopped and purposefully splashed in the puddles that formed near the curbs on Grove. The storm had caught us anyway. We laughed as we kicked water at one another, the dogs jumping and splashing as though it was a game created for them.

Anyone passing us by in their vehicles or looking down from apartment windows above would have found the scene to be comical, I'm sure: two lovestruck fools so involved in their affair they couldn't be bothered to get a grip, to glance out the window long enough to see a storm brewing.

We arrived at the back entrance to our building not long after, thinking it smarter than frolicking in the water during a lightning storm. It was pouring buckets, and we were soaked, our jeans and shoes heavy with moisture and our shirts clinging to our frames. The dogs shook precipitation from their fur and attempted to dry their faces with wet paws. Matti and I laughed and embraced, sharing one more kiss that night. It was another chance to touch, another chance to be close to one another. We wouldn't waste it.

Eventually, we said our good nights, and I took Maestro in and dried him off before stripping down and drying myself off, falling asleep with a goofy smile painted on my face.