Chapter 5

BEA

“I understand, there’s no pressure here, Bea.”

Ky’s words melted into my heart because he never said something he didn’t mean. Even though I just told him that I needed a minute to come to terms with everything and wrap my head around all the changes that the day had brought, I still snuggled into his arms. He didn’t protest or throw a fit about how unfair things were that I was in his arms while crying over another man. He was simply there for me in whatever capacity I needed him to be.

Pastor Bob Gordon, poked his head into the room and I almost panicked at the thought that he would kick us out. He held his hand out as if seeing the worry written on my face.

“You can stay as long as you like. I’ll be around until nine tonight and nothing else is going on that you would interfere with. The girls are cleaning everything up. I just came in to let you know that my secretary is working on the new certificates. If you want to obtain a license on Monday, we can sign all the paperwork after you bring it in and then we can file it with the courts to make everything legal.” He cleared his throat a moment before tacking on, “Assuming that’s what you both want to do.”

I nodded my head and Bob slipped back out the door. “What do you think?” I asked Kylan.

“I think I just told you, ‘No pressure’, so I’m going to stick by that.” His honesty made me chuckle. “Let’s just wait until the weekend is over, and if you feel like making a decision then, we’ll talk it over and do what’s right for both of us.”

“That is why you have remained my best friend for so long.”

“Because I’m agreeable?”

“No, because you genuinely care about other people before you worry about yourself.”

“Well, as you’ve seen, that hasn’t always been the best course of action.” I knew he meant what he’d told me earlier – about not telling me his true feelings when Law came into the picture. He’d done it to see to my happiness, but at his own expense. As it turned out, it might have been at both of our expense.

The door opened again, causing me to startle. It was like I had PTSD and expected Law to come bursting through the doors to demand that I marry him while he dates other people. I shook the awful thought off as my mother poked her head around the corner.

“Bea,” she said then turned her eyes up over my shoulder to where Ky still sat with me wrapped in his arms. “Ky,” she added. “Do you think you could give me a moment alone with my daughter?”

Ky squeezed his arms around my waist a bit first before he whispered in my ear. “Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I confirmed before patting his hand and then letting go so he could remove his hold on me. Ky stood and walked toward my mother without looking back.

“I’ll be right outside if she needs me,” he told her as he walked out of the room. Ky didn’t get to see the smile his words put on my mom’s lips, but I did. When she saw that I noticed, she immediately schooled her features and walked over to where I’d been sitting on a step that raised the floor level a few inches higher, almost as if they’d been trying to make a stage in the room. It was actually the first time I realized that I’d been seated on a multi-level floor. Weird how those details that seem so huge escape your notice when your world had just been turned upside down,.

“That boy would guard you from hell itself,” my mom mentioned as she took a seat beside me. I nodded because it was probably true so there was no point in arguing. “Is this what you want?” My mother finally asked. As if the question was that simple to answer.

“I was in love with Law,” I admitted.

“Well, I figured as much, since you agreed to marry him.” There was no judgment in my mother’s voice, but there was also no joy. My family had liked Law well enough, but they’d never been excited that I was with him. For some reason, I thought maybe that just wasn’t a thing.

Whenever I’d tell them Law was coming home with me to dinner, they’d say things like, “Okay, see you both there.” I guess I always expected more. Maybe because whenever I’d tell them Ky was coming, their responses were always more along the lines of, “Fabulous, I haven’t seen Ky in weeks!”

“Oh, great, I had something I’ve been meaning to talk to him about.”

“Fantastic, I’ve missed his charming, dimpled smile.”

I always figured they’d grow to love Law the same way, eventually.

I pulled the note from my bodice and handed it to my mother. “Todd brought that to me before the ceremony.”

Mom gasped as she read it and then pulled me in for a tight hug. “That bastard had these doubts, these thoughts for another woman, and he couldn’t be bothered to say something before today? That bastard!”

I wanted to laugh at her use of “bastard” twice in a row because my mom was not one to use vulgar language. Mom tossed the paper, but I quickly snatched it up knowing that I would need the reminder of his actions over the next few days. Hanging onto my anger was imperative.

“If he was here, right now, I would put my foot so far up that son of a bitch’s ass that he would taste the leather on my shoes.”

I giggled. “Mom, we’re still in church.”

“I’m sure the good Lord can forgive my sins knowing what that man put you through today. I’m just so angry on your behalf.”

We sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, as my mom waited me out. “I don’t know what the right thing is here.”

“Do you love him?”

“Who?”

She tilted her head to the side as if to ask, ‘really?’. “Kylan.”

“I’ve always loved him,” I admitted, but she knew there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with them.

“Do you think he’d ever pull a stunt like Law did and leave you in the lurch?”

I gasped at the suggestion. “Absolutely not.”

She made a sound in the back of her throat, that I supposed was her agreeance. “Then it sounds to me like he’s the one you should hitch your horse to.”

“Mom, if things don’t work out…”

“I’m going to stop you right there, daughter of mine. That man has already proved what he’s willing to do for you. Even if you’re not in love with him right this minute, that doesn’t mean you won’t be later on and again sometime down the road. Do you think I’ve been ‘in love’ with your father throughout our whole marriage?”

I was stunned to hear her ask that question. “What does that mean?”

“Sweetie, love doesn’t work that way. There have been times when I have tolerated being with your father, others where I loathed the man, and many where I was giddy in love with him. Through it all, I loved him, but that feeling you’re sinking your teeth into – the one stopping you from really examining your relationships – is fleeting.

“If you’re lucky, you will continually fall in and out of love with the man you marry for the rest of your lives. The kicker, the way to weigh whether he’s worth it, is by how much you try to make one another happy through it all. Being ‘in love’ is a hormone rush. Having love for someone means respect, patience, forgiveness, and work. It means having the strong foundation to make falling in love over and over again possible.” Her left brow pushed up in that familiar way it always did when she asked one of her children if we understood her.

“I get it.”

“Good. Now,” she said while her eyes darted around the room, “I have it on good authority that there’s a bathroom in here.” She stood and dusted her butt off. “Ah, there it is. I’ll be right back.” My mom struggled to make haste to the bathroom which caused me to laugh, because the woman was notorious for her weak bladder. She’d probably been holding it since before the ceremony, afraid she’d miss something.

My bouquet, which had been long forgotten, sat there discarded on the steps beside me. Apparently, my mother managed to salvage it from wherever it had been abandoned. I couldn’t even remember if I’d been carrying it down the aisle with me, but I didn’t think so. It had one solitary pink rose in the center that was surrounded by white tulips and bound together with a pink ribbon. Tulips were my favorite flowers and the bouquet had been one more thing that Law’s mother demanded I not use for my wedding.

The flower was more of a weed – in her words – and should never be seen at a wedding that her son took place in. Considering her snobby butt didn’t kick over one dime for our wedding costs, I told her that she didn’t get a say in what I chose for my wedding. Law had been angry with me, saying there was no need to get confrontational, and that I could have just gone with all roses instead.

That memory made me think hard about whether my ex-fiancé ever really knew me at all. He had been wearing a white rose bud in his lapel earlier when I’d seen him. Kylan had been wearing a tulip.

I stood and moved quickly to the door, needing to see my best friend, because I couldn’t decide if I’d been imagining it or if it was true. If true, he would have caught hell for the choice while I was in the back room getting ready. Law’s mother – and my fiancé – had been under the wrong impression that I changed my mind and went with all roses.

The door to the room was cracked and I heard voices on the other side which halted my steps. I felt I earned the right to eavesdrop on people after what happened to me on my wedding day. Apparently, I needed to be privy to more conversations people weren’t aware that I could overhear, since I had no clue who in the hell Law had been so enamored with that he left me alone on our wedding day.

“I’ve been in love with Bea for a long time,” Ky said. “I’m sorry I didn’t do things the right way, Sean.” He spoke to my father with an air of regret in his words. What did he mean by ‘doing things the right way’?

“Son, when it comes to loving a woman, the only ‘right way’ is to do everything in your power to make sure she is happy. It bothered her that Law didn’t want her to have her grandmother’s ring. It was offered. Did you know?” I couldn’t see Ky, but he must have shaken his head because my dad continued telling him about it. “When Law came to ask for her hand in marriage – at Bea’s request – the ring was offered to him. He refused it and said that ‘his wife wouldn’t be wearing hand-me-down jewelry’.”

“What an ass,” Ky muttered. My father and another man’s laughter rang out on the other side of the door.

“Well, as true as that is, she has the ring she truly wanted now, and that’s thanks to you. It’s fitting that her best friend gave it to her. My daughter might be hurt and confused for a while, but I have to believe that everything fell into place exactly the way it was meant to.”

A quiet fell over the people on the other side of the door for a moment until my father spoke again. “What are you guys going to do about Bea’s things?”

“Her things?” Ky asked.

“Flynn and Beckett just spent several days last week moving all of her things to Law’s condo, so it would be set up once they got back from their honeymoon,” Dad informed him.

“Shoot!” I huffed under my breath. That was one more thing I would have to straighten out. It also meant there was no way I could avoid seeing Law again. I wasn’t in a financial position to just walk away from everything I’d worked so hard for, like my entire wardrobe for starters.

“I don’t know,” Ky answered honestly. “I think that will be up to Bea, but I’m not sure she needs one more burden on her shoulders today. Maybe, it can wait until tomorrow?” It sounded like more of a question than a suggestion. “If not, I guess we can all go over and pick it up for her. It’s just a matter of where she wants it all taken.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over something you can’t control,” Ky’s father suggested. I guess he had been the one laughing with them a minute ago. “While I’m happy you finally got your girl, I’m not so sure the rest will be as easy as all that. Just play it by ear and we’ll all be on stand-by, in case you need us.”

“You got that right,” my father agreed. “We’re here for you, Ky, but you know – where I’m concerned, my daughter comes first. So, whatever she wants, I’m going to respect her wishes.” I’m not sure what happened after that, if Ky looked confused, or what, but my father quickly added to his sentiment. “I’m rooting for you, Son. I never thought Law was good enough for her. Besides, my wife has been planning for the two of you to be together eventually. I guess that woman knew what she was talking about. I shouldn’t have doubted her.”

A giggle behind me clued me in that I wasn’t the only eavesdropper in the church. My mom was back from the bathroom and had at least overheard the last part.

“It’s true. I always knew he was the one for you.”