14. to be a soulmate

14

to be a soulmate

Lucynda

October 14th

I slept the entire day away yesterday, not even really thinking about much. I opted to give my body the rest to decide if it were all to be a dream.

It was not.

I wake up this morning wanting to do nothing but overthink, analyze and talk to Rivian. Twenty-four hours proving to be not long enough for me to miss his presence, cynically enough.

Still, I'm lost at what the right thing to do is. Maybe there is no right thing and maybe there is only this . Afterall, I'd for so long wanted to escape my life of pain and the memory of being so insignificant to those around me. I've even laid in this very bed and dreamt up vengeance for those who have hurt me, laughing at the idea that I could be so cruel.

But Rivian gave me a promise. Or at least he claims it's what I have to look forward to if I take his hand in marriage, while he gains power and a queen.

Revenge.

It sounds sweet and it's what I've wanted for so long, isn't it? The idea that I could actually enact misery onto those who have fucked me over; truly making them feel the way their wrath was inflicted on me.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I am not a vengeful person. I couldn't possibly want to sink as low to the levels of those assholes. Besides, the biggest monster has already been slayed and it was all because of Rivian.

He killed my father.

He heard me. Saw me. And he…

Something dark ignites in me and I can't explain what that means to me. It's scary to think that someone murdered for me. To know that people like Rivian exist in the world, who can kill for no one and everyone, for any reason or for none. But he killed my disgusting father for me and that means everything to me.

I'm free because of him.

As I get ready for work—a reality I know I have to face giving up if I choose this life—I think about how even if I don't want to move forward with his offer of revenge, I might still want to go through with it if only to repay him for what he's done. Or maybe, I might be able to find more out of this life. Purpose. Family. Love.

Questions swim around in my head. I have another twenty-four hours before he claims to come and collect me but I still have so much I want to learn and I just don’t see that happening if I’m stuck at work all day.

That’s when I remember, I'm the boss and I can just as easily close the store down for the day. I’m sure no one will notice.

I pull on my leggings, a crewneck and some sneakers and jog the distance down to the shop. I don’t have to do much other than put up a posted sign stating my closure.

The air is crisp this Monday morning, filling my lungs in refreshing waves. As I enter the bookstore, thoughts of what my future would look like if I took Rivian’s offer. I don’t even really know what his offer is other than marriage and intangible promises.

As I’m working on writing up a closure sign, I hear something in the distance. It almost sounds like a book falling to the floor. I know my piles are unorganized and rather questionable, but I decide to go look anyway if only to calm my intrusive thoughts.

I’m not shocked to find the Tell-Tale Heart and Other Writings by Edgar Allen Poe laying gracefully on the ground. It’s as if it fell, but someone made sure it didn’t suffer the fall. I roll my eyes, knowing just how this book got here and by whom.

I reach for my phone, suddenly remembering that I kissed my shadowed admirer. It wasn’t rough or cold like I thought it would be. It was actually warm and inviting until he pushed me away. I don’t know what I was thinking, but something pulled me into him and I don't regret letting it.

My finger hovers over his name in my phone. I want to call out to him to see if he’s still lingering, but I don’t want him to confuse that as an invite because we had a deal.

I click his name and let the prompt screen pop up.

Call or Message

I want to call him, but I don't want his voice to sway me one way or the other, something that is proven he can do.

So I open up a new text message thread because he can't compel me via text, right?

Rivian, it's Lucynda.

Is the first text I send, and I wait because I want to make sure it's really him before I start typing unbelievable questions to a stranger.

Lucynda.

Is all his response says.

We had a deal. Space, remember?

I don’t know what you’re referring to, little one.

I walk toward the front desk again to finish the sign to post, and that’s when I see him out of the corner of my eye.

Rivian stands across the street, where he seems to fancy himself the most while he watches me. I don’t feel angry or annoyed at his attempt to secretly break our deal, instead I only keep doing what I’m doing.

I see you.

Having dreams of me then?

I send him the eye roll emoji and get back to my task.

I take a deep breath as I walk toward the front door to tape up my makeshift sign. I see him intently watching me, dressed in his black attire, keeping his identity hidden from others to see.

I take out my phone again, watching him from the inside of my store and I decide to text him.

Why did you choose me to make your wife? Why not choose someone else?

I watch him as he lowers his head to the phone to respond.

There's a rare lore in our world. It can be called many things such as a tether or a bind. The proper term for it is the anima vinculum which roughly translates to soul bond. Think of it as a mate to a werewolf. Like I said, it's rare but usually when it presents itself, it's a rather powerful soul match and it is somewhat frowned upon to not marry into that.

So, what are you saying?

I'm saying that you are my tether. My anima vinculum. And whether you feel it or not, it's there and I have to act on it.

If what he's saying is true, then why did he get so mad at me when I kissed him? Isn't a soulmate a good thing and wouldn't my puerile act of intrigue just help the fact that he's got this tether to me? Unless he finds no attraction in me and refuses to explore that possibly and only wants to move forward with it because he has to.

I look up at him to see him viscously staring me down. I hate the way it feels all while craving it at the same time. I’ve never had someone look at me so intensely.

What does this anima vinculum provide to you and what happens if I choose to deny it?

I see the three dots dance around before disappearing again as I watch him type out and answer. I turn around to look back at my bookstore, wondering how my life went from sad and lonely, to now being a prospect to run a vampire kingdom as their queen.

The rush of nerves washed over me as my phone vibrates in my hands.

It is the most powerful tie for vampire blood, creating the most fulfillment our strength could need. If you deny me, which you won't, my blood lust will ruin me and someone else will be named king. That won’t be happening.

Bloodlust?

I'm stuck in my trial period with an intense craving of blood until I find a wife and marry her into my kingdom. I don't have much time before that craving takes over my very being and not only will that be the end of me. I don't expect you to understand but the tether drew me to you, and I have an obligation to respect that part of my nature.

Weakness is not in my name, Lucynda. And honestly, I shouldn't have to explain anything to you.

My heart is racing as I read his response. There's so much to unpack in this text message but I'm afraid answers are only going to get more complicated. Though I will admit, I've always craved something more and maybe this is my chance.

I give him one last look out the window before deciding to step away while texting him another question.

That party you invited me to, you said it was an engagement party for me.

In a way, yes. By now, most of the Society knows who you are and what you are to become to them and I wanted to see how you would react to the atmosphere. They are strict with the respect they have for anyone who is protected by me.

But there were humans there as well? How does that work?

We invite a few select Outsiders to attend our parties, mainly for feeding purposes. The mask protects our identities in case something goes haywire.

Feeding?

I’m stuck on that one word as I reread the text again. Of course, I’m not that oblivious to the lore of vampires, but curiosity begs me for more information.

Vampires require blood, Lucynda. We only take what we need to keep us strong and we erase their memories afterwards.

Something in me snaps. Out of fear or anger or . . . desire ? I'm not quite sure what to make of it but my mind jumps back to Rivian feeding on that girl's neck.

That girl I saw you with. Was she a human?

Yes.

Do you do that often?

The parties or the feeding?

Both.

Yes.

And yes.

Why?

It's a respect thing to the Society. And I do have to indulge, Lucynda. It's my nature.

Thoughts race through my brain, jealousy maybe? Concern for my well-being, surely. I just can't seem to control the spinning of my brain at his confession. But I also can't help but remember the way seeing him do those things to that girl made me feel.

Would you feed on me?

I jump up onto my register desk and watch his text indicator trickle again, waving up and down but it feels like hours pass by with no response. Tingles prick my skin and my heart feels like it's heating up inside my chest. Anxiety eats at me as I grow impatient waiting for his answer.

Rivian? Would you feed on me?

I text him again and this time his answer comes immediately.

Yes.

My breath hitches, forbidden thoughts fill my head as ambivalence racks me. I quickly try to draw my attention back to the present situation, forgetting about the way him sucking on that girl's neck made me feel, in tandem with the idea that it could be me.

Why does the Society need a queen? Can't you just run this kingdom on your own?

It's tradition that a king reigns with a queen. It has been done, but blood power is weaker that way and vampires need strength to survive and strength is essential in regard to the treaty.

What treaty?

That's a story that requires an explanation too long for text, little one.

Okay, fine.

I accept the fact that he’s answered more than I’m sure he wanted to. But nonetheless, the idea of everything he’s told me so far captivates me.

Anything else?

Yeah, do you sparkle?

Sparkle?

Yeah, like in those one movies. I have seen some stuff about vampires, you know.

I know my response is a joke, mainly to lighten the heavy load he's dumped on me.

Don't believe everything you see in a movie, Lucynda. No. I don't sparkle. In fact, quite the opposite .

My stomach turns with a feeling of butterflies and danger all the same. I'm so close to calling out his name and I don't even know why. I’m sure he’s still across the street, I could just walk to him. But as I lean forward to peer my head out the window, I don’t see him and disappointment washed over me.

I want to know how compulsion and manifestation works.

We'll have some time to teach you all that.

Teach me?

Lucynda…

Yes, Rivian?

I’m not sure what kind of response that was, but I kick my feet at the base of the desk as I sit and wait for his text to come through.

Lucynda, marrying me is a lot more than a fancy party and the title of wife or queen. If we marry, and you accept your role into the Society, I have to turn you.

Turn me? My breathing turns sporadic as I jump off the desk frantically. I rush to the window, searching for him along the walls of the buildings across the street. He really is gone.

How come I never thought of that?

You mean…

Yes. You'll need to become a vampire.

My heart pounds in my chest like an avalanche of mountain rocks pummeling down to the valley below, sinking deep into my stomach.

I run out of the bookstore, locking it behind me and hurrying back to my apartment.

I’m not ready for that. I don’t want to be him .

I practically kick open my door and toss down the phone right as it vibrates, signaling another text message coming through. But I can't look at it. I decide that in this moment I want nothing to do with this, any of this. Rivian and his sexy, alluring vampire charm can shove his crazy idea of taking me as his bride right up his ass. I was crazy as it is before, or so I thought, but it would be even more insane for me to accept this ludicrous offer.

The phone is still buzzing but I ignore it as I hurry to my closet and start hastily throwing my clothes and other belongings into a suitcase. I need to get out of here before the decision is taken from me.