Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

CHASE

S omething is wrong, I decide silently. Well, actually there's, like, a dozen things wrong at the moment, but I know that one of those is Easton’s radio silence. It’s not like him to just disappear with me, and I’m worried that his test didn’t go like he hoped. He’s going to be devastated if that’s the case, and the urge to get to him so I can put eyes on him, really see how he is, is approaching feral for me.

My thumbs hover over my phone, trying to decide if I should alert Brady. I want to respect Easton’s need for space if things didn’t go well, but I feel off about this.

“There’s my boy,” Mom murmurs, voice rough from lack of use and far weaker than I’d like. My head snaps up. She’s still so pale, washed out even further by the harsh lights and pale paper gown they’ve got her in.

I slide my phone into my pocket and relocate from the chair under the window to her bedside. “Hey, Momma,” I begin. “How are you feeling?” It’s a dumb question. She’s in the hospital after she lost her baby and almost her own life, for fuck’s sake. But it seems like something I should ask.

She gestures for me to sit, and after pouring her some water, sticking a straw in it and bringing it to her lips, I do. Her normally flawless copper curls are matted from sweat and the bags under her eyes are puffy and swollen. She’s still beautiful, because a world doesn’t exist where she isn’t, but she’s been through hell.

“A bit less foggy, but I may have to cancel the 10k I was planning to run.”

I chuckle lightly, her sarcasm a familiar language for me. In truth, if you ever see my mom running, you should probably run too because something bad is chasing her. “We’ll call that the worst-case scenario.”

She nods thoughtfully, then slowly takes in my appearance. “I must have scared you guys something awful. You look like shit, baby boy.”

My eyes hit the back of my skull, I roll them so hard. “Well, you look better than I’ve ever seen you.”

A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “Damn right, I do. Where’s the rest of the circus?”

“You actually managed to wake up in the most quiet period of time this hospital room has seen. Logan went home to shower and wait for a babysitter. Parker and Emerson are on a coffee run, and Dad went to find a vending machine that has peanut M baby and all.

Parker notices Mom’s awake first, whacking Emerson solidly in the chest to silence whatever he was in the middle of saying. A chorus of mom, nana and honey fills the room as I vacate her bedside so they can swarm like flies.

They’re careful, but one by one, they hug her. Dad lingers by her head, gazing at her like he’s never seen her before and is falling in love all over again.

I really fucking miss Easton.

Logan materializes next to me. “Hey, any chance you want to take your niece to find her some food? Her babysitter canceled, and I was so frazzled from being late back to the hospital that I didn’t think we had time to stop. I was going to come check on Mom then get something for her, but you’re here… and pleaseeee?”

She really doesn’t have to beg or give me an explanation like that, but I do get a slight amount of enjoyment from seeing her squirm. I pretend to consider it while she gives me her best puppy eyes. She should know that look never works on me. I’m much easier to bribe with uncle-niece time. “Yeah, I can do that,” I say eventually.

“Ugh. You’re just the best. Thank you!” She scoops up Sage and passes her my way .

She grins, toothy and big enough to split her face in half. “Hi, kiddo. Want to come with me to find some food?”

“Yep!” she announces happily, and we’re off. Now, the real problem is what the hell do you feed a toddler in a hospital?

Oh well, I’ll figure it out.

“Wait up!” I spin around to see Emerson rushing our way.

He just got here. “What’s up?”

My youngest brother raises an eyebrow at me. “I’m coming with you. I told Logan we’d take her out somewhere.”

Sage wiggles down, insisting on holding each of hands so she can swing between us. “You don’t have to come if you want to hang out with Mom for a bit.”

I feel bad even saying it because Sage is so damn happy with the arrangement. She’s giggling up a storm. “I’m good with you guys,” Em says.

The ability to go back in time and undo whatever act of evil I must have committed to become this family’s de facto therapist would come in real handy right about now. “Why don’t you want to see Mom, Em?”

“Nana not feeling good,” Sage reminds us.

Emerson shrugs his shoulders in agreement. “Oregano is right, she’s not feeling good, and besides, there’s a car seat in my car so we can take the kid somewhere she’ll actually eat.”

Foolproof logic, if you ask me. This is fine. “What do you want to eat, Basil?”

She shoots me a dirty look, even though Em just did the same thing and it was okay then, and decides she wants chicken.

Nice and vague. I can work with that. Emerson is quiet as we load the kid up and get to the restaurant, but so am I. Sage is completely unaware of our internal struggles, so is more than happy to tell us about her best friend at daycare who will never let her use the green play-dough. Real tragic stuff .

After we order our food, Emerson gives me a funny look. “So, what’s up with you? I know why I’m bummed out, but why you?”

This is probably where I should be honest right? “Well,” I hedge. Em waits curiously. The waitress appears with our food, buying me a moment. After making sure Sage is set up, I go on. “Easton’s test was this morning, and I haven’t heard anything from him in hours. I’m worried something is wrong.”

My brother considers this as he chews. “Any chance he’s just sleeping it off? Everyone kind of had a long night. I’m sure he’s wiped.”

I hate it but the kid has a point. I’m operating on nothing but energy drinks and an age old fear of being trapped in a room with doctors. It’s not exactly going well. I’ve reached a concerning point of exhaustion where I can’t feel my face and all of my brain functions that have been deemed non-critical have simply turned off. “Yeah, maybe.”

“You know, Park said that you guys are disgustingly in-sync with each other. What’s your gut saying?”

I move my food around on the plate. “That something really fucking bad happened, and he needs me.”

Em makes a thoughtful sound. “Then you should probably go home, bro.” Controlling my facial features must not be critical because whatever he sees makes him hold his hands up in surrender. “All I’m saying is that if you feel like something is up, you should go home, Chase. Mom is out of the woods. No one would think you’re heartless for wanting to make sure your boyfriend is okay instead of sitting in a cold room while Mom sleeps.”

Easy for him to say, he’s never had to be the long distance kid who feels guilt for missing anything. All in the name of carving my own path in the world, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to be a plane ride away from the people you care about when they need you.

Emerson, unplagued by my internal wrestling match, pushes on. “Call Brady. Tell him to go check in. That way you aren’t stressing for nothing if he’s fine. If he’s not, then at least you know what you’re walking into.”

I sigh heavily. “When did you get so rational?”

He only winks playfully before turning his attention to Sage’s crayola abstract disaster. “Tell Uncle Chase that I’m only pointing out the obvious.”

She looks up, brandishing a french fry in one hand and an electric lime crayon in the other. “Bet you can’t spell obvious,” she dares. Her very influential uncle laughs, it’s no mystery who’s trying to teach her to spell with a less popular approach. But Em is right, it’s better to know, so I text Brady before tucking my phone away and getting dragged into an impromptu spelling bee.

By the time lunch is over, the knot of worry buried in my chest loosens enough that I manage to convince myself that Emerson was right and Easton is just asleep or got caught up in his sketchbook.

Getting Sage corralled in her car seat is a test of patience. Poor kid is exhausted just like the rest of us, but without the comprehension skills to fully understand the situation, she’s pretty over the whole ordeal. Em and I do our best to keep her happy, but she’s standing on the edge of a full-blown meltdown. “Should we take her home, let her sleep in her own bed?” Em asks desperately.

“I can drop you off at the hospital and take her back. I fear that if we take her there again, she’ll be a menace to the entire surgical floor.”

There’s that face again, damn near as bad as it was last night. Like I’ve told him, he has three minutes to live. Feeling sorry for the guy, I gently amend, “Or you can come with me. It might be nice to have some company.”

The relief that floods his eyes is no less than tremendous. He updates the family group chat of our toddler woes and the change of plans after I’ve already passed the hospital. Granted, it was only yesterday that he found Mom laying in a pool of blood, but I fear this is messing with his head way more than any of us thought.

I’ll try to keep an eye on him, check in after I go home. Everyone is obviously going to be focused on Mom, as they should be, but I’m worried Em will slip through the cracks.

Christ in hell, listen to me. If fifteen-year-old Chase could hear me now, he’d deck me in the jaw, no hesitation. Worried Emerson will slip through the cracks is an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one. I was also an asshole back then, so maybe it’s a good thing that I wouldn’t like who I am now.

Still, a bit of a head fuck.

We trudge into Logan’s apartment, Sage squealing like this is a kidnapping attempt. We get a couple of looks from the neighbors, but I can’t make myself care. “You can crash in my room,” Emerson offers. I raise my eyebrow. “Logan’s room is probably a war zone, and you’re no good to anyone if you’re a zombie. The mattress in there is pretty comfortable.”

His words dissolve the last of my remaining energy, and I wordlessly stumble in the direction he points me, falling asleep before my head can even hit the pillow.

~~~

Correction, that was not sleep, that was death. I peel my eyes open hours later sweaty, disoriented, and with what can only be dried drool on the corner of my mouth. I never even got my shoes off. Not my most attractive moment.

After washing the rest of the fog away in a scalding shower, I go search for Emerson and Sage, wondering if I’m the only one who just got rejected from the afterlife just now. The smell of bacon leads me right to him, standing at the stove, poking a frying pan, shirtless with his pants slung low.

That seems like a risk, but whatever.

“Hungry?” he mumbles around a jaw-cracking yawn.

My stomach rumbles loudly in response. “Starved.”

He wordlessly passes me a plate that I begin devouring immediately. “Go to town on it. Sage is in a phase where she says she hates bacon so that’s just yours.”

Oh damn, more for me, what a shame. I look around for the kid, not seeing her or hearing her is a bit bizarre, considering she’s the most people person of a child I’ve ever met. “Where is she?” I ask when my admittedly half-assed search turns up empty.

“Asleep,” he answers around another yawn. “I’m guessing she either sleeps through the night and wakes up at like five tomorrow, ready to raise hell or wants to party at eleven p.m.”

That seems like a fun problem for her mom to deal with. “At least we aren’t going back to the hospital.”

Emerson raises a piece of bacon out for a toast. “Here, here. Hey, did you ever hear from Easton?”

I freeze. Dread slides over my skin like oil. I forgot. I fucking forgot. Forgot that my boyfriend is missing. Who does that?

Emerson raises his eyebrows as I swear, patting down my pockets searching for my phone. “That’s not what you were wearing earlier. Check your jeans,” Emerson reminds me when my search turns up empty.

Jesus Christ on a bike, it hurts to be fucking stupid.

When I find it exactly where my brother said the damn thing would be, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’ve been right all along. Brady has texted several times, all something along the lines of call me. Despite my intuition, I do call him because I need the confirmation.

“Listen, don’t freak out,” he says as soon as the line connects.

There’s no stopping the growl building in my throat. “Brady.”

He makes a frustrated noise back. “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for this. Easton wouldn’t just leave without saying something.”

I drop my head in between my shoulder blades and pray to something I don’t believe in. Please, please let him be okay. Even if he’s done with me, just let him be okay.

“I’ll be on the next flight home. We’ll figure it out.”

Brady makes a valiant effort at protesting, but I can hear the fear in his voice, and that’s enough to seal my choice. When I tell Emerson, his face pales. “This can’t be like before. I refuse to believe that.”

“I don’t know, Em. But I need to go see for myself. Can you break it to everyone else?”

He nods, understanding clearly in his eyes. I can’t tell them. Their hearts were broken the first time this happened, and that was before I went and fell in love with him. It’s going to be so much worse if we’re in this situation again.

No. Stop. I’m being paranoid. We will find him. He went to blow off steam and let his phone die. Something easily explained. This is not like before. It can’t be. I don’t know if I’ll survive losing him a second time.