Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

CHASE

M y nerves flare up when I see that Logan has called me five times already just in the last few minutes. Before I can get my phone unlocked and call her back, her picture flashes on my screen as she tries again.

“Lo, what’s wrong?” Easton sits up, making the sheet covering his bare chest fall to his waist. Concern is etched on his features. I put it on speakerphone. Whatever it is, I want him to be by my side for it.

A broken sob comes through on the other side of the line. “Chase. Ohmygodohmygod. You weren’t answering, and fuck.”

“Logan. What happened?” I snap, fear making my teeth grind.

She takes a shaky breath. “It’s Mom. Something is really wrong. She’s bleeding, and it’s so bad. They’re trying to stop it, but…”

“But what? What the fuck is going on with Mom?”

“They don’t know if they can save her or the baby. Em found her in a pool of blood when he went to grab his mail, and now we’re all here at the hospital and everyone is freaking out. Mom is in surgery. I need you here, Chase. I can’t do this without you.”

It’s like she’s speaking to me underwater. There is no reality without my mom. She’s always supposed to be there with her warm hugs and untamed mind. Easton snatches the phone from me and says something to Logan before hanging up.

I watch mindlessly as he starts tapping on it rapidly while he moves around the room, finding a bag and throwing clothes inside it. The next thing I know, his hands are cradling my face.

“Love, you have to go, okay?” It’s pretty obvious from the way his voice is shaking that he’s trying not to cry. He’s trying to hold it together for me.

I shake my head. “This can’t be happening. Mom is fine. She’s always fine.”

Easton’s pretty blue eyes swim with tears. “She is going to be okay. But Logan needs your help holding everything together. You have to go. I found a flight and if you hurry, you should make it just in time.”

“Without you?” Why that’s the part that sticks out to me, who the fuck knows.

He smiles sadly. “My test is tomorrow, love. But if you need me, I can try to take it another time.”

My answer is immediate. “No. You’ve worked so hard for this, sweetheart. You stay. I’ll be okay.”

He nods and swipes his thumbs along my cheekbones. “You will be. Come one, you don’t want to miss your flight. There’s not another one until tomorrow morning and Logan needs some backup as soon as you can be there.”

It’s a blur of activity as I get dressed and make sure Brady knows what’s going on so he can make sure Easton gets to his test tomorrow.

I have no idea how long I’m going to be in Chicago, I guess that depends on Mom, so packing is weird. Eventually, I just call it good and give up. Easton follows me to the car, barefoot in nothing but a pair of tiny shorts and my hoodie. Leaving him feels wrong, unsettling almost. I try to shake it off because it’s important that he’s here for tomorrow, and I’ve been fine on my own for my entire life.

But there’s something wrong with my mom, and the person who makes things okay isn’t going to be there with me.

“Hey,” he murmurs, squeezing my hand. “She’s in good hands. The best, according to Logan. She’s so tough, it’s going to be fine, and you’ll be back home before you know it.”

Home. Easton has really changed the meaning of the word. He took the four walls around this house and demolished them in favor of something that makes me feel like I belong here. “Easton, I—” The three tricky words almost slip out, probably would have if Easton hadn’t kissed me.

“I know, Chase. I do. But you’re going to miss your flight.”

When I see the time, I curse. He’s right. I press another kiss to his lips and throw my bag in the passenger seat. That slimy feeling about leaving him still lingers deep in my gut, but it’s not like I have much of a choice. I’ve just got to fucking do it.

This time, it’s Easton who sneaks in one last kiss. “Go, Chase.”

“Yeah,” I mumble against his mouth. “I am.”

He says one more time, “I know, love. When you come home, okay?”

He knows what I was about to say. He knows, and he’s not running. I can give him more than a hurried declaration in the fucking driveway, he deserves better than that. Watching him disappear in my rearview mirror, smaller and smaller until he’s gone from my sight, I’m certain that I’ve forgotten something important. Something I can’t live without.

~~~

The flight to Chicago and getting to the hospital is a blur of anxious energy that leaves me feeling scraped raw and on edge. Scenarios are running through my head at blindingly fast rates, too quick to even identify, but they all make the sinking feeling in my stomach worse so they’re probably not good.

The Uber drops me off in front of the emergency room, but before I can walk in, there’s a sound that makes me pause. One I recognize. Logan squeaks like a mouse when she’s trying not to cry too loud, and I swear that’s what I just heard.

Sure enough, following the sound leads me straight to her, pacing nervously and pulling on the roots of her hair. “Lo,” I say gently, worried about startling her.

My sister whips around to face me, making my eyes start to burn when I see the black trails of mascara running down her face. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Logan so visibly scared. I only have about a second to process before she launches at me. I stumble back a step but manage to keep us upright. The hug is tighter than should be possible considering she’s pixie-sized, but it about breaks my ribs. “She’s gonna be okay,” I mumble with my cheek resting on the top of her head.

She laughs, but it’s far from a happy one. “Fuck, Chase. If she’s not, I’m not ready for this.”

“Other mom’s can do this. Not ours. She’ll be okay. She just needed to scare the shit out of us so we never miss a holiday or something.”

This time, her laugh is a little closer to the one I’m used to, but it’s short-lived. “We should go in. Em’s a fucking mess, and I can’t talk to him. ”

“And you think I can?”

Her eyes roll hard as we walk through the automatic doors. “Can you please give up this I’m bad with people shtick you’ve got going? You’re literally one of the most thoughtful people I know, it just makes you uncomfortable because you worry you let people down but you’re always exactly what they need.”

“Damn. You must really be having a bad day if you’re saying nice things about me,” I tease, locking my arm around her shoulders as we wander the halls of the hospital.

Logan makes a pained sound. “Don’t make me do it again. Just work your magic with Emerson, because my instinct says to shake him, and I really don’t think that will help.”

It might, knowing Emerson, but she’s been stressed and scared for hours. If she wants me to deal with Em, I can do that. We find everyone taking up residence in one of the private waiting areas, all in various shades of fucked-up. Well, except Sage, who is knocked out cold in Emerson’s death grip. Parker and Dad stand to engulf me in a bear hug. “I’m glad you’re here, son,” Dad tells me roughly.

I nod, unsure what to say. More than just his wife is on the line in that operating room. Parker’s eyes are red-rimmed and swollen, but he tries his best at a relieved smile. I squeeze his shoulder and brush past them both so I can crouch down in front of Emerson. Sage is content in her uncle’s arms, clothed in her favorite polka dot pajamas. “Em?” I hedge.

He doesn’t even blink, just digs his fingers into Sage’s clothes a little tighter. “How about we go get some coffee? Let Parsley work some magic on Dad for a bit. I think he could use it.”

Seeing Emerson so stoic spikes the worry for my mom that I’d managed to reduce to a simmer until now. Em is one of the most lively people I know, full of dumb jokes and his annoyingly optimistic attitude that I wouldn’t change for anything. Now, he just looks like he’s seen a ghost, and I’m really fucking hoping he hasn’t.

Peeling Sage from his arms feels beyond fucking cruel if she’s providing a modicum of comfort, but he’s too deep in his head and it’s clearly a dark place to be. He won’t break loose from it holding her, both because she’d somehow feel his emotions second-hand and wake up distraught, and because there’s too many people in here with loud fears that would compile with his own.

Dad does seem grateful for the kid exchange, though, as I figured he would. I don’t know what this family would do if Logan didn’t let us pass her baby around as on-demand therapy sessions. Emerson is stiff, but at least agreeable when I guide him into standing and out of the room, and I pretend not to see the concerned looks we get on our way out.

God, the fucking hospital smell is already driving me to the brink of insanity. I don’t think I’ve been in one since Sage was born. Before that, damn, must have been when my grandma died when I was in middle school. I wonder if Emerson remembers that.

“I do,” he says so quietly I have to strain to hear him.

There is no way this kid was reading my mind. “You do what?”

He scoffs. “Remember when Grammy died. You should stop thinking so loud if you don’t want me to hear it.”

He’s in there somewhere, just scared out of his mind. That’s mildly reassuring. “Always such a nosy little shit. Can’t even have my thoughts to myself.” The quip works, and I manage to remove my shoulders from my ears when I see the corner of his grin, even if it was barely there.

After we’ve found the worst coffee in Chicago, I opt for some fresh air. The smell is bothering me a lot more as the minutes tick on with no word about our mom. At least if we’re outside, I can breathe properly and know that Logan wouldn’t let us go without news once they have it. It takes a couple of tries, but we eventually find a courtyard that should have been locked but wasn’t, and it’s good enough.

Em collapses into the nearest metal chair, and I join him. “It’s not your fault.”

He looks shattered, like the veil finally fell away now that he’s away from everyone else. “I should have gone over there sooner. I could have been there. She was waiting for me, Chase. Who else’s fault would it be?”

“Not yours, Em,” I say firmly. “It would have happened whether you were there or not. This pregnancy was a risk from the very beginning. It had nothing to do with you.”

His dark hair flops unceremoniously across his eyes as he hangs his head. “Why didn’t you want to talk through all this with Logan? I know she tried.” It’s only a slight diversion, but it’s something that is confusing me.

Em groans. “Because there’s Logan, and then there’s you, you know?” When I don’t say anything, thoroughly perplexed, he barrels on. “Logan is… like, kind of? I don’t know? Maybe… intense? She would take control of your brain and run it herself if it were possible and when she was talking to me, all I was hearing was her saying that I’m being selfish or immature or whatever.” I raise a brow at him. When he notices, he adds, “I know she didn’t say that stuff, but it’s what I heard. It was good when I wanted a second opinion on my resume, but less so when I walked in to find our mom on the floor.”

He flinches, like he pictured it and it hurts. “I was mad when she told us she was pregnant,” I admit. Emerson leans back in his chair to show me he’s paying attention. “It bothered me. I never even allowed myself to think about the actual baby aspect of the pregnancy because I couldn’t shake this awful feeling that something would happen. All the ultrasound pictures or baby name suggestions just went right over my head. I wanted to scream at you guys, like, all the time so that you would see what I was seeing. Now, she’s in the operating room fighting for her life, and I just wish I’d been more involved so she knew I cared about what was happening to her.”

My little brother’s frown deepens enough that it threatens to crack his face. “Don’t say that. Mom always knows you care. It’s not like you being concerned canceled out any of the positive aspects between you guys.”

I wait for a few seconds; he’s a smart kid. He’ll get there. When his gray eyes snap up to mine, I bite back a smile. “You just made me say your whole point, didn’t you? Fucking cop out.” But he’s finally absorbing it, the little shit.

“Logan is definitely overthinking it,” I tell him.

He rolls his eyes. “Do you ever wish we could be like those emotionally distant families who never talk about anything serious? Maybe they have something figured out that we don’t. Because this is lame.”

I laugh and so does he, the tightness in my chest giving me a break from trying to strangle me. When we fall quiet, he looks around nervously. “We should be hearing something about her soon, right?”

“Soon,” I confirm, as if I have the slightest clue. But he’s my little brother, and there’s no way I can crush him by reminding him we’re entirely helpless in this whole thing. Eventually, we finish our drinks and head back inside, finding everyone in similar positions to when we left. Well, except Logan, who is wearing a hole in the floor with her pacing. With the black and white split-dye she’s got, it makes her look like dalmatians should be very afraid when they see her coming.

I fire off a quick text to Easton, hoping that he’s not still awake at whatever-the-fuck o’clock, but I miss him regardless of how dumb it is. He reads it immediately, telling me to let him know when we’ve heard something.

Me: You should be asleep, your test is in like four hours.

Easton: Hah. You’re funny. I’m better off with an all-nighter at this point.

Well, he’s not wrong.

The door opens, and I slide my phone in my pocket as a doctor walks in, looking exhausted. Everyone stands and gathers around with our hearts in our throats.

“How is she?” someone asks, I’m too busy grinding my teeth to notice who.

The man in blue scrubs takes a deep breath. I’m three seconds from strangling him if he doesn’t speak soon. It feels like eons, but it’s probably only a moment or two. “Your wife,” he says, looking directly at my dad. “She lost a lot of blood, but she’s alive. We, unfortunately, couldn’t save the baby or her uterus. She’s got a long road ahead of her, but she’ll be just fine.”

All the air whooshes out of my lungs in one rapid breath. The doctor keeps talking, but the roaring in my ears is deafening. She’s alive, she’s alive, she’s alive, I chant silently, trying to make it stick. The mountain of fear I kept a tight leash on all night long is buzzing uselessly through my veins with nowhere to go now.

She’s alive, but the baby isn’t. Parker seems to have the same thought. “The baby didn’t make it,” he points out wretchedly.

They were so excited , I tack on in my head. Mom had almost decided on the name. I’ve got to get out of this hospital. There’s only one person who would get it, and I need him. I mumble a quick apology to whoever can hear it and dart for the door, rationing each inhale to try and limit my exposure to the industrial disinfectant smell .

I’m useless, not a damn clue how Emerson and I found that courtyard so I head for the main entrance. Anything to get away from these fucking fluorescent lights.

My saving grace answers before the first ring finishes as I step outside and take a much-needed breath of car exhaust fumes. The relief that hits is dizzying. That’s when it hits me, not only am I helplessly in love with this guy, there’s no going back for me anymore. No dialing it back. He has to know, I’ll tell him the second I see his gorgeous face again. I don’t want to miss a moment of his face when I say it. “I’m so happy to hear your voice,” I say instead of what I really want to, but it’s true.

“I’m happy to hear yours too, Chase. Have you heard anything from the doctor yet? You guys have been waiting for ages.”

“Yeah.” Dropping my head between my shoulders, I close my eyes and picture him. It gives me the strength to get the bad news out first. “They couldn’t save the baby, but Mom pulled through.”

Easton makes a pained noise. “Oh, Chase…”

My throat constricts. “Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry, love. Not that it does any good, but I really am. I wish they could have saved them both.”

My eyes burn behind my closed lids. “Yeah, me too.”

He takes a deep, fortifying breath over the line. “So, I assume you’re wallowing alone instead of being with your family?”

My sweet Chaos doesn’t pull punches with me anymore. A part of me is glad he’s getting more comfortable calling me out. Usually only Brady will do that. “You’re going to have no problems tomorrow with as smart as you are, my darling.”

He hums. “It’s kind of required to know your boyfriend, I never plan on using math again if I can help it.”

“Boyfriend, huh? Is that right? ”

Easton chokes, presumably on nothing. The smile that creeps up on me feels almost foreign after hours of worrying. “Ignore me,” he forces out breathlessly.

“Never, sweetheart. Is that what we are? Because I’m very on board with that.”

I can practically hear his face flushing crimson. “I’ve been saying that in my head, but I didn’t mean for it to come out. I like it, though. I want that,” he admits.

He really can bring sunshine to the darkest moments of my life. It’s a heady feeling, the safety I’m consumed by with Easton.

“Boyfriends it is, then.”

One of the worst days of my life, and somehow he makes sure I still end it with a smile. How I ever got this lucky is beyond me, but there’s no way I’m not going to tell him how I feel about him the next time I see him. He deserves everything, and I want to be the person to give it to him.