Four

My clothes are soaked by the time I get home. I still can't be lieve what happened. Why would Haru leave without saying anything? Why didn't he just wait for me? We could have at least exchanged numbers or something. I'm supposed to show him around the city tomorrow. How did we end up losing each other again?

I leave the living room lights off as I come in. There's a plate of food on the kitchen counter, wrapped in plastic. I forgot to tell Mom I was missing dinner tonight. I place it in the fridge and head to my room. My wet clothes are sticking to my skin. I throw them on the floor and take a hot shower. My mind is still back at the café. Maybe I should have waited a little longer. What if he got lost and came back looking for me? How long did you expect me to wait in the rain? I wonder if it was something I said. I mean, we made all these plans to see each other again. How could he just leave like that? There must have been some misunderstanding. Maybe I'll return to the café tomorrow, leave a note at the counter in case he comes back to find me.

I can't think about anything else. I pace around the room, staring out the window, replaying the last few hours in my head. Why didn't we just exchange numbers? Especially after what happened last summer. At one point, I climb into bed and pull the covers over me. There's nothing I can do to bring him back. The orange streetlight shines across the ceiling, making it impossible to fall asleep. But I'm too lazy to close the blinds. Eventually I just shut my eyes until the rest of the world drifts away.

A sound wakes me up in the middle of the night.

I open my eyes slowly, blinking through the grainy darkness. Someone is sleeping beside me. For a second, I can't tell if I'm dreaming. Then I hear a familiar voice.

"Did I wake you?" he whispers.

Haru stares back at me through the dark. Silence hangs in the air between us. The moment I fully awaken, I'm jumping to my feet, shouting at the top of my lungs. Before I can form a thought, I hear someone coming from the hallway. A second later, my mom bursts in through the door, turning on the lights.

"B ? c á i g ì v ? y?" she says. What's wrong?

When I turn back to the bed, Haru is gone. I glance around the room, but there's no sign of him. Where did he go? For a second, I think I've lost my mind. Then it quickly hits me. I was only dreaming . He was never here. It was all in my head. I let out a breath as I calm down, turning back to my mom.

"Sorry. I just had a bad dream."

"N ? m m ? th ? y g ì ?" What did you dream about?

It's a question she's asked me before. When I was younger, I used to wake up screaming in the middle of the night. It usually happened after watching a scary movie or if something bad happened. Mom would come in, taking me in her arms, asking me what I'd dreamed about. Sometimes it was a monster under the bed, or something hiding in the closet. Mom would always ward them off for me, staying next to me until I fell asleep again. But my anxieties are not the same monsters from my childhood. They are of a different variety I don't think she'll understand anymore. So I decide not to tell her. "It was nothing. Just a bad dream."

"Con hét to quá," she says. You screamed so loud.

"I'm sorry," I say again.

She looks at me, concern in her eyes. But she doesn't push me on this. "Okay," she says, nodding. " ? i ng ? ? i." Go back to sleep then.

"Okay."

This is usually how we speak with each other. Mom will say something in Vietnamese and I usually respond in English. It's not that I prefer it this way. I just don't know how to speak it as well as I used to. But I can still understand a lot of it.

Mom shuts off the lights and closes the door behind her.

I stand in the dark for a moment. Then I check under the bed for good measure. It takes a while to shake off the feeling that someone was here. It was only a dream , I remind myself. It's only me in the room. I climb back in bed and pull the sheets over my head. It takes a long time to fall asleep. But eventually the world drifts away again.

Sunlight shines across my face when I wake up. I'm not sure what time or day it is. But I want to stay in bed for a few more hours. It's not as though I have anything worth getting up for. Maybe I'll just go back to sleep. As I turn on my side, my arm brushes against something next to me. It's the warmth of skin that makes me open my eyes.

Someone is sleeping beside me, facing the other way. I blink a few times, expecting to wake up again. This must be a dream, right? I reach out my hand, running my fingers along the arch of their back. But why does this feel so real ? Then he rouses to life. I pull my hand back as he turns around slowly, and the next thing I know, Haru and I are facing each other again. He scrunches his eyes, as if he's just waking up.

"Morning," he says softly.

Strands of dark hair fall across his face. Time freezes as I take him in. Then I jump out of bed again, barely landing on my feet.

"What are you doing here?"

He pushes himself up, yawning. "I was trying to sleep," he says.

"How did you even get in?"

"Through the front door." He smirks a little. "How did you get in?"

"Seriously Haru, why are you here?"

"I came to see you," he says, brushing his hair out of his face. "We're supposed to hang out today. Don't tell me you forgot."

"I didn't think you'd show up out of thin air !" I say, ignoring that smirk of his. "And we didn't even exchange numbers. How did you know where I live?"

"You told me at the café," he says.

"No, I didn't."

"Are you sure?"

His voice is playful, making me question myself. As I'm waiting for answers, my phone suddenly goes off. It's vibrating on the floor by the bed. I glance at the phone and back at Haru. Then I walk over and pick it up from the floor. Why is Kevin calling me? I haven't spoken to him in months. Then I remember my conversation with Jasmine. She kept insisting I reach out to him again. I sent him a text after we finished lunch. For a second, I think about letting this go to voicemail. But I can't avoid him forever. Especially when I texted him first this time. I take a deep breath and answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Eric?"

"Hey, Kev."

"Is this a good time?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I got your text yesterday," Kevin says. "It was really good to hear from you. I know it's been a while. You mentioned you've been looking for a job. This might be late notice, but are you free to meet up right now?"

"Like this second?"

Haru rises from the bed, stretching. I keep my eyes on him as Kevin continues, "I'm at this school event. There's someone from my department who I want you to meet. But I'm not sure how long she'll be here."

"Uh…"

Haru pulls a book from the shelf and opens it. Then sets it down, picking up a different one.

"Do you think you can make it?"

"Sorry, I'm a bit distracted at the moment," I say, watching Haru turn to my desk. When he opens a drawer, I walk over and shut it. " Stop that. "

"Stop what?" Kevin says.

"Nothing, sorry. What were you saying?"

"The event goes until four. You should come by."

"Well, I'm sort of, I mean—" I start to say something, but Haru has made his way to the closet, looking through my clothes. "Uh."

"It would be good to see you," Kevin says.

There's a knot of guilt in my chest. It's been several months since we've seen each other. When he and Jasmine were together, the three of us used to hang out all the time. Watching movies on the weekend. Taking the train to the lake and walking around the beach. I still have some rocks we started collecting. After the breakup, it felt like I lost him, too. I shouldn't blow him off this time. Especially when he's only trying to help. "Okay. Yeah, I'll come."

"Great. I'll send you the location."

"Thanks, Kevin."

"See you soon."

As I hang up the phone, Haru pulls the jinbei from the back of the closet. The one I bought with him last summer. "You still have this," he says, smiling. Maybe in another context, I would reminisce on this. Instead, I walk over and take it from his hands. "I'm really sorry, but I have to get going," I say, hanging it back in the closet.

"Where?"

"Meeting a friend."

"You're not showing me around?" he asks.

"What do you mean?"

"You promised me a tour."

I think back to last night. "Maybe I did. But I didn't expect you to show up unannounced." He still hasn't told me how he got here. I mean, he practically broke into my house. I should probably be more upset. But I don't have time for this right now. "And someone is waiting for me."

Haru stares at me with disappointment. He slides his hands into his pockets, glancing out the window. "Alright then. I can show myself around." Then he turns toward the door.

The memory of last summer flashes through my head. The piece of paper flying through the air as the train door closed between us. I thought I lost him again last night. I can't let him go like this.

" Wait ." I grab his hand. "Maybe we could—"

"You don't have to—"

"I want to," I tell him. "Why don't you just come with me? It shouldn't take too long. I can show you around afterward."

Haru rubs his chin, considering this. "I suppose I could do that."

"Okay," I breathe. "Just let me get ready."

I grab a clean shirt from my closet and get dressed. Haru didn't bring any clothes with him. I give him a few options to change into while I brush my teeth. A few minutes later, we're out the door. The Yellow Line comes every fifteen minutes. We wait on the platform as the train arrives. I take an empty seat while Haru stands beside me, holding the hand grip. As we're moving, Haru keeps turning his head, gazing intently out the windows. I watch him do this for a few stops, wondering if he's looking for something.

"What are you looking for?" I finally ask.

"The Bean," he says. "I haven't seen it yet."

"We're heading the other direction."

Haru frowns. "Ah. I see."

"But we can go there afterward," I say.

"Can we also get deep pizza?"

"It's called deep- dish pizza, and sure. Any touristy thing you want."

The train drops us off near the University of Illinois, Chicago. Kevin is currently a sophomore there, studying architecture. The directions to the department building are pulled up on my phone. I'm trying to get there fast, but Haru keeps stopping here and there to look at all the sights.

"So this is an American university," he says, taking in the buildings around us. "It's just like from the movies."

A new-student fair is taking place on the quad. White tents line the path as we walk past the various tables. Some of them are giving away free food and pens, inviting people to sign up for their club. There are some games set up, offering different prizes to win. Maybe it's because I'm with Haru, but I'm reminded of the Star Festival last summer. If I close my eyes, I can see paper stars fluttering above us. Haru must be thinking the same thing, because he gestures to a table with a spinning wheel and says, "They're giving away free spins. Should we test your luck again?"

I smile at him. "Maybe on the way out."

Kevin's department building is just up ahead. I must have been too distracted by the memory, because someone bumps straight into me. Her things scatter across the steps of the building, bringing me back to myself. I bend down to help pick them up.

" Sorry, I didn't see you," I say.

"It's fine—"

She grabs her bag and walks off. As I turn back to Haru, he's gone. I glance all around me. Where did he go off to?

"Haru?"

For a second, I think we lost each other again. My heart races at the thought of this. Maybe he's already in the building. I make my way inside, hoping to find him. Haru is nowhere to be found on the main floor. He must have followed the signs straight to the event. I head to the elevators and press the button. The doors open up to an atrium on the top floor. Skylights illuminate the room as I head toward the crowd. To my surprise, everyone's wearing button-down shirts and nice pants. Why didn't Kevin mention a dress code? I feel like an outsider as I wander around in a T-shirt and jeans. There's a long table of catering food by the windows. The silver trays remind me of the nights working for Mr. Antonio. Haru must be around here somewhere.

"Eric—"

I turn my head as Kevin appears beside me. He wears a cream silk shirt with a black tie. "I'm glad you made it," he says, hugging me tight. Then he leans back as we take each other in.

"Your hair is longer," I say.

"Yeah, I should get a cut soon."

"No, it looks nice."

We both smile. Feels like forever since we've seen each other. There's an unexpected stir of joy and relief. I didn't realize how much I missed him. Then Kevin turns slightly, gesturing to the tables. "Are you hungry? There's a lot of food here." He steps over and grabs a plate for me. "They have salmon. I know how much you like seafood." He places a few things on my plate.

"What's this event for again?"

"It's a student showcase. I can show you some of my work, if you'd like." He checks his watch and looks around the room. "Let me introduce you to someone first. She's one of my advisers. I think you'll like her."

"Sure." I'm still glancing around the busy room, wondering where Haru is.

"There she is—"

Kevin places a hand on my shoulder, leading me through the crowded gallery. There's a circle of older men in slacks, chatting by the window. Kevin taps one of them on the shoulder. A bald guy in a tweed jacket turns around and shakes Kevin's hand. Beside him is a woman in red glasses, her black hair tied in a bun, a floral scarf wrapped around her shoulders.

"Professor Lin—this is Eric," Kevin introduces me. "I mentioned him earlier."

She adjusts her glasses, taking me in for a second. "A pleasure," she says. "You look a lot like your sister."

I blink at her. "You know Jasmine?"

"Of course," Professor Lin says. "Came to a few of our shows, isn't that right?"

"Professor Lin is the chair of the theater department," Kevin explains. "I helped design some of the sets for class. That's why I invited Eric here. He's looking for a job, if you know of anything."

She looks at me. "What are you studying?"

I hesitate as the other professors turn to listen. "I'm actually not enrolled in school at the moment…"

The bald guy in the tweed jacket chuckles. "I should have gathered, given how you're dressed."

I glance at my clothes, the plate of food still my hand. "I didn't know it was a formal event."

Kevin pats my back. "I told Eric last minute and forgot to mention it."

"Always dress for the role you want," the man says, tipping his glass at me. "Especially when you're asking for a job." He takes a sip of his drink.

Someone appears behind me. Their lips are close to my ear as they whisper, "Don't let him talk to you like that."

I turn my head and realize it's Haru.

" Shhh, " I say back.

"What?" Kevin asks, blinking at me.

I play it off with a laugh. " Sorry, my friend just—" I point to Haru—but he's not there. I turn my neck, looking for him. "He was here a second ago."

A few looks are exchanged. One of them must have seen where he went.

"I can always talk to Frank," Professor Lin continues the conversation. "They're usually hiring this time of year."

"That would be great," Kevin says. He nudges me with his elbow. "Eric is very creative. He makes films."

I'm not really listening, though. I'm looking around for Haru. Where did he run off to so fast?

Professor Lin turns to me. "Any experience with the stage?"

"Uh, not really," I say.

"You seem very distracted," says the bald guy, making me snap back to the group. "I'm beginning to think Kevin wants this job more than you."

The others chuckle.

"Enough from you, Albert," Professor Lin says, shaking her head at him.

I lower my gaze, suddenly embarrassed by myself. Then a hand reaches for my plate, grabbing a bread roll. Haru appears again, whispering in my ear. " I'm throwing this at him in three… two…"

I snatch the roll. " Don't! "

"Don't what?" Kevin asks.

More looks are exchanged.

I hide the roll behind my back, laughing nervously. "Sorry, my friend keeps—" But Haru is gone again. I turn a full circle. Then glance at Kevin. "Did you see where he went?"

"Who?"

"My friend. He was right here."

Kevin turns his head. "It is a bit crowded."

How could Kevin not have seen him? Maybe he walked off in the other direction. The fluorescent lights suddenly feel brighter, blinding me a little. The next thing I know, the room is starting to spin.

Kevin squeezes my shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I breathe. "Just need some water."

"I'll go with you—"

I pull away. "No, it's okay."

I walk off immediately. My vision is blurry as I move through the gallery, wondering what's going on. Why does Haru keep disappearing like this? It feels like no one else can see him but me.

There are benches outside the atrium. I toss the plate in the bin and take the seat farthest away from the crowd. I can't seem to think straight. My mind flashes back to last night, when Haru showed up at the café. And again in my bed this morning. I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

It doesn't take long before someone sits down beside me. I don't have to look up this time. I already know who it is.

"Figured you'd be out here."

I turn my head slowly. Haru smiles back at me, the same way he did when we first met. The way the light frames him is like something from a movie. It reminds me of the sunset, when Daniel and I used to watch it from the roof together. As I'm taking him in, a question comes to me. One that's been sitting in the back of my mind.

"Is this all in my head?"

Haru blinks at me. "What do you mean?"

"Why can't anyone else see you?"

He says nothing.

"Did you really show up to the café last night?" I pause, swallowing my breath. "Or did I imagine that, too?" The more I hear myself say it, the less it makes sense. "Why do you keep disappearing?"

"Why does it matter? I'm here right now."

"This doesn't feel real. How you showed up out of the blue."

"It feels real to me … "

Haru leans forward, brushing my hair from my forehead. The touch of him makes me go still, pulling me back to the summer before. For a moment, I let myself believe it's him. That we found each other again after all this time. But I can't help wondering how this is possible. I move his hand away and say nothing.

Haru presses his lips together. Then he reaches into his back pocket. "Maybe this will prove I am…" He pulls out a slip of paper. I watch as he starts folding it in front of me. Then he places it in my hand. It's an origami star. Like the one he made me last summer.

"The paper star," I say.

"You remember, then."

"Of course I do."

Haru smiles. "Don't let this one fly away."

We look at each other. As I open my mouth to speak, someone calls my name from down the hall, interrupting the moment. I turn my head and Kevin comes toward me.

There's a shift in the light. Like waking from a daydream. I don't have to turn to know Haru isn't there anymore. But I look back anyway. The other side of the bench is empty. All that's left is a paper star in my hand. I run my finger over it as Kevin takes a seat next to me. There's a silence before he asks, "Is everything alright out here?"

I close my hands, hiding the paper star from him. "Yeah, I'm fine," I say.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, great."

"You don't seem like yourself today."

I take in a deep breath and sigh. "You don't have to worry about me," I tell him. "Sorry for walking out like that though. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Kevin shakes his head. "You didn't embarrass me. I just wanted to check up on you."

"I told you, I'm fine."

Another silence. Then Kevin leans in and says, "I know that things are different… since Jasmine—"

"We don't need to talk about this," I cut him off. Before he has a chance to say more, I rise abruptly from the bench. "I actually have to be somewhere. So I should get going."

"Where are you going?"

I don't answer this. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Eric, wait—"

I don't stop as I head for the elevator. I feel a pang of guilt for leaving this way. Especially when he's only trying to help me out. But it's not a conversation I want to have right now. I press the elevator button and step inside. As it begins to close, Kevin appears on the other side just in time to say one last thing.

"Text me if you need anything."

That's the last thing I hear before the door shuts between us.