19. dance of ruination

19

dance of ruination

Rivian

"You want me to dance?" Lucynda watches me with an intensity radiating from her gray eyes. She holds her stance as close to me as possible but still not touching me, as the light shifts against the sky.

I can't decide if bringing her here was a mistake or not. I'd like to think it wasn't, because I believe it's only fair for her to know parts of my life too, as I already know so much of hers. But so many things I've kept hidden started to unravel as we stood at my mother's driveway just knowing what was taking place in her home. A home I am not a part of. A home I craved, just as my sweet sin does. A home that was taken from me, just as I took from Lucynda.

She nods her head at my question, not wavering in her request and holding a seriousness that intrigues me. How could she want to do something as frivolous as dancing at a time like this?

"You can't be serious, Lucynda." I don't break our eye contact though as I watch the steam from our mouths dance between us. She still carries that allure with her that I've always been drawn to since the day I first laid eyes on her. And even more so now even as she's grown over the years and tried to figure out what it is she wants out of life.

"Us. I want us to dance," she remarks, and a glistening takes place in her eyes as the snowfall reflects in them.

I look around us and see that we aren't surrounded by any houses or open space. We're tucked behind the towering pines of the forest. I'm not afraid of anyone catching me dancing, but as I stated earlier to her, the witches are free from their confines now and as the moon draws higher my concern is of them making an unwanted appearance for some sort of act of revenge. The irony.

"Right now?" I question, trying my hardest not to just pull her into my arms.

The way she stood by my side and let me layer on my grief even though pain still pinches her heart. The way she'd been brave to try and put herself in the conversation earlier, willing to partake in anything that meant mending something that she played no part in.

And it still isn't lost on me that she once tried to act in defense of me the night when chaos ensued. She was trying to protect me, wanted to prove her loyalty and love for me and I'd gone and ruined it all.

Lucynda finally closes the very minimal space between us and reaches out for my hands, closing them in her own before she takes a deep breath.

"Before I turn back into a raging lunatic out for everyone's blood for sport?" She dips her head and lets her eyes flutter shut. "Yes. I want to dance right now."

It's a simple request, and I think we've established that I am not a creature of simplicity.

"Lucynda, I rather think we should focus on more-"

"Don't." She drops my hands and takes a step backward. "Don't you dare say that me wanting to dance with my husband is trivial . Unfounded . Whatever it is you were about to say." She turns around and takes a few steps away before turning back around to face me again.

She continues, "I know the kingdom has other problems to face and focus on. But you brought me out here, and I'm really glad you did, but…" her expression becomes crestfallen, her eyes lose their sparkle and her hope disintegrates. But then she steps back up to me and grabs my hands once more. "I don't want to lose this moment. Not yet. Besides, all of those other problems we have to face won't be solved in the next ten minutes. I might not last past this curse, Rivian. So please . . . give me ten minutes."

I've already disappointed her so much in the short time she's known me. And while I realize that, I still don't find the appeal in wanting to dance out in the middle of a snowy forest as the night shades the sky. But maybe that's just it. Maybe it's not about me and what I see to be of relevance. I've lived so long under the trance of my own selfishness that letting someone else take from me isn't something I'm used to. But I suppose she's not really taking from me more than she wants me to open my fucking eyes to see that she is giving to me. Giving me time, giving me distance from the noise, and moment to just be .

Just when I think I’ve broken free of the darkness and found my way to some semblance of light, something pulls me back in just a sliver causing me to stumble against everything I’m working toward. I know what I want now, I just have to let someone else help navigate for a bit instead continuously trying to maintain sole control.

She’s not taking anything from me, only what she deserves to receive from me. In hindsight, I did rob her of all the little things in life, like dancing in the snow or-

"You didn't rob me," she says with a little more sass to her tone.

I lift my head to face her, a force blazing between us as she locks eye contact on me. A look of shock likely painted on my face when I realize what she’d just done.

I hadn't said that out loud.

"You just read my mind," I claim and her own face contorts with the recognition of such.

"Wait, I did?" She looks up at me and I nod my head.

"Without my permission and without me allowing access to you first." Pride swells in me along with a mix of many other emotions I never really experience often, and the warmth of it comforts me.

I wrap my arms around her back to lift her up into me while she clasps her hands around my neck and our noses nearly touch, soft smiles on both of our faces.

"I should have never allowed you to ask me more than once. Anything you want, anything at all, I will always give you." She smiles against my words before I take her lips with mine.

I drop her back down to her feet but we both maintain the holds we have on each other; my hands around the small of her back and hers around my neck. I start to lead the steps back and forth, side to side as she follows my lead and we both sway against the snowflakes and the light wind as our only form of music.

The idea and the potential that we may have forever together braves more foreign feelings within me as I hold my wife, watching her take joy from this very moment alone.

It’s silent. Pure, undeniably peaceful silence.

Lucynda and I keep swaying back and forth, her head buried against my chest as my chin rests on her head, savoring the warmth that radiates between us and the unspoken words that fill our chests.

Who knew I would find a fragment of serenity from dancing; like a small puzzle piece floating about in the snow and connecting to the two of us in this moment, putting us together to paint a picture we can call our own.

"Rivian,” Lucynda whispers. “When I met you in the library that first time, I felt the pull you refer to.” My heart seizes for a beat at her words. "I mean, I didn't know exactly what it was at the time, but I felt this draw to you."

I'm sure she can hear, if not feel, my heart pounding in my chest as she keeps her head there. I don't know what it is about her confessing feelings and emotions to me, but it causes me to become . . . nervous yet filled with so much euphoria.

"I thought you were just some strange man with a charming smile and you were ominous and maybe even seductive but whatever it was, I couldn't look away. I didn't want to."

She lifts her head up to look at me, and something more unexplainable than nerves grates on me in a pleasant way as her eyes find mine.

"Then, the masquerade party. I saw you again in the throne room. Though I didn't know it was you at first and even while you were with another woman, I felt . . . gratified by watching you. It was enthralling and I didn't know how to explain how wrong it felt just by looking you in the eyes knowing that I wanted to be her." Cyn's hands rub smoothly over the nape of neck as I continue to hold her, listening to her soft voice as she recounts our introduction to each other.

She holds her eyes on mine, and that’s when I see the shift. The grays that blend with the snow falling from the dark sky now swirl in a hypnotizing shade of lavender even as the curse is silenced for the time being, and I cave to the visual as her lust consumes her.

My thoughts evade me as Lucynda stands on her toes to kiss my neck. The heat between us creates an ache for more as she calculatingly lets her teeth scrape gently against my skin.

"Lucynda," I warn her, trying my best to not let my own bloodlust take over. But I can't help it when my finger digs deeper into her skin, desperate to get past the layers of clothing between us.

"I wanted to be scared by you," she continues as she leans back down and lays her head against my chest again. "But I guess you can say that I was trying to hide the thoughts that . . . my life was meant for great adventure ," she repeats the words I told her my mother once told me, a jolt of exuberance and passion fleeting her tone. "I wanted to explore that with you. And maybe I was forcing my need for love onto you, partially because I was going to be married and I wouldn't have felt like I did my heart justice if I didn't try but…" She brings her eyes back up to me once more and I fight not to lose myself in them as I try to remain focused on her words. "I guess I really did feel that bind to you."

"What do I need to do for you to forgive me?" I say to her, wondering if there's anything else she can require of me other than the obvious trust we continue to build and the promise of everything she desires.

But she doesn't answer me. Instead we stop swaying, and stare into each other's eyes. I'm sure by now she can see the change in mine. And I'm sure she knows that the dark tendrils that feather in them aren't due to needing blood, necessarily, but rather just needing her.

Maybe she doesn’t know what she wants. Maybe she is also just as conflicted in her moralities in comparison to her desires.

She dips her head between us, her eyes falling closed and her lips parting. I'm holding on by a thread and it's bound to snap. I can't deny myself of her. I always knew that. I always knew she would be the ruin of everything if I gave in. But maybe that's what I needed. To be ruined . I needed someone to pull me back in from the darkness I buried myself in, hiding behind it like a coward because I didn't want to be subjected to the possibility of pain. But now that I have her, now that she's ruined me, I never want to let her go.

"Lucynda."

"Rivian."

We both say each other's names at the same time, heated whispers melting against the cold, but before any of us allows the other to continue, we find ourselves colliding.

Our lips crash in a wave of need. Desire twisting in the air with the light layer of snowflakes fluttering about. I press her body into mine, needing to mold her to me as we fight for the passion that ignites between us. I feel the shiver that travels down her spine, and I crave to get her free of the clothes that cling to her, needing to feel her skin on mine.

"Home," she breathes as our mouths press roughly against one another. "Take me home."

I don't need another demand from her before I manifest us back into the castle. We find ourselves in a dark hallway, not caring if anyone else is near as we continue to grasp for each other. We kiss, and squeeze and it's not long before I litter her coat on the floor, desperate to get underneath the rest of what separates her from me.

"Room," she moans greedily between our kiss.

I don't pay attention to my surroundings as I end up pushing us against a wall in my room seconds later. Glass shatters behind her at the force of how hard we crash into it—not knowing that's what was behind her to begin with—and she gasps.

"Are you hurt?" I pull away, her lips leaving mine with a pop and her heavy eyelids slowly lift open. I can see the plea in them, she needs me back just as badly as I need her, but I want to make sure the glass didn't pierce her skin.

"Don't stop," she begs and I nearly fucking lose it.

I pull her back into me, reaching for any part of her body I can hold onto as we tangle in this rough and passionate dance between us.

"You're bleeding," I state as I take in the scent of blood. Neither of us pulls away though as she groans into my mouth, "I'm fine." And we continue on.

Moments pass. Her tongue molding with mine, our lips pressed as deep as they can go, and her fingers digging into my skin. We claw at each other, hungry and needy for more.

"Down on your knees," she pants as she forces herself to lean back and break the kiss.

"What?" The hunger for her is so strong that it is physically impairing me, and I need to get her back before I explode. Her words get lost in the blood rushing between my ears.

"You want my forgiveness?” A devious look swims in her eyes as she places the palm of her hand on top of my shoulder and starts to urge me downward. “Beg for it. Get on your knees." I can't help but to melt under her control. I've never been so pliable before, willing to let someone control me in any aspect of my life and while Lucynda is the only one who will ever have that over me in comparison to anyone else, I still shock myself at how easily I fold.

" Fuck ," I say to myself as I lower to my knees.

She doesn't let her eyes fall from mine as I drop beneath her line of vision, leaving me to look up at her.

After peeling her thick coat from her in the hallway moments ago, she's left standing in her long brown boots, a pair of leggings tucked underneath them, and a black, long-sleeved shirt that clings to her body like second skin.

Not a second more before my knees hit the ground that I start removing her boots from her to have better access to her leggings. I don't even wince at the glass that crunches beneath me. Those come off next, peeling them down her legs. I watch her tremble as my fingers touch her bare skin and it only ignites the hunger I have for her.

Once I get her clothes off her body, she waits with bated breath as I give her my order.

"Wrap your legs around my shoulders." She doesn't hesitate as I help her by lifting her up, pressing her back into the wall further as she swings her legs over me. I move closer so that she doesn't have to worry about slipping, pinning her securely against the wall with the help of my body holding her in.

I kiss her inner thigh, the burn of her eyes on mine feeds me so much adrenaline, it hurts. "I am so fucking sorry," I whisper to her between the soft kisses I trail toward the apex of her thighs.

I reach the delicate skin of her pussy, leaving a kiss there before I continue. "I don't deserve your forgiveness."

She wraps her fingers in my hair and I look up at her, my breath skating over her glistening core. I look directly into her pupils as I lean in and blindly press a kiss where my lips land and she shivers in my grasp.

"But I really hope you can forgive me for what I've done." My last words leave my lips right before I drop my eyes and press a kiss to where I know she aches.

Moans escape her and I feel power over having her like this, even though she's the one who is in control of me.

She leans her head back, lips parted and squirming against the bruising hold I have on her thighs. I watch as she unravels before me, squeezing my head between her legs as I trace her entrance with my tongue.

The rest of the night we are prisoned to each other. She relinquishes her body to me, and I don't waste a single moment expressing my gratitude and loyalty to her as I take my time devouring my wife.