18. of dreams & disasters

18

of dreams wish he would have realized that it's okay to feel these things.

“How did she-” I want to ask how this happened but I stop myself not knowing if that would hit a sore memory that Rivian didn’t want to revisit. But my husband doesn’t put up much of an argument as he reads the question that floats in my mind and decides to answer it.

“The day after it was announced my father would be remarrying, my mother was confined to a room. The same room I later would find myself victim to. She begged and pleaded to be left alone, promising that she could remain in the Society without any issues but my father didn’t want to listen to her.” Rivian looks off into the distance beyond me as he recalls the memory.

“It’s okay,” I tell him, trying my best to comfort him while also reassuring him that he doesn't have to finish the story.

“For one to become empty of vampire blood, you must bleed them dry. Which can take days. Longer if they contain Royal blood, which my mother did. The process consists of starving them of any substance and letting their blood drip from their body until desiccation. It’s dangerous. A moment longer and you could kill someone.” He swallows before continuing.

“Once their vampire blood has been drained, they’re able to be compelled to forget that vampires ever existed. They’ll age over the days according to their true human age and then, they’re off to try and get back to whatever life they had before.”

“How often does this happen?” I ask, cringing at the idea that anybody experiences something so cruel.

“It’s very rare. I’ve only heard of it three times in my lifetime and one of those occurrences was from an older Nocturne of a different Society before I was born. But he was way past any normal age for a human so when he turned back, he immediately died.” I bow my head, knowing that the other two occurrences he knows of were of his mom and mine, when she supposedly escaped the old king and found herself at Valor, though she did it to rid herself of one Society blood to trade for another.

"I'll never fit in with them,” he repeats, letting his words hang in a mournful perception. “I was supposed to fit in with her . Not them. There's no point." He leans back and lets the cold air find its way between us once more, the sun now shifting against the dark sky and disappearing to make room for the pearlescent light of the moon that rises just on the other side.

"There's no point if you won't stand to find the purpose," I steel my back and look him right in his eyes. I let my words settle between us in a soft timbre in hopes that he'll truly take in what I have to say. "If you can't stand to find the purpose, you might as well just roll over and die. Life doesn't have to be so lonely, Rivian." I recognize how strong my words are and understand that maybe I could have worded them a little differently.

But what's the point of life if we never try to find the wonder in it? Why take the next breath if you can't even fight for a little happiness, or something to believe in.

It takes Rivian a minute to register my words as I lean off the tree trunk and start to travel in the direction we came.

"I am fucking trying here!" he shouts at me, frustration tracing his tone as he walks after me.

"Try harder," I deadpan, not even worried about turning to face him as I let him seethe on his own.

I remain focused on the path ahead before I'm stopped at his feet, obviously having manifested himself before me.

"What do you want from me?" he demands, everything crashing in him at once; anguish and longing twisting in his chest. "Anything. Everything! Just tell me what you fucking want!" I hear the desperation he carries and I watch his eyes try to find their place in mine.

I know this is what I wanted all along, someone who would do anything for me. Someone who would fight for me. But I can’t come to terms with whether or not it’s too late.

I step up to him once more, but not touching him. I simply lift my head up to his—hung as he looks down at me for a response—and I part my lips before answering him.

"I want you to dance."