8. Ella

CHAPTER EIGHT

ELLA

" I t's not like her tits were going to turn me on anyway. She's not some smoking hot puck bunny. She's just Ella."

"Just Ella," I whisper to myself when I step inside my ensuite bathroom and stare into the mirror. The lifeless face staring back at me pisses me off and depresses me at the same time. My eyes are red and my mascara is now running down my already splotchy cheeks. For as hot as I thought I was looking earlier, now all I see is a hot mess of emotional shit. I pull a tissue from the box on the counter and blow my nose quietly, refusing to allow August to hear me crying.

I shouldn't care what he thinks.

I'm a confident, smart, kind human being and I am proud of the person I am.

But when my best friend announces to a room full of breathtakingly gorgeous professional hockey players that I am, indeed, ordinary, unattractive, and just…Ella…yeah, that stung a little more than I was ready for.

So, there it is.

After all these years of friendship, I finally know what August Blackstone really thinks of me. "I'm crazy enough to love but not at all pretty enough to fuck."

And now there is most likely a room of professional athletes sitting out in my living room discussing just how unattractive I am and how I'm a nice girl but it would never be good enough for any of them.

Fucking August.

He was supposed to be my biggest supporter, not the one who would tear me down. And especially not in front of new colleagues.

I love August. I do.

He's been my very best friend. My person. The one I run to when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm pissed off, and when I'm depressed. But when he becomes the cause of all those feelings, when he's the one person to say something so cold and hurtful, I don't know what to do. I've never felt more alone than I do right now.

Slipping down to the floor of the bathroom, I curl my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs and allow myself to cry out my feelings.

It's dark outside when I hear August knock on my door.

"Ella? You awake?"

Yeah, I am.

But I don't want to talk to you.

That's a lie.

What I want is for this evening to have never happened.

What I want is to swing open my door and laugh with you over some stupid movie.

What I want is for you to tell me I'm fucking sexy and actually mean it.

I remain still and stare at my door from my bed where I'm seated with my favorite Amy Daws book praying he doesn't turn the knob and barge right in. When he doesn't, I inhale a deep breath and release it slowly, inwardly thanking him for realizing I need a hot minute away from him to process all my feelings.

What I want is for you to tell me my tits are the prettiest mounds of flesh you've ever seen.

I twist my lips and narrow my eyes at my last thought because when have I ever wanted August Blackstone to say anything whatsoever about my tits?

That's a big never.

I mean I've asked him plenty of times over the years if my boobs look okay in a particular outfit and he's always chuckled and shaken his head and said yes.

But tonight was different.

It wasn't just about my chest or lack thereof. For him to blatantly tell other people that I'm not a turn-on…

Ugh.

Why?

Why August?

Why did you have to be such a thoughtless asshole?

His words tonight just made it feel so real. Like from a real man's perspective, because let's be honest, August is who I picture any time I talk about masculinity or men in general. He's the hot guy with the strong jaw, the sexy man bun, and the well-kept short beard. He's got arms of steel and rock-hard abs. There's nothing about him that isn't perfect. Me on the other hand, I'm simply an average Jane with features that wouldn't turn on a horny dog let alone some random hot guy.

Once I hear August close the door to his bedroom I toss back my covers and tiptoe to my bathroom one last time before I go to sleep. Standing in front of the mirror in my sleep shorts and frumpy t-shirt, I tilt my head and study my reflection. I know my body isn't perfect. I have my flaws and areas I don't love just like every other woman on this earth but dammit, I like my body. I'm proud of the woman I've grown up to be. I'm not a little kid anymore. Feeling a wave of confidence and courage I march back to my room and pull open the top drawer of my dresser. I rifle through the assortment of sexy lingerie I bought before moving here in case I met my soul mate and needed to look my best and pull out my favorite piece. A plum-colored lace crop cami with matching lace trimmed shorts that show off the shape of my ass perfectly. Tearing off my clothes, I slip into the sexy sleep set and study myself in my bathroom mirror once again, only this time I'm smiling and giving myself a confident nod of approval.

"You are a sexy ass queen." I push my breasts up with my hands and then tell myself to, "Just look at those beautiful tits. Auggie can fuck all the way off with his bevvy of big, busted women." I flip the bathroom light off and head back to my bead, slipping under the sheets and feeling like a million bucks in my sexy outfit. "Some hot man out there will appreciate whatever I have to offer because I'm a fucking catch."

Setting my book on the bedside table, I hit the button to turn off my lamp and fall fast asleep, the memories of hours ago slipping from my mind, replaced by whatever dreams may come.

I'm startled awake by the sounds of glass breaking and items crashing to the floor. My bed rocks underneath me causing my entire body to freeze, my muscles tightening in fear. My hand grips at the sheets beside me and my heartbeat races as I glance around my darkened room for any explanation.

Am I dreaming?

Is this a dream?

What the hell is happening?

"AUGGIE!" I scream with a tremor to my voice. The rumbling sounds grow in intensity, my bedside table shakes causing my lamp to tip over and roll to the floor.

This is not normal!

"AUGUST!

"ELLA!" I hear him scream back at me from somewhere outside my room. "ELLA, I'M COMING! STAY THERE!"

"AUGUST!" No way in hell am I staying where I am. I need the fuck out of here right now. Trying to get to August as fast as humanly possible, I jump from my bed and reach my door just as he pushes it open.

"Ella!" He takes one look at my frightened face illuminated by the moonlight and whatever streetlights glow from outside and instinctually pulls me against him, his arms covering my head as he buries me against his bare chest. "It's an earthquake Ella. You're okay. We're going to be okay."

"Auggie," I whimper, gripping his bare skin as hard as I can, wishing I could do more to get closer to him, forgetting that just hours ago he pissed me off and hurt my feelings. August has always been and will always be my safe space. "Fuck, Auggie. That scared the shit out of me."

"I know. I'm sorry." He has to speak loudly in order to be heard over the knocking of furniture against walls and items falling to the floor. "This is one of the stronger ones we've had in a while. We had a few mini ones just before you got here so I had a feeling a bigger one was coming. I'm so sorry. I should've told you."

"What do we do? We can't just stand here, right? Shouldn't we go hide or something?"

"No babe. Right here in this doorway is actually the safest place for us until it stops. We're away from anything that could fall off a wall. Just stay right here with me." He squeezes me against him as if I could possibly get any closer and smooths a hand down my hair. Furniture rattles around us and a few more knickknacks from around the apartment can be heard falling off their respective shelves and tumbling to the floor. My body flinches with each crashing sound and I squeeze my eyes closed.

August leans his head down so his cheek rests against the top of my head. "Just breathe, Ella. I've got you, alright?"

"Mhmm."

"Take a deep breath. This won't last more than another couple seconds. I won't let anything hurt you. I promise."

I nod my head against his chest and try to take a deep breath. It's a shaky one for sure, but the mere scent of him helps bring me back to my senses. Finally, the movement around the apartment stops and all is quiet except for a few car sirens we can hear from somewhere outside.

"There. See?" August murmurs softly as he strokes his hand up and down my back. "All done. You just lived through your very first California earthquake."

"Yeah, I'll be okay if that never happens again."

He chuckles against me. "Uh, I hate to break it to you, Ella, but California and earthquakes kind of go hand in hand. In fact, there will probably be aftershocks throughout the rest of the night. But if it makes you feel any better, you do get used to it the more times it happens."

"Aftershocks?"

"Yeah. Tiny little quakes. I like to think of it like the Earth is trying to go to sleep but it's just not quite comfortable yet so it has to shift until it finds a comfortable spot."

"Ugh. I don't think I'll ever get used to this," I say with my eyes still clenched shut. "I don't ever want to be startled awake to the feeling of a poltergeist under my bed ever again."

August curls his hand around my hair and softly brushes through it with his fingers. "Do you want to sleep in my room for the rest of the night?"

I don't even have to think about it. "Yes please. No way am I falling asleep alone after that."

"Okay, come on." He takes my hand and turns to lead me to his room but I stop him. "Wait. What about the mess? Don't you want to clean up the broken glass?"

He shakes his head. "It's not going anywhere. It'll still be there to clean up in the morning. And if some of the aftershocks are sizable, I don't want to have to clean it up twice."

Fair point.

"Alright."

August leads me to his room where a king-sized bed covered in cream-colored sheets and a light tan colored duvet acts as the focal point. The lamp connected to the wall next to his bed gives the space a warm glow that contrasts with the cool temperature. August clearly likes to sleep in Alaska given how cold it is in here.

"Dang, Auggie. Why do you sleep in an ice box?"

"It's not that bad," he says with a chuckle. "Don't worry. I promise you'll be warm enough. I'm a living furnace."

He turns around with a smile on his face but the moment his eyes land on me his expression changes. My eyes bulge in response and I turn quickly to glance behind me wondering what he's looking at.

"What?"

"Ella what…" He shakes his head and grasps the back of his neck. Clearing his throat he asks, "What are you wearing?"

I look down at my outfit quickly having forgotten completely that I changed into my favorite sexy sleep set before going to bed.

"Pajamas."

"Those are…not…pajamas," he tells me, his voice strangled. "You can't sleep in that."

"Why not? You're sleeping like that." I gesture to a half-naked August standing in the middle of his bedroom wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs. And yes, for the record, his body is fire but I can't focus on that right now no matter how much I want to. "Look at you. You're literally in your underwear."

"As are you."

"So, we're even then. And anyway, I'm still dressed more than you."

He gestures to my body. "Yeah, but you can't?—"

"Why?"

"Because…"

"Because why, Auggie?" A hand on my hip, I tilt my head and scowl. "Is it because I look fucking hot?"

He doesn't answer.

But he also can't seem to look away.

"I mean, I don't see the problem here," I tell him, smoothing my hand down my side making sure to put on a show for him. I even push my breasts up with my hands causing him to step back. "I mean I know my nipples are poking through the material because you keep it cold as fuck in here but you made it clear just hours ago that these tits don't turn you on because what did you call me? Oh, that's right…just Ella."

"Ella, you know I didn't?—"

"So, I am absolutely sleeping in this because I look fucking amazing and it makes me feel good and you…" I say, poking my finger against his rock-solid chest. "You are not going to say one fucking word."

Knowing he's not going to win this battle because I'm in my power clothes, he relents with a sigh. "Fine."

"Fine. Yeah." I nod with him. "Okay then." Without asking what side of the bed he sleeps on I step over to the far side and pull back the comforter freezing in place when I spot something next to his pillow that I recognize.

Is that what I think it is?

He still has it?

In his bed?

I haven't thought about that thing in years!

Gasping, I reach for the old Beanie Baby crab I gave to August when we were in middle school and hold it in my hand. "Crabby?"

My heart melts at the sight of the gift I bought for August all those years ago. "August? Is this really?—"

"Yeah," he answers with a gentle nod.

Speechless, I stare at the small stuffed toy in my hands. A little ragged looking now, I'm shocked it's still in one piece let alone in his bed. My brows furrow as I ponder the appearance of the old gift. "And do you?—"

"Every single night." His eyes finally meet mine and suddenly I'm finding it hard to form words.

"But…" I shake my head. "I don't…I mean…this is..."

"It's no big deal."

"Auggie you've had Crabby since we were thirteen. I think that's kind of a big deal."

He shrugs but his demeanor has changed. He's softer now. "It helps me sleep," he says. "And it helped me feel closer to you over the years when we weren't…you know, like we are now."

Like we are now?

Should I be reading more into this?

August and I have never really spoken about furthering our friendship or crossing that line. In fact, that one time we kissed in high school, when we were young and curious to know what kissing felt like, we specifically promised each other we would never cross that line. But then I look down at my hand, at the stuffed toy I gave him nearly fifteen years ago that he still has, and I wonder if his feelings have changed in some way.

"Like we are now?" I question.

The corner of his mouth turns up slightly and he nods, stepping toward me. "Yeah," he says, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against him for another hug. "Who needs Crabby now when you're here? In the flesh."

"I guess that's true," I murmur against his warm skin. I close my eyes for a quick beat while he holds me in his arms, the sound of his heart beating in his chest reverberates against my ear. He's right. His hold is strong and warm but tender and loving.

"I really am glad you're here with me, El. You mean more to me than I could ever begin to explain. You've always been that comfort from home, you know? You're my best friend and I don't know what I would do without you."

My ribs grow tight and there's a sudden heaviness to my body, but I will away the feelings of uneasiness and wrap my arms slowly around August's torso. My palms rest against his heated back, his muscles moving under my touch.

"I'm so sorry about what I said earlier, Ella," he says, his chin resting on the top of my head. "It was a douchey thing to say and I didn't mean it the way it came out."

It was a douchey thing to say.

I offer him a weak smile even though he can't see my face. "I know."

"Your tits are beautiful, okay? You're beautiful," he emphasizes. "I've always told you that and I've always thought it."

I nod knowing deep down that what he said earlier was, in fact, the way he really feels. It's moments like those where you learn someone's true colors and I learned August's. I know now he'll only ever see me as his childhood best friend and that's okay, but why I'm suddenly feeling saddened by that revelation I cannot explain. I squeeze him a little tighter and tell myself to let go of my hurt and my anger and simply spend the moment breathing in his heady scent.

"Thank you, Auggie."

"Yeah," he whispers. Once our moment together passes, and I climb into his bed and cover myself with his ultrasoft duvet. August turns off the lamp and then climbs in on the other side coming up behind me and wrapping an arm around me.

A random thought shoots through my mind as he curls himself around me, cocooning me inside his body. "You know I'm not Crabby, right?"

He chuckles softly behind me. "Yeah. I know, but when was the last time I got to fall asleep next to my best friend? You'll have to forgive the intrusion because I'm taking full advantage while I can."

He folds his body around mine, his warmth encapsulating me. His strength protecting me. His…

Hooooly shit.

Is that…?

It is, right?

It has to be.

Oh, my God. Is he?

I shuffle slightly against him, like I'm trying to make myself comfortable and I don't miss the sudden inhale of his breath from behind me.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"Keep that up and this sleepover will get very awkward very fast."

It's my turn to giggle. "Well, why is it poking me in the first place?"

His hand palms my stomach as he pulls me against him and though he can't see my face, my eyes bulge and my cheeks heat.

This is sooo not the way two friends fall asleep.

"Because for the first time ever, there's a girl in my bed," he explains. "And not just any girl but a fucking hot as hell one with tits any man would be lucky to get the chance to handle, so please excuse my dick if this knowledge excites him just a little bit. Give him a few minutes and he'll calm down, I promise."

Hearing August's surprising words sends a jolt of lust through my body that I have no choice but to ignore because doing anything other than ignoring it would mean crossing a line neither one of us is prepared to cross. Instead, I slowly inhale a deep breath and release it with an open mouth, biting down on my lower lip and trying hard not to smile.

"Good night, Auggie."

He nuzzles me from behind, his voice low and sleepy. "Night, El."