12. Ella

CHAPTER TWELVE

ELLA

M y first official two weeks of the hockey season are complete and they have been so much fun! I wasn't sure what to think of how the Anaheim crowds might take to a new team mascot after well over thirty years of having Astro on board, but these last couple of weeks have been a dream come true! I literally have the world's coolest job.

After tonight's win in Vancouver Oliver invited everyone to their suite for a more relaxed hangout rather than the hotel bar where there are never-ending fans.

And a plethora of puck bunnies.

I like to think he made that decision for me because if all the guys were to grab a fuckbuddy for the night, I would be left all alone. Or maybe he doesn't want August hooking up with one to spare my feelings. Either way, I'm silently grateful. I mean, August is free to sleep with whomever he wants and though I'm fairly certain he hasn't been with anyone since before I moved here, I certainly wouldn't blame him if he needed the release.

It would hurt somewhere in my heart, but we're not a couple so I have no right to cock block him.

"You all have your drink of choice?" Scarlett asks everyone seated in the suite.

The guys all nod and wrap their hands around either their beer bottles or glasses filled with their liquor of choice. Tequila has always been my liquor of choice so that's what August and I are using.

"Alright here, goes." Scarlett pulls the top card from the deck and reads it aloud. "Never have I ever hooked up with a boss or supervisor." Everyone glances around the room waiting for someone to drink.

Just when I think the first question might be a dud, Ledger picks up his glass and shoots back the amber liquid inside. When he brings his glass back to the table, he smiles and says, "They don't call it fast food for nothing. Plus, I was nineteen." He shrugs. "I had no self-control at the time."

The group chuckles at Ledger's expense as the deck moves to Harrison who picks up the next card and reads it aloud. "Never have I ever had sex in a car."

I don't even have to glance around the room to see every single player pick up their glass and take a drink. My jaw drops and I shake my head with a laugh. "Wow guys. Way to keep it classy."

"You telling me you've never had sex in a car, Montgomery?" Harrison asks me, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"For your information, no. I have not." I glance at August and curl my lips. "And that's why I didn't want to drive your car to my interview."

"Wait." He laughs. "What?"

"Yeah. I sat down and then immediately thought ew, what if he's had loads of sex in this car and now I'm driving it?" I shake my head. "Everything was immediately sticky so I couldn't do it."

"Sticky!" Griffin belly laughs. "She said sticky!"

"My car isn't sticky, El," August says to me, but I turn toward him with a raised brow. "Have you had sex in that car?"

He bites his bottom lip and doesn't want to answer.

"Uh huh. That's what I thought. I hold fast to the word sticky. Also, ew! I rest my case."

"Come on, you're making it sound like I come uncontrollably all over the dashboard."

I stick my fingers in my ears and squeeze my eyes closed. "I don't want to hear about your messy sexcapades Auggie!"

"Alright, alright, next question." Ledger pulls the deck toward him and takes the top card. "Never have I ever regretted sleeping with someone."

Without thought I lift my drink to my mouth and shoot it down my throat…only to find out I'm the only one drinking.

"What?" I scoff. "You mean to tell me not one of you regrets a puck bunny decision?"

The guys all shake their heads and Scarlett chuckles. "The thing you have to know about these guys, is that they're all whores."

"It's true though," Griffin adds. "Well, unless you're Magallan over there," he says, gesturing to Oliver and Scarlett. "Scarlett's no dumpster."

"Fucking right she's not," Oliver agrees adamantly.

Scarlett leans over and kisses her fiancé. "Aww, thank you, baby."

My jaw drops again. "That's what you call them? Dumpsters?"

How insulting!

Ledger speaks up next, saying, "I don't usually call them at all." His comment earns a few high-fives and a few laughs before August nudges me with his shoulder.

"But who do you regret sleeping with? Don't I know about all your partners?"

You think you do.

But I don't tell you everything.

I didn't tell you about this one.

"Wait, let me guess." He narrows his eyes and stares at me like he can see into my mind and then snaps his fingers. "Was it that guy? The one you met at that ping pong tournament back in college?"

Nope.

No.

Not that guy.

"Yeah." I nod. "It was totally him. He had the ping pong balls but his paddle wasn't excessively big if you know what I mean."

"Aww man," Harrison laughs. "Sucks to be that guy."

"Yeah."

"Pfft! Oh, come on, that's not true."

"What isn't?"

"This article on Cosmo's website," I tell August as I continue to scroll on my phone so I can keep reading. Our second night in Vancouver has us both exhausted so we opted for a quiet night hanging out together after having a late dinner with the team. And since August has the better hotel room, and being without him feels weird now that we're living together, I asked if I could sneak in and stay with him.

Thankfully, he said yes.

"Why? What does it say?"

"It says a man should always make his partner come before he does."

August slides his hands behind his head as he lies next to me, further expanding the amount of space he takes up in the bed. "Yeah. That's true. What's wrong with that?"

I drop my phone to my chest. "Really? You really feel that way?"

He turns his head so he can look at me, an amused look on his face. "Of course. Don't you?"

"Not…" I frown, questioning my own preferences. "Not necessarily." I roll my body so I can face him. "Why can't I make you come first?"

August grins. "Babe, if we were really talking about you and me, I would allow it if it's really what you wanted but only because I know I have more in the tank for you. But not all guys are like me."

"By that you mean once they come they can't come twice?"

"Correct." He nods but then stops. "Well, correction. They can come twice. Or three times or however many. But it might take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours to be able to make things happen again. I'm sure that's why most guys want their girl to go first. But for me it's all about pleasure."

My interest piqued; I narrow my eyes. "Explain."

He's quiet for a moment, and I wonder if I've made him uncomfortable especially when he asks, "Are we really talking about this?"

"Yeah." I shrug with a smirk. "Why not? It's just me. And we've talked about sex loads of times before."

Maybe not lying next to each other in bed but…

"Alright." He inhales a deep breath and quietly exhales. "I guess for me, I get off more…err…harder, I mean I enjoy it more knowing that my partner is getting off on what I do to her. I guess in a way it's validation for the way I pleasure her."

"Sooo for you, is it kind of like the more enjoyable of an orgasm she has, the bigger one you have?"

"Sure."

I roll to my back and stare up at the ceiling. My thoughts only add to my confusion.

"Why do you look so perplexed?" August asks, amused.

My brows furrow as I lick my lips and simply tell him what's on my mind. "Because that's never been my experience, so it's weird to hear you explain it like that."

His eyes fixate on mine. "What do you mean it's never been your experience? You're not a virgin."

"No, I'm not a virgin, but…" My voice trails off.

"But what?"

I clear my throat and stare up at the ceiling, my cheeks heating with embarrassment. "You know what? We don't need to talk about this. Never mind."

"No, no, no." He slides his palm tenderly across my stomach before coming to rest on my hip. His touch heats my body even though I know it shouldn't. "You can't leave me hanging like that, El. I'm your best friend, remember? There's nothing we don't tell each other."

I like you.

You got one hundred times hotter over these last two years.

I think about kissing you.

I think about more than kissing you.

I wonder sometimes what it would be like to be your girlfriend.

But I'm way too scared to tell you that.

That's six things I haven't told you.

He tugs on my hip effectively rolling me toward him so I can't ignore him. "You're not a virgin but what? Tell me." His voice is soft, supportive

Taking a deep breath, I look into August's eyes and tell him, "I don't think I've ever had a penetrative orgasm."

His mouth opens as if he's going to say something but then it closes…and then opens again, his blank stare making me feel like he may not have heard what I said until he emphatically asks, " What ?"

Squeezing my eyes closed, I shake my head and then wave my hand. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Really. We don't have to?—"

"Yes we do, El," he says, finishing my sentence for me. "Yes, we do. We're talking about this."

"But—"

"What do you mean when you say you've never had a penetrative orgasm?"

"I mean exactly that," I huff and then quickly announce, "I've never had an orgasm brought on by a penis inside me. There. I said it."

"But you've had sex?"

"Yes."

"More than once."

"Yes."

"With more than one person."

I roll my eyes. "Yes."

"And by sex I mean a dick has actually been inside you."

I bulge my eyes and let my jaw hang open before saying, "Wait…the dick really has to go inside me?"

He gives me an unreadable stare before wiping his hand down his face as if he can't believe what he's hearing but then I pat his arm and giggle. "Relax Auggie. That was a joke. And yes, I've had a dick inside me on more than one occasion."

"Then how the hell is that possible?" he nearly shouts and then sees that his tone disturbs me and takes a deep breath softening his voice. "I mean is that just a personal preference thing for you? Are you not on birth control or do you have a condom allergy or something?"

"Nooo." I laugh nervously. "I've been on birth control since freshman year of college, remember? My mom made me have that mega don't-have-sex-until-you're-thirty talk but put me on the pill in case I got assaulted at school."

"Riiiight. I do remember that."

I can't believe we're having this conversation.

I can't believe I started this.

I can't believe I'm about to tell him about my sexual history.

"It's just that, well, most of the guys I've slept with haven't lasted more than a minute or two once they're inside me and then once they've, you know, started, they can't stop or slow down so they just plow through until they're spent."

"Wait." He shakes his head in disbelief. "Do you mean to tell me you've never had an orgasm at all?"

"No. Of course I have."

"So how do you get off when they've blown their load after two minutes?"

I shrug innocently. "If they get me off at all, it's usually with their fingers or maybe a toy if we're at my place."

"So, you don't even get off every time?" Auggie's eyes widen and his mouth hangs open.

Christ, this is embarrassing.

"Not always, no."

August rolls onto his back and pushes his hands through his hair. "Fucking Christ."

"What?" I ask, propping my head up on my hand. "Why is this the most terrible thing you've ever heard?"

"Because I can't believe you've…" He stops himself and takes a quick steadying breath realizing he's yelling at me again for no reason. With a calmer tone, he rolls back toward me and slips his hand through my hair. He swallows and then softly says to me, "Because you deserve to be pleasured, Ella. And any good man would realize that. Any good man would take honest to God pleasure in making you feel good. Any good man would have a fervent desire to physically watch you and hear you and…and taste you…as you come."

Taste me.

Good Lord those words give me goosebumps.

"So how are you different then?"

"What do you mean, how?" He scoffs. "I'm one hundred and eighty degrees of different from anything you've ever experienced from what it sounds like."

"I don't know about that." I chuckle. "Sex is pretty cut and dry, August. I mean don't get me wrong, it's fun and feels incredible most of the time."

"Most of the time?" He frowns.

"Yeah. Most of the time." I shrug. "It's a little heavy petting, in and out, wham bam, and its done."

His jaw unhinges and his lips part as he stares at me incredulously. His eyes fall to my lips before climbing back up to find my gaze. "Ella, babe," he says, shaking his head. "Sex is so much more than that. And it should feel fucking fantastic one hundred percent of the time. And if it doesn't, you're doing it with the wrong man."

"Okay then tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me what you would do," I beg him, my eyes darting between his. "What do you do? What makes it so much more enthralling in your mind than what I've experienced before? And what am I doing wrong?"

His brows pinch and he shakes his head. "Whoa. Okay, first of all, Ella, you aren't doing a damn thing wrong." His eyes roam my entire face, my neck, and part of my chest as his fingers twine through my hair. "You're…perfect. Do you hear me? Fucking perfect."

"But—"

"No." He shakes his head calmly. "Listen, every guy is different so I can only speak from my own experiences. And you have to understand my hookups are different because there isn't much emotion to them. It's always been about the physical acts for me. A way to release the adrenaline. I know you don't like that answer but it's the honest truth."

"I get it. So, if you're just there to release why do you bother making sure she's getting pleasured too?"

"Because if she's not enjoying it, then her body…her…pussy won't be ready for me and then I won't enjoy it either. Why waste our time when I can make sure she's loving every minute of it? Then I can be sure she's primed so her body can accommodate me."

"Sounds romantic," I say deadpanned.

He gives a lopsided grin. "I never said anything about it being romantic. If I was in love with my partner, I might do things differently."

"Like how? What makes non emotional sex different from emotional sex?"

"Non emotional sex is straight up fucking," he answers bluntly. "It's carnal. It's a lot of touching, it can be rough if both partners agree with that, and it can be fast. It could be the difference between bending a woman over a bathroom sink and fucking her brains out or taking your slow sweet time pleasuring her."

I'll take option two for a thousand please, Alex.

"Are you saying you've fucked women in bathrooms?"

He nods. "Bathrooms, hotel bedrooms, in a dark alley or my…"

He stops but I know exactly what he was going to say. "Your car."

"If you want me to say I'm not proud of it, I can't do that, Ella. Not that I'm particularly proud of the fact I've fucked numerous women over the years, but it was just sex. A quick fuck and I walk."

"Never a relationship?"

"You knew about the last relationship I had and it didn't last exceptionally long. I just don't have the time to worry about a girl I can't be with all the time, but like I said before, if I were with a girl I loved, sex would be different."

"How so?"

He closes his eyes momentarily and guilt washes over me for even bringing this up in the first place. I'm about to tell him to forget this whole conversation because maybe I don't want to know what he would do with someone he loves, but then his lids lift and the intensity of the look in his eyes captures my attention.

"First of all, if I'm in love with my partner I'm going to have my lips on her body at all times." He rests his hand back on my hip, absentmindedly drawing small circles against my skin with his thumb. "Kissing her. Sucking her. Licking her. Tasting every part of her I can get my mouth on. I would want her to feel how hungry I am for her. How much I desire her." He licks his lips. "I'd probably start with her neck and trail my tongue from the back of her neck to that sensitive spot right behind her ear." He runs his finger up my neck to the spot he's referring to. "Right here." He lightly pinches my earlobe and rubs it between his thumb and forefinger. "Then I'd probably nibble her earlobe or suck it into my mouth while I tease her body with my hands."

"Tease her how?"

Hell, where did that question come from?

He brings his hands back to my exposed hip. "Depends on where she is. Sitting, standing, or in my arms, her back to my chest, I'd probably sneak my hand into her clothing. Up her shirt or maybe play with a few buttons and slide in from the top."

He glides his pointer finger over my bare skin in that spot between the waistband of my shorts and the hem of my sleep shirt. His gaze hasn't left mine since he started talking so I'm not even sure he knows he's doing it.

Also, it might be the slightest touch but it feels amazing and I am going straight to hell for enjoying it.

"Mhmm," I say breathily.

"I'd come so dangerously close to her breasts." He turns his hand and gently swipes his thumb underneath my breast.

Hooooly shit.

"Right here. I'd touch her here and make her body start to ignite from the inside."

Yep. Ignite is the right word.

"And then I'd probably kiss her lips, swirling my tongue with hers so she gets a good taste of me. So, she knows how much I crave her. How much I want to pleasure her," he breathes, his pupils growing in size. "And then I'd palm her breast."

"You would?" I croak and then clear my throat. "I mean, you would."

"Did your partners touch you, Ella? Did they hold your breasts in their hands and knead them, rub them, devour them with their mouths?"

I swallow hard trying to ignore the dull ache forming between my legs and then squeak out a weak, "Yes."

His body stiffens next to me as a flash of anger crosses his face. And I can tell he's clenching his jaw. His eyes drift down my body and then his voice cracks slightly when he asks, "Do they go down on you, El?"

I nod, finding it hard to form words as my mouth has gone completely dry.

"And did you enjoy it?"

"What's not to enjoy?" I give him a faint lift to the corner of my mouth. "Not all my partners would go there but some have."

"Did they make you come? Did you come on their tongues?"

The intensity with which he asks that question draws all the air from my lungs and I shake my head emphatically.

"Never."

August closes his eyes and takes a deep breath exhaling calmly and then pulling my body against his. "Good."

"Good?" I snap my head up, resting my chin in the crook of his neck. "Why is that good?"

He tightens his embrace, his arms enveloping me into his warmth. He smells good, clean, like his coconut scented shower gel. "Because one day you're going to find the right guy for you and you'll know it by the way he eats you."

An odd thing to say. I almost chuckle thinking he's joking but there is nothing about his demeanor that says he's teasing me.

"What do you mean by that?"

"If it was me, and I was going down on the love of my life…" he says, slipping his hand up the back of my shirt and feathering his fingers along my skin like he does it every day.

For the record, he doesn't do it every day.

In fact, he's never done it.

"Fuck, I'd be desperate for her. Desperate to taste her, to hear her pleasured moans. I'd have her wetter for me than she's ever been…fucking glistening…and then I'd part those soft pink lips with my fingers and drag my tongue over her sweet cunt in one long languid stroke."

Oooh, my God.

Yes please!

The only thing that keeps me from breaking out in a lust-filled sweat right now is how cold August keeps whatever room he sleeps in, but no number of cold temperatures can keep my heartrate from rising.

"She'd scream for me and thrust her fingers through my hair guiding me through her pussy while I suck on her clit, flicking it with my tongue, and then I'd pulse my fingers inside her."

Holy fuuuuck.

"I'd let her fuck my face until she can't stand it anymore and her pussy clamps down on my fingers as she comes so hard she can't breathe."

"Wow." The word falls out of my mouth like a kid in a candy store with a million-dollar budget.

"And that's when I would know it's okay for me to come. That's when I would finally thrust inside her and claim her warm tight pussy with my stiff cock."

"August," I sigh against him, wishing I could squeeze my legs together and control the aching throb between them, but somehow while talking, August entwined his legs with mine.

"If she was the love of my life, I'd spend hours making love to her," he says, shifting my thigh over his so he can pull me even closer.

Good God if I get any closer I'll be on top of him. His hand rests over my leg, his fingers tickling the back of my thigh. He's dangerously close to parts of me he's never touched before and for the first time in my life, I'm aching for him to do it.

To make me feel everything he's describing.

"We'd spend all night exploring each other's bodies, fucking until my balls ache," he continues. "But she has to come first so I know she's been pleasured, spoiled, and she's happy, but then you better believe I'll make her come again with my cock. And then if I'm lucky, she'll let me do it to her all over again."

He's silent for a minute. I'm unsure of what to say because my pulse is booming inside my body. His pulse has quickened too. I can hear his heartbeat. And I can definitely feel how turned on he is with our bodies this close together.

Holy hell, the size of that thing.

When he doesn't say anything else, I pull back from him enough that I can see his face, but his hands never leave my body, his fingers tightening around my skin. He's so close to my pussy I can practically feel them there anyway.

My words come out in a strangled whisper. "The future love of your life will be a very lucky girl, August."

He slides his hand painstakingly slowly up my body until his fingers are tangled with my hair and his eyes drop to my lips.

Oh my God, I think he's going to kiss me!

I press my hand against his chest, the sinews of his torso at my fingertips.

I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows.

He's really going to do it.

Do I want this?

Yeah, I want this!

I've wanted this for a long time.

His lips separate and he moistens them with his tongue.

I do the same.

This is it!

After all this time we're crossing the line.

It's what we both want now.

This couldn't be more perfect.

I angle my head up to meet his lips, close my eyes, and inhale a silent breath.

And then his lips connect with my…forehead as he places a sweet kiss there before mumbling, "Good night, El."

Wait…

What?

That's it?

I can feel that he's turned on and I…

Fuck, there's a raging horny beast inside me desperately wanting to escape and experience everything that is August Blackstone.

I want everything he just described to me. And I want to give it all back to him.

But he doesn't want me…

I squeeze my eyes closed and tell myself over and over again,

Do not cry.

Do not cry.

Don't you dare cry.

He opened himself up to you because you asked him to.

Holding myself together I conjure up the strength to finally say, "Good night Auggie."

There is a line with August I can never cross and this is it.

I know that.

I've aways known it.