Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

Fox

“Yeah, I hear you…”

The damn duck looked just as sad and lonely as I felt. I could’ve sworn it just sighed. The last few nights, I’d taken to sitting on Josie’s back porch. The first evening, the thing scared the crap out of me. It had waltzed out from the dog house, snuck up behind me, and bitten my finger. After that, he was friendlier. He seemed to be waiting for my nightly appearances. I figured he wouldn’t be around now since it was midday, but he’d showed up about five minutes ago and joined me. Misery loves company, I suppose.

“What do you think she’s doing right now?”

No answer. Daisy—the male duck with the girly name—stared at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. After all, I did let the best thing that’s ever happened to me walk out the fucking door. No. I shook my head. I didn’t let her go, I’d pushed her out.

The duck rested his yellow beak on my thigh.

The sound of a truck pulling up interrupted my staring into space. From where I was sitting, I could see diagonally across to my driveway. Nothing was there except my pickup, so I figured it must’ve been across the street. At least until I heard the sound of footsteps brushing along the grass. I turned to find Porter walking toward me.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” he said.

“I live here. What the hell are you doing here?”

He lifted the key in his hand and gestured to Josie’s back door. “Came to pick something up.”

I squinted. “From here?”

Porter nodded. “Josie forgot something.”

“Why the fuck is she calling you?”

Porter smiled. “You have no idea how bad I want to say she left me the key and we keep in touch, just to piss you off. But I’ve seen you knock out guys twice my size with one punch. So I’m not risking it, no matter how tempting.”

I had zero patience for this shit. “What the fuck are you doing here, Porter?”

“Josie gave Opal a key for emergencies before she left. She called this morning and said she realized she left something behind that she needs and asked Opal if she would mind grabbing it and overnighting it to her. Opal’s cat swallowed a small pigeon, so she called me and asked me to grab it and get it to the post office so she can go to the vet.”

“What did Josie leave?”

Porter shrugged. “I don’t know. An envelope on the top shelf of the closet in the upstairs left bedroom.” He motioned to the cardboard six-pack holder next to me. Five were left. “Can I get one of those?”

I wasn’t much in the mood for company, but I’d been a giant dick to everyone the last few weeks, so I slipped a bottle from the holder and held it out to him.

“Thanks.”

I nodded. I’d hoped he’d take the thing to go, but no such luck. He sat down on the other side of Daisy and twisted off the cap.

“This your only friend?” He pointed his beer at the duck before bringing it to his lips.

“Yep. Doesn’t talk much. You should follow his lead.”

Porter stroked the animal’s head and looked out at the lake. A family of swans swam up. They slowed as they got in front of us and looked over. Daisy wasn’t liking that too much. He stood and jumped off the porch, flapping his wings and quacking as he ran toward the edge of the lake. Swans didn’t usually scare easily, but they got the memo from Daisy. Work done, he waddled back to the deck.

Porter chuckled. “Opal mentioned that Josie took in a duck a while back. I guess this is him?”

“Yep.”

“She named it something, right?”

“Daisy.”

Porter’s brows drew together. “You know that’s a male, right? Males are raspier. The female’s sound is softer.”

“Yep.”

We sat quietly for a few minutes while Porter finished his beer. Once it was gone, he tucked the empty bottle back into the cardboard holder.

“I liked her,” he said. “Josie, not the duck.”

I drank my beer while staring straight forward. Porter still didn’t take the hint.

“I thought she was good for you. You deserve to be happy, boss.”

“Yeah? Then you should hightail it out of here. That’ll go a long way in getting me there.”

The idiot smiled and got up.

I held out my hand. “Give me the key. I’ll get whatever she left and drop it at the post office.”

“Oh, no. It’s okay. I got it.”

“Wasn’t asking, Porter.”

He hesitated, but when he saw the look on my face, he relented and dropped the key into my palm. “Alright then, thanks. Post office closes early on Saturday, though, so you need to go soon. Opal will kick my ass if it doesn’t get out today.”

“I got it.”

He nodded and waved. “Have a good weekend, boss.”

I waited until I finished my beer and heard his truck pull away before getting up and going inside. One step in, and I already regretted taking the key from Porter. The place still smelled like her. I didn’t know how that was possible after a week, but it did. I took a deep whiff of torture in and closed my eyes.

Fuck. I missed her. Missed smelling her. Missed seeing her smile at me even though I never deserved it. Even missed the cards hanging on the wall. It felt like a punch in the gut being in here. But I freaking deserved it.

I tormented myself some more in the kitchen, imagining her standing at the coffeemaker wearing my shirt from the night before, dumb Christmas cards hanging all over the walls behind her. She smiles at me as she reaches up to grab mugs, revealing her bare, perfect ass. Fuck, I’m really an asshole.

Upstairs, I opened the door to the left bedroom—Josie’s room—and stopped two steps inside. It was empty. Another blow to the gut. I stared at the indents in the rug from where the bed used to be, imagined it still there. I’d made love to her in that bed. Hadn’t done that in years. It had been so long that I hadn’t even remembered there was a difference between fucking and making love. But there was, and the difference had left a gaping hole in my heart.

I forced myself to the closet. It was empty too, not even a hanger to be found. Reaching up, I felt around on the shelf for what she’d left behind. It was one of those USPS envelopes, about as big as a piece of paper. The return address was a place in New York City. I thought about not looking inside for about half a second, but quickly justified being nosy by telling myself I needed to make sure something was even in there. It would be stupid to send an empty package.

The first thing I pulled out was a passport. Opening it and seeing Josie’s smiling face landed a one-two punch. I stared down at it for way longer than necessary. Luckily I had to get this thing to the post office before it closed or there was no telling how long I’d sit here. Walking out of the closet, I went to stuff the little book back into the envelope. But when I did, I realized there was more inside. There was no reason I needed to take the rest out—obviously the envelope wasn’t empty—yet I did it anyway.

And my heart stopped when I read the note.

Josie,

I’m taking a leap of faith. I’ll be on that flight to Aruba. Give me a chance to show you I’ve changed, and meet me on it. I love you.

Noah

This is what she needed fucking overnighted? I ripped the papers out of the envelope and unfolded them. My eyes could barely read the printed words because my hands were shaking the page so hard. But I picked off the important parts.

Ritz Carlton Aruba 9/12-9/19

Delta Airlines 6:00 AM departure – JFK airport on 9/12

My heart raced out of control. She was going away with that fucking asshole? In two days. Like hell I’ll be mailing this shit.

But after a few minutes of boiling, my blood pressure reduced to a simmer. I shoved my hands through my hair. What right did I have to keep her from doing anything? I’d fucking kicked her to the curb so she could be happy. But was this douchebag Noah really what would make her happy? The asshole had cheated on her. It felt wrong, against every instinct I had to send the envelope. Yet I gritted my teeth and went back downstairs, locking the door behind me.

The entire drive to the post office, I continued to debate it.

She can be with any man she wants. I’m sending it.

Fuck that asshole. He doesn’t deserve her. Maybe even more than I don’t deserve her. I’m not sending shit.

I hurt her. If this is what it takes for her to be happy… I’m sending it.

That douchebag will only hurt her worse. Nope. Not sending it.

Then it dawned on me. Maybe she only wanted her passport and had no intention of going on that trip.

Yet she needs them overnighted and the flight is in two days.

I flip-flopped back and forth for the entire drive before pulling up to the post office ten minutes before closing. I wasted another five debating whether to go in. Ultimately, I concluded that Josie was too smart to take that asshole Noah back, and that she’d asked to have the passport overnighted because it was safer than sending it regular mail.

Yeah, that was it. At least that’s what I convinced myself as I stepped up to the counter. Frannie, the government’s grand gossip, scowled upon seeing me. Guess everyone knew now.

“What can I do for you, Fox?”

“You got one of those overnight envelopes?”

She reached down and grabbed one, slipping it across the counter. “We close in four minutes. Step over there while you fill it out so I can take the next person.”

I looked behind me, thinking someone had come in after me and I hadn’t heard them. Nope. Completely empty. Whatever. I moved to the little counter in the corner and picked up a chained pen. But when I put the point on the envelope to write, I realized I didn’t know Josie’s damn address.

Great. Just great.

I scrolled through my contacts until I got to Opal’s name and hit call. Her greeting was as warm as Frannie’s.

“What do you want?”

I shook my head. “Need Josie’s address in New York.”

“What for?”

“I brought what Josie wants shipped to her to the post office. Realized I didn’t have her address.”

“Why didn’t Porter bring it?”

I sighed. “Can I explain that to you another time? The post office closes in two minutes, and Frannie is not going to stay here three for me.”

“Fine. Give me a second. It’s in my purse, and I’m holding Ernestine at the vet’s office.”

She disappeared and came back on the line a minute later.

“It’s Two-twenty East Eighteenth Street. New York, New York, One-zero-zero-zero-three.”

“Thanks.”

I went to swipe off my phone and then thought better of it and lifted my cell back to my ear. “Opal?”

“What?”

It took a few heartbeats to choke out the words. “Is she really getting back together with Noah?”

There was a long pause, especially long for Opal who thought it was her duty to fill the air with words nonstop. Her voice was quiet when she finally answered. “Yes, she is.”

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

My chest squeezed so tight, I wondered if I was having a heart attack.

“Closing in thirty seconds,” Frannie yelled. “If you want to send something, get a move on, Cassidy.”

I swallowed and walked to the counter in a daze.

Frannie stared at me. “Well? Hand it over.”

I lifted the envelope to the counter and slid it over to her side. She went to take it, but I couldn’t seem to let go.

“You have to actually give me the envelope to ship it.”

I stared at her, or maybe through her, because I wasn’t actually seeing anything but my future disappear.

Frannie frowned. “Now or never, Cassidy.”

I blinked back to the moment. “You know what? On second thought, I’m going to deliver this myself.”