Chapter Thirteen

Shopping had never been a big part of Helen's life. She'd never had enough money for fancy clothes or expensive things. And after she lost her daughter, she didn't have any desire for them either. It felt very strange and slightly intoxicating to walk into a store and find herself surrounded by mountains of fine silks and satins and a seemingly endless supply of bright jewels and sequins.

‘Oh my.'

Beside her, Tia nodded in agreement. ‘It's all a bit much. Maybe I should just get married in a pair of jeans.'

‘I remember when you were very little,' Helen said. ‘You had a doll that you used to dress up in a white dress. It wasn't a wedding dress, but you pretended it was. I made you a little veil, and a bouquet out of tiny plastic flowers. You used to spend hours playing with that doll.' Helen's mouth curved with the memory.

Tia's eyes softened. ‘Gosh. I remember. I must have been very, very young. I haven't thought about that doll for years. What happened to her?'

‘I kept her after you left,' Helen said. ‘For a long time. A couple of years ago, I was working at a shelter for women and children running from abusive homes. There was this little girl. She had red hair like you. And she had such sad eyes. I gave the doll to her. I hope you don't mind.'

To Helen's joy, Tia enveloped her in a quick hug. It was the first time since their reunion that her daughter had shown such casual and open affection. ‘Of course I don't mind. That was a lovely thing for you to do. I hope the little girl loved her.'

Helen swallowed a giant lump in her throat. ‘Oh, she did. She wouldn't put it down.'

‘What happened to her?'

‘She and her mother left. I like to think they went on to a better life.'

The two of them stood silent for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts. Helen felt their fragile relationship had just taken a big step forward.

‘So,' Tia's voice finally broke the silence. ‘A wedding dress. Where do I start?'

‘What sort of a dress do you want?' Helen asked.

‘I'm not a girlie girl. So nothing big and no flounces or frills.'

‘Well, I guess that's a starting point. Let's find a sales person. We only have two days before we have to get you back to work.'

The sales girl's name was Lori. She was immaculately made up and tottered around on a pair of impossibly high heels. She was full of questions about the wedding. Where and when was it to be held? What was the theme? Theme? Helen had never realised a wedding needed a theme.

‘I'm not exactly sure when,' Tia said in answer to the questions. ‘But soon. And we come from a tiny outback town, so I want something that suits outdoors. Not a churchy, froo froo, frilly thing. I drive a truck, you know. A really, really big one.'

Lori looked at her as if she found that hard to believe. Helen had a feeling that Lori's vision of a big truck was very different from Tia's reality.

‘You do want a long dress, don't you?' Lori asked with a touch of horror in her voice.

‘Yes!' said Helen.

‘Maybe not,' said Tia at the same moment.

Mother and daughter laughed together, but Lori looked uncertain.

Helen was left on a chair when Lori took Tia into a changing room, between walls lined with wedding dresses. It was a place she had never expected to be. In a wedding dress shop, waiting for her daughter. The full impact of what was happening began to strike home. Her daughter was getting married. And after all these years apart, Helen was going to be there to witness her happiness. She struggled for a moment against the tears, and then gave up the fight the moment Tia walked out of the dressing room.

She was beautiful.

The dress was a symphony in white. The tight fitting off-the-shoulder bodice was lace, embellished with seed pearls and sparkling beads. A belt of diamantes encircled Tia's waist, emphasising its narrowness, before a huge skirt made of layer upon layer of tulle billowed out. The ball gown was something out of a fairy tale. Tia's vibrant hair was caught back, exposing the long slope of her neck and the shape of her shoulders.

Tears ran down Helen's face. Those tears were for the frightened child who had run away and for the beautiful woman that child had become. There were tears of sadness for the years that they had lost, and tears of joy for this moment together. There were tears of joy at the happiness on her daughter's face … and perhaps some tears for Helen herself, who had never known such a moment.

Then Tia grinned. He mouth curled into a cheeky grin that took Helen back in time to a day long before the trouble that tore them apart. Eight-year-old Felicity had found some fabric Helen was planning to turn into a dress. It was just a light cream cotton. Plain and cheap, but the little girl had draped it over her head like a veil. She had strutted through their tiny flat saying, ‘Look, Mummy. I'm getting married.'

And now she was.

‘I … I don't know what to say,' Helen said. ‘That's a beautiful dress. You look amazing in it.'

‘It is, isn't it,' Tia said. ‘I just had to try it on.'

‘You look wonderful,' the assistant gushed. ‘It's the one. I know it is. It's gorgeous. Let's get you a veil, then all you need is some jewellery. And shoes, of course. We have some lovely white satin … with diamantes and the highest heels ever!'

‘All I need is another dress,' Tia said laughing. ‘This is beautiful. But it's not me. And it just isn't right for my wedding.'

‘You said you were getting married outdoors, this would be beautiful in a garden setting.' Lori wasn't giving up that easily.

‘I won't be in a garden. We'll be standing beside a creek in the outback.' Tia's eyes twinkled with laughter at the shocked look on the assistant's face.

‘Well,' the girl finally gathered her wits. ‘I guess you would want something a little simpler then.'

‘I guess so.'

‘Rustic weddings are all the rage right now.' Lori was getting back into her stride. ‘We have some lovely designs just perfect for that sort of event. Let's get you into one.'

It took three more tries. Lace wasn't the answer. Nor was satin. Or ruching. But then Tia walked out of the dressing room and Helen knew by the look on her face that they had found it. The dress was ivory, with a tight strapless bodice embossed with what looked like leaves. It sparkled ever so slightly as Tia moved. The skirt was made from several layers of some soft fabric that Helen couldn't name; full, but not too full. It was slighter shorter in front – exposing Tia's bare feet. It was soft but strong. Sexy but simple. And it was fun.

‘That's it,' Helen said.

Tia stood staring at herself in the mirror. She nodded and then she started to cry. In a moment Helen was with her, their arms locked around each other as both sobbed and laughed in equal measure.

‘Now, how about a veil?' the assistant asked hopefully.

‘I didn't want a veil,' Tia said. ‘But now … I'm not so sure.'

Lori's face lit up. ‘A veil would be lovely with that dress. Perhaps with some sparkles? Or lace on the edge?'

Tia shook her head. ‘No. It would be a bit too much down by the creek.'

‘What about something like that?' Lori pointed at a mannequin on the other side of the store.

Tia chuckled. ‘What is that?'

‘That's a birdcage,' Lori said. ‘We have some lovely ones. With flowers and feathers and—'

‘No feathers,' Tia jumped in. ‘Something very simple.'

‘With maybe a little bit of sparkle,' Helen added.

Lori almost managed to hide her disappointment as she hurried off and returned a few moments later with a simple headband that glittered in the light. She presented it hopefully.

‘Pretty,' Tia said.

The assistant didn't try to argue when Tia insisted on flat satin ballet slippers to complete the outfit. It seemed that she had finally realised Tia had a vision of her own. And as Helen watched her daughter twirl one last time in front of the mirror, she could hardly believe how beautiful she was.

Tia vanished back into the changing room, and a few minutes later Lori emerged, her arms overflowing with white fabric.

‘Your daughter says she wants to take all this now,' she said. ‘The dress fits very well, so there's really no need for alterations.'

‘I'm pretty handy with a needle and thread,' Helen said. ‘I can manage any minor bits.'

Helen watched as the sales assistant began to total up Tia's purchases. Getting married was an expensive business. She didn't have much money, but she reached for her wallet anyway.

‘No, Mum,' Tia said, appearing at her side, still tucking her shirt into her jeans. ‘I don't expect you to—'

‘But I do.' Helen stopped her. ‘There is so much I should have done for you when you were a teenager. So many things I wanted to do for you. Or at least with you. Let me at least do this.'

‘But, Mum, it's expensive …'

‘I don't care. All these years I've been saving what money I could. I worked and I lived cheaply. I wanted to make sure that if … when I found you … I had some money. Just in case you needed it. This is a far better use for it. Let me do this.'

Tia smiled. ‘I understand. I do. For so long I didn't know when I was going to see my next dollar. Since I've been working at the mine, I've been saving too. Just in case I had to run away again. That's never going to happen. I will never have to run away again. So let me spend my money.'

Helen took a deep breath. What an amazing woman her daughter had become. ‘I'll tell you what, shall we go halves. Then there is something of both of us in this wedding.'

Tia nodded, blinking back tears.

While the purchases were being carefully wrapped ready for transport back to Coorah Creek, Tia broached the subject of a dress for the mother of the bride.

It was something Helen had not even considered. Tia dragged her off to another part of the store and began searching the racks.

‘This is the one.'

Tia triumphantly produced a dress. It was a simple affair, with a pale blue sheath overlaid with cream lace.

‘No.' Helen shook her head. ‘That's lovely but I couldn't wear something like that. It's too …'

‘It's too what?'

‘Well. It's beautiful.'

‘And so are you, Mum. Come on, give it a try.'

Helen reluctantly stepped into the dressing room. It was the work of just a couple of minutes to change. Hesitantly she looked in the mirror. The dress was gorgeous. She twirled slowly. With her new hair colour and style, she suddenly felt ten years younger. Her heart gave a little leap, wondering what Ed would think if he saw her like this.

Ed! She suddenly slumped down onto the seat.

What was she thinking? Ed was a married man. Here she was helping her daughter prepare for her wedding, and in the next heartbeat she was thinking about some sort of relationship with a married man. Guilt and despair crashed down on her.

‘Mum? Are you there?' The curtain was tentatively pulled back, and Tia appeared. ‘Mum, what's wrong?'

Seeing the concern in her daughter's face, Helen reached a decision. ‘Tia, honey. There's something I never told you. And I should have. About your father.'

‘What about him?'

‘I told you he left us before you were even born. Well, that's true. But there's something else …' Helen's voice trailed off. This was so hard.

Tia crouched down in front of her, and placed her hand on Helen's arm. ‘What is it, Mum?'

‘Your father and I. We were never married.'

The words hung in the air, as Helen braced herself for Tia's reaction to learning she was illegitimate. In the parlance of Helen's parents' generation, Tia was a bastard. In fact, those were the exact words her father had used when he threw Helen out of his home, telling her never to return.

Tia cocked her head slightly to one side. ‘I'm so sorry, Mum.'

‘No. I'm the one who is sorry, Tia. It's wrong that you never had a chance to have a proper family life, with a mother and a father. And it's my fault. I guess I just wasn't good enough for him. Or for you either.'

‘No. Don't even think that. It's not your fault,' Tia said firmly. ‘He ran out on you. I'm sorry you had to go through so much alone. And I'm sorry that you never got to have a wedding. I am not at all sorry for not knowing him. In my book, anyone who would do what he did to you is not worth knowing. He's not a part of our lives – and that's his loss, not ours. He wasn't good enough for you. Or for me either!'

Helen sobbed silently. Tia took her hand. ‘Don't you cry for him, Mum. He's not worth your tears. And don't cry for me. I'm fine. I have you back in my life and I have Max. Very soon I'm going to have a wedding. And I'm going to make sure it's just as special for you as it is for me.'

Her daughter's words slowly sank home. Helen sniffed loudly and nodded.

‘Come on,' said Tia. ‘Let's go buy you that dress. You look lovely in it.'

Helen hugged her daughter so hard, she thought she might break. Tia was more than she deserved. And as she slipped out of the beautiful blue dress, Helen vowed that she would wear that dress for herself and her daughter. And as for Ed … well, Ed was married. She might never have been married herself, but she believed in the importance of marriage. She could never be involved with a married man. She liked Ed. Liked him a lot. But that was as far as it would ever go.

Because Ed deserved better than her. Better than a woman with her past. He deserved a second chance with his wife. A chance at something Helen had never had.

She picked up the dress and her bag and stepped out of the changing room.