Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Sadder

Harston Estate

S olomon sat at his desk and went through the numbers one more time. His fingers were stained with ink from writing half the evening. He placed the quill back in its holder and then angrily wiped his hand on his thigh. When he was done, he looked down at the dark smear on his dark trousers and thumped his hand on the table. He grabbed the document before him and crumpled it into as small a ball as it would go before tossing it petulantly at the wall.

The Duke was surprised a moment later when his sister appeared in the doorway.

"Christianna, what are you doing here?" Solomon asked.

"I came to check on you, Solomon. Are you well? I thought I heard a noise."

"I am fine," Solomon claimed. "I appreciate you coming to check on me, sister. I should be the one checking on you, and yet, here you are, checking on me. I am blessed to have a sister like you."

Chistianna smiled but was still concerned. "I heard a loud noise."

"Some foolishness on my part. I was trying to iron out the last details of the business deal, and I was frustrated that I could not do better. That is all it was, Christianna. I should have kept better control of myself."

"Mother is taking me for a dress fitting tomorrow, but?—"

"I shall not hear the end of that thought, Christianna," the Duke commanded. "You will have your dress fitting tomorrow, and we shall pick a splendid dress for you. You will debut this Season, and you will be wonderful."

"I only worried that is everything was not in place, then?—"

"Then I will deal with it," the Duke interrupted. "I will not have this conversation with you again, Christianna. You will debut, and that is the end of it."

Christianna smiled again. When her brother spoke, she listened, and when he told her everything would be fine, she believed him.

"I'm looking forward to Leah coming to live with us," Christianna commented. "She will add so much to the place, and I will have a sister for a short time until I am married. Then, we only have to work on Gilbert."

Solomon smiled. "I fear he might be a lost cause. Two out of three is not bad, is it?"

The Duke's sister giggled. "There is still time for him."

"Yes, there is," Solomon agreed. "Go on, off with you, and let me finish my business. I will try not to disturb you this time."

"Don't worry about that, Solomon. I am always here if you need me, though there is often little I can do."

"You do more than you know, sister. Just talking with you brightens my day."

Christianna placed her hands behind her back and swung her shoulders from side to side while she smiled giddily. She looked at her brother a little longer before she left the doorway.

Solomon let out a long sigh. He was about to get up and retrieve the paper he had tossed when a second figure appeared at the door to his study.

"I don't have time," Solomon told his brother.

"You didn't know what I was going to say. Besides, you don't have time for much these days."

"I'm trying to secure our future," Solomon said.

"And how is that going?"

Solomon sighed and sat back in his chair, staring over at his younger brother.

"Yeah, I thought as much," Gilbert said. "It is not only the business, is it? You have not been the same since you arranged this marriage. It is weighing on you."

"It is my business," Solomon claimed.

He knew how to deal with his stress, but since he had spent time with Leah, he didn't want to get up to his usual dealings. She had no say in the matter, but it still felt wrong.

"How is your business?" Gilbert asked. "Any of it?"

"I shouldn't have given her a choice," Solomon claimed. "She does not want to marry me, not really. I thought I was being the better person by giving her a choice, but I should not have done that."

"You have not developed feelings for her, have you?" Gilbert asked.

"I need the dowry," Solomon said quickly. "I thought my other business would solve everything in time, but Lord Wiltshire is hesitant, and it could crumble at a moment's notice. He was so keen when I spoke to him in person, but he is having second thoughts. Even if the deal goes ahead, it might not be enough. No matter how I think it through, I need the dowry."

"Then what are you to do?" Gilbert asked.

"I must do what I was supposed to do from the start. The wedding is still planned, and I will write Leah a letter informing her that there is no choice in the matter. We will be married whether she likes it or not."

"But will you like it, brother?" Gilbert asked.

"I don't have time for this," Solomon replied. "I have a letter to write, and I am sure you have other business to attend to."

"I am going to the gentleman's club if you would like to join me," Gilbert said.

"No, not tonight," Solomon replied.

"She really has changed you, hasn't she."

Solomon shook his head and flicked his hand through the air for his brother to leave. She had not changed him. His father had changed him for the worse, and he would not let anyone else change him.

The Duke took up his quill again and composed his letter to Leah. It had only been a few days, but he had to admit that he missed some things about her.

* * *

Leah sat in the sunroom and considered what she should do. She had spent the past three days considering whether she wanted to go ahead with the marriage or not. She missed the Duke terribly, but perhaps it was for the best.

He would not have suggested calling the marriage off if he did not want that. If only he loved me. If he loved me, then everything would be fine. Everything would be wonderful.

Leah looked out the window. It was a sunny day, but she felt no warmth. She might go for a walk later even though she would not enjoy it. She wished the Duke had stayed longer.

Will it be enough to cling to the precious moments we have together? Will it be enough for me to live apart from him when we are married and only see him occasionally? Will I handle him seeing other women?

Leah was not sure she could handle it. The longer she and the Duke spent apart, the more she wanted him all to herself.

I can't do it! I will drive myself insane, and I will always have wished I had found someone who loved me. It doesn't matter the life he can give me if I don't have that.

Leah made up her mind. She would write him a letter and inform him they had to call the wedding off. He had given her the choice, and he would understand her decision.

She got up from her chair with a sense of hopeless hope, and headed toward her father's study to ask him for a pen and paper. That was when the thought struck her like lightning, and the pain ripped through her stomach. How was she to tell her family? The Duke would understand, but they would not.

Leah was resolute. She continued walking toward the study, determined to see it through. She would send off the letter, and it might give her the confidence to talk with her family.

Leah's heart beat quicker the closer she got to her father's study. All she had to do was get in and get out. All she needed was?—

Someone grabbed her and pulled her back.

"You can't go in there!" Bridget exclaimed.

"Bridget! You gave me the fright of my life. What are you doing?"

"Oh, we just came back from the most wonderful promenade." Bridget clasped her hands over her chest and looked off to the side in the way that was reserved only for?—

"Frederick," Leah said. "You and Frederick have been out for a walk together."

"We have, and it was wonderful, Leah. I can't believe I know him. Do you know what he called me today?"

"I don't know." Leah was getting impatient. She wanted to get her task over with.

"He called me his English rose. Can you believe that? He is so romantic."

Leah almost shook her head, but when she saw the look of sheer delight on Bridget's face and from what she knew about Frederick, she softened. Coming from most men, it would have been soppy, but Frederick would have meant every word of it.

"I am very happy for you," Leah said. "I will talk to you about it later. I need to go into father's study to get some pen and paper."

"You can't," Bridget told her. "Frederick is in there with Father right now."

"Then I will wait," Leah said. Everything was working against her. Another lighting bolt struck her, and it brought an uncomfortable feeling into her stomach. "Frederick is in there with Father right now?"

"Yes, he is." Bridget's eyes were wide.

"And you are waiting out here for him," Leah continued.

Bridget nodded excitedly.

"And that means he is asking—" Leah began.

"Oh, here he comes now!" Bridget explained. She stepped past Leah to face Frederick. "What did he say?"

"He said yes," Frederick exclaimed joyfully.

"I knew he would!" Bridget shouted as she ran toward Frederick. "How could he not say yes to the most brilliant man in the world."

"He could not keep a love like ours apart," Frederick shouted as he grabbed Bridget when she leaped toward him.

Frederick spun Bridget around, her legs swinging. When he let her back down to the ground, Bridget turned and ran back toward Leah with the biggest smile on her face. She did not leap into Leah's arms, but she almost knocked her over with the force of her hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Bridget exclaimed. "You are the reason we can be married so soon. You are the most wonderful sister in the world, and I love you so much! I will never forget what you have done for us."

Leah wanted to say something when they came apart, but their father had left his study and was standing with Frederick not far from them.

"What a proud day," Ernest said. "My daughters are to be married to two wonderful young men, and it brings me more happiness than I can show. This is a great day for our family. Leah, Bridget, I am so proud of you both."

Why, why, why does it have to be this way?

"Father, I need some paper and a pen to write a letter. Might I borrow some?" Leah asked.

"Of course, my dear. Is everything well?"

Leah put on a stiff upper lip and did her best to smile. "Of course. How can anything be wrong on a splendid day like this? I should go and write my letter and give the happy couple a chance to celebrate together. And Father, since Bridget is to be married soon, perhaps she does not need a chaperone anymore?"

"Well, I don't know about that," Ernest blustered. "She is my youngest, and… yes, I shall have to think about it."

Leah pretended to laugh as she walked past the small group. She would still write her letter, but she couldn't write it as intended. She would inform the Duke of her decision to marry him. She could not let Bridget or the rest of her family down.

She would marry the Duke, and her life would be fine. It would not be spectacular, but it would be fine, and she would have a family and want for nothing. The Duke could do as he pleased, and she would shut herself off to him.

Leah was sure she could lock away her emotions and create a wall around her so she would not be hurt by him. It would not be a perfect life, but who really had one of those?