Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30

S eraphina's muscles ached from the unaccustomed exercise of walking and playing with horses. After days spent sitting and moping, it was certainly a positive change—albeit painful and achy. She remembered feeling the same vague discomfort after the first time she and Gerard had been intimate. The thought caused a pang, and she hunched over, clutching her chest.

A knock on the door to her chambers had her straightening up and pinning a smile to her face. "Come in."

Leticia opened the door and came in, carrying a tray with a folded paper on it. "You have a letter Your Grace."

Seraphina's eyebrow rose. "From whom?"

Leticia picked up the letter and handed it over. "It's His Grace's seal."

Seraphina's heart skipped a beat. "Oh," she breathed, her hand trembling slightly as she took the letter and stared at it.

"Would you like anything else, ma'am?" Leticia asked, hovering by the door.

"No, thank you," Seraphina dismissed vaguely, her eyes still on the sealed letter.

Is this it then? Is this where he tells me that he has made provision for my upkeep and is adjourning to Irondale forever?

It took her a while to get the letter unfolded because her hands were trembling so much. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, heartbeat rabbiting, before she settled to read.

My dearest Seraphina,

She stopped, startled by the warmth of the greeting. Putting a hand to her chest, she took a deep breath, trying to calm her heart before continuing to read. After the statutory congratulations to the couple, he asked that he might call on her much to her relief.

Seraphina put the letter aside with a sigh. She blinked a few times unable to comprehend what she'd just read. Then she picked up the letter and went through it again.

"I am not imagining it," she murmured to herself. "The tone is definitely conciliatory. Has he…had a change of heart?"

She could not bear to speculate upon it and cursed Gerard for not being clearer in his declarations.

"What should I do?" she whispered to herself while staring blankly at the wall. There was no answer in the silent room, and she sighed, getting to her feet and crossing to her armoire. She stored the letter in her drawer and then shut and locked it. Taking a step back, she stared out of the window.

What does he want? she asked herself.

Gerard couldn't really settle to any work. He needed to know the answer to his request. He wondered if Seraphina might be making him wait in a bid to torture him in punishment.

If so, it is working. He thought wryly.

Still, he continued to pace back and forth in his study. There was a knock on the door, and he wheeled around immediately, heartbeat accelerating. "Yes?" he called.

The door opened and the butler came in, emptyhanded. "Dinner is served, Your Grace," he said in a low voice as if he sensed that he might have disappointed the duke.

"I see," Gerard said, deflating. "I shall be right out."

He gave a loud sigh as soon as Howard closed the door behind him and slumped into his chair. He did not think he could taste a single thing until he knew what Seraphina's answer would be.

"Perhaps I should have sent flowers," he murmured regretfully to himself.

Getting to his feet, he shuffled slowly out of the room and went to play at having dinner.

It wasn't until three days later that he got an answer to his message and by then he had almost despaired of ever hearing from Seraphina again. It was a short note, to the point.

Dear Gerard,

Thank you for the good wishes. I have passed them on. You may call on me tomorrow.

Regards,

S.

He blinked at the brevity of the letter, not knowing what to make of it. Then, he summoned a footman.

"Go to the marketplace right away," he said, "and fetch me a bouquet of roses."

"Yes, Your Grace." The footman bowed and smiled. "Any particular color?"

Gerard was stymied by the question. He had no idea what color roses, nor what manner of flower really, that Seraphina would prefer.

"Her Grace tends to favor white and yellow roses," the footman said with a discreet cough.

"Er, yes, well, do bring those," Gerard said with an authoritative nod.

"Yes, Your Grace." The footman bowed, turned and left the parlor where Gerard had been picking at the piano keys before Seraphina's letter was brought to him.

Gerard returned to his playing but this time, he chose a merry little tune that his mother had taught him to play. He felt a lot lighter than he'd felt a few minutes ago. He also felt very nervous. He was not one to relinquish control of a situation and in this case, he'd ceded it all to Seraphina.

For good reason. He tried to remind himself.

He kept playing, going over what he might say when he next saw his wife. Nothing seemed adequate to convey his feelings. He stood up, thinking that he might go to the club and seek Dorian out for some advice but then sat back down. He did not think he could stand to discuss this with anyone. Not yet.

He simply wanted to have it done and Seraphina back home if possible.

What will I do if she refuses my overtures? If she is too angry?

He stopped playing, staring off into nothing as he contemplated it. Then he shook his head. It was unlikely if only because a married woman had very few options and Seraphina had even less if the state of her father's finances was to be believed.

"She'll come back," he whispered then stopped playing abruptly, stood up and marched out of the parlor.

Tomorrow couldn't come soon enough.

Seraphina took her time getting ready the next morning. Leticia brought her gown after gown, and she rejected them all.

"Shall I brush your hair then, ma'am?" the lady's maid asked finally.

"Yes, but first go to Tessa's chambers. Tell her I need to borrow her butter yellow morning gown."

The yellow gown would complement her brunette hair and bring out her blue eyes more. Surely if Gerard meant to deliver bad news, he'd think twice.

"Yes ma'am." Leticia curtsied and left with something of an air of relief about her. Seraphina absolutely could not blame her. She knew she was being impossible.

Leticia returned with the requested gown and laid it on the bed before indicating that Seraphina should have a seat so as to get her hair made. Seraphina sat down, and closed her eyes, letting Leticia brush her hair, trying to lose herself in the gentle susurrus of the brush so as to calm herself.

Once she was properly coiffed and dressed, she went downstairs to find her father waiting for her in the dining hall. He put his fork down as she came in.

"Ah, there you are. I need to speak with you."

She cocked an eyebrow. "What about?"

"About your continued stay in my house."

Her eyebrows rose higher. "What of it?"

"I would like to know when you plan to leave."

She gave a sharp laugh. "I do not understand why that is any of your business."

"Because this is my house." He gawked at her in disbelief. "A fact which is obvious enough that even your feminine brain should be able to understand it."

"And how do you plan to live, should I leave? How will you plan your daughter's wedding?"

He cocked his head to the side. "I never mentioned anything about arranging Tessa's wedding. I trust you and your husband have that well in hand."

Seraphina scoffed as she took as sip of her tea. She wanted to be astounded at her father's audacity, but it was not at all surprising.

"Don't worry. As soon as Tessa is married, I shall leave," she snapped.

Lord Northwick nodded. "Make sure you do. I am thinking of finding a new bride and she won't take kindly to another woman trying to run my household."

Seraphina's eyes widened in surprise. "What manner of woman do you think would condescend to marry you?" she could not resist asking.

He frowned at her. "I am still a viscount and that means something."

Seraphina blinked at him. "How…rapacious of you. I do not know why this would surprise me."

"In any case, you've overstayed your welcome. Once Tessa is married, you'll leave. You're nothing but a burden now, and this house has no room for useless women."

Before she could respond, a low, dangerous voice filled the room. " Careful ."

Her father froze, and Seraphina turned to see Gerard standing in the doorway, his jaw set, his gaze dark and unwavering.

"This is between me and my daughter, Your Grace," Lord Northwick said, his voice faltering slightly.

Gerard's eyes flicked to Seraphina, and she saw the fury simmering beneath his calm exterior.

Without a word, he moved to her side, his hand finding the small of her back.

"Oh, it very much concerns me, Lord Northwick, when you speak to my wife like that," Gerard said quietly, his voice like steel.

Lord Northwick scoffed, though his bravado was beginning to crack. "She's still my daughter."

"And under my protection," Gerard cut in, his voice sharp enough to slice through the tension in the room. "You do not speak to her like that. Not anymore."

Seraphina watched, her pulse quickening—not out of fear, but from the sheer intensity radiating from her husband. She could have handled her father on her own, but there was something intoxicating about Gerard stepping in so boldly.

Lord Northwick sneered. "You think you can come into my house and give me orders?"

"I don't think—I know," Gerard replied, his voice a dangerous whisper. He took a step closer to the viscount, towering over him. "If you ever insult her again, you will regret it. I do not care what kind of man you think you are, but you will not disrespect my wife."

Lord Northwick's face turned red with rage, but he was no match for the duke. He knew it.

"I'm still a viscount, and that means something," he muttered.

Gerard's eyes hardened. "It means nothing to me."

His voice was calm, but there was a lethal edge beneath it. "I suggest you reconsider how you treat the Duchess and Miss Tessa, or I'll ensure you regret it for the rest of your days."

The silence that followed was thick, but Lord Northwick knew he had lost. He glared at Gerard and then at Seraphina, but said nothing more.

Without looking at her father, Seraphina turned to Gerard. "We're done here," she said softly.

Gerard nodded, his hand firm and reassuring on her back as they turned and left the dining hall together.

As they walked out to the garden, Seraphina felt a strange combination of satisfaction and gratitude. She could fight her own battles, but there was something deeply reassuring in knowing Gerard would stand by her side, no matter what.

There was a slight drizzle, but she did not let it bother her. Sitting on the cold stone of the gazebo, they were both slightly protected by the awning above.

"Thank you. For that," she mumbled under her breath as Gerard sat beside her.

"Of course," he replied gently, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

She took deep breaths trying to achieve some serenity by appreciating the cold peace of morning, the lush iridescence of the grass, the picturesque iron sculptures the dotted the garden, the bloom of new flowers in the bushes. She was surrounded by life, in all its glorious forms.

And with her husband beside her.

As she lifted her eyes to gaze at him, she took in the dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept for days.

"Duchess…" he spoke in a low voice. "I left without looking, jumped to conclusions and did not think to question anything. I let my fears rule me, and for that, I apologize."

Seraphina opened her mouth to say something, but he spoke over her.

"More than that, I sullied your honor and my own. There can be no recompense for that, but I ask for your forgiveness anyway. I vow that I'm in your debt for the rest of my life, though there is little I can do to repay you for what I took away."

"I do not deserve your forgiveness. But I am asking you for the chance to do better. Come home with me, Seraphina, and I promise I will spend every day making it up to you."

Seraphina's gaze lowered as she took in his words, her hands still by her sides.

For a long moment, she remained silent, her brow furrowed as she struggled with her emotions.

"You think an apology can erase all of it?" she asked softly, her voice uncertain. "You didn't trust me. You didn't even ask ."

Gerard swallowed hard. "I know, and I cannot excuse it. But I swear to you, it will never happen again. I was a fool, blinded by my own fears. I'll prove to you that I will never let you down like that again."

Her hesitation lingered, and she glanced away. "Words are easy, Gerard. Trust… that will take time to rebuild."

He reached for her hand but stopped just short, waiting for her permission. "Then let me earn it, Seraphina. I won't ask for anything more than the chance to prove myself. Please, allow me that."

Seraphina finally met his gaze, uncertainty still flickering in her eyes.

Slowly, she reached out and took his hand, though her grip was tentative. "All right then. Today, back in there with my father… You proved to me that you care. Truly. So… In time… I can forgive you."

Gerard breathed a sigh of relief. "That is more than I deserve, and it's all I can ask for."

She gave him a half smile. "Would you rather I gave you a few hits with your cane back home?"

He smiled back ruefully. "Perhaps you should. I have certainly punished you for lesser things."

"That was in play. And you know I enjoyed it as much as you did. I should not like to bring our bedroom activities into this dispute."

"Indeed not. For I should not like to despoil another source of your pleasure. However, I do ask that you punish me in some way."

She cocked her head to the side and gave him a considering look. "What was it that convinced you that I wasn't lying?"

He gave a huge sigh dropping his head, before shaking it. "Lady Stanton came to see me. She tried to convince me that I was better off without you and seemed to know a little too much about what was going on between us. Including the fact that there was a letter from Lord Ruebridge. When I asked her how she knew of it, her stuttering and stammering alerted me to the fact that something was afoot. I pressed her, and she admitted that she was the one who wrote the letter."

Seraphina shook her head as she went over every single interaction she had ever had with Peggy. "I tried to tell you that. I knew there was something I missed with that woman, but even I could not have imagined that the depths of her depravity. Why would she do that?"

"She wanted me for herself." He cleared his throat and looked away, the color in his cheeks deepening as he avoided her eye. "She came over to the house trying to seduce me; I sent her away of course."

"After you had learned what she did?"

"Yes."

Seraphina sat in stunned silence, trying to absorb all this new information. Gerard watched her anxiously, his hand squeezing hers.

"So… she deliberately tried to sow discord between us."

Gerard nodded slowly. "She did."

"And it worked," Seraphina said with wonder before looking Gerard in the eye. "You realize that it worked because our relationship was not strong enough to withstand it, do you not?"

He nodded his head shakily. "I recognize my culpability. I do not seek to escape from my part in this fiasco, and I take responsibility for my persistent doubts in spite of you giving me no reason to have them."

Seraphina looked down at their joint hands, "I am so happy we were able to have this talk. There is a lot more clarity between us."

Gerard leaned forward to look into her eyes, "Does that mean you will come home with me?"

She sighed shaking her head. "No. I think we should take this time between now and Tessa's wedding to have a proper courtship; the way that we should have done, before we got married."

She looked up to see Gerard staring at her with wide eyes. "What does that mean?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I have no idea Gerard, since it has never happened to me."

Gerard simply gawked, looking nonplussed. "I have never courted anyone either," he protested.

She giggled, "Well then. This should be an interesting exercise for both of us."

Gerard gave her a piercing stare. "Can we not do this and still reside under the same roof?" he asked plaintively.

She grinned at him, "Now where would be the fun in that? Come, Your Grace," she cajoled, "give it a week and see how it goes."

"Very well then," he sighed, "I did say I would do anything."

"You did."

Their gazes caught and held.

It had stopped drizzling, and the sun was coming out, birds singing merrily in the surrounding trees as the steady drip from the wet leaves created a pit pat sound atop the gazebo and critters began to dart about in the grass. Despite the wet start, it was shaping up to be a warm day.

"May we begin with a promenade this afternoon?" Gerard asked.

Seraphina positively beamed. "Yes, let's do. But first, I am quite hungry. What of you?"

He touched his stomach and smiled. "I could not eat much breakfast. I would be happy for a bite to eat as well."

She stood up. "Good. Was it because you were nervous? I was quite jittery, could not settle to anything," she said as she took his proffered arm and let him walk her back to the house.

"Yes, I was quite…unsettled by the prospect of how our meeting might go," he said, helping her into the house. "I thought you might be quite a bit angrier with me than you have turned out to be."

"Oh, I was angry, and then sad, and then filled with despair. But this morning I thought you might be coming to discuss our separation, and I suppose what I felt the most was relief that that was not the case. I expect I might go back to angry later."

Gerard nodded. "I understand."

They adjourned to the parlor where Seraphina called for some tea and cakes.

To her surprise, Tessa came bursting into the room, her face alight, and behind her were three maids, laden down with full trays.

Tessa clapped her hands. "I saw that you were reconciled, and I just wanted to come and give my heartiest congratulations!" she exclaimed.

Gerard got to his feet and made her a leg. "That is very generous of you, Miss Pennington, considering everything I have put your sister through."

Tessa crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at Gerard, her voice sweet but laced with a warning.

"You may have won her back, but if you hurt my sister again, Your Grace, I'll make sure you regret it. Don't let my size fool you—I've learned more about sabotage than you might think." She gave him a teasing smile, though her gaze was sharp. "And trust me, it won't be pretty."

Gerard raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as he looked down at Tessa. "I will bear that in mind, Miss Pennington."

"Good."

Seraphina bit her lip to hide a smile. "Won't you join us, Tessa? Or do you have other business to attend to?"

"I can break bread with you," Tessa said taking a seat, "but the seamstress will be by soon for a fitting so excuse me if I have to leave."

"Will you promenade with Mr. Larson today?" Seraphina asked, "Gerard and I intend to do so."

"Oh." Tessa's brows furrowed in confusion. "Why?"

Seraphina and Gerard exchanged smiling glances. "Why not?" they both said.

Tessa looked from one to the other and then shrugged. "Well, as long as you're happy, then so am I."

Walking in the park on his own account was not something Gerard was used to. However, seeing how happy it made Seraphina, he put himself out to be as entertaining as possible.

He regaled her with tales of his childhood adventures with Dorian and Leo.

"We were little terrors in the village, tearing about with no regard for anyone. Knowing that we were little lords, and nobody could do goddamned thing to stop us. Not when my father was away campaigning."

"I cannot even imagine it. Tessa and I spent our childhood trying to be as quiet as possible, so it was not to attract my father's attention. He could be kind on occasion, but mostly he regarded us as little nuisances."

Gerard gave her a somber look. "I'm sorry to hear that. Should we ever be blessed with children, I would want them to feel wanted and loved regardless of what we might be experiencing. I do not wish to be rigid and controlling with them," He looked her in the eyes, "Or you."

Seraphina shivered at the intensity of his gaze. "We won't to be like that. We shall be better than our parents were to us. At least we will try."

"Yes." His eyes flicked down to her belly, "Do you think…?"

She breathed hard through her nose, shaking her head. "I do not know. Not yet anyway. I suppose we should just have to wait and see if I get my courses."

"Will it change anything, should you be expecting?"

"Anything like what?"

"I do not want you to feel obligated. You know that I would take care of you whatever you decide to do."

She looked into his eyes intently. "I do know. You have been caring for me even when you threw me out of your house. You are an honorable man, Gerard. But regardless of…" her eyes flicked down to her belly and then back up at him, "that, I want us to have this time. I think we need it, for conversations just like this, that we might take for granted were we to simply go back to what we were."

"I don't want to go back to what we were," Gerard said. "I want us to be better."

She smiled. "So, you understand then."

"I suppose I do." He smiled back.