Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

G erard made his way slowly down the stairs, sighing softly as he contemplated everything that he had to do. The world did not stop just because he was in the doldrums.

"Good morning Your Grace." A maid said as she gave a rudimentary curtsy before opening the door to the dining hall.

He murmured something inaudible back before going to take a seat. In truth he had no appetite, but he was willing to go through the motions just to avoid having to explain himself.

He took a few bites of toast and drank down the coffee since he was thirsty. Then he stood up, nodded to the maid and walked out. He went to his study, closing the door behind him before leaning on it and closing his eyes. He sighed long and loud, trying to find some energy to straighten up, walk to his desk and see what was needed to be done.

I haven't even read the day's paper.

Pushing himself away from the door, he dragged his feet over to his desk and flopped onto the chair behind it. The day's papers were neatly stacked at the exact center of the table, so that they were easily within reach. He picked up the first and opened it, skimming the articles listlessly.

His eye was drawn to a familiar name, and he leaned forward to read. It was an engagement announcement between Miss Tessa Pennington and Benjamin Larson. Gerard's mouth twitched in a half smile before turning down again in his now customary expression.

A knock at the door had him frowning before he looked up, debating whether to ignore whoever was on the other side. After a moment of hesitation, he called for them to come in.

"The Duke of Ashthorne is here to see you, Your Grace," The butler announced before stepping aside to let Dorian in.

Gerard's brows rose in surprise at seeing his friend. "Don't tell me…is it bad news or good?"

"I would not trouble you so early with bad news," Dorian chided, as he took a seat opposite him, crossed his legs and flicked his coat over his legs. "Not in this weather anyway."

Gerard peered out of the window, seeing that it was squalling quite aggressively. He shook his head. "What possessed you to leave the house? surely you could have sent a letter."

"I could have," the other duke agreed, "but then I would not have been privy to the look on your face when you found out."

"Found out what?" Gerard tried to sound as if he cared.

"Well, the exchequer has seen fit to grant our request for a meeting. I think we'll be able to flag off a new ship by the end of the year."

Gerard nodded. It was indeed good news. The best. He stood up, crossed to the bar and grabbed the whisky and two glasses. "Well then we should celebrate."

Just then the door opened, and the butler came in, carrying a tray of tea and cakes. Dorian looked from him to Gerard with amusement. "Might be a bit early for alcohol, don't you think?" he asked.

Gerard shrugged. "How about some Irish tea?" he asked, holding up the bottle.

Dorian frowned. "You've never been one to imbibe so early. What gives?"

Gerard sighed, putting down the bottle. "You're right. And I shouldn't start now." He walked back to the table and took a seat opposite Dorian. "Shall I be mother?"

"No. I'll do it. You tell me what's happening."

"Well, I've made a right pig's ear of things, that's what's happened," Gerard said.

"Do tell." Dorian poured the tea, keeping one eye on his friend.

Gerard explained everything that had happened with Seraphina, feeling more and more embarrassed with every word. He avoided Dorian's eye as he narrated the whole story. In retrospect, he felt it should have been obvious to him that Lady Stanton was pulling some sort of caper. He had let himself get lost in his own insecurities and the result was this mess.

At the end of the telling, he leaned forward, took up the whisky and poured it into a glass, before handing the glass to Gerard.

"I see why you need this," he said.

Gerard huffed a tired laugh but took the glass anyway and drained it.

"When will you go and grovel in front of your wife before inviting her to move back in?" Dorian asked.

Gerard shook his head. "I don't intend to do that. She was right to leave me. I do not deserve her."

"I beg your pardon?" Dorian said with a frown. "What do you mean you don't intend to do that? You must ."

Gerard stretched his lips in a tired half smile. "And why must I?"

"Because she makes you happy! It's obvious to anyone who cares to look. When you were with that woman, for the first time in your life, you looked genuinely joyful. You cannot let that go over a bit of pride."

"It's not pride—" Gerard began to protest before Dorian cut him off.

"It is pride. That and you loathe not being in control of any and everything around you. I may not know much about love, but I do know this: it's unpredictable and uncontrollable, and forgive me for getting mawkish, but I know those two elements scare you witless."

"That's not—" Gerard tried to protest again.

Dorian shook his head. "Don't even bother. I know you, my brother. Now you need to get off your arse and do something before you live to regret it for the rest of your life."

Gerard blinked at Dorian, a bit winded from the bluntness of his sentiments. Perhaps he was also breathless as the truth of Dorian's words hit him square in the chest. His friend was correct. He did like to be in control and if Seraphina made him feel anything, it was that he was spiraling into space with nothing to anchor him to earth.

There was nothing about their relationship that he could control, and it was terrifying.

But can I truly let her go, forever?

Even the thought of it had him wincing with pain.

"What should I do?" he asked Dorian.

"Grovel. Apologize. Concede that she was right about everything, and you were wrong."

Gerard laughed quietly. "Do you really think that will do the trick?"

"I do assure you, there is nothing women like more than being told they were right."

Gerard laughed again, and then nodded. "Very well. I will try it."

Dorian clapped him on the back. "Good chap. Now let us have this Irish tea and you can go and woo back your wife."

Gerard grinned. "Yes. That sounds like a good plan."