Chapter 21

TWENTY-ONE

‘Thank holy fuckballs you're here,' Gemma says as she opens the door, putting her coat on without really looking at me. ‘Nate is putting some warehouse fire out in East London,' she tells me, rifling through her handbag, still not looking up. ‘And half my family are at the fucking pantomime tonight, sod's law, no one's picking up their phones…'

She suddenly looks up at the door where I stand, holding a brown paper bag and a pizza box. ‘I ruined your dinner, I'm so sorr—' But then she clocks that there's another person standing there on her tiled porch, arching her head round to take a look at him. ‘Leo…' she says, having a lightbulb moment.

‘Yes?' he says.

She clocks what may be happening here. ‘Leo! Were you both…? Dinner? Oh man. I'm an awful human.'

Leo steps forward to shake her hand. ‘Gemma, right?'

‘Yes,' she tells him. ‘I only know your name because I'm a terrible stalker on social media.' He laughs at her honesty, which is why we all love Gemma.

‘You're not an awful human, you're a mum and you have a little one in distress. No harm done. Where is she? '

Gemma leads us into the house, her eyes fixed on Leo, and we go into the living room with her manically decorated tree to find Bella in a onesie, curled on the sofa, the outside of her nose incredibly red. She sees me and reaches up for a hug. ‘I tried tweezers, getting her to blow out of one nostril but it's really wedged up there. I think I may have pushed it in further,' she cries. Leo puts an arm round my friend. ‘The lady on 111 says they'll have to vacuum it out.'

The thought seems to make Bella more upset. ‘But what if they vacuum out my brain. Our vacuum cleaner sucks up socks sometimes,' she cries.

‘It's a tiny vacuum, the tube bit is almost like the size of a needle,' Leo tells her, stooping down. ‘I once got a peanut stuck in my ear.'

‘How did it get in there?' she asks.

‘I was saving it as a snack,' he jokes. I smile to see him make her laugh and look over at Gemma who has a very unsubtle grin on her face.

Bella looks up him up and down. ‘Who are you?'

‘I'm Leo.'

She swings her head up to look at him. ‘You're tall,' she tells him and she looks over at me giggling.

‘Bells, we've got to go, sweetie. Harry is asleep but he'll be up in an hour for a bottle. There's some expressed milk in the freezer. Do you know what to do with that?' she asks me.

‘Can I google it?' I tell her, thinking back to all the times I've babysat before and there have been clearer instructions.

‘I can handle that,' Leo informs her. ‘Are all the bottles sterilised?'

‘All in the kitchen,' she tells Leo while I stand there suitably impressed. ‘Paige should be in bed but may need a story. Say I've gone to the shops so she doesn't worry. You have my number. Maybe Nate will get back before me, who knows?'

I stand up and give her a long reassuring hug while Leo helps Bella with her coat and hat. ‘We'll be fine. Let us know how you get on.'

Bella jumps into her arms and I walk her to the front door. I had thought she'd be consumed and preoccupied by panic at this very moment but as soon as Leo is out of sight and she's in the hallway, she turns to me and hits me across the arm.

‘You were on a date with Leo. Leo with the good teeth!' she loud whispers.

‘Possibly,' I mumble back.

‘Why didn't you tell me? I am your best mate. He seems nice. I like him. Wasn't he nice, Bella?'

Bella nods. ‘He has blue eyes like a wolf. I like him.'

‘And Bella knows because when she was a baby, she'd always cry when our neighbour held her and it turns out he was cheating on his wife,' Gemma reliably informs me. ‘If you need something to get you in the mood, there's half a bottle of red on the counter. Help yourself to anything.' She looks down to see my trolley bag in the hallway. ‘Why did you pack a bag? Were you off to a hotel or something? What's in the bag?' she mutters. ‘It's not…' she mouths the words ‘sex toys' away from Bella's eyes.

‘NO! I was coming back from a few days away and he met me at the station,' I tell her.

She pouts and nudges me with her elbow, grabbing her car keys from a shelf by the door. ‘Aunty Maggie has a new friend,' she says in sing-song accents to Bella who giggles. ‘I have a good feeling about this one,' she tells me. ‘Right, let's get you sorted, little missy. I love you, you're the greatest. Forever,' she says, walking down the pathway as Bella waves at me, her legs wrapped around her mum.

I close the door softly and go into the living room to find Leo has disappeared. I poke my head out the door and head into the kitchen to see him opening cupboards, trying to locate plates, the food out on the kitchen table. ‘Second cupboard next to the window,' I tell him.

He finds what he needs and comes back to the table. I lean over and give him a peck on the cheek. ‘Thank you,' I say. He blushes. ‘You're good with kids.'

‘I have nieces and nephews. I've been around kids,' he tells me. ‘So that is Gemma?'

I gave Leo a brief rundown of who she is in the taxi over. ‘Yes. I'd like to say she's normally less manic than that but even before having kids, she always has had that big energy.'

‘I like it, I like her,' he says, looking around the kitchen to see trails of decorations and numerous Christmas cards hanging off bits of string. ‘Do you want me to re-warm the pizza?' he asks me.

‘Nah,' I say, reaching for a piece. ‘I'm good.'

This is not a low-lit romantic trattoria with checked tablecloths and Dean Martin serenading us with Christmas songs but it's nice to know that we don't quite need that to sustain the moment. Instead, we can sit around Gemma's pine table, one half covered in bills and tubes of wrapping paper and it still feels kind of right. In this case, his chair next to me, our bodies almost at angles to each other, our knees touching.

‘Aunty Maggie!' a voice suddenly says, peeking through around the stairs and Paige runs through to the kitchen to come and hug me and sit on my lap. ‘What are you doing here?'

‘Your mum had to go and do some things and she asked me to come round and sit with you lot. Is that OK?' I ask her.

‘Of course!' she says, hugging me again. I feel her body tighten when she sees Leo sitting next to me though. ‘Who are you?'

‘Leo.'

‘Like a lion.'

‘Sort of. Except I'm far less scary. Are you Paige?'

‘Yes. '

‘Well, how do you do?'

‘Oooh, pizza!' she cries, far less interested in my friend here and Leo gets up to grab her a plate.

‘Is this allowed?' I ask Leo. I wasn't given rules about food.

Leo puts a finger to his lips. ‘It's Christmas, Aunty Maggie.'

That's won Paige over for sure and she dives in, still sitting on my lap but watching Leo curiously. ‘So what do you want for Christmas, Leo?' she asks him, nibbling on a crust.

He looks at me and smiles. ‘I already got something I wanted but I wouldn't say no to a PS5.'

‘How old are you?' she asks him.

‘Twenty-seven.'

I love the slightly judgemental nod she gives him.

‘What have you asked for then?' he asks her.

‘A new bike, gel pens and a cuddly shark…' she says confidently.

He nods, not even trying to debate with her. A sound suddenly echoes through the hall and down the stairs, a whimpering cry that gathers noise and Leo looks up at the clock in the kitchen, wrapped in tinsel.

‘Your little brother's up early then?' he tells Paige. ‘I thought I had an hour.'

‘He does that. He just wants titty milk,' she says, turning to me. ‘Are you going to give him some?' she says, her six-year-old hand patting down at my chest.

Leo laughs, raising his eyebrows at me.

‘No, hun. I can't…' I tell her.

‘But you have titties?' she says.

‘Not all titties have milk,' I say. I really should say another word for titties as it's making Leo descend into raucous laughter. ‘It depends on whether you've had kids or not.' I don't know how much to delve into this. I don't want to have to get my own nipples out to prove this or teach her too much about anatomy without overstepping. She nods at me, staring at my chest almost wondering why I have boobs at all. You'll work it out.

‘How about you and Paige go upstairs and check on…Harry, is it?' Leo instructs us. We both nod. ‘And I will get a bottle ready for Harry.'

Paige takes my hand and leads me into the hallway as I gaze into the kitchen to see Leo putting the kettle on. I feel I should be learning what he's doing.

‘Where did you meet him then?' Paige asks me as we climb up the stairs, her hand still in mine, her red starred pyjama bottoms dragging on the carpet.

‘Work.'

‘With all your computer stuff?' she asks.

‘Indeed.'

‘And what have you got him for Christmas?' she asks me.

We go into Gemma's bedroom, the door ajar to see Harry wriggling around in his Moses basket next to her bed. He's kicked off the covers, limbs moving in all different directions. I immediately pick him up and hold him close to me, marvelling at how light he is compared to his sisters. Paige hands me a blanket and I put it over his back, trying to calm him down.

‘I did get him a gift bag with some socks and chocolates and a really funny joke book,' I tell Paige.

‘Really?' she says, her face scrunched up.

‘Is that not a good present? Should I get him a cuddly shark?' I joke with her.

‘YES! Maybe you can get him the PS5?' she suggests excitedly.

‘Or not. Those things are expensive and he's far too old for that.'

‘Then give him something else. Daddy gives Mummy nice cards sometimes and he writes soppy things in them. And he makes her cups of tea and buys her Twix bars. '

I smile to know that Paige sees all those small gestures and understands what they all mean.

‘You do that for the people you love…' she says, exiting the room so I don't quite have the time to correct her. I arrange the blanket around Harry, his arms and legs curled into his body like a koala and hold him tight, watching Paige zoom down the stairs. Please don't say anything to Leo about love. I've only kissed him once. Granted he's seen more but what we have doesn't even have a label yet. I don't quite zoom as I have a baby in my arms but catch up with her in the kitchen to find Leo defrosting a pouch of milk in a measuring jug of hot water, a bottle beside the jug.

‘And this must be the little man,' Leo says, stopping to smile at me holding the baby. He comes over to look at his face, his cheek pressed against the skin near my collar. Harry's grey eyes spring open, trying to work out where he is, his mouth almost bouncing off my chest. ‘Well, Paige was right. Someone is hungry. He's rooting.'

‘Excuse me?' I blurt out.

‘He's looking for your…' Leo explains, trying to find the word.

‘Titty,' Paige says. ‘Go on, get one out. I reckon yours are big enough that they might have a bit of milk in them.'

And Leo and I explode in giggles in the middle of that kitchen.

Gemma doesn't get home until 1am that night, carrying Bella asleep on her shoulder. She comes into the living room to find all four of us sprawled across the sofa. Harry is lying across Leo's chest, completely content and milk-drunk. Paige was reluctant to go to bed so we let her watch The Muppet Christmas Carol with us, her head on a pillow on my lap. As we were all sitting there, it made me think of a time I used to babysit my neighbours' kids when I was sixteen and let my boyfriend through the back door so we could snog on the sofa and eat all their biscuits. However, this felt like the mature version of that. It felt like I was watching Leo like some master at work who had all these hidden grown-up skills; it felt like a moment to fall a little more for a man who'd been in front of my eyes for the last four years.

‘All good?' I ask Gemma as she stands by the door, watching us, smiling, the Christmas lights flickering in the background, and the Muppets having turned into It's a Wonderful Life.

She smiles to see us all lying there. ‘Quite a bit of waiting, but she's Lego-free and got quite a fair bit of Christmas sweets for her efforts. So much so I reckon she'd try it again,' she laughs. ‘This is…cosy,' she jests.

‘Sorry they're both not in bed,' I tell her, looking over at the kids.

She shakes her head. ‘They're asleep, that's all that matters. How's Harry?'

‘All good. He poos a fair bit, eh?'

‘Like a mudslide most days.'

‘We gave him a wash but he's all changed and fed and burped,' I inform her.

‘I'll take it that Leo mainly did that?' she asks.

I look over at him, peaceful, different-coloured lights bouncing off his skin. I've been watching him for the last hour after the baby fell asleep there, mostly because I was worried about the baby falling off, but also because the baby had settled so perfectly, listening to Leo's deep tones coaxing him to sleep.

Gemma notices me looking at him and grins. ‘I'm quite happy being single…I am a professional…Not Leo with the dimples and the good teeth…' she says mimicking my voice.

I shake my head, laughing and put a middle finger up at her.

‘You staying the night?' she asks me.

I nod.