14. Zyrus

14

ZYRUS

The bed was soft beneath me, a warm comfort on aching muscles and an even stronger aching head. I hadn't thought of my own comfort waking any morning for years.

And I wasn't in my own bed.

Astrid was perched above me, face frantic and a little … angry? It was difficult to read her expression, but not nearly as difficult as it should have been.

Denya .

The recognition bloomed once more, an old friend I'd been desperate to recognize for so long, and now I did. The certainty lay heavy in my chest, and I had no idea how I'd ever forgotten.

"What the hell is going on, Zyrus? Are you dying?" She clutched my shoulder as if she was afraid to let go. "Why do you keep passing out?" She looked down at her own hand and released me like I was burning her. Or perhaps the other way around.

"Denya." I had spent so long keeping the thought to myself that there was no way I could keep it from escaping now. It burst out of me, a vicious animal eager to pounce or a flower ready to bloom. I sat up, head spinning just a little. I tasted the tang of blood in my mouth.

All of it was inconsequential next to the woman beside me.

"What are you?—"

I cut her off with a kiss, pain dissolving into pleasure with the brush of her tongue. Our bodies were still naked, and mine was ready for more, desperate after so long without. But Astrid pulled back, her chest heaving.

I stared, unable to tear my gaze away. I'd known she was beautiful. Gorgeous. Mine. But now that knowledge was visceral, a primal urge burning low in my gut that had my eyes roaming hungrily over her body. I traced the curve of her hips, the swell of her breasts, places I hadn't dared to consider in far too long. My mouth went dry as I drank her in, committing every detail to memory.

"My face is up here, buddy," Astrid said, her tone sharp but with an undercurrent I couldn't quite place. Amusement? Desire?

I snapped my gaze to hers. Did I blush? I felt no shame in appreciating my mate. But I felt . So much. Everything. And I wanted more.

"I thought I remembered, but it's so much more." I reached for her, my hand covering her side, sliding around her waist, her skin so soft and delicate. And mine. After so long, she was finally mine. "You changed my life the first time I saw you."

Under my hand, she stiffened and pulled away, ever so slightly. Her face was shrouded in something it was still too difficult to read. Anger? Fear? Confusion?

Guilt?

If anyone should feel guilty, it was me.

"I should have said something weeks ago. But I … There's so much to say." I hadn't been nervous like this in so long that I barely knew how to deal with it. My heart raced, and my palms felt clammy. Words I'd held back for years threatened to spill out all at once, but I struggled to organize my thoughts.

"Why did you pass out? Let's deal with that first. I think you need to go to medical." She pulled the sheet up to cover her nakedness, as if I might be tempted to do something if she continued to sit there bare. The soft rustle of fabric against skin seemed unnaturally loud in the tense silence between us. I caught a whiff of her scent—a mix of sweat and something uniquely her—as she shifted away from me. The distance felt like a chasm, despite our physical proximity.

As if a sheet could quell my desire.

"I don't need medical." It came out harsh. Agitated. These newly awakened emotions were hard to deal with, all knotted up and unable to be ignored. "I have my soul back, that's what happened."

"Your soul? What are you talking about?"

She didn't know. Of course not. I hadn't told her, and why would anyone else? I wanted to rush into this, to declare for anyone to hear that Astrid was mine and that I was hers. But now was not the time. She had to understand.

It came out in a rush. "Detyens die at the age of thirty if we don't find our mates. However, the Detyen Legion has a procedure they can perform that prevents that. The only cost is our emotions. We call it a soul. Until Drex found Pippa, none of us here thought there was anything beyond that existence. But then he started to feel again. Then Ryklin. And now …"

"You." She didn't move any closer. "But we met before. Why did you …?"

"You remember?" No, that wasn't what we were focusing on right now. "We met. We kissed. But I didn't … claim you. I spent every moment I could searching for you until I was banished from the Legion. Even after I lost my soul, I looked for you. You've?—"

Her eyes widened. "Banished?"

"That's why we're all here. We did not fit the expected role of soulless warriors. Rather than kill us, we all had someone who cared enough to help us escape."

"They would have killed you?" Now she did lean in closer, but she stopped herself before she touched me.

Right, this was not something normal to someone who hadn't lived in the Legion. I simply nodded. I had no reason to defend them. "Do you remember our meeting? I thought you must not have. I recognized you from the first."

She leaned back and looked away. "I didn't, not at first. But it's been coming back. Why didn't you mention anything?"

I didn't know how to answer that. It would have made logical sense to mention the meeting, to let her know who she was to me from the moment we met again. But it hadn't felt right, even if I couldn't yet feel. "I didn't want to scare you away. I thought that if you knew, you might not want me to guard you."

"That's not a good reason to say nothing!" She threw the sheet off and got out of bed, picking up clothes and throwing them on haphazardly. Her shirt was on backwards, and she didn't seem to realize it, or she didn't care.

"You're right." I wanted to get out of bed and pull her into my arms, but she was vibrating with energy, possibly anger, and I didn't want to set it off further.

I was beginning to understand this emotion thing.

"But why didn't you say anything either?" If she knew about our meeting, we'd both been keeping secrets. I wasn't angry about it. Once she saw that, she would calm down. It was only logical.

"Because I thought I was going crazy. I wasn't going to tell you about my random sex dreams!"

"I want you to tell me everything about them." Now I did get out of bed, fully naked and unashamed. Astrid may have been angry, but she wasn't blind, and her eyes raked over me.

My cock liked that.

All of me did.

"This is crazy, Zyrus. Stay right there." She shot a hand out and pointed to my feet, as if casting a magical spell to hold me in place.

I froze.

"We kissed, and you passed out. We fucked, and you passed out. What if we do more and something worse happens? This is—we need to take a minute to figure it out. A long minute. A while. I can't be responsible for hurting you."

She cared. It was a frustrating kind of care that meant I couldn't hold her in my arms and soothe her the way I wanted most, but as my denya wished, I could not deny her. Not now.

Not yet.

But I would find a way to have her in my arms again. Soon.