Chapter 9

I was straddling Jessie on the couch, his thick cock buried inside me, when Kevin came up on his knees behind me and placed an eager sweaty hand on my back.

"I'm sure we can both fit, just—pass the lube."

He was sure.

Kevin was sure he could fit inside my body even with Jessie's thick cock stretching me until it was a painfully tight squeeze.

I whimpered when he butted against my entrance, trying to make a space that didn't exist.

"Sorry, baby, you'll have to wait your turn," I told him with a touch of satisfaction.

With a frustrated huff, Kevin came around in front of the couch.

"The fuck I will." His voice was thick with lust, the veins on his hard cock standing out. Grabbing a fistful of my hair, he pulled me forward against his length. I gagged when he hit the back of my throat. When he groaned with appreciation, I fought to swallow it down and press him deeper. At Kevin's groan of satisfaction, Jessie stirred beneath me, gripping my hips and working me up and down.

Except for the three of us, the common room was quiet, our standard nightly party having wrapped about an hour ago. They were all in their beds. Sound asleep as Jessie fucked me while I sucked Kevin's massive cock, the width of it straining my jaw as he mercilessly thrust into my face.

But none of them were desperate the way I was, and every chance I could get, I would be out here.

Make them count. Two cycles, just two more opportunities, and if I failed…

Fleshy stumps where fingernails used to be. Hair tied up to mask the fact that it was thinning. Dark haunted eyes. My sister's fate awaited me, and I rejected it.

The reminder had me sucking harder on Kevin's cock, pulling him deeper as my jaw adjusted and barely gasping for breath. I wouldn't pass out and ruin this chance. Jessie worked my hips, finding his rhythm, and it wasn't long before he stiffened beneath me and groaned his release.

I waited until he was quiet beneath me before climbing off and pulling myself up on my knees in front of Kevin with my pussy pressed in Jessie's face. He licked it, his face getting covered in his own release and my fluids. Some guys might balk at a pussy soaked in their own cum, but I knew Jessie wouldn't. He loved that shit.

Kevin's handsome face was twisted with tension, his face flushed. Mercilessly, I pushed him back on the couch and straddled him. I'd gotten him close. He didn't fight me. Didn't say a word as I straddled him and seated him deep within my body. I skated my fingernails down his torso, catching on the grooves of his abs.

I leaned forward.

"Come for me, Kevin," I whispered, lifting myself up and slamming down on him hard. Kevin's eyes bugged out. I did it again, not letting him think, not letting him react or try to take control of me. I set the pace, and it was designed to drive him over the edge.

Kevin's eyes rolled back, and his hands hovered over my hips as I bounced up and down on his cock. He let out a guttural groan, gripping my hips as he found the release I'd built in him within my mouth. I gave him a moment to come down before climbing carefully off, trying not to dislodge his precious seed.

If they weren't here, I'd have gone to my room and propped my legs up in bed for as long as I could stand. Anything to get their seed to take root, but that would be a turnoff, so I smiled and went to retrieve my miniskirt and tube top.

"Syl, has anybody ever told you that you're a fucking goddess in bed? Cause, shit. That thing you do with your hips." Kevin stared at me with wide-eyed awe as he spoke, and I gave him an answering wink.

"More than a few times, yes." I laughed, and it was genuine.

Four cycles I'd had to perfect my technique. When I'd first arrived at Pack Breeders 103C, I was sure I'd been total garbage at sex, but I'd picked up a few things while here for months on end.

What a sweet, shy child I'd been. Sleeping with the occasional guy in the comfort of their room or mine. Drinking a bit with everyone, but not really participating in the parties. A surge of anger swelled within my chest at how foolish I'd been to waste so many opportunities to get pregnant and get out. Angrily, I squeezed myself into my tube top, hating the shapeless bit of stretchy fabric that had no style to it, no class.

"Goodnight, boys." I winked and blew them a kiss, tugging on my miniskirt and heading back towards my room.

I needed to lie down as soon as possible, let their seed soak in. Maybe this would be the time I got pregnant.

Please let it be the time.

"You really want to take a whole two months off to visit with your family?" Cam's confused expression would have echoed my own if I hadn't been lying about the visit.

"Yeah, it's been three years since I've seen my mom and sister. I figure it's about time."

I'd been entitled to two weeks a year with regular overnights, but I hadn't used a single day. I hadn't wanted to go back to that shithole once, and it wasn't just the crushing depression and hopelessness of my life that had driven me away.

No, there were worse things. Like my mother and sister.

Cam studied my face, and I cleared my throat to ease the tension. We'd gotten close, but I hadn't been able to tell him about my plan. Better he didn't know in case they questioned him. If he knew and didn't tell on me, what good would it be?

The work we'd put in these past few weeks was already showing, and I eyed Cam's biceps with satisfaction when he crossed his arms in front of me.

"You're hiding something."

Fuck you, Cam.Why did I have to make an actual friend now? But I knew the answer. Before Syl, I'd been a husk of a person.

My body had moved. My mouth had formed words. I'd eaten, slept, done my duties as a watcher, but no part of me had wanted to do more. It had taken every ounce of energy in me to keep doing the bare minimum. The old me wouldn't have stepped in when Cam was being bullied, nor would he have offered to train another person and have them be involved in his life. It would've been too much for him, too heavy a burden.

But Syl had changed all that. She'd brought the husk to life, and awakened my mind as much as my body when she'd pulled me into her heat. There was a fire in my chest now—a spark of hope. Though what my obsession with her would accomplish, I didn't know.

I only knew this was the way to meet her. Maybe then I'd know what to do next.

Smiling, I clapped a hand on Cam's shoulder hard enough to shake him.

"We're all hiding something, my friend. Worry about yourself. You've got the plan I gave you, yeah?"

Reluctantly, Cam reached into his pocket and retrieved a paper, waving it at me in annoyance. I might've asked him already. Fuck.

But the paper was important. The last thing I wanted to do was to abandon Cam to the literal wolves. I needed to know he'd be okay. So, I was giving him my home exercise equipment and a much gentler schedule than the grueling one I'd put myself through.

Cam didn't need to become strong to wheedle his way into the breeding program and impress some girl. He needed to be strong to protect himself. To find the spark of life they'd denied us by assigning our lives away to this role with no care for what we might want to do.

"Good. You'll be okay, man. Just stick to the schedule, and stay the fuck away from everyone until you're ready to push back." I held his eye, wishing I could stay longer to make sure Cam was safe, but I couldn't.

Syl was waiting for me. As much as Cam needed me here, Syl needed me more. I still had nightmares about that asshole hurting her and her taking it.

She needed me, and I needed her.

"I'll see you later?"

A question. Why a question? I studied Cam's face and decided he was just joking. I laughed it off, knowing it didn't sound exactly right. No matter what happened with Syl, I didn't expect to be back.

"Yeah, man. I'll see you later."

The building was just as I remembered it. A monstrosity of brown brick with a few pathetically small windows pressed into the side. Even the sight of it made me pause, but everything about my leave needed to appear legit. So, I stepped up to the heavy door and pulled it open.

Thank fuck I wouldn't be going back to the old compartment I shared with my mom and sister. They were too keen to keep men and women separate to allow it. Instead, I veered right and skirted the wall on the narrow path most people would've missed if you hadn't been looking for it.

The family visiting area was little more than a small strip of crummy compartments with threadbare curtains and a few worn out chairs within, but they worked. My note had said IC9, and I looked up at the plates at the top of each dangling curtain for the right one. But I didn't need to. I would've recognized my mother's shrill voice anywhere.

Clearing my throat, I pulled back the ratty blue cloth serving as a curtain and looked down into two identical startled faces. Well, they would've been identical if there wasn't a sizable age gap between them. In my mind, my mom and sister had long ago merged into the same person.

"Hi." My greeting hung in the air, but no one returned it.

There were no welcoming hugs or signs of happiness at being reunited after three long years. I hadn't expected there to be. Navigating the small space with my large frame was tricky, requiring me to bend under the pole holding our curtain in place and awkwardly slip between my mother and sister to locate the third chair. My mother tsked when I brushed past her.

Awkwardly, I took a seat in the circular black chair, too small for a man of my size. With a side eye, I noticed my sister's chair was much roomier than the one they'd left for me. I was sure she'd done it on purpose, but I wouldn't fall for her games. These people were behind me now. I only met with them out of necessity, I reminded myself.

"So, how's life been going for you two?"

My mother's lips curled up cruelly. "We've been managing just fine."

Without you.

I heard the last two unspoken words. Every word out of that woman's mouth was designed to hurt, and it had hurt, for far too many years. But I had Syl to look forward to now—a shining star waiting for the sun to set, so she could peek out.

"Yeah, me too. I love being a watcher," I lied.

The look of disgust on my mother's face was worth it. But then my sister had to pipe up because, of fucking course, she did.

"Yeah, I bet you love watching people fucking when you've never done it yourself."

I'd forgotten how much of a joy she was. Of course, she'd find a way to cut me as deeply as possible, as concisely as she could manage. I wasn't worth wasting extra words on, after all.

What a fucking gem of a sister. How fucking lucky I was to have a twin.

"No, I love doing my duty to the pack, and watching people fuck is a lot closer than you've ever come."

The shock and horror on her face was something I would cherish. Fuck her. She sputtered in rage, her heart-shaped face contorting into something monstrous.

"Only because of you. It's all because of you. Mama and I have suffered because of your pathetic existence." She said the last with a snarl, but I was beyond being affected by her shit words.

"Mmm, yeah, I'm sure you would've been chosen for the breeding program if not for me. All your problems are my fault, right?" Who knows if she would have been or not? Only the revered keepers who spent their days poring over our genealogy and selecting the most advantageous matches knew. Maybe an asthmatic twin automatically disqualified her, but there was no telling she'd have been chosen if I'd never existed, and I was sick of her shit.

My sister sat there sputtering, trying to form words through the anger when my mother intervened.

"Yes, she would have been chosen as I was chosen. Only they'd never take me back again after you were born. Must've been something in my genes to produce such a pathetic excuse for a wolf. Care to go for a run and prove me wrong?" Her lip twisted up. "No? I thought not. Can't protect the pack. Can't do shit but sit and watch as real wolves do their duty to the next generation."

Hands curled into fists, I stood and glared down at the woman who'd birthed me. Who must've been happy to have a sweet little boy at one point, but who had tried so hard to poison me with her hate when I'd developed breathing problems, and they'd pulled her from the breeding program. She and my sister blamed me for their exclusion, like I'd asked to be born this way.

I hated them for it. For all the poisoned words they'd poured down my throat. Now that I had a goal, a plan, I saw them for what they were—two pathetic, desperate women who had made their problems mine. The old me would've been cowed by my mother's words. Would've let the guilt of their situation wear him down until he was small.

Not anymore.

"You've tried so hard to beat me down—both of you. Well, fuck you. I won't be beaten down, not anymore. I'm not your dog to whip when you're feeling sorry for yourself. Excuse me, my family visit is over. Three years wasn't nearly long enough." Stiff with tension, I pushed past them, glancing over my shoulder to see their faces wore identical expressions of shock. Mouths agape and eyes wide as they tried to process the way I'd rose to meet their cruelty instead of absorbing it like a self-hating sponge.

Each step away from the visiting compartment felt lighter, and when I burst through the door to breathe my first breath of piney air, I knew I would never let myself be treated like shit by them again.

I couldn't wait to thank the woman responsible.

I just hoped my cabin was ready. They accounted for family visits of at least a few hours, not a traumatizing five minutes. Huffing out a breath, I wondered what it would be like to have a family I actually wanted to talk to for more than five minutes.

Probably oppressive and shitty. I grinned to myself, navigating the path through the trees carefully. At least my family was such incredible shit that it would not hold me back, and I knew the look of shock on my mother's and sister's faces were already helping to heal the years of hatred they'd force fed me.

At least the aunties had been kind, if overly sympathetic. I'd always felt it was because they hadn't lost anything due to my defects while my mother had been ousted from the breeding program, and my sister had never been considered for it.

Following a wooden sign with the directions carved into it, I turned right at the fork. It took two more forks before I reached the solitary cabin I was supposedly going to call home for the next two months. Only, I wasn't. With a chuckle, I approached the rough-hewn log cabin with its thatched roof. There'd be a generator for electricity, but I'd only need it for a short time.

The inside was just as plain, with a bed and a kitchenette dominating the one room. A small chest of wooden doors with silver knobs blended into the room.

No bathroom. Well shit. Good thing I'd brought a mirror.

Anyone could book a cabin like this when they wanted some solitude. We might be pack animals, but these cabins existed for a reason. Everyone needed their space sometimes.

I dropped my black duffel on the ground and took a seat on the bed.

Tonight. Syl's breeding party was set for tonight. Just a few more hours and I'd be meeting her in person—touching her, hearing her voice properly. Just the thought of donning the stag mask and entering that room to find Syl waiting for me was giving me a hard-on. A hard-on I refused to do anything about. I was saving it for Syl. Ready to give her everything in me. My soul, my heart, whatever she wanted or needed. I just needed to figure out what that was.

There was no time to rest, so I hauled my ass off the bed, grabbed my duffel, and plopped it on the pink speckled kitchen counter. Inside was everything I owned or wanted to take with me—the duffel busting at the seams. I carefully unpacked a few folded up shirts and pants to reveal the shaver I'd bartered for. Turns out the barber wanted extra rations just like everybody else.

The little pocket mirror I'd brought would have to do, and I set it up on the windowsill behind the kitchen counter. With my height, it was a challenge to position it so I could see anything, but whatever. It was good enough, and I got to work. Grabbing a plastic piece to set my length, I shaved off my chin-length, sandy blonde hair into strips that fell into my face.

Annoyed, I swept them out of the way. It was a long and annoying process to make the first pass, and then I still had to do the sides. I only prayed the haircut was passable.

The haircut took me a lot longer than expected, but by the time I was through with it, I was pleased. Longer on the top, with neatly trimmed sides. That's what my counterpart had, and I looked even more like him now. It'd been a long time since I'd seen my face without hair falling across it, and I grinned at my healthy reflection. This past month of exercise had done wonders for my complexion, giving my face a healthy glow that would help me fit in with the other breeders.

As much as I'd tried to step outside more in the past few weeks, I'd still be a pale, sickly colour next to them, but whatever. Some guys were naturally pale, their skin preferring to burn than to tan. Would mine have tanned if I'd spent my life outdoors like the guards did? I had no idea.

Shaking my head, I reached deep within the duffel along the left side to find my bundle of papers. Reverently, I pulled out my portraits of Syl—her face, her body, a hundred different expressions and positions. It was past time to find out what this thing with her meant, and I was already late.

After cleaning up the hair, I walked out of the cabin as a different person.

The defective watcher was gone.

In his place stood a breeder.