Chapter 22

Still raw from the night before, I woke up sore and with blood on my arm from an unknown cut that had apparently stopped bleeding. Stumbling down the hall, I went straight to the little coffee maker, scooping myself some beans and grumbling a hello at anyone who passed.

Not that I didn't drink coffee every day, but after a night of drinking and then what had happened with Bash, I needed it desperately. Once I had a cup in hand and doctored it to my tastes, I slid onto a barstool with my back to the hall. Fuck, I hoped Bash didn't show up, that he was still sleeping or just choosing to stay in his room. My eyes craved the sight of him, my ears the sound of his voice, but his lack of explanation the night before had made me more certain than ever of how dangerous he was for me.

My weary heart couldn't take the sight of him. Not right now. So, when a hand settled on my shoulder, and Carter slid onto the barstool next to me, I stiffened beneath his touch.

"Hey, babe. I missed you at movie night. I thought we'd said you were to come to my room when it was done."

Yeah, I suppose I should feel lucky he'd let me fuck around, but just then, the possessive way he leaned his weight across my shoulders pissed me off.

He growled and pulled me closer, his hot breath hitting my ear. "I have the perfect punishment in mind for your disobedience."

Pulling away, I straightened, curling my hands around the porcelain mug in my hands and savouring the last bits of warmth it possessed.

"No thanks. I'm not in the mood."

He laughed. A full-on, head thrown back laugh, his brown hair bouncing with the motion, and I stared at him in surprise. He looked crazy and hot, but I couldn't care. He sat forward, his arm on my shoulder once more.

"Your mood doesn't matter. You'll get your ass into my room in five minutes."

Fuck this.

Why had I ever tolerated this asshole of a man?

Furiously, my heart threatening to pound its way out of my chest, I flung his arm off my shoulder and snarled in his face. "You don't fucking touch me, you donkey-fucking, cunt-sickening asshole." My finger jabbed into his shocked face, and I was on my feet without knowing how I'd gotten there. "Keep your punishment and shove it up your ass. Maybe use the spiked one." I cupped a hand as if I was sharing a secret. "I've heard you like that one best." I turned to leave, a chorus of laughter following me all the way back to my room.

It wasn't until I was in my room, sitting on my bed with clenched fists twisting at the fabric of my thin pajama shorts, that I realized what I'd done.

I'd lost him, lost Carter, and with him went the status I relied on to get laid as often as possible. Well, fuck it. My heart didn't just pound anymore, it throbbed—the pain of Bash's repeated rejection cut deep, and Carter had come at me on the wrong day at the wrong time.

I was still The Party Girl, but I wouldn't put up with his shit anymore.

Not now.

Not ever.

Fuck it, fuck them, and fuck Bash. My eyes burned with the need for tears, but I ignored them, pulling out my magazines. By the end of this month, I'd be done with this place once and for all. I'd either have conceived or bound for the fields, but at least I wouldn't have to deal with this bullshit anymore.

But the bullshit was never ending, and I knew I'd have to face Bash at some point.

He was already outside for the daily run when I showed up, his tight ass easily standing out to me in the lineup. I took up a place on the far end, trying not to look over at him. I swear I could feel his eyes on me, but I also noticed something strange. The two guys beside me weren't hitting on me or talking to me, but to each other. I recognized Jessie, and he smirked, saying something to his friends and meeting my eyes briefly. I felt left out of the joke and I sauntered up to them, expecting to be let in on it.

But they huddled up without a word, and I was met with Jessie's broad back, still shaking with laughter.

Luckily, I didn't have long to dwell on the asshole epidemic sweeping the line before Carter stood before us and announced the run's start.

Gleefully, I shifted, falling with a sigh onto my four paws, and relishing the pain and pleasure of my spine twisting and reforming. A glance back as I hit the tree line showed Bash's brown wolf veering to the right. I refused to let the pain of his choice hurt me the way it had, and I took off at a steady lope, hoping to lose myself in the trees and avoid the others.

The strain of my overworked muscles was just what I needed, and I felt much more clear-headed by the time I returned to the great brown building. Bash could do what he wanted. I'd made a mistake sleeping with him again, letting him get in my head, but no more. Already, signs of my heat were starting—my nipples darkening and sweat staining my sheets at night. At most, it would be a week before they would induce us in a group again to keep us all on the same point of our cycle.

I could do this. Just keep sleeping with whoever was willing for a few more weeks, and hopefully—

Fear clenched my chest, and I shifted back to my human form to distract myself, rolling my shoulders as the joints resettled into their new position. I wouldn't think about the consequences of failing.

This was it. The cycle I would become pregnant. I'd leave this place with a child, or children, in my belly and be done with it forever. Done with Carter, Kevin, Jessie, and all the rest. Finished with booze and back to an environment that made sense, where I would use my newfound drawing skills to make my designs bigger, better. More detailed and easier to work off of.

We'd just gotten into figure drawing, and while I now needed to end things with Bash if I was to push him out of my mind, I was much better than I'd been. I was capable. I was strong. I didn't need him anymore, not when I was a few weeks away from being free.

I had to think that way. A few weeks, that was all, and I would be pregnant. Somehow, some way, I would make it happen. Ensure my success. I wouldn't end up like Elise. I refused.

This time, I would cut Bash out completely. Rid myself of him like a snake shedding its skin. I didn't need him or the vulnerability he so effortlessly pulled from me. I could sacrifice a few weeks' worth of lessons and just pretend he didn't exist. I could, and I would, but I caught myself looking at the flattened grass where he'd lined up to see if he'd come back to retrieve his clothes, and felt a sting when I found he'd already retrieved them.

Fuck it. With an irritated shake of my head, hard enough to jolt my neck, I threw on the tank top and the slinky thigh-revealing skirt I'd worn out and headed back inside, hurrying to catch up with Kevin who was just about through the door.

He didn't give it the extra push to keep the door from slamming, and I found that strange. It was such a basic gesture of courtesy, but then, maybe he hadn't noticed me run up.

Inside, everyone gathered around the counter with beers in hand. Carter sat casually on a stool with one of the other breeding females on his lap—a petite blonde with a pointed nose and unusually long eyelashes, wearing a wrap dress I knew could easily be undone.

No one looked up when I approached, and when I went to reach into the center to grab a beer, I was met with a wall as the guys closed the gap and continued their conversation.

What the fuck?

More people filed in behind me, the remaining few who had lingered in the outdoors, no doubt lost in the midst of passion or enjoying the fresh air for a few extra moments. I ignored them, trying to find a new gap in the group, but when the guys there moved together to block me, as well, I knew something was wrong.

Panicked, I went up to the last remaining gap. Of course, it would be next to Carter.

"Hey, can I get a beer? Good run, right? So, now it's time to party?" I tried to sound enthusiastic, but my voice wobbled, and my palms were sweaty as I moved towards the opening by Carter.

"Party? With you?" Carter laughed, merriment twinkling in the emerald green eyes I'd once found so fetching.

"Yeah, I mean, why not? We always party, right? We have a good time."

Carter's smirk curled around the mouth of his beer as he took a swig. "No one wants to party with you, Syl. Fucking defective, infertile. If we fuck around with you, we'll never get out of here, right, guys?" A chorus of laughter echoed Carter's sentiment, and a few of the guys glanced back at me, the same disdain reflected in their eyes.

"What? No, I'm not defective. I'm here to—"

"You're here to what? Breed? You've been here for how many cycles, Syl? It's ridiculous really. Here I was taking pity on you and fucking you when nobody else would, but to be honest, babe, it's pathetic, and I want to get back to my squad, you know?"

My eyes burned. Pain in my chest flared to life. Infertile. Defective. Not worth their time, and the guys were going along with it. Smiling and nodding their agreement, and clinking beers like I hadn't shared my body with them, given myself over to them in trust.

Apparently, none of that mattered to them. I spun just before the first tear fell, and tore off for my room with sobs already choking my throat. Their laughter followed me down the hall, and I swear I could still hear it when I slammed the door. Those fucking assholes.

Alone in my room, I let the tears flow freely, taking great heaving, gasping breaths as I fought to breathe through the pain of their words and their rejection. Defective. Infertile. Their hateful words echoed in my mind, each repeat causing more damage to the delicate structures within.

How dare they? I'd tried everything I could to succeed in this place, to please them, to be the breeder I'd been chosen as, and now they abandoned me.

The Party Girl had died with their rejection. No one was going to party with her now, to stuff her full of their cum until she could take no more, which meant my chances of getting pregnant this cycle just plummeted.

Shaking and cold, I wrapped my arms around myself in a hug I sorely needed. This place, these people, I hated them. Violently.

With total clarity of my hopeless situation, I stood and yanked open the top drawer of my dresser. Pushing my underwear aside and all those slinky pieces I'd chosen to entice the guys until I found the vial I'd stolen from the coordinator during my last breeding party.

If I took this, if I induced a heat, they'd have no choice. I could do it. Induce a heat twice and double my chances.

The glass vial slid between my shaking fingers, but I managed to hold it firm and pull the cork stopper. I'd show them. If they wouldn't have me willingly, I'd force them.

The door banged open, and I startled as I turned to find Bash, his face a mask of fury and pain.

Those fucking pieces of shit. Overhearing Carter's damning words to Syl had frozen me to the spot with rage. Then she'd taken off, tears streaming down her cheek and their laughter seeing her out. I hadn't been in a place to chase her.

No, fuck them. I'd walked right up to Carter, shoved the girl off his lap and punched him in his stupid mouth. I shouldn't have done it. They might look into me if I needed to be called for discipline, but the sight of him toppling off the bar stool to land sprawled out on the floor had been worth it.

Piece of trash didn't deserve to be in the same universe as Syl.

No one had said anything or challenged me, and Carter stayed down cupping his rapidly swelling nose, so I turned my attention to Syl. Rushing into her room, I found her standing at the dresser fisting something in her hand. With a concerned look out in the hall to ensure I hadn't been followed by anyone seeking revenge, I shut the door behind me and gave Syl my full attention.

"Syl? Are you okay, baby?" The term of endearment sprang to my lips before I could stop it, and I ground my teeth in annoyance with myself. Syl barely responded. She'd glanced up at me when I'd banged open her door, but now her eyes were fixed on whatever she held in her hand.

"This is the only way, Bash."

Frowning, I took a cautious step forward, getting my first glimpse of the vial she held and the purple flower within.

"Syl, no. That's—where did you get that? Those aren't supposed to be used outside of the breeding rooms after prep, and with supervision. You can't take tha—"

"I can and I will." She looked up at me, her eyes red rimmed and burning with rage. "I'm sick of people telling me what I can and can't do. They don't want to fuck me? I'll fucking make them." She brought the vial to her nose, and though I reached out intending to stop her, she managed a deep breath before I could wrestle it from her hands.

"No, please. Syl, this isn't the way. Those guys are complete assholes. Syl?"

Her eyes had gone hazy, and she pushed her way past me to the door. "Hey, door's open, and I'm in heat if anyone wants to fuck me." She was already yelling between bouts of sobs before the door was open, and I threw myself at it, pinning it closed. She glared at me, tugging on the knob as if she could shift my weight and pull it open. Why she wanted to prostrate herself before the sea of filth in the other room, I couldn't fathom, but I wouldn't let her debase herself so completely. She was worth so much more than that.

"You're not doing this." My words came out in a growl, but I was instantly disarmed when she dropped to the floor and buried her face in her hands, the shaking of her shoulders causing her ash-blonde waves to move around wildly.

"Why not? What good am I if I can't even fucking conceive? Who the fuck would want me now?" Her face crumpled, and I found myself on the floor with her, pulling her into my lap and wrapping my arms around her heaving body.

"I want you, Syl. I've always wanted you, and I couldn't give a shit about anything else."

She cried harder, turning to me and pressing herself into my neck. I was barely aware of it when her sobs turned into ragged pants, and her skin burned straight through the thin material of her tank top.

Gasping at the bolt of arousal she triggered in me, I rubbed her back soothingly, my cock straining for her. I adjusted her in my arms, fighting through the rapidly growing arousal she was pulling from me. Safe. She had to be safe, and the bed, she could fall off. Fuck. This was a terrible idea. The floor was best. When had she drank water last? Food? Before being induced, breeders were required to eat and drink at preplanned intervals, so their body could weather the lengthy heat process. I should know, it'd been my job to make sure they made it through the heat safely.

With a growl, I gathered her in my arms and stood. Thank fuck she'd had a couple of water bottles in the corner of her room. Syl arched in my arms, and I groaned right along with her as I stumbled my way across the room, unable to let her down and break our connection even for a moment. I had to do this while she was still lucid enough to accept it.

One-handed, I pulled her comforter onto the floor to use as padding, and laid her down onto it, grabbing the two water bottles as I dropped to my knees.

"Drink this." My voice wasn't my own—the deep gravelly tone was unrecognizable, but I'd gotten the words out. Syl looked at me in confusion, the heat madness taking hold. "Drink this," I repeated, cracking open the bottle and pulling her into my arms. Cradling her and tilting her head back, I slowly trickled water into her waiting mouth. At least her mouth was open, but her eyes were still frantic, darting around, and the occasional arching and tensing of her muscles meant we spilled about half the bottle. But I'd gotten some water into her.

Syl sobbed with frustration, my cock hard against her back.

"One more and I'll fuck you," I promised. Cracking the next bottle and trying to keep my hand and her head steady as I worked to get my water into her system.

By the time we'd managed the next bottle, I was feral for her. I threw it aside, not caring where it landed, barely processing the smack of plastic on hardwood somewhere at my back. Pushing Syl on her back, I fumbled with her pants and mine. Needing to feel her, to sink into the wet heat that called me home. I groaned when I managed to pull both my pants and her skirt low enough that they were around our ankles. I kicked them off, settling back against her.

I kissed the skin of her neck, and tasted the salt of sweat already beading on her skin before sinking into her and losing myself to the heat.